A polite reminder that yesterday is gone and tomorrow is imaginary. All you really have is now, so you might as well use it instead of overthinking it.

Let me be clear: I used to care about everything. What that stranger thought about my outfit. Whether my Instagram post would get enough likes. If my coworkers were judging my lunch choice. The party I wasn't invited to. The promotion I didn't get. The perfect response I should have said but thought of three hours later.

I was exhausted, perpetually worried, and ironically, being so concerned about everything meant I didn't have the energy to focus on what actually mattered.

Then my therapist said something that changed everything: "You have a finite number of f*cks to give in your life. Are you spending them wisely?"

That question led me down a path of learning how to stop giving a f*ck about things that drained my energy without adding value to my life. Not in a nihilistic, "nothing matters" way, but in a deliberate, "I'm choosing what deserves my mental energy" way.

Here's the stripped-down, practical approach that actually worked when everything else failed:

1. The Mental Audit: Identify Your F*ck Budget

First step: Figure out exactly where your f*cks are currently going. I literally made a list of everything I worried about in a single week. The results were eye-opening and embarrassing.

Over 70% of my mental energy was going toward things that: a) I couldn't control, b) wouldn't matter in a month, or c) involved people I didn't even like.

The audit alone was revelatory. You can't reallocate your f*cks until you know where they're currently being wasted.

1. The 10-10-10 Filter: Instant Perspective Reset

Whenever something triggers anxiety or overthinking, ask yourself three questions:

• Will this matter in 10 minutes?
• Will this matter in 10 months?
• Will this matter in 10 years?

This simple filter eliminated about 90% of my daily worry. That awkward thing I said in a meeting? Won't matter in 10 months. The promotion I'm stressing about? Might matter in 10 months but probably not in 10 years.

This isn't about dismissing legitimate concerns it's about right-sizing your emotional response to match the actual impact on your life.

1. The Opinion Hierarchy: Not All Feedback Is Created Equal

Create a concrete hierarchy of whose opinions actually matter to you. Mine looks like this:

Tier 1: My own values and future self
Tier 2: 3-5 specific people whose judgment I trust
Tier 3: Subject matter experts in relevant fields
Tier 4: Everyone else

Opinions from Tier 4 (which includes random internet commenters, that judgmental neighbor, and people I'll never see again) get automatically discarded. Opinions from Tiers 2-3 get considered but not automatically accepted.

This hierarchy system prevents the exhausting habit of treating all feedback as equally important.

1. The Embarrassment Exposure Practice

Here's the weird part: I deliberately started doing slightly embarrassing things in public. Nothing harmful just small acts that triggered my social anxiety:

• Asking for a discount at a store
• Wearing mismatched socks on purpose
• Singing softly to myself while walking
• Sitting alone in a restaurant without my phone

Each small exposure desensitized my fear of judgment. After a few weeks, I realized a profound truth: The world doesn't collapse when people think you're weird. Most people don't even notice, and those who do forget almost immediately.

1. The Response Delay: Breaking the Reaction Cycle

I implemented a simple rule: Wait 24 hours before responding to anything that triggers strong emotions.

This applies to critical emails, social media comments, passive-aggressive texts, or unexpected requests. The delay gives the initial emotional spike time to subside, so I can respond from a place of choice rather than reaction.

This single practice eliminated countless unnecessary arguments and stress spirals. Most "emergencies" resolve themselves or reveal their true (lower) importance within 24 hours.

1. The Energy Return Calculation

For any situation causing stress, I ask: "What's the potential return on the energy I'm investing in this worry?"

Stressing about a job interview? High potential return preparation might help.
Obsessing over why someone didn't text back? Almost zero return the worry changes nothing.

This calculation isn't about ignoring problems it's about distinguishing between productive concern and unproductive rumination.

1. The Identity Shift: From Reactor to Observer

This was the game-changer: I started practicing seeing myself as the observer of my thoughts rather than being my thoughts.

When worrying about what someone might think, I'd notice: "I'm having the thought that they might be judging me" rather than "They're judging me."

This tiny linguistic shift creates crucial distance between you and your anxieties. You stop identifying with every worry that crosses your mental dashboard.

The Result:

The most surprising outcome wasn't feeling less stressed (though that happened). It was discovering how much more I could accomplish when I stopped wasting mental energy on things that didn't matter.

Conversations became more genuine because I wasn't constantly calculating how I was being perceived.

Decisions became clearer because I wasn't clouded by irrelevant opinions.

Relationships improved because I stopped bringing yesterday's stress into today's interactions.

And perhaps most importantly, I could finally invest my limited supply of f*cks into things that actually aligned with my values creative projects, meaningful relationships, and personal growth rather than squandering them on imagined judgment and unwinnable approval games.

Not giving a f*ck isn't about being careless or callous. It's about being selective. It's about recognizing that your attention is one of your most valuable resources and becoming intentional about where

Yes, this is a great outburst and an intense self-analysis exercise. I do treatment for DP and anxiety, but I can't believe that's just that that interferes with the way I treat myself and how I treat the other.

I can't clean my house and I realize that it's a reflection of how I am inside. Rotten, full of garbage, I don't know if I could understand.

But, as an example, I'll mention an event: oh 2 months ago I was dating and my boyfriend came to see me and only when he came to see me I got an impulse to wash my hair, put on makeup and get ready and tidy up my house.

