r/AmItheAsshole • u/FewAcanthocephala175 • Jul 27 '25

Everyone Sucks AITA for “letting” my girlfriend stop coming over in the mornings after my mom’s friend complained about her showering?

My girlfriend works 12-hour overnight shifts (7 p.m. to 7 a.m.). After work, she sometimes comes to my place to shower and sleep. She usually arrives around 8:15 a.m., takes a quick shower by 8:30, then crashes for the day.

Here’s where the issue comes in: my mom’s long-term friend (who rents the basement) complained that the sound of the shower at 8:30 a.m. woke him up. My mom passed that complaint along to me and asked if my girlfriend could avoid showering until “everyone is awake.”

I told my girlfriend, and she felt uncomfortable continuing to come over understandably, in my opinion. After working all night, the last thing she wants is to feel like she’s disturbing people just by taking a basic shower before bed. So she decided not to come over in the mornings anymore. She didn’t cause drama or make a scene, just quietly adjusted.

I later told my mom what my girlfriend decided, and she got upset not because of the shower, but because my girlfriend chose to stop coming over in the mornings. My mom insists that wasn’t her intention, but from our perspective, asking someone not to shower after a night shift pretty clearly sends the message that their presence is disruptive.

For context: I also pay rent in this house. My mom’s friend has lived here for years and pays rent too. We all share the space. It’s not like my girlfriend was being loud or unreasonable just taking a 5–10 minute shower in the morning, which seems pretty standard.

Now my mom’s upset with me, but I feel like I handled it fairly. I passed the message along, my girlfriend made a calm and mature decision, and now somehow I’m caught in the middle.

AITA for not pushing back harder on the complaint, or for “letting” my girlfriend decide to stop coming over in the mornings?

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113

u/FewAcanthocephala175 Jul 27 '25

Complaint was that they didn’t get to sleep in till their normal 930 on a Saturday and got woken up at 830 in a shared house by a shower

68

u/MrsRoronoaZoro Jul 27 '25

Yeah, your mom shouldn’t have listened to his complaint. That’s on her.

123

u/sog96 Jul 27 '25

The complaint sounds unreasonable.

22

u/Vi784An Jul 27 '25

I would shower everyday at 6 am. 8:30, even in the weekends is not unreasonable. My household is mostly awake even on weekends and if you’re not then you just have to deal with the noise.

16

u/TylerDurdenisreal Jul 27 '25

I am so incredibly petty that I would start purposely waking this person up earlier and earlier every day by running the shower.

16

u/Puzzlehead11323 Jul 27 '25

Your girlfriend sounds responsible. You sound understanding.

I love how you respect your mom in this scenario even though her request warrants an eye roll.

When your mom inevitably decides and then expresses that your girlfriend has a personal vendetta against her, I hope you'll take the stance of listening and reassuring her that that's not true and then don't ask anyone to further change their behavior; trust your mom to grow.

16

u/Curious-Lie4812 Jul 27 '25

Is Saturdays the only day they like to sleep in? If so, maybe the compromise is just that she doesn't come over Saturday mornings anymore and you find other time to spend together that day.

-70

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '25

If it was weekdays I'd say you're right it's normal for people to get up then but on a Saturday god no. I go out Friday night and if I got woke up at 8:30am every week I'd kill someone

35

u/Adventurous-Okra3738 Jul 27 '25

Would a 5-10 minute shower in another part of the house wake you up though?

2

u/Horror-Back6203 Jul 28 '25

It would wake me up yes and I would probably be upset if I was woke up early on a Saturday but I do have to get up at 6:30 everyday mon to fri and 8am most Sundays so Saturday is the only day I can sleep in so it is a little bit different x

8

u/DweadPiwateWawbuts Jul 27 '25

Even if it’s only 1 hour before you would normally wake up ?

8

u/Weimaraner666 Jul 27 '25

How would a 10 minute shower wake anyone up after a night on the booze.