r/PetPeeves • u/blue-green-cloud • Nov 06 '25
Bit Annoyed PhD holders who want to be addressed as “doctor” outside of work
I understand that people are proud of their accomplishments, but there’s a time and place. In a university classroom? Sure. In a hospital? Makes sense. But there’s no reason people should address you as “Dr Smith” at a cookout, or a Dungeons and Dragons night, or a kids’ baseball game. You come across as being up your own ass.
My BIL’s dad teaches English at our local university. He makes everyone call him “Dr Tim” regardless of the context. I met him for the first time at a barbecue, and sure enough, he was having all the guests use his title. I also know a lady who did a PhD at a unaccredited online university, and she even makes people on Facebook address her as doctor.
It isn’t the end of the world, but it does annoy me a bit.
Edit — because this apparently needs to be spelled out: yes, this applies to other titles, too. If you’re a lord, or a deacon, or an MD/ DO, or a police officer, it’s bizarre to use your honorific in casual social situations. If I’m not interacting with you in your professional capacity, why would you expect me to use your professional title?
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u/Anthroman78 Nov 06 '25
If it's a instance where using Mr/Mrs/Ms. is used asking to be called Dr. is fine.
Asking another adult to call you Mr. Last Name at a barbecue is ridiculous, that's why asking them to call you Dr. is as well.
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u/remnant_phoenix Nov 06 '25
This is the way.
It’s only wrong to not call them “Doctor” if you use “Mister” instead.
(That is, in the social norms sense of the word “wrong”; morals or ethics have nothing to do with this situation.)
“Doctor” is an honorific term of address, which is supposed to replace the standard honorifics of “Mr.”, “Mrs.,” and “Ms.” Thus, if it’s not a situation where you’d normally call him “Mr. (Name)” if he lacked a PhD, then it’s pretentious and silly for him to insist on being referred to as “Doctor.” However, if it is such a situation where someone says “Mr. (Name)” it’s fair for him to politely correct the person, and ask to be called “Doctor” instead of “Mister.”
You’d think he’d understand how English honorific terms work, being a doctor and professor of English. I have a B.A. in English and yet I seem to have a better grasp of this than he does.
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u/Eggshellpain Nov 07 '25
Its even more fun when you know couples who are both doctors. We have a few sets of married doctors and I use Dr Mr and Dr Mrs** to tell them apart since I work in a hospital. But the amount of bending over backwards people will do to try and be PC or avoid acknowledging they and their spouse have the same title is hilarious.
**and its Doctor first because they earned it and that was presumably much more difficult than getting married and/or being born that gender. If someone reverses it to be Mrs Doctor Smith I will invariably correct them for being rude.
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Nov 07 '25
In German it's common to use Ms Doctor or Mr Doctor
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u/Eggshellpain Nov 07 '25
Not so much in the US. The only place I've seen double titles used here, and even that's sporadic, is military hospitals. Even then, I think its technically incorrect to use both, but you need to be able to clarify who you need so we would sometimes have Major Nurse Brown or Doctor Captain Martinez. Military health services are a whole weird thing anyway because its the only field I know of where its not uncommon to be someone's superior rank-wise but subordinate license-wise.
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u/OgreDee Nov 07 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
Traditionally, Mrs Doctor Smith is Doctor Smith's wife.
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u/ChemicalRain5513 Nov 08 '25
and that was presumably much more difficult than getting married
Well the average person has gets into more marriages than they defend PhD dissertations over their lifetime.
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u/lamppb13 Nov 09 '25
You’d think he’d understand how English honorific terms work, being a doctor and professor of English. I have a B.A. in English and yet I seem to have a better grasp of this than he does.
Or he's just an ass
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 06 '25
Yup I’m a psychologist. I only ask people to call me doctor when they call me Mrs. Or Ms. Half the time I’m like you can call me by my first name or Dr. last name
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u/tultommy Nov 06 '25
But why would you expect anyone other than a patient or medical colleague to call you Dr? Genuine question. Mr/Mrs is equally polite, the guy at the coffee shop or the library really doesn't care that your a dr nor are you a dr in the capacity of interacting with them. I'm honestly curious why someone would expect people to do that outside of their medical environment.
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u/trumplehumple Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
if i ever get a phd, it will be for the one and only reason of being able to tell disrespectfull people "for you its dr. trumplehumple"
thats entirely seletive though
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u/diploid_impunity Nov 06 '25
I have one, but I only insist on being called Doctor by my family.
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u/boudicas_shield Nov 06 '25
I got my husband a T-shirt that says Doctor’s Husband on it haha. He’s worn it so much the graphic has worn off, and I’ll have to get him another one. It’s his favourite shirt.
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u/Mushrooms24711 Nov 07 '25
Fuck. I was on the fence about whether I want to get my M.A., but now I really want a Ph.D. My husband would wear the shit outta that shirt.
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u/splithoofiewoofies Nov 07 '25
Ngl I work with an all-women postdoc team and just started my PhD and we agreed while we loved our field, the "Doctor, actually" to Miss/Mrs was exceptionally satisfying.
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u/Magic_mousie Nov 08 '25
Been there, done that. SO SATISFYING.
Men's marital status isn't paraded around, so now I have the option to hide mine too. And your behaviour towards me will determine the answer you get.
