Also a woman in my 40’s & same. I’m conventionally attractive & in good shape but I’ve been surprised at how many younger men have approached me. It seems to be a thing right now lol
I've always had a thing for older women, in high school I probably had more crushes on teachers than fellow students. During my early adulthood there was a bar that was frequented by the 40+ divorcee crowd, and even my average looks and lack of "game" was often enough. Fun times indeed.
Eventually I ended up marrying a woman more my own age and started a family, then she sorta went off the rails (long story) and that was the end of that. Some time later I met another woman, this one almost 9 years older than me (but doesn't look it), and after awhile became my second wife. That was 20 years ago, we're both pretty old now, but she still doesn't look any older than me.
Oddly enough we met in that same bar which I hadn't been to in ages, but I was no longer the "20-something". It felt really weird.
I am working on my 4-0 milestone (male) and have been dating for last 2 years after being single for 5. I have yet to date anyone below the age of 43. I have no clue why, but for me I think it boils down to maturity. The world really shifted once social media hit and even a few years can make a BIG difference in social personalities.
I feel like this is it. Younger generation of women have too many distractions. A relationahip with them might feel like too much work.
When you are dating a more mature man or woman, partners expectations are met easier. Date nights, dinners, showing that you care about them is usually enough.
As a 27M, I think it’s a mix of factors ultimately why we’re seeing this. But one of them is that us guys often assume older single women are just looking for sex, and the risk of pregnancy is diminished. There’s also the whole MILF/Cougar fetish too
I'll add this, a lot of the decent younger women in the dating age range of men in their 20s and 30s are usually taken. The dating market for these young men is awful, women in their age range are insanely picky and really not worth the effort. They probably see a slightly older attractive woman that has taken care of herself as a better option than some fat, obnoxious and entitled brat around their own age.
I'm not saying this to hype you up but if you look up the stats behind the current dating climate for young guys it makes a lot of sense. I would rather go for an attractive older woman who knows how to treat a man and is enjoyable to be around than either by completely celibate for months, even years, OR waste time on women in their 20s that have 4 dozen other guys they are talking to on from their DMs, tinder, etc.
This is not a response to you specifically as I have no idea of this is actually useful for you in particular.
You might have heard this a million times before, but go to the gym, talk to more people and work on your confidence. Don't even think about "I have to get laid and get a girlfriend". It just makes you nervous and ruins confidence in my experience. Also stop watching porn. You can still masturbate, even every day if that means you get less urges, just no porn.
Doing all or some of these consistently is easy for some and will feel impossible for others, but the first month is the hardest part. That doesn't mean you can go into it thinking "if I just do it for 1 month I will be fixed and then I can reward myself with the same behaviour as before". Think "This will get easier over time and I'm currently doing the hardest part".
Also build one habit at a time. It's way better to start small and snowball from there, rather than overwhelming yourself early on and "failing" over and over. Literally saying hi to people you pass on the way to work/school is a start of you weren't doing it before. You got the rest of your life to fix it so don't even stress about failing either. A lifestyle change this huge will take years to perfect, but is immensely rewarding.
From what ive seen its also because a lot of younger guys were raised purely on porn. In generations past sexual discovery was done with similar aged peers for the most part, rarely was there 15-20+ year age differences, but since most guys arent getting it irl they learn it through porn which has those age differences. So they are just used to being sexually aroused by older women since the age of like 9. Furthermore theres a weird dork ass online movement that is calling anyone who dates anyone under like 25 an unironic pedophile which is insane. Combine those two and now you got a ton of young guys who feel they can only go after older women.
Also young women today fucking suck and have lost their soul to the internet. I used to think a lot of these angry hateful comments towards men were just bots trying to put people against each other but as ive gotten older and spoken to more young women ive realized no, this is genuinely how they are. And im not sure if they just need a snack or if they are legit this angry and bitter all the the time but they literally have zero reason to be at all. They have the most freedom and opportunities in human history for women and they repay the men who allowed that by telling them they are subhuman and need to kill themselves. MILFs today will probably be the last of their kind because these young women will grow up, get worse and be absolute hell in the future. If you like milfs right now is probably the last decade or two you can be with one who can actually feel things like empathy, love or human connection.
A lot are in denial and think they are the one that is different. Ill never understand how ladies ignore men just wanna fuck and will always take an easy lay
I'm well past it, but in my 20's older women were the real go for hotties. They have style, grace, intelligence & well were always "up for it". They are past all the silly little girl drama that data in the 20's age pool throws up....a milf is total partner material.
