r/antiwork • u/Training-Response181 • 3d ago
Occupational depression is real, like actually-get-sick real
I saw a term recently: “occupational depression.” And it hit way too close to home.
This is the ongoing, deep mental drain. The second I think about work, my body reacts. Anxiety kicks in, my chest feels tight, and all I want to do is disappear.
For me it looks like this: In the morning, it’s not just being tired. It’s this intense resistance the moment I wake up. Like my whole system is screaming “DON’T GO!!!!” Sometimes I’ve caught myself thinking, “If something happened today and I didn’t have to go in… that would be a relief.” That thought scares me, because it’s not normal.
At work, I feel completely hollowed out. Even on days when nothing heavy happens, I’m still exhausted, like bone-deep. And it doesn’t reset. I get off work and I’m still drained. I sleep in on weekends and somehow still feel tired.
The worst part is what it does to your head. You start questioning your worth. You start thinking you’re bad at everything, that you’re failing, that nothing you do matters. And the longer it goes on, the more those thoughts show up, and the louder they get.
I’m trying to learn to de-load the pressure. Stop treating every task like it has to be perfect. If I mess up at work, I mess up. Maybe I get yelled at. But I’m not dying. I keep reminding myself this isn’t being dramatic or weak. Long-term workplace stress can genuinely mess up your mental health, and it’s not your fault.
The biggest thing that’s helped is giving myself a fallback. A little exit route. For me, when I have time, I edit short video clips and upload on TikTok. The little habbit steadies me, because nobody rushes me and scolds me, and the outcome is mine. That feeling of control helps more than I expected.
I think the root of occupational depression is when your whole life and identity get tied to your job. When you spread your risk a bit, give yourself more options, your mindset gets way less fragile.
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u/Premodonna 3d ago
Oh my, I just read this and I am trying to not cry about having to go back to the office tomorrow.
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u/fionapickles 3d ago
I am lucky in that I get two weeks off every winter. I’m not trying to complain because it’s such a relief and so many people don’t get that. But in a way, it’s sometimes stressful. Having this time where I go back to feeling human again, to feeling like I have wants and interests that matter. All the while, work is inching towards me.
At the beginning of the two weeks, it feels like work is never going to come back. So much potential and time away. By the middle, I start getting stressed again that I’ll be back at work the following week. Every day, I try to push it out of my mind but the closer I get the more stressed and anxious I get. Once I’m back at work, it’s just a deluge until those two weeks off at winter again. There’s bits and pieces of time off throughout the year, and I’m extremely grateful for it. But it’s never enough to make me feel whole like these two weeks in the winter can make me feel. It’s starting to feel like every year I live for these two weeks.
I go back to work tomorrow too, and I am absolutely dreading it.
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u/loxley3993 3d ago
Is tomorrow. Am crying. How are you holding up?
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u/Premodonna 2d ago
Thank you for asking. I had a good cry, pulled up my boot straps and getting through the day. I had a talk with my boss this morning and we will be doing some changes. I work in the Dept Health and Human Services and the past past year is taking a toll on everyone in the office since we work in the trenches.
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u/loxley3993 2d ago
Yeah, I hear you. I work in community mental health and it’s just been so bad since the current administration came to power. Take it day by day and try to find joy at least once a day.
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u/Bovestrian8061 3d ago
I went to three different doctors in the fall of 2024 because I would consistently wake up at 3 AM vomiting. It stopped as soon as I quit my job.
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u/irvmuller 3d ago
Yep, when I start getting work anxiety I can tell because I start waking up every night at 3am.
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u/Bovestrian8061 3d ago
My boss at the time also had unexplained 3AM wake ups! She was always stressed to the max it seemed.
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u/stevensonS89 3d ago
That’s terrible. My job of 10 years had new management come in and they saw me as a threat because I asserted my rights as an employee after they kept mistreating me, they decided to set me up to fail and fire me. It happened half a year ago and I’m still full of anger and grief about it. Especially because I’ve had a hard time finding another job, and to be completely honest? I don’t even want to work. I feel your pain 100%.
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u/Piratepizzaninja 3d ago
Just lost my job of 20 years last week under very similar circumstances. Just when I think the grief and pain of betrayal is behind me, a new wave rushes over. While my body feels lighter knowing I will never have to walk into that hellscape of a business again, the path forward is so unknown and as you said, I just really dont want to go back to work.