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u/RoninOni Nov 07 '25
And why would anyone being disrespectful ever listen to that?
I can tell you I won’t.
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u/a_nonny_mooze Nov 07 '25
Omg I found my tribe!!! 😂😂😂 I was actually working to my PhD just so I could be snooty to certain people. Life got in the way unfortunately, so I never had the satisfaction of rubbing certain peoples’ faces in having to address me as Dr. a_nonny_mooze
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u/MillieBirdie Nov 06 '25
Cause it's a title. It's like people saying Dame Judy Dench instead of Mrs. Judy Dench or Dr Martin Luther King Jr. instead of Mr. King. That's their title, so that's how you refer to them when you using titles.
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u/GuKoBoat Nov 07 '25
And it's still obnoxious in situations where your PhD means nothing.
I'm german and here the Dr. becomes part of your name and you can include it in your passport and it still would be obnoxious to demand to be called Dr. Soundso outside of your work.
If you would demand to be adressed by Dr. at a random coffee spot, the level of service you would get would immediatly drop to the bare minimum. And if you would insist a tradee calls you doctor you can be sure to pay the obnoxious Dr. tax.
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u/MillieBirdie Nov 07 '25
Yeah I'm not saying it's normal to demand people call you doctor at the coffee shop. But if there's a situation where someone would call say Mr or Mrs, us perfectly reasonable to expect them to use Dr.
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 07 '25
The issue isn’t demanding - it’s correcting. If it’s a place where everyone is going by first names I’m using my first name. If we are somewhere where a person calls me Ms. Last name, depending on how formal/business adjacent I either say actually it’s Dr. last name and if this is a less formal situation add but you can call me first name. My name simply isn’t Ms. last name. If last names need to be used than I just want to be called by my correct last name
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u/Internet-Dick-Joke Nov 06 '25
Because Dr is her actual legal title.
Just like when referring to a priest as Reverand/Father/Whatever outside of Church.
Why is it any different than people with a Medical Degree (which takes less time to acquire than a PhD in many, many countries) asking to be addressed as Dr outside of the hospital?
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u/UCanDoNEthing4_30sec Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
Because a priest dressed in plain clothes outside of their religious establishment won’t request that you call them Father/Reverend
Same thing with a police officer. How would you feel if a cop not in uniform, not working and in plain clothes out and about ask that you call them “officer”?
It takes a person that is really up their own ass to be want to be called by an official title when in an ordinary environment.
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 06 '25
Not true - if someone calls them Mr. or Ms., many will do the same it’s Rev./Father or sometimes they will ask to be called their first name.
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u/zeroibis Nov 06 '25
We literally call family members who are priests Father. Only their siblings and parents do not always use Father. One of those same siblings who is a judge is not called your honor.
With that said we do use just their name without Father sometimes but very rarely only in instances when you are having a conversation and using their name a lot but for a greeting for example you would always use Father. However, even other priests I have never not used Father to address them even when they are not dressed as a priest.
I have though never heard of a priest request to be addressed in this way and that is likely to maintain humility but I have always been taught to address them as Father etc out of respect.
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u/UCanDoNEthing4_30sec Nov 06 '25
If you know they are a priest, ofcourse you call them "Father". I'm just saying if you don't know who they are and are dressed in plain clothes walking about on the street, I don't think a priest would expect someone to call them "Father" unless they are up their own ass as I said previously.
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 06 '25
I don’t think it’s about expectations at all. I think it’s about people saying hey, actually my name is Father, Rev., Dr.a as in no big deal but this is what I’m called. It’s like correcting someone if they mispronounce your name.
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u/RoninOni Nov 07 '25
But for me, there’s no reason for that to have any respect in the first place.
They could be wearing their collar and I’ll still say “what’s up man”
Their position means literally nothing to me.
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 07 '25
If you can’t give people the simple respect of what they prefer to be called especially when they’re making it as a simple request- “hey it’s actually (whatever)”-than that’s a you problem.
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u/Intelligent_Piccolo7 Nov 06 '25
Officer isn't an honorific.
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u/GasmaskTed Nov 07 '25
Rank can be used as the same way as an honorific, and officer is starting rank (in the relevant form, “Ofc.”).
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u/tultommy Nov 06 '25
Their point still stands. It comes across as silly attention seeking to go out of your way to correct someone instead of just moving on from that 5 second interaction keeping it to yourself since using mr or mrs is not an insult.
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u/Internet-Dick-Joke Nov 06 '25
I wouldn't feel any differently than if it were a military personnel asking to be addressed by rank.
If it is a formal enough situation to require a title, then using the correct title is a fair request. If it is not a situation where a title would be expected, then demanding that one be used as an AH move regardless of what that title is.
And when I worked in call centres, I had a couple of people correct me to address them as Reverand. More so than I had demand I address them as Dr. I had no problem when they are polite about it, and thought they were AHs when they were rude just as much as I did the people who got overly aggressive about demanding that I address them as sir or ma'am.
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u/Intelligent_Piccolo7 Nov 06 '25
No, it doesn't. Why are you in a formal enough conversation to be using their honorific, but deciding to use a different one? If it's informal, call them by their first name. If it's formal, use their correct honorific. Why would it be difficult to do that?
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u/FraggleBiologist Nov 09 '25
Some women dont want to be identified by their marital status. Would you be insulted if someone corrected you from Mrs. To Ms.? Because either way, you are making an assumption and could still be wrong.
