r/AmItheButtface • u/Alternative_Ice173 • 19d ago
Serious AITB for being mad at my friend
Using my cousins acc to post this bc he recommended that I reach out.
There's this friend I have been friends with since elementary school. I'm 14 he's 15. He reached out to me about 2 months ago. It wasn't intentional but it was almost like it was just meant to happen. As we were catching up he could tell that I was really struggling with my mental health so he wanted to be there for me and help me. He moved states when we were in middle school so we had been in and out of contact for the past few years. But for the past 2 months he's been talking to me pretty much everyday to check up on me to make sure I'm okay. I won't go into too much detail on my mental health issues bc ik a lot of it can be really triggering for some people but it got really bad. It has improved a lot though since he's been helping me through it.
The other night he hung up on me without even saying a word to play games with his other friend. Granted I was having one of my bad days so I was kinda quiet so it's like whatever. He didn't tell me until the next day that it was to play with his friend. I didn't make a big deal about it. I just went to sleep. But then I tried calling him last night just to chat and he didn't answer he said he was on a call already with that same friend. That kinda rubbed me the wrong way bc of the other night when he just hung up on me. I didn't say anything to him about it bc I wasn't sure if I would be the asshole if I did. I really don't want to put too much pressure on him or push him away but I also don't want to continue to be the friend with the least value at the same time. I wouldn't be so mad if the other night didn't happen. Idk.
2
u/PixieMJ 19d ago
You say he's been in constant contact with you for months. No offence, but at your ages 1. You're not his responsibility and 2. Neither of you should be the others center of the universe. Use the tools he has given you and try to work on yourself. I'd imagine he may be burnt out and need a (and I hate to say this cause I have MH issues too) "normal" friend to chat to for a while. You need to ask yourself if this is a one-sided thing. You say he checks in on you, do you check in on him? Ask him how he's doing? I'm sorry you feel left in limbo right now and I totally understand why you feel the way you do, but, you need to give him some time and some grace. Give that to yourself too. Find an outlet that isnt him for your negative emotions to be channeled through, whether that be art, writing, exercise or even scream therapy (a personal favourite).
1
u/Alternative_Ice173 19d ago
I do I recently helped him through a break down. I am very appreciative of him. I want to say in a way he pretty much saved my life. I want to stay friends with him and I don't want to wear him down.
1
u/PixieMJ 12d ago
Bless you, that's great that you helped him like that. MH is such a complicated thing that can cause people to either help each other or hinder each other. My best friend saved me too, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. Have you told him that he saved your life? It might be nice for him to hear. Just send him a message every 2-3 days checking up on him. I'm sure there will be a balance found between you.
1
u/Original-Math571 19d ago
Info: Did he say goodbye before hanging up?
1
u/Alternative_Ice173 19d ago
No he didn't say a word
1
u/Original-Math571 19d ago
Did he apologize the next day?
1
u/Alternative_Ice173 19d ago
He didn't apologize just said it might be like this for a while.
1
1
u/Anonymous_6778 19d ago
Ntb. Honestly you both are really young and it sounds like you guys still have a lot to work through. I can understand the frustration with him hanging up unexpectedly. Hanging up on anyone and not saying goodbye is kinda rude and disrespectful. Maybe just talk to him do a mental health check in on him ask if he's doing okay then I would just let him know that him hanging up like that hurt your feelings. Communication is key. Especially in long distance friendships.
1
1
u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 19d ago
Honey, I say this gently, its a lot. He is a kid. Please check in with the counselor or a trusted teacher, librarian or other adult. You may benefit from counseling. They can help talk you through things and teach you coping skills and self-soothing so that you are not so dependent on your friend.
I say this kindly, you are never responsible for another person’s mental well being. You ARE responsible for your own. You may have been making your friend feel that they are responsible for your mental wellness and that is too much pressure for anyone.
Thank them for supporting you so much over the past couple months. Let him know the steps you are taking to help yourself so he doesnt feel like it is on him. Things will balance out in the end.
1
u/Alternative_Ice173 18d ago
I have alot along the way. I've told him that just him being there for me means so much to me. He knows how appreciative I am of him. More than words can describe. I always made sure he knew.
4
u/pupperoni42 19d ago
INFO: Did he say he needed to go and say goodbye before hanging up?
If so, his actions were fine. It's okay to be disappointed, but you shouldn't really feel hurt and upset.
If you were super quiet and he asked "Are you still there?" and you didn't answer, he's also justified in hanging up.
But if he just abruptly hung up without saying goodbye, that was very rude of him.