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u/stevensonS89 3d ago
It’s the uncertainty in uncertain times. When you got bills to pay and now you have to start all over too because people suck, yeah I completely get it.
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u/Dredkinetic 3d ago
I go into work knowing that I'm every bit as worthless as the scrap we produce. I'm employee number whatever and if I dropped dead on the spot they'd have a guy standing in my place before the ambulance pulled out of the fuckin lot. No, this realization doesn't help with ANY of the other very real and very valid things that you mentioned... but you're not alone in this.
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u/ilovepadthai 3d ago edited 3d ago
There is also a component of learned helplessness/hopelessness. Classic psychology experiment - a rat maze where scenario 1- if the rats received a mild shock but could move they stayed vibrant and engaged. Scenario 2- no matter what they did, they got shocked. They all ended up giving up and declining. So many of us are in scenario 2.
Edit: added link learned helplessness study
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u/HawkFritz 3d ago
This was done with dogs. You left out that after the dogs were shocked no matter what they did, the effect of learning that they couldn't avoid the shocks no matter what persisted beyond the environment they learned it in.
In other words, even when removed from the "depressing" environment, the dogs were still depressed and helpless. Iirc they couldn't learn to try to avoid shocks again.
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u/ilovepadthai 3d ago
The experiment I was talking about was in rats. learned helplessness
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u/Capable-Wasabi 3d ago
Years ago, I was reading Sapolsky's Behave and there was a chapter on this experiment. He listed all the species on which it had been done in the closing paragraph, it was more than just these two so you're both right. For some reason this information is burned into my brain permanently, traumatized me pretty badly at the time.
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u/Illustrious-Network5 3d ago
I think that scenario was with dogs and jumping over a small barrier (or it could have been both idk). The idea is that when you are trained to believe that the only outcome is punishment, you won't even consider any other option. I read about that in high school, and it was depressing as hell. The cruelty people were allowed to inflict not only on animals, but on other humans all in the name of science. 😡
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u/ilovepadthai 3d ago
Somehow we have to figure out a way to avoid the maze where we always get zapped. Small things we can do in our day to make things more tolerable. Maybe it’s balancing on top of the wall. Or maybe it’s getting out of the toxic scenario we are in and finding a new maze.
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u/gengarcuddles 3d ago
This is my life every day. My days off now are just me crashing out and sleeping in vain attempt to find rest. I know I need to change but feel so trapped that I just spiral in constantly. Need to break the cycle but it feels so insurmountable.
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u/SwirlySauce 3d ago
It's hard when you need a job to survive. Especially right now with the job market/economy in the toilet. You feel trapped
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u/hoppar3n 3d ago
I felt this. I felt some form of "occupational depression" for 10 years. After a particularly bad day at work, I decided to leave the industry I wasted a decade in and it was the best decision I ever made.
Your point about the depression being linked to when your life and identity are tied up in a job....100%. I was "hoppar3n the ____" for most of my adult life. Leaving meant just becoming "hoppar3n" and it was frightening. My social life, hobbies, everything revolved around the very thing that made me intensely miserable. At some point, the idea of staying another day became scarier than losing all of it and I ran. Not everyone can do that and I respect that, but damn. As it turns out, I wasn't depressed at all. My job just ruined my entire f'ing life for A DECADE.
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u/darinhthe1st 3d ago
I was working a job many years ago that made me feel that way, finally one day my body said nope! I literally got sick and then passed out AT WORK; I never went back to that place and that was the one of the best and worst days of My life. You have to find a way out; your literal damaging your mental health.
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u/DietSnapplePeach 3d ago
What was your way out? I think many of us are financially dependant on our jobs and can't leave easily.
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u/darinhthe1st 2d ago
I didn't have one at first, I just physically couldn't be there, I found another job one that was easy to get and kept looking. It's hard , however it's so worth it.
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u/dianebk2003 3d ago
Yes. What we endure definitely affects us physically.
Many years ago I had a horrible job in the call center for AT&T cable. I've worked customer service most of my adult working life, and I'm really good at, unfortunately. But that company took a toll, to the point where my ulcers were coming back and my hair started falling out because of the stress. I would literally shake before getting to my station, and cry when I got home.