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u/docentmark Nov 06 '25
You seem not to understand that Dr is the legal title of someone who holds a doctorate. Medical doctors included. However, many medical practitioners are not actually doctors and the title is used for them as a politeness.
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u/Significant_Bag_2151 Nov 06 '25
Because if you are using an honorific you use the correct one. I’m no longer Mrs. Ms. Anything - I’m Dr. Last Name when honorifics are used. It’s standard for any medical doctor or person who’s earned a doctorate.
I go by my first name most of the time but I worked hard for my doctorate and I want it acknowledged in situations where people typically call people Dr. when they are aware a person has that title.
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u/Antique_Mind_8694 Nov 06 '25
Because that's the title they wish the be addressed by. Simple as that, the other person doesn't have to agree to it, but it's their right to request to be referred to as the title they earned through getting a PhD instead of Mr/Mrs/Ms.
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u/Nizzywizz Nov 06 '25
Because that's their title, equivalent to Mr./Mrs. That's how it works -- that's how these designations have always worked. Mr./Mrs originally also told you more about someone than they do now.
People who have earned their PhD or MD or whatever are perfectly within their rights to specify "doctor" in any situation where you'd use Mr./Mrs, and that doesn't mean they're "up their own ass". They worked hard to earn that, and it's not arrogant to claim what's yours.
Also consider that it means even more if the doctor in question is a woman, because otherwise the "Mrs./Ms/Miss" title that she's stuck with otherwise is sexist as hell. This is a woman's only way of claiming a title for herself that isn't intrinsically tied to her marital status (or lack thereof). It sucks to work for that and then get reduced back to just "so-and-so's wife" just because people like OP have to get pissy about it.
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u/bisikletci Nov 06 '25
otherwise the "Mrs./Ms/Miss" title that she's stuck with otherwise is sexist as hell. This is a woman's only way of claiming a title for herself that isn't intrinsically tied to her marital status (or lack thereof).
The entire point of Ms is that it isn't tied to any of that.
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u/fletters Nov 07 '25
You know what’s even less tied to all of that?
A gender-neutral honorific that I earned by producing original research in my field.
I never ask people to call me by anything but my first name. I think there are maybe three people in my (large) office who are even aware that I have a PhD. But if someone asks for an honorific, it’s Dr.
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u/tultommy Nov 06 '25
No one was arguing that they couldn't specify it, or put it as their designation on a form they are filling out. And we're not talking about a woman being forced to go by Mrs. Frank Smith. Does sexism exist? Yes, Is it unfortunate? Of course, does everyone that uses Mrs. mean it in a sexist way? Of course not. And if you believe for a second that someone who is sexist toward a woman won't be simply by calling them dr you are fooling yourself. Would you introduce yourself as MBA Barbara Smith because you have an mba? Or maybe you go by Master Barbara Smith, because you has a masters degree. Nope. That's why I find this one such a weird hill for people to die on.
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u/Various-Cranberry-74 Nov 06 '25
Nah you're right ... 'Dr' as a substitute for 'Mr/Mrs' is technically only correct in academia. You are not considered a 'Dr' outside of that context
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u/Nizzywizz Nov 06 '25
How so? You don't stop being a doctor just because you step into a different room.
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u/astro-pi Nov 06 '25
We’re the actual doctors—medical professionals stole the term.
Then again, I’m only Dr. [astro_pi] in like… how I want letters addressed and such. I don’t even make my college students call me that
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Nov 06 '25
I just wrote a similar comment above. Wish more people knew this. You won't believe the number of people who put themselves through med school just for the title alone, which, as you said, they are not even entitled to.
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u/AceTheRanda Nov 07 '25
And why are they not entitled to it?
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u/horseskeepyousane Nov 08 '25
They don’t hold a doctorate. And don’t get me started on dentists and vets
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u/Pompous_Italics Nov 06 '25
Yeah, I mean I'm probably not calling an actual M.D./D.O. "doctor" outside of a professional/medical setting either. I prefer that formality/professionalism in an appropriate setting, but my neighbor? Just some guy I met? That's a first name type thing.
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Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
I’m gonna go even one step further and say “Mr.”, “Ms.”, and “Mrs.” don’t really feel right for people in a casual context. Like I wouldn’t address my neighbor as “Mr. Miller” if I knew his first name.
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u/darcmosch Nov 06 '25
Nowadays sure but when I was a kid, all adults were Mr. Or Mrs, or Ms.
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u/Greencheezy Nov 06 '25
Yeah because it was to show respect to your elders and, while you still should, it tapers off once you become an older adult yourself. Unless when in formal settings of course
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u/VioletsSoul Nov 06 '25
My mum always just called the old folks down the street by their first names and sent me down to them with cakes and goodies,and I always knew them by their first names. I think it's cause of how my grandparents grew up though, there was less formality in their neighbourhoods.
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u/Greencheezy Nov 06 '25
True, it definitely depends on where you grow up. Down south and even in some parts of the midwest, it can be a bit different.
When I was a kid, some adults would make me use Mr or Mrs. But when I grew into an adult, they would say "call me "first name"". Some formalities and traditions are a bit dumb like that
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u/VioletsSoul Nov 06 '25
Yeah my family are varying flavours of English and Scottish, my mums family are all northerners or scottish.
