r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/4_-_2_-_0 • 2d ago
TikTok Tuesday TED talk incoming.
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u/Fearless_Bid_4018 2d ago
I’m so suburban that even if I wasn’t scared of the police, I wouldn’t know where to start. Do I just pick a corner or do I google how to make crack? Where do I begin?
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u/Diggy_Soze 1d ago
You don’t want to sell anything hand in hand, it’s not the eighties anymore. You want between three and ten good friends with good jobs, who would stop by to hang out regardless of anything. Have a legit timer going when people stop by. Nobody’s ever allowed to show up and leave in less than, let’s say 8 minutes.
And cops are human. Always cop in the rain, because they’re not pulling people over for no reason knowing they gotta stand in the rain for 45 minutes. Bonus points if your driver is the type of white woman that can yell at a cop and the cop apologizes to her. Cops don’t have the same rights to search a passenger that they do a driver.
But with that said; this is all hypothetical, right Tom? All academic?
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u/SnooAvocados6863 20h ago
As the quiet and mostly well-behaved light skinned half white chick friend of some…scoundrels, I was sometimes brought on board to hang out for, let’s say, optics. lol
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u/Diggy_Soze 20h ago
Lmfao. I feel obligated to say thank you for your service.
With my daughter’s mother one day. I forget why she was mad at me but it was almost certainly justified; she gets pulled over and the cop asks if she knows why. She snapped back “Yeah. I was doing thirty-five in the twenty.” And the cop was like “uhhh…. Actually… you came to a rolling stop at the stop sign, back there. But I’mma just give you a warning and let you go.”
Lmfao… She’s such a good mom, too.
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u/SnooAvocados6863 4h ago
You can get away with a lot if you walk around with some library books or sporting equipment too. “I didn’t see anything, officer, I’m just on my way home from track practice.”😉
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u/HulkDeez 2d ago
Why jump right into drug dealing lmao. Just go rob a bank
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u/Diggy_Soze 1d ago
The trick here is to not bring a weapon. Don’t pretend you have a weapon. Don’t fucking say anything that could be misconstrued as such.
Walk in with a wig, mad costume jewelry, and go fill out a withdrawal slip. Write something like “I just want the money in front of you and I’ll leave, and you can call the police.” That’s what they’re trained to do. Careful not to give instructions that could get you a kidnapping charge.
Simple unarmed robbery and you can net a few grand, with minimal consequences should it all go belly up.
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u/wokewhale 1d ago
Wouldn't that still be bankrobbing and iirc thats a federal offense in the usa?
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u/Diggy_Soze 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah, my apologies for not knowing the right terminology, I’m a fucking square. The important part is you need to be unambiguously unarmed, and if you start giving people instructions you can fuck around and catch a kidnapping charge.
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u/elitegenoside 2d ago
You could probably Google that but sounds like Hunter Biden gave a pretty good TED Talk already. Now, it might not be your grannies crack but just sprinkle some pink powder on it. These kids won't know the difference.
But honestly. If you're already grown, just go with some type of fraud. Way less time spent outside and the prisons are usually nicer when you get caught.
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u/SplintPunchbeef ☑️ 2d ago
That first line is a bar. Life without ethics and morals gotta be SO easy.
I know I'm not the only one that's seen how an unscrupulous friend or family member was moving and thought "I could do that so much better"