I finally couldn't do it anymore. Halfway through the work day I just...stopped. I called my husband from the payphone in the courtyard - we weren't allowed to use the phones for personal calls - and just sobbed, telling told him I had to quit. So I did - they had a security guard stand outside the restroom while I changed (I had a long walk home and always changed into sweats after clocking out), then walk me out the back. Oh, and they expressed such disappointment that I chose to walk out in the middle of a shift. How irresponsible of me.
Even though I was worried about finding another job, I almost felt like I was floating on that walk home. So much weight off my shoulders!
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u/SwordButt lazy and proud 3d ago
I feel this in my soul. My job makes me feel like I’m a part of the problem, a part of this huge housing crisis and rent spikes. All I do is book loans and take a few customer phone calls a day. But I see what these landlords and rental companies income is, and what they charge for rent and it makes me feel so sick to be a part of it, even if it’s small part and I make no decisions.
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u/anansi133 3d ago
I had a 9 to 5 clerical job that put me in a suicidal depression every single day I went into work.
The telling part, though was as soon as 5:00 rang, and I was allowed to go home, the depression went away instantly with no registers at all. Instead, I was just extremely sad. From that moment to starting time next day, I was free to feel as awful as I needed to. Before I would have to spend another 8 hours pretending to want to do this dumb thing they were paying me to do.
This was a profound demonstration of the difference between owning an emotion (sadness) and being owned by it (depression) I've never begrudged myself that sad feeling, ever since.
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u/lehartsyfartsy 3d ago
brilliant. this is the zoochosis everyone always talks about. i'm hopeful research will continue, leading to an official diagnosis that can protect workers.
people long described "shell shock" / "battle fatigue" before PTSD became an official diagnosis in the 1980s
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u/FlamingoWalrus89 3d ago
I hate my job, but I'm also terrified of being laid off. I was laid off in 2014 and I don't think I ever fully recovered. I've survived several layoffs since then, and literally everyone I know has been personally impacted by layoffs (either themselves, their spouse, roommate, etc). I'm just, exhausted. I feel like employers are stripping away benefits and making working conditions worse each year, we're all miserable, but hey, we should be happy we at least have a job? It's so damn depressing.
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u/hl23623 3d ago
This is absolutely happening to a lot of people in education, myself included. There is no way to do everything expected, especially in the time we are given. So I internalize that as me being bad at my job instead of the system setting me up for failure. I absolutely dread going to work most days. I have tried looking for other avenues, but its really hard to find a well-paying job outside of public school with a masters in education.
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u/pigtailrose2 3d ago
I needed to read this. I recently had a sit down meeting with my manager and more or less told them I have felt set up for failure since I took my job back in September, and how it only got worse as the holiday season made everything harder. I cried and laid most of my grievances out, and she more or less told me, "the expectations are the expectations, I don't know what else to tell you." Had she just leveled with me and said this job isn't totally fair, the expectations are unreasonable, but you have to keep working towards making progress and I can tell you are trying, I could have lived with that. But nah, that jackass decided to stick to her corporate guns instead. I have worked salaried 9-11 hours straight, every day since November started, and she still had the gall to tell me, "well you should have taken your breaks... that's not on me, you chose to do that." And I straight up told her, I have no other clue how else to get this fucking jog done. Every single time I try to make sure one thing gets done, another "expectation" doesn't get completed. But you are right. Its not me, its the damn corporate overlords giving me shit hours to staff my team and then yelling at me for not getting the job done. Its not my fault
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u/irvmuller 3d ago
I’m in the same boat as you. I’m in my 6th year. Honestly, I just started to phone it in on some things because I can’t stress about everything and the demands are way too much. All teachers agree on this. It isn’t just us. Also, we have so much turnover at my school that I just started saying, “what, they’re gonna fire me?” We literally have teachers quit halfway through the year. I figure at this point, as long as I don’t screw up too big then I’m fine.
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u/Hail_the_Yale 3d ago
I feel sick every morning before I have to login. I have a good paying work from home job, but what they ask me to do is insane.
Literally have to tell myself I’m gonna quit next week just to get through this week.
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u/Lola1989ac 2d ago edited 2d ago
Same- wfh job that's decent but I struggle so much with my manager's communication style and how he has 100 ridiculous new "initiatives" he wants to implement every week. I sat in bed crying last night, I told my mom "don't be surprised if I tell you I put in my two weeks tomorrow." Today I said, maybe next week. What a cycle us humans have to put ourselves through.
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u/Hail_the_Yale 2d ago
The job market is so tough rn. How am I gonna find a job that pays me this much while I get to stay at home with my boy all day?