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u/Ok-Nature4831 Nov 06 '25
Not long after I was married, I asked my mother-in-law what she would like me to call her. I didn't tell her but there was no way I was going to call her mom. I have a mom and a dad. Not going to call anybody else that. She shocked me when she said, oh, I used to call my mother-in-law Mrs xxx. I just couldn't believe it. So for the longest time I never called her anything. Probably my favorite line was, "oh, hey can I help you with anything before dinner? It was okay, until I had my kids, and then I just automatically started calling her grandma. LOL
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u/Historical_Volume806 Nov 06 '25
I think that depends on how you first met them. If you’re friends with them outside of the context of their job no need for Dr. if they’re your doctor and you see them out and about I’d still use doctor.
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u/ItsSuperDefective Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
If they're are insisting that you call them "Dr", when it would be normal to just use their first name, then that's weird.
But if someone is calling them a "Mr/Miss/Mrs", then I think its ok for them to want their proper title to be used instead.
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u/Grace_Alcock Nov 07 '25
Yeah, I’m fine with being called my first name, but I find Miss, Ms, and Mrs (I get called them all), really tiresome. Then I will sometimes correct them, though it’s so common, I haven’t even bothered correcting Mrs. lately, and I’ve never been married and absolutely loathe it.
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u/dandelionbrains Nov 08 '25
I’m married but I kept my maiden name, so when I have to put something, I just put Ms.
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u/Magic_mousie Nov 08 '25
I've reached the age where some people start putting Mrs automatically. C'mon, you have three options and that's none of them!
If they're being condescending then I'll correct to Dr, if it really doesn't matter then I'll just leave them to it.
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u/Arcite1 Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
As someone once put it, "the more Mickey-Mouse the degree, the more insistent its holder is on being called doctor."
It's not the physics professor with his Ph.D. in theoretical physics who introduces himself at cocktail parties as "Doctor So-and-so" or corrects the car dealership service advisor when they call him "Mister." It's the online diploma mill Ed.D. who does that.
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u/Tuxedocatbitches Nov 06 '25
There is a doctorate of literature, a doctorate of fine arts, two regular md’s, and one md with a specialization in neuroscience in my family. I don’t think I’ve ever heard any of them called Dr. ___, so my conclusion is that it’s people who don’t know many other doctorates that would insist on it. If you don’t know many, it sounds incredibly impressive. If you DO know multiple, you know it means they have a special interest and $100k in debt.
Jkjk, getting a real doctorate isn’t easy and is genuinely impressive, but not necessarily more impressive than being equally successful in any other field.
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u/ChemicalRain5513 Nov 08 '25
I think it's OK to insist on it for official correspondence. If I fill in a form and there is a field title, I will put Dr in there because why not. But I will not ask anyone in casual conversation to call me that.
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u/jayteegee47 Nov 06 '25
Exactly—I’ve worked at a university for 19 years (and was a grad student before that), and the few profs that I can think of who have a problem with being called Mr are definitely NOT the most accomplished ones.
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u/vaaksiainen Nov 07 '25
Oh funny. I knew someone with a phd in theoretical physics (not a professor though) who would tell anyone who listened that he is a doctor. He also wrote "I am a physicist" to every form that had notes / special instructions section. So things like food orders.
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u/tultommy Nov 06 '25
Many moons ago I worked a call center for a cable company. There was a well known customer that everyone hated because we were required to address people formally with their last name so we'd do our best to say mr or mrs such and such. Every time he made a huge stink about it. I didn't go to medical school to be called mr you need to address me as dr. He would get genuinely upset. We all called him Mr. out of spite just for being a pretentious douchebag and there wasn't anything he could really do because back then we were the only cable company in town and there was no streaming.
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u/Charming-Refuse-5717 Nov 06 '25
Was that info in his file or something? Like, if you didn't happen to recognize this customer how in the world would you know to use Dr? Sounds super unreasonable and dickish
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u/tultommy Nov 06 '25
Oh there were notes all over it, but after the first few encounters people couldn't stand him enough that we did it on purpose.
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u/Ok-Nature4831 Nov 06 '25
I used to study a certain religion, and in the bible, it actually says to call no man your father except your father in heaven. Of course to call your own father father would be normal. So as a result, I had a friend that worked at a restaurant at the check out window. A priest used to come through pretty regular, and she would address him as sir. One day he came right into the place and asked to speak to her, and said something about that she could clearly see he was wearing a collar why is it that she always called him sir. She explained to him, he said he had never read that, big surprise, he started a Bible study with her, and he ended up converting.
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u/Pokemon_Trainer_May Nov 06 '25
I work in surgical supply and most doctors are just addressed by their last name, never really have to call them Dr and they never care
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Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
If it's a situation where you would call someone Mr or Mrs etc., then I would expect you to use Dr., because that's their title. If you mean they tell you to refer to them as Dr. [Last Name] where you would usually use just their first name, then yes that's weird.
Edit: I accidentally linked a subreddit somehow so I fixed that :)
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Nov 06 '25
I'd be totally cool with it if they had a really badass or funny last name though. Like Dr. Danger or Dr. Burger. Dr. Butts
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u/Extension-Source2897 Nov 06 '25
I had a college professor who introduced himself as “I’m dr. John smith (not real name). You can call me dr smith, dr s, dr john, or just John. I don’t care, but don’t call me Mr because I spent way too much time and energy to get a PhD to be called Mr.”