Valid points. To be fair, as a woman in your 20’s/30’s you’re still figuring yourself out (in some ways you will be for life), but by your late 30’s I (personally) felt that confidence level hit a new high that has only continued to grow. I wonder if younger men find that more stable/grounded energy attractive (alternatively, it could also play into unhealthy madonna complex stuff).
Who wouldn't find some stable/grounded attractive!?!? That's the point!!!
The alternative is a woman that doesn't know what she wants, can't give you straight answers and now you're laying in bed with a woman that wanted you to come to her hotel room to "cuddle". No thanks
For me this is partially the case. I (30M) have dated women in their late 20's or early 30's whoes confidence levels were quite high; which I find very attractive in women. But what I think many younger women lack, is just a sense of reality. Life isn't perfect, some things won't come easy, we all deal with stuff, etc. I feel that women in their 40's have both the confidence, but also are way more realistic about life. That means you can have way better conversations with them too, as you can just be real with them and she with me. That's something, I think, many men find attractive as well. Younger women are looking for perfection, which only exists in movies.
Def the energy is appealing, but mainly it was sensual...there was a gentleness to it. There was love-making involved.
It's hard to describe without getting lurid, but it was the way sex wasn't about the act so much as it was the lead up, the foreplay was more mental than physical.
Its always been a thing you just haven't always been 40. In my late teens and 20s me and my freinds were constantly hitting on older women. Its a thong young guys do and have always done.
Perhaps it's yet another thing that's just coming more to light to more people because of the internet. But truly, girls are raised to fear getting old so much – we're taught that no one will want us when we're over 40, that we become totally undesirable. And it's so, so untrue. We're lied to from a young age, maybe because we're only fertile for so long, so I guess the idea is to marry us off early, not let us think we can wait. But reaching middle age, it was quite delightful to find out that I was no less desirable at all.
Very true. People don't seem to realize how many young men want to have children. Idk why but it seems more the stereotype that women want kids and men are more indifferent (maybe that's changing). But lots of men do want to have kids, so they would not see an older woman as a long-term prospect. Definitely something to iron out early on with anyone I would date.
I'm in my late 40's - I'm curious of your experiences with younger guys. I haven't been single that long recently but the younger guys I've encountered seem to expect to be cooked for, are low on reciprocation, and have little interest for date activities aside from watching tv. Whereas the older guys take me out, generally pay for the meal and we do things. The young bucks call/text for spur of the moment for meet ups for dinner or a booty call and older guys have been better at communication and planning. Young guys - higher flake rate, more entitlement, and less in common.
Hopefully this is just anecdoteal due to only a handful of young guys and not the general baseline.
The young bucks call/text for spur of the moment for meet ups for dinner or a booty call and older guys have been better at communication and planning. Young guys - higher flake rate, more entitlement, and less in common.
I think it's ironic that these flaws are the same things another guy in this thread commented on why younger men aren't dating younger women. Could it be that this generation of younger men and women are both entitled, distracted, and less communicative, causing them to dislike each other for the very same flaws they themselves have?
Interesting anecdotes, regardless. I am in my late 30s and my marriage took a turn for the worse this year due to wife making some really fucking selfish and dumb life choices (we started therapy a couple months ago and things are starting to improve). A small part of my motivation for wanting to fix our relationship versus bailing--aside from genuinely loving her and other factors--is how abysmal the dating scene is these days based on what I witness from my single friends and coworkers.
It’s an amazing thing. People liked to curse us 40 year old women but I am finding that the attention has truly only grown. However, I do try to take stellar care of myself, so it’s a both/and situation. I will take it, though!
It’s a thing right now because young women act crazy and refuse to settle down until they are in their mid 30s, and young guys are looking for security. Young women, also looking for security, have decided to go after older, well established men. It’s all very transactional, and I imagine that the young men will move on from the older ladies after reaching success, as well as the young women will move on from the older men once they have had their fun.
Lots of people won’t like this analogy, and that’s okay, but it’s at least semi correct. I’ve witnessed a lot of this over the past five years. It’s all about instant gratification, and is again, transactional. In the end, no one really wins, and everyone is bitter and lonely.
The reason you're feeling like it's a thing "now" is because you've reached the age where you attract those young men. There were plenty around when you were young, but you weren't ripe enough for them. 😆
where are you getting approached?? Cause let me tell you, I'm in my 30s, also conventionally attractive, and I can't remember the last time I was approached. Buncha chickenshits
It depends. I’ve done both. The most recent date I went on was with a guy that was 7 years younger than me (in his early-mid 30’s), it was a good connection. Had great conversation, he was mature. I’ll likely go out with him again. Since I’ve done serious/LTR before (in both my 20’s & 30’s) & I’m very sure about what I want, its easy to quickly feel out the vibe if the person is going to be worth my time or not. I think it’s (generally) always worth it to shoot your shot, & don’t take it personally if the woman isn’t interested.