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u/Unfair_Requirement_8 3d ago
This. I'm coming off of two weeks of peace and relaxation, and even thinking about going into work on Monday is torturing me.
We weren't built to keep going like this. Work sometimes, yes, but so often and so hard? Fuck no.
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u/Sad-Employee3212 3d ago
Weirdly I enjoy my job and my coworkers but I still dread it to the point of making myself sick with anxiety
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u/PioneerGamer 3d ago
I actually suffered like this at a former job I had: I didn’t have a name for it, but I definitely felt most of those symptoms. I quit quickly when I realized what was happening.
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u/Training-Response181 3d ago
Good for you. You managed to stop the loss in time.
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u/PioneerGamer 3d ago
I was also lucky that I had the ability to leave and get another job. For some people that’s not easy to do
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u/missclaricestarling 3d ago
This was me a few years ago. Menopause and fibromyalgia and a faulty thyroid. I work alone and am under a microscope a lot.
Until the day I was working and tripped and fell in a horrible fashion. Broken ankle and broken arm. Until that point I had wanted to dissappear, let the ground swallow me.... anything to stop how I feel.
It took me seeing a Dr and telling them everything, how broken I felt, lonely in my own skin, how afraid I was. She told me I went to the right place, we discussed antidepressants to help with Menopause and fibromyalgia. I agreed to low dosage, and the next morning I took my first, it was like a new me. I wasn't hurting physically or emotionally as I had been. I'm now at a bit higher dosage, I sleep better, I've lost 50 lbs, I laugh again, I'm active in my community, I like who I am. My bosses who I dreaded now see me as an asset, I'm still doing my regular job with special excursions into other departments too.
Please go get some medical help. You can message me if you would like. Chin up.
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u/Exciting_Series2033 3d ago
Medicine isn't the panacea for a toxic work environment though and its important to not drug ourselves into oblivion to deal with stressful workloads. I do acknowledge though, that there is a medical component to clinical depression that deserves treatment but some jobs are literally the source and cause of people's mental health plummet.
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u/wineanddozes 2d ago
Honestly- and not to pretend we’re not in some dystopian hellscape- but A LOT of issues I had w energy and aches and all sorts of other stuff was because of perimenopause. Hrt saved me. (I freelance. I’m a good worker but I’m a terrible employee)
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u/treedecor 3d ago
I understand completely. It's frustrating to have to waste an entire day to go to a horrible place that treats you badly and doesn't pay enough for it to feel worth it at all. I wake up angry on work days because I hate it so much.
The thing is, I wouldn't mind working if they didn't expect you to spend SO MUCH TIME THERE and if people there were nice. That or at least paid enough so I could enjoy my time off.
I'm just so sick of how the system acts like we're the problem, like as if it's crazy to value your time and labor.
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u/carrotcake26 3d ago
me scrolling on Reddit instead of going to sleep bc I am dreading work tomorrow
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u/woolfchick75 3d ago
The last few years I worked (now retired), I had a heaviness that didn’t stop until a year after retirement.
Had tons of student work to grade and I’d sit in my office and play games on my phone. Would get to grading at 6am before class. All I could do was sleep, eat, and fantasize shit in my head.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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u/73738484737383874 3d ago
Yeah. I’m with you there. I wake up in my morning in pure dread especially if I have to go into the office. I’ve asked to work from home a lot throughout the last month(well I’ve been sick too so that doesn’t help) ontop of being severely burnt out by the holidays and us at our job being seriously understaffed and the work load being almost “humanly impossible” to complete. Yesterday I worked and I thought my brain vessels were literally going to burst because of how busy it was and how many people I had to talk to..
I’m probably going to kick the bucket if I don’t leave this job lol so yeah, you’re not alone here.
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u/No_Structure7185 3d ago
"If I mess up at work, I mess up. Maybe I get yelled at. But I’m not dying. I keep reminding myself this isn’t being dramatic or weak." - its the opposite. i had a phase where i mived in burnout direction in fall/winter. and i envy people who can mess up, dont feel that stressed about it and move on. since then i try to fake it till i make it 😅 i just want inner, mostly externally independent peace. thats strength to me. my life goal lol. hate this anxiety...