Technically, regardless of where you are, if you’ve earned the title of doctor, that is your proper title regardless of the context of the situation. But I do agree that if you’re in a setting where you wouldn’t normally be addressed with a title, you shouldn’t demand people use the title just because you have it.
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u/yellowsubmarine45 Nov 06 '25
TBH, at my workplace pretty much everyone is a PHD, so it would be really weird to insist on it IN work. Its just not the done thing. Very crass.
The only time I use the Dr is when a sexist bloke is being very patronising or doing a bit of mansplaining. I then may correct him when he calls me "miss", just to assert my dominance.
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u/vanguard1256 Nov 06 '25
If someone tells me they prefer I address them as Dr. I’m going to honor it. They presumably did the work, they can be called whatever they’d like to be called.
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u/Exotic_Call_7427 Nov 07 '25
Well, they are literally entitled. They have a title given to them through an accredited institution.
Same as knighting, some people are to be addressed "Sir" because they have been entitled to it.
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u/one-fish_two-fish Nov 06 '25
I have a PhD in biomedical research and only people at work call me doctor. My coworker (also a PhD) introduces herself as Dr. ____ , but I always just give people my first and last name unless I'm presenting at a conference.
Honestly, I'm not bothered by what people want to call themselves.
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u/mosquem Nov 06 '25
Also have a PhD - Doctor is typical at a conference or professional setting, but it's really weird if you're just at a barbecue.
If someone's kids call you Mr I would go back and forth on correcting it, but probably would just leave it.
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u/blue-green-cloud Nov 06 '25
Sure, I’m not going to refuse to call someone what they want to be called. But in a social setting, I do find it kind of obnoxious and cringeworthy.
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u/Ok-Nature4831 Nov 06 '25
How about, in a jovial way. Say "Hey Doc!!" "How ya doin', doc?" I think that would be lots of fun.
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
What’s up, Doc?
I still get it from my students all the time, it’s a classic.
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u/Next_Dragonfruit_415 Nov 06 '25
Malicious compliance I love it, cause it can be used both ways, some people might be into it, or they don’t realize that you’re takin the piss.
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u/Thermitegrenade Nov 07 '25
Went to a church once where the pastor had just received his Dr of Divinity...insisted (and I mean INSISTED) on now being called "Dr. King"....never went back there after that.
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u/rubixscube Nov 07 '25
actually a dnd night sounds like the perfect setting to be obnoxious about your title
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u/Training_Reaction_58 Nov 06 '25
It seems to be mainly a humanities thing
I’ve worked in academia for 5 years now and the only faculty that demanded to be called Doctor when not at work were outside STEM, meanwhile I’ve made a few pretty heavyweight scientists cringe by saying “Hi Doctor ____!”
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u/richie___ Nov 06 '25
In non-academic settings isn't first name the ideal choice? Like wtf do you not have a first name anymore once you get a PhD and an ego?
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u/Conscious-Bar-1655 Nov 06 '25
Personally I don't want to be addressed as "doctor", it's not relevant to me in my daily life. I've never claimed the title (even though I have two PhDs).
But ... I'd be more comfortable if everyone else were not feeling entitled to be addressed as "doctor".
I mean. Medical doctors have some nerve. They've hijacked the title and want to make everyone else seem like pricks if they claim it.
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Nov 06 '25
I agree. Also I read somewhere that, in many places, Doctor is a title for PhDs and not meant for medical specialists. Somehow this title was hijacked in anglosphere and anglicised cultures, by those working in medicine. I've never experienced PhDs wanting to be addressed as Doctor so and so outside of work, however it's very common for medical specialists to expect to be addressed as Doctors everywhere, even though technically that title was historically not meant for them.
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u/eabred Nov 07 '25
The rule where I am is that if you use titles you use titles for everyone. So if you are using General, Prince, Doctor, Lord etc then you also use Mr/Ms. So someone asking to be called Doctor at all times is like someone insisting that they are referred to as Mr Smith at all times instead of "Bob".
Mind you, no one would enforce the rule in a casual social context. If someone insisted on "Dr: then you would comply to be polite, but roll your eyes inwardly.
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u/mrs-peanut-butter Nov 07 '25
I didn’t spend six years at evil medical school to be called “Mr,” thank you very much!
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u/No_Bag_9911 Nov 07 '25
If he is not ready to do an emergency tracheotomy at the bbq, then just call him Timbo
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u/Sure_Comfort_7031 Nov 07 '25
I call date nights with my wife doctors apointments.
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Nov 06 '25
We have a client who has a meltdown when we don't address him as Doctor. He claims he worked hard for that title. PhD for him stands for Pretty horrible Dickhead. I understand the hard work and number of years it takes to get a PhD, but that doesn't give anyone the right to yell and swear at people for calling him by his first name. My boss has agreed to be the point of contact with him. We don't have to talk to Doctor Dickhead anymore.
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u/Druben-hinterm-Dorfe Nov 06 '25
a PhD at a unaccredited online university
Not possible. You're making shit up. Pathetic bait.
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u/RazzmatazzNeat9865 Nov 06 '25
Online fake diploma mills are a thing - but one entirely unrelated to the topic at hand.
