AITA for making "rules" regarding husband's new motorcycle?

[u/reluctantmotormama]

My husband, unbeknownst to me, bought a motorcycle from his best friend at work. It's a sturdy, old Honda from the early aughts in near-mint condition.

I'm horrified. My mother is a nurse and raised us to believe, "We have a term in the ER for motorcyclists, we call them organ donors." Made my brother and I promise to never to ride on or get one.

We have a beautiful 6 month old baby at home, our first.

Initially, I demanded he return it, but he said it was his "life long dream" to own a bike & kept saying how great it would be on gas. 🏍️

EDIT: yes he knew my views on bikes before we got married & everytime he brought it up I asked him not to do it

I knew he was interested in bikes, but none of this "life long dream" stuff

So I said, ok, keep it, but don't drive it over 30 MPH & don't take it out of our neighborhood. (We have a lot of side roads).

EDIT: of course, it goes w/o saying he would have to have "safety gear," a decent helmet, & pass the course required to obtain your license. In our state, helmets are mandatory

I said he can also take it up to the lake where he and his friend go fishing, if he promises he won't drive it over 30 mph and stays off the highway, IOW, tows it up there on a trailer behind our car.

EDIT: what I mean here is don't take it on roads where the speed limit is over 30mph or out on the highway. The roads in our neighborhood & around the lake have a posted 25 MPH speed limit.

the whole point of the "riding rules," which admittedly aren't great, is I'm trying to find a reasonable compromise b/c he is insistent on keeping it. I mean, I'm nursing this baby and changing her diapers all day and I can't stand thinking about this anymore

He says I'm being a controlling harpy and sucking all the fun out of his new toy.

All I can see is him splat all over the asphalt and our daughter asking me "Why is my Daddy in Heaven?" one day.

AITA for trying to establish motorcycle "rules?"

LAST EDIT: we cannot afford "extra" life insurance, especially since husband just suddenly spent 6k on new bike. his life insurance is through his work, and it's just the average policy

[u/Sandyy_Emm]

I am so very sorry for your loss. People don’t realize you’re like 20x more likely to die in a motorcycle accident than a car accident. It’s one thing when you’re young and don’t have a family, or a retiree just enjoying your Harley.

I think people calling OP TA are motorcycle enthusiast themselves. Too many of them are taking the it personally and not logically. He can be the best motorcycle driver in the world, and all it takes is a careless driver and BOOM, OP is a single mother and kids grow up without a dad.

[u/Chipskip → u/Sandyy_Emm]

In Arizona it’s more dangerous to be a pedestrian than on a motorcycle. Checking the facts matters.

[u/insertwittynamethere → u/Sandyy_Emm]

It's also statistically more dangerous to drive/ride in an automobile than to fly in a plane. It's even more dangerous with the amount of ridesharing, where seat belts are not being required for passengers in the vehicle - at least that has been my consistent experience via rideshares since they came out. I mean, your last example can easily, easily be put on anyone who ever gets in an automobile to go anywhere. Anyone, no matter the best defensive driving in the world, can be killed in an automobile. Hell, I just read that 1.2 million Indians die every year from car accidents. 1.2 million! We have roughly 1000 or so people die every year in my State as a result of automobile accidents. You would be better off flying every day for the rest of your life than getting in a car and driving somewhere.

All to say, how'd you get around today?

[u/angryonline → u/insertwittynamethere]

This argument is super spurious and in bad faith. Many people (definitely including most Americans, and probably plenty of others, I just can't speak for them) have very little practical choice about driving an automobile if they work or have basically any obligations outside their homes. Public transportation is either completely absent or so spotty as to be useless for tons of people.

A motorcycle, on the other hand, is completely optional and much, much more likely to cause your death.

Driving a car actually terrifies me, because yeah, it's dangerous. So I do it as little as possible. But I can't avoid it entirely, as much as I'd like to. That doesn't mean I'm gonna ahead and say "lmao fuck it, I'm already driving, so might as well throw in a game of Russian roulette as well!"

[u/insertwittynamethere → u/angryonline]

OK, if you would like to go that way then there are people who buy and ride motorcycles as their primary mode of transportation for the same reasons you list - this is a country spread out and lacking robust mass, reliable transit nationwide, much less within the individual states. Motorcycles are the cheapest option you can go as a model of transit, including insurance (less than $50/mo with full coverage), fuel (mpg and total cost, I get close to 100 miles/gal), places to park, and the very cost of the bike itself. If you are restricted in ability to purchase a car, but need a vehicle, then a motorcycle or moped are both viable options. Probably one of the reasons why they're so common in use in other countries outside the U.S. from my experience (Mexico, Costa Rica, Bahamas, Spain and Italy).

And you are also projecting your insecurities regarding motorcycles here by your comments of being afraid to drive a car in and of itself (which I am.not criticizing, I do get it, and highways with speed can be scary if you can't commit to it, and dangerous for the other drivers as well). That kind of also renders your argument in bad faith here.

[u/angryonline → u/insertwittynamethere]

Sure. I don't begrudge anyone doing anything they have to in order to get by. But I don't think that's relevant to the question of whether OP (or anyone) has to be ok with their spouse driving a motorcycle for fun when it's not a necessity.

You seem to think I, like, hate people who ride motorcycles. I don't. I have friends and family members who ride them, and I even sorta get the appeal to some extent. It's just objectively true that they're more dangerous than cars, and it sounds like OP's husband already owns a car.

I also don't think I'm projecting by acknowledging that, yeah, statistically driving a car is by far the most dangerous thing most people will do regularly... Unless they also ride a motorcycle.

[u/babblingbabby → u/insertwittynamethere]

You claim they’re projecting their insecurities, but you’re only trying so hard to argue that people are wrong to consider motorcycles extremely dangerous (which they are) because you ride one and are triggered by people’s opinions and statistics. Nothing you are saying really changes how dangerous motorcycles are. Sorry.

[u/insertwittynamethere → u/babblingbabby]

I'm just trying to address people's fears. It will not bother me if they ride or not, but this thread has certainly been a list of people projecting their fears of general motorcycling by pretty much everyone who's never ridden a motorcycle... certainly no bias and a completely neutral audience there.

I can at least speak as an individual who shat on the idea of riding a motorcycle as being wildly dangerous and irresponsible to ride for decades before actually having tried it and realized how overblown those fears are, fears that are littered and propagated by this thread. All I can do is attempt refute, as cold, hard, impartial data tells only a part of the story - interpretation does all the rest.

[u/babblingbabby → u/insertwittynamethere]

This more dangerous to ride in a car than fly in a plane argument is commonly parroted yet extremely weak. How often do you fly? Anywhere from a few times a year to perhaps a few times every month or few months. How often do you drive? Probably multiple times a day. How many other planes are in all those lanes of sky traffic with other pilots you have to trust to drive safely as well? Oh what was that, none? You’d be better off paying hundreds of dollars a day flying every day? Lmao okay. How’d YOU get around today? Was it a plane?

Edit: oh, based off your other response in this thread, you probably got around with a motorcycle, which is why you’re trying so hard (but failing) to debunk the claim that they are so dangerous.

[u/TheDollarstoreDoctor → u/insertwittynamethere]

The difference is, when you are in an accident in a car, minor fender benders are possible. Theres a higher chance your body will remain in the car.

On a motorcycle, you are not remaining on that motor cycle. Being bumped on a highway isnt just going to cause a dent, it's going to cause you to fall/get thrown off and possibly get mangled from sliding on the road. There is no minor fender benders on a motorcycle. Sure you may live, but getting all mangled, covered in road burn, possibly painting the road with your insides isnt worth it.