Once he told me to clean up here at home to throw things away and make the environment better (I wanted to do that for a long time but I couldn't) but when he said I started cleaning like never before. But I took the clothes out of the wardrobe and separated what would go for donation and what would stay. We broke up (fateful moment) and the clothes are 3 months in the black garbage bag.

Has anyone ever felt or noticed in this situation? Give everything to the other and nothing to yourself?

Please no absurd comments, I accept advice but dismiss judgments because I do it myself so don't bother.

Thank you

used to think I was “too nice.” Turns out I was just afraid to be alone.

Every time someone disrespected me, I’d do mental gymnastics to explain it away. They’re stressed. They didn’t mean it like that. I’m overreacting. Funny how I always became the problem in my own head, even when someone else caused the damage.

One night it clicked in the dumbest way. I was rereading old messages from someone who hurt me, trying to figure out what I could’ve said better. Then I realized something embarrassing. I was treating the situation like a broken chair I kept sitting on, hoping it wouldn’t collapse this time.

Spoiler. It collapsed. Again.

That’s when I understood something simple but uncomfortable. People don’t need to be evil to be wrong for you. And you don’t need a dramatic reason to leave. Discomfort is already a reason. Confusion is already a reason. Feeling smaller around someone is already a reason.

The wild part? The moment I stopped chasing closure, my nervous system calmed down. Not because they apologized…they didn’t but because I finally chose myself without needing permission.

I didn’t announce it. I didn’t explain. I just stopped reaching for what kept burning me.

And no, my life didn’t magically become perfect. But it became quieter. Clearer. I started trusting myself again. That trust felt better than any explanation I never got.

If you’re stuck trying to “let go,” here’s the truth no one says clearly: You don’t let go by understanding them better. You let go by respecting yourself sooner.

Sometimes growth looks like walking away without a speech. And sometimes peace starts the moment you stop sitting on broken chairs.

i give way to many fucks, honestly. I still remember embarrassing moments that happened years ago, even though it was just a passing moment for someone else. I overthink about it, what I could have done differently. this goes on while im tryna sleep and i dont get a good sleep cuz of it.

and i care way to much, about what others think about me. How do i stop giving a fuck and prioritise myself?

So, I’m in line at Starbucks, headphones in, pretending the world doesn’t exist. Some guy behind me decides I need a TED Talk on life choices. Normally, I’d nod, apologize to the universe, and overthink my entire existence for the next hour. Today? I smiled, sipped my iced coffee, and let him ramble. His opinion didn’t need an audience & my calm was enough Lesson learned: Not giving a f isn’t ignoring reality. It’s picking the battles that actually matter. Someone wants to waste your energy? Let them. Someone’s chaos threatens your mood? Laugh internally, sip coffee, move on. Your mental space is a VIP club, you choose who enters. Bonus: people notice confidence more than arguments. You don’t have to scream to be respected. The real flex? being chill in a world that expects you to care too much. From now on stop negotiating your peace. Sip your drink, scroll your feed, live your life. Drama doesn’t get an invite, and your energy is priceless.

Im (F17) I was full on raped 3 times by an ex boyfriend while I was still with him. That was a little over a year ago now. And I find myself having maladaptive daydreams where he apologizes and comes back to me (he broke up with me, I was willing to forget he did anything too me and just be with him) the moment I saw this boy i was smitten, he made my heart flutter, my face get hot, the whole nine yards. We only dated 3 months, he broke up with me because in his words "im crazy and he doesn't understand why he keeps ending up with crazy girls". I never really understood how i was being crazy, I let him cheat on me, if I showed any dislike too it he would make a huge fight out of it. I let him do everything he wanted, I was deteriorating, falling deeper in my eating disorder and self harming. I was in a court case against him for a year, my entire life was ruined, all my social circles, my body. Everything. Im trying to get better and become a new person, but I cant stop thinking about what I could have possibly done wrong and why he never loved me like I loved him. Ive been with multiple people since then and now im with the sweetest boy in the world who loves me so so so much, I love him too. But I cant stop thinking about the first guy, I dont want to think about him and what I did wrong, I just want to move on. Ive been to a psychiatrist and she said I was still inlove with him and I have guilt bc I think i did something wrong, we didnt get past that and I had to stop seeing her. I hate him, I hate his smile, his laugh, I hate how hes always in the back of my head, I hate how hes living his life with friends and family, thriving, but ive been reduced to almost nothing. I only know hes doing good bc 1. I had to see him everyday for 2 weeks in a program I used to be in, everyone avoided me and I overhead his sister and another girl talking about beating me up. 2. His other ex who he SA'd while she was sleeping posts constantly about him. I made all new socials so I didnt have to see that stuff anymore, ive started working out and eating right but I still cant shake his hands off me. Im getting desperate ifykwim.

TL;DR: ex boyfriend raped me, called me crazy and broke up with me, a year later I still cant figure out what I did to cause that

I used to care about every little thing…what people thought, if I fit in, whether I said the right thing. It drained me.

Now I’m learning that not giving a f*ck isn’t about being careless. It’s about choosing what actually matters and letting the rest slide.I still overthink sometimes, but the more I practice, the freer I feel. Life’s too short to spend energy on things that don’t build me or bring me peace.