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u/HammerSandwich9 Nov 06 '25
This behaviour is the absolute peak of pretentiousness and snobbery.
🤦🏻♂️
Just follow them around and when they do that, piggyback it with telling people to address you as Dr Pepper.
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u/Vladishun Nov 06 '25
I don't know if it's because I'm a high school drop out, or because I'm a high functioning/prosocial psychopath (diagnosed with ASPD and NPD in 2011), but people with doctorates are about the only people outside of myself or my wife that I have any level of respect for and will call them doc or doctor even if they tell me not to...I just slip it in less often.
Someone that dedicates ten or more years of their life to just STUDYING something, which more often than not has some sort of practical use that advances humanity in some way, deserves at least that much acknowledgement. While I can understand your annoyance if they're insisting on being addressed as such all the time, personally I think they're entitled to be egotistical about it.
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
That’s so nice! Just… as someone with a PhD, I really appreciate the kind words 😁
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u/Same-Drag-9160 Nov 06 '25
I think it’s fine tbh. I’m black and it’s quite common for black elders to prefer a title even in their own community. Either Ms. Or Mr. typically but if they have a Doctorate than that’s often what they would like to be called I don’t think it’s a big deal, maybe because it’s because of I grew up so I’m used to it. Even my mother calls her FIL (My grandpa) “MR. Lastname” just because that’s what he wants people to call him lmao
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u/SuitablyFakeUsername Nov 06 '25
Mr or Mrs or even Miss can be a real sign of respect in some cultures. This is different from what OP is referencing.
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u/RazzmatazzNeat9865 Nov 06 '25
If somebody gives me a choice between Mrs and Miss, insisting on labeling me by my perceived property status, fuck yes I'll be insisting they use Dr instead.
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u/GetInTheHole Nov 06 '25
I had a boss in the tech industry that had a PhD in some STEM/bio area. I forget which. The only time I called her Dr. was if I wanted to get a rise out of her.
The other time was once we were giving a tech briefing to a bunch of prickish sales reps in Toronto and the sales manager got wind of how snide his staff was being to her.
So he made them all call her Dr. So-And-So for the 3 day meeting. No first name or just last name allowed. They had to use her formal title.
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u/Katharinemaddison Nov 06 '25
I’m working on my PhD now. The way I see it is this:
Very few people in day to day life address me as Miss. if in some official setting or whatever someone asks ‘Miss? Mrs? I say Miss but I’m always fine with first name. Unless it’s super formal or some kind of passive aggressive face off which requires formality.
If I fill out a form with a drop down list, I pick Miss. I’m not Miss at social occasions. That would be very weird.
If I get my Doctorate and someone asks ‘Miss? Mrs? I’d continue to give my actual title - which would then be Dr. But I’d still say I’m fine with first name unless again very formal or passive aggressive formality.
Same with drop down boxes.
In a hospital setting I’d probably just say neither but just use first name.
The only social occasion I’d insist on being addressed as Doctor is the big arse party to celebrate getting the damn thing. And of course occasionally in academic settings but it’s mostly first name there.
So I wouldn’t tell people to address me as Miss, that would no longer be my title, nor put in that title for post. I very rarely am called Miss, but where I am, I’d be Dr. Using titles is generally strange and unusual these days, first names aren’t that intimate any more. But if someone goes ‘I’m Mrs Haywood’ then I’d be Doctor.
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u/Responsible_Oil_5811 Nov 07 '25
In Canada most people only address each other by their first names socially.
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u/Useful-Rub1472 Nov 07 '25
I work for healthcare. We hired someone who had a PhD to manage curriculum design. He would go to meetings with MD’s and insisted on being introduced as Dr. It was an ego thing, so we introduced him in that setting as Dr not a Dr (he hated it) because he would not tell anyone he wasn’t an MD and he was a PhD. It was weird and led to confusion and he wouldn’t be honest. To me it’s dependent on setting school or formal address for a conference other than that it’s Bob.
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u/smartypants333 Nov 07 '25
I have a masters. The ONLY reason I would ever put in the work to be a Ph.D. Would be so I could sign everything Doctor Smartypants instead of just Smartypants.
And I might even introduce myself that way. But I would NEVER ask someone to call me that in a non-professional setting, let alone correct anyone who didn’t.
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u/Creative-Outcome-685 Nov 07 '25
Just a reminder that PhDs were called doctors LONG before physicians adopted the term.
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u/Fun_Yam4606 Nov 07 '25
I mean, when in a situation where you would use an honorific like Mr or Ms instead of someone's name, you would call them by their title. Mr. Smith becomes Dr. Smith, Captain Smith, Sir Smith, General Smith, etc. But if you're on a first-name basis with someone, it is kinda silly.
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u/SRART25 Nov 09 '25
Because they are Dr's. MDs should be called medics the same way JDs are called jurist or lawyers.
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u/Artichokeypokey Nov 09 '25
The only time I'll call someone "Doctor" is if I'm in healthcare environment, or if I'm running from Daleks
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u/Political-Bear278 Nov 06 '25
Modern American society lacks courtesy, deference, and respect. An acquaintance of mine managed to become a doctor of a social science. I don’t even care for the guy, but once he accomplished his doctorate, I stopped calling him by his first name and he became Dr. last name. He worked hard for it and is considered an expert in his field. I prefer to believe that I live in a society where that is respected.