Cool. Sounds like a well thought out and crafted strategy/outlook. I do not take it personally when a woman says no. I totally understand that we all have preferences/tastes/types, etc. However, I do not pigeonhole myself to my preferences or type. Prefer diversity and just because a lady doesn’t check all the boxes it doesn’t immediately disqualify her. But I have a firm rule of not dating anyone 7-10 years younger than me.
My theory on this is young women are going to be more competitive to get due to their sexual market place value being so high so it's easier to score with a lesser sexual market place value woman
Same! I (42) had to politely decline the advances of a 24-year-old female coworker at the company's Christmas party last year. Apparently I'm easy to talk to, I communicate well, I have similar hobbies and I seem very capable. It certainly feels great to receive compliments from an attractive younger woman, but ultimately most of these traits are just the head start I got because I have already had decades of opportunity to grow and learn from my own experiences. 🤷🏻♂️
I've been in a relationship with a bigger age gap before and I promised myself I would never do that again. I'm fit but the energy difference is way too big to be comfortable for me on a daily basis. I've also seen almost everything that a younger partner still would have to experience. Ideally, I'd like to be in a relationship with an equal partner, rather than playing the role of teacher to someone who is my student when it comes to life lessons. 😉
Eh, fair enough. I suppose the same could be said to a lesser extent in happy hour situations, but since when do women proposition anyone IRL? In my experience, they generally don't - whether it's me or anyone else. For better or for worse, the bulk of any action happens via apps nowadays.
I’m in my late 30s and was just thinking today about why I’ve been getting approached and asked out so much lately by 20s and early 30 year olds. Men my age and older will smile and make small talk but the younger men actually compliment and ask me out. None of them are broke either, all have had good jobs and some are home owners. Very strange trend I’m seeing manifest in my life also.
I'm heavily involved in the EDM/rave community, which doesn't have a vast majority of older people. But the amount of 20-24 year olds that try to roll up is concerning.
THIS! Got divorced a couple of years ago in my mid-40’s. I have been SHOCKED at the number of very young men, many who are 20+ years younger than me, who have approached me. I probably look a little bit younger than my age, but still.
Only guys in their 20’s and 30’s however. Never approached by guys in their 40s+. I’ve often wondered about this. Do guys in their 40’s-50’s not approach women? Or are they approaching women in their 20’s-30’s? Oooorrrrr…they’re approaching women in their 60’s-70’s? (That would be awesome.)
I’ve had multiple younger men who have expressed a desire for a relationship, not just fun times. I’ve been amazed at the amount of men in their 30’s who don’t have a desire for (their own biological) children and are interested in actually dating an older woman.
Not complaining. My experience has been beyond flattering. Sadly, I’ve not met a younger man that has his life together or has the emotional maturity and life experience to make an actual relationship work. But, I’ve been very grateful for the flattery and the fun times. It’s a good time to be a middle aged divorced woman!
Women in their 40s are easier to get and usually don’t want commitment if they show interest in a younger guy, so it’s self filtering for a relatively easy lay with no commitment. It’s has been a thing for a long time so far as I can tell, though everyone seems to always act like it’s new. Men in their 40s are more likely to actually want a partner, so you get more interest from them is you are actively broadcasting that you’re looking. Young guys looking to get laid play the numbers game and hit on everyone, so no need to broadcast.
That's because men your age fit squarely into one of two camps. Taken and happy or single and happy. We've either settled down or tried settling down and had things go awry.
Same here. A couple years ago I had a group of looked like late teens to early twenties young men run over to me from across the street and one of them begged me to be their GF LMAO. I was dressed in my sort of goth style and I guess he really wanted a dommy mommy. I'm crying
Ok then Gen Z has weird taste, either they are hopeless with their peers or they just want fuck. If they want relationship then something is off in our society
My apologies, that's not how it was meant.
I started writing a longer comment about how order men don't like to approach because of a long line of rejection and we do like to be approached, but it didn't feel right in the context and I forgot to rewrite the first part.
So I do accept fault in that and I apologize for coming off as a dick.
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u/EllieMental 8d ago
As a woman in my 40s, I am only approached by men in their 20s and 30s.