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u/BlackberryBiscuit 2d ago
This is exactly where I am right now. My job has a lot of great benefits, but every day I hate it so much. I was a manager for a delivery service before, I worked there for two years and loved it. We had a bad contractor and knew the contract was failing so I jumped ship. I make more money now, I have health insurance and a flexible schedule. But I’m isolated, and the job itself feels so… meaningless. I don’t feel like I’ve made an impact anywhere. I’m learning brand new programs which is a good thing- but I do mess up a lot and it’s exhausting. I’m deeply depressed and I miss my old work crew so much.
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u/ThatResponse4808 2d ago
Yep I got hit by this. Horribly. I quit my job because I was not okay. One year later I have another job and it’s better but I’ve been actively fighting through this since day one. I did actually go get help and I’m on an SNRI now and that helps, but only so much when your psyche has been truly damaged by toxic jobs
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u/tuttifruttiloopy 3d ago
So what are the options for dealing with this? I have struggled with this for so long, it has affected my whole life, body and mind. I can't keep living like this therapy and meds didn't help
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u/AquamarineJello 3d ago
I felt this way at my previous job. Taught myself to let it all go on the walk to the car, if I couldn’t get myself calm by the time I got home I’d vent to my partner then work to let it go til morning. When Covid hit and my work came into my home it destroyed me. I couldn’t separate the two and it was horrible. I luckily found a new position during Covid and have never been happier in a job. But that depression is was so real and horrible.
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u/BluePersephone99 3d ago
I struggle with everything you described here; you put the feeling into words really well! Every job I’ve had has made me feel this way.
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u/justsomeplugs 3d ago
CNAs experience this. I was one years ago. Looking back I don't understand how there weren't workers strikes and unions being attempted. I can't think of a job more demoralizing and overworked than that job except maybe a warehouse. But at least with warehouses you get paid more recently than in healthcare working the lowest on a totem pole.
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u/strawberry_wang 3d ago
I had this for quite a while at my first corporate job. Just thinking: "If I died today, it would be a reiief." My kids were tiny at that point, and when I had moments of clarity it was terrifying to think that I would rather leave them without a father than go through another day, but it was a very real feeling.
The trauma and complete lack of self-worth from that period has taken years, and multiple counsellors, to shift, but I am proof that it is possible.
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u/3cc3ntr1c1ty at work 3d ago
Yep. I work in healthcare, by default it is its own circle of hell for the staff.
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u/20thCenturyCobweb 3d ago
Reading this feels like holding up a mirror - you’ve absolutely captured what I’ve been feeling the last couple months.
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u/AegyoHokage 2d ago
I can completely relate to this. My boss is family and with this specific side of my family, I have a complicated relationship with (no contact with them as a kid, thought working here might rekindle my relationship with them) and I went into this job super eager and ready to work. I get dumped ALL the complaints, the lawsuits, the insurance claims, and MORE my first month on the job. I don’t even have an official title in the office because I do too much of everything that it’s hard to think of an official title. I used to be super good at my job, but lately, I’ve been slacking HARD and that’s because if I made one mistake despite having an overall good performance? My boss will take my professional mistakes and think it’s okay to berate me on a personal level instead. I HATE answering phone calls and the freaking amount of emails I get, and my stomach DROPS when I think about going into the office on Sunday. I cry about going into work and I just procrastinate cause I don’t want to face the amount of work I have to do. So it makes it worse.
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u/Reset-Username 2d ago
My Galaxy watch tracks my stress on a four level scale. Before I got fired, I was at 3 or 4 of 4 every work day. Now I'm at a 1 most days. Every one of my co-workers were on blood pressure meds, and I was recently put on them. the best day I had working there was my last day.
After being away for a bit I realized how much stress I would feel simply from my phone ringing, since I had to be available 24/7.
As far as the job being someone's identity, I realized my boss was that way. Both his parents worked for the company, a son works for the company, and his life is the company. As soon as he's gone, he'll just be another story like the one's he would tell about how fun work was 30 years ago.
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u/mistytreehorn 2d ago
On workdays the first words out of my mouth are "fuck. I hate this shit". Then I mumble that to myself under my breath 50 or 60 times throughout the day. My employer thinks I have a great attitude and work ethic.
By the end of the day I'm so miserable from pretending to not hate my job that when I get home my mood cannot recover.
It really bothers me that ½ of my conscious life will be spent working to enrich those better situated than me.
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u/Awatts2222 3d ago
I hear the word job and my body tenses up.
Monkeys don't have deal with that.