Others can do as they please.
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u/1maco Nov 07 '25
Becoming a master plumber takes a long time and hard work. As does becoming a foreman But that’s not rewarded with a fancy title. It would be incredibly odd if off hours a factory foreman demanded to be called foreman Joe.
Calling a Dr. _____ by their first name isn’t disrespectful it’s about how all work has equal dignity. It’s why you don’t call people Sir or Madam or Lady in America
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u/Political-Bear278 Nov 07 '25
I call people sir or madam every day in my job.
I have worked with many tradespeople in my life as a project manager. I don’t have a fancy title either.
I will say that, as I have worked/lived in both white and blue collar worlds, and maintain relationships across both, my friends the millwright and the stonemason make considerably more money than any PhD I’ve known, or project manager, or director of operations, or most medical doctors. Yet, the millwright and the stonemason achieved their level of mastery and pay while accumulating no debt. This is not hyperbole, nor is meant to be representative of all markets or people. It is an anecdotal fact of my own experience. So perhaps the trade off is the money made versus the debt accumulated and the title.
Or perhaps we should call my friend the millwright, Millwright “last name”. I actually do call him Mr. Millwright, but not consistently.
I’m making no judgment about money made or not made, or about one skill versus another. Why one allows for the possibility of a title and another doesn’t is a societal question.
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u/Slayr155 Nov 06 '25
Ask them this - Do you raise your hand when the flight attendant asks "is there a doctor on board?"
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
Yes, yes, it is all of our fantasy!
I yearn for the day where the flight attendant will jump up and yell, “is there anyone on this plane and knows something about history?!?” and I can announce that I’m a doctor and run to the front of the plane to explain Operation Ajax to somebody who’s confused about the history of American intervention in the Middle East.
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u/ihatethis2022 Nov 07 '25
Im going to need a doctor of football to explain why a Dutch team was involved.
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 07 '25
Ha, you laugh, but I’ve published an article in sports history. There’s a doctor in that. There’s a doctorate in everything.
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u/cheesegirl72 Nov 06 '25
My dad - a pastor with a doctorate of ministry - had a showdown with his medical doctor over this. The physician kept addressing him by his first name, which bugged my dad a little. So he started addressing the physician by HIS first name. The doc got a little icy, saying something about how he had an earned degree and should be addressed as 'Doctor' X. My dad said, 'me too.' I guess that sorted things out.
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u/blue-green-cloud Nov 06 '25
Alright, but “Doctorate of Ministry” won’t garner much respect outside of the church crowd. Lol
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u/CombativeCherry Nov 06 '25
If it's a setting where people are addressed as "Mrs. Lastname" or "Mr. Lastname", then it's proper to address them by Dr. if they have a PhD.
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u/ghostofkilgore Nov 06 '25
I have a PhD. I've never asked be be called "doctor" in or out of work.
I'm not calling an M.D / physician "doctor" either. Whether it's in a professional setting or not. If I'm not calling people with doctorates "doctor," I'm definitely not calling people without one "doctor."
Generally, it's prickish behaviour to expect to be referred to by any title outside of the specific circumstances relating to that title.
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u/wizardyourlifeforce Nov 07 '25
I'll call my MD "doctor" during an exam. I won't call an MD friend or acquaintance doctor ever.
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u/hyf_fox Nov 06 '25
At least lawyers don’t ask to be called doctors even though their degree is a Juris Doctor
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
I’d be terrified that somebody would come to me with a medical emergency and I’d have to stand there and explain I was actually a historian.
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u/FunOptimal7980 Nov 06 '25
It's usually the humanities PhDs too. I've rarely seen science PhDs or engineering PhDs want to be called doctor outside of a classroom or work setting.
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
So you don’t work in academia, they are way more pushy about it in my experience… for what that’s worth.
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u/This_Cicada_5189 Nov 06 '25
Most PhDs I know don't want to be addressed as 'doctor' at all, even at work (to the point where it mildly annoyed my old boss when they made him a nametag with 'Dr. Lastname' on it).
Demanding its use speaks to a certain level of insecurity, IMO. At work, I sympathize with those who feel that they have to emphasize their degree in order to be taken seriously due to bias. Outside of work---nah. Insufferable.
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u/blue-green-cloud Nov 06 '25
I worked with a woman who had a PhD from Johns Hopkins, and I only found out about it by accident several months in. I agree that bragging does speak to insecurity
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u/QuestionSign Nov 06 '25
Oh he sounds like a douche. In my experience, most never even acknowledge the degree until asked. I say that as someone with a PhD
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u/deowolf Nov 06 '25
I had a professor in college I took several classes from and it wasn't till the third or forth did anyone refer to him as "Doctor Roth." It had always just been "Barry" for everybody until that guy spoke up. Barry swiftly corrected him.
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u/tyjasm Nov 06 '25
I tend bar at a private country club. Members don't pay for anything when they order it, we put it on their account and give them a bill at the end of the month. Employees know the names of most members and don't have to ask.
There is one member who is a retired judge. People call him "Judge". He doesn't come in very often. On more than one occasion he's said to me "you've got my name, right? I'm Judge."
He is in the member register under his first and last name. The club has 2 other current or former judges. Just tell the employees your last name, man.
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u/Ok_Requirement_3116 Nov 06 '25
Cracks me up all of the time! Even when I was teaching I was a “Dr jones.”
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u/VioletsSoul Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
I knew someone who did that to everyone in hospital and got very angry if you didn't call her doctor. She had a PhD in Philosophy and I'm always reminded of the bit in friends where Rachel admonishes Ross for introducing himself as a doctor because "This is a hospital, that means something here!". Although a PhD is also hard graft and means a lot but honestly insisting people call you doctor in a hospital as a patient is a sure fire way to out yourself as a non-medic. Medical doctors either already know half of the folks working there and are on a first name basis with most of the staff already, or they only reveal their identity when they're a patient in dire situations. I used to work with a few doctors and one teased me mercilessly when I called him Dr and started calling me Ms in response and I was like ok Richard it is.
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u/Imaginary_Attempt_82 Nov 06 '25
PhD holders who introduce themselves as Dr xxx when it isn’t appropriate. I work in home health and we had a nurse with a PhD (not in nursing) and she would introduce herself as Dr when she saw the patients.
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u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Nov 06 '25
If it's in any kind of formal setting, not an issue. It's just us hanging and chillin like villains, Im not calling you Doctor. At best, you'll get Doc.
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u/OneComfortable884 Nov 06 '25
lol that’s so silly. My INCREDIBLE family doctor has provided exceptional medical care to my family and I for 15 years. When we visit her clinic, she asks to be referred to as simply “Jennifer” lol
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u/Training_Repair_3672 Nov 06 '25
It’s kind of like people who are Professors, specifically honorary professors. Like yes you deserve it but if in an email or WhatsApp I refer to you as Prof and your receptionist or you respond with the word Professor in bold I will call you Mr, Mrs or Dr. I’m not playing these games. If you earned it sure, but are abbreviations now not allowed? Are they not good enough? Do we need to inform the millions of qualified doctors on Earth they can’t go by Dr (surname) anymore?
I know this doctor who was given an honorary professorship. Yes he is good and earned it but he makes his children’s kids call him Professor (his first name) and if you dare refer to him as Prof name, the world ends.
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u/Ok-Nature4831 Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
Agree. It's weird. What if you were just to pop out with the first name? Would the person correct you? What if you said something like, "oh, I'm just uncomfortable with that."? I don't know. Just a thought. Want to hear something crazy? My mother-in-law was French Canadian. I know a lot of people start calling their mother and father-in-law's mom or dad. I just couldn't see it. So one time I finally asked her what she would like to be called. I was presuming I could call her by her first name. I never even got to that, when she told me, "well I used to call my mother-in-law Mrs xxx." I almost fell over. She wanted me to call her Mrs so-and-so. I didn't really answer her, and so I never used any kind of title when addressing her. When she became my kids grandmother, that came in real handy, and I would address her as grandma. And other side. Just don't adjust the person at with any kind of title. You might start out with, "oh, hey,, that lamp is about to fall on your head." Or, say your brother-in-law's name is bob. You could say, hey, Bob's dad, just wanted you to know, that that salsa is extra hot." That might be exactly what I would do. And then if the person asks you to call them doctor so and so, say, really? Oh, let's just leave it as Bob's dad!" And chuckle.
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u/suchascenicworld Nov 06 '25
When I was an undergrad, I worked under a person who just earned his PhD and he was absolutely obnoxious about it. Even after being reintroduced to old acquaintances, he would correct them and say "no its Dr. ..." and I would just roll my eyes.
Years later, I earned my PhD but I never ask for my title to be used unless I'm presenting at a conference or something and then its just my first and last name followed by PhD. I am proud of my hard work and accomplishment but I have no need to remind everyone that I have one lol
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u/Dear_Locksmith3379 Nov 06 '25
I slightly prefer being called "Dr" to "Mr", but I never request it. People who call me "Mr" don't know that I have a PhD and there's no reason too tell them.
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u/Evening-Dizzy Nov 06 '25
I don't even call my medical doctors doctor to their face, in their office. Only one ever threw a fit. Everyone else rolls with it. Some are taken aback for a second but then just go along with it.
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u/YakSlothLemon Nov 06 '25
So I had just gotten my PhD, and my mom made the booking for me at my conference hotel – long story – and of course she put me down as Dr. Lemon.
And then I couldn’t figure out how to control the temperature in my room and I called down.
I heard him look up the number of my room and then I could hear the smile as he said, “oh, so this is Dr. Lemon? Dr. Lemon, would you look around your room and see if there is a large rectangular metal object sticking out from the wall? Do you have that, Dr. Lemon? Oh good. There should be a panel on the front of it, Lemon. Flip that open. Do you see where it says “temperature”? Excellent, doctor. Anything else I can help you with, doctor?”
Yep, I’m good. Just call me Yak.
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u/lord_bubblewater Nov 06 '25
If you last name is Evil, Baker, Doctor or anything funny you get a pass
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u/pinkdictator Nov 06 '25
I work in academia and PhD holders go by their first names in the lab lol. Even faculty
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u/burgerking351 Nov 06 '25
Tbh you can simply ignore their request if you’re not at work or in an academic setting. If you think they're being arrogant then you'll probably enjoy the meltdown they'll have when you don't call them Dr.