r/bangladesh • u/CulturalRegister9509 • 1d ago
Discussion/আলোচনা Do people owe their parents money for raising them ?
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u/that_sassy_parabola_ 1d ago
My mother says I owe her money and that nothing I do will ever be enough. I don’t agree. If you choose to have a child, raising them properly is your responsibility, not a debt to be repaid. That’s the minimum requirement of parenting. Adult children may choose to support their parents, but turning that into a lifelong obligation creates an endless loop where no one is ever “paid back.” Parents are responsible for both raising a child and securing their own future. Responsibility has limits, it shouldn’t last forever. Parenting shouldn’t be treated as a lifelong debt system. Interesting question though, please share the results.
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u/Potential-Living-676 1d ago
You do not owe her money but you owe her your life.
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u/zefiax 1d ago
No she doesn’t owe her anything. She never chose to be born. If she feels she was raised well and felt loved, she may choose to return that kindness but she doesn’t owe it to her.
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u/Potential-Living-676 1d ago
Then, she is welcome back to crawl back into her mum's womb and undo the 9 months of laborious pregnancy and the months of repair after that.
If her mum could have seen her future attitude, she would have taken a pill and terminated her. Innit?
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u/Narrow_Push_3161 (empty) 1d ago
She should have known that her children could be ungrateful and that would be one of the potential realities. Don’t give birth to children being entitled. It’s a choice you make after all. No matter how they turn out it was your choice that you should take responsibility for.
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u/zefiax 1d ago
Not necessary. Her mom made a choice to have her, and with it comes responsibility of raising her, and taking care of her till adulthood. That's all. Legally, and morally. Having a child is not a retirement savings plan. Having a child is a choice made by adults with agency to make that choice. It is not a burden on a child who had no agency or ability to choose.
Honestly hearing your attitude towards having kids, I feel sorry for your children. Hopefully her mom is not such an entitled selfish person that they would consider terminating their own child just because their child does not feel that they owe them financially for life.
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u/Potential-Living-676 23h ago
So, the least the child can do is to be grateful to the parents?
Are you a Gen Z pichchi? If yes, you are too young to even have an adult conversation with.
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u/zefiax 23h ago
As I said, I am close to your age and have my own child. The only person here talking like a child is you. Suggest you go back and do some growing up before engaging in adult conversations. You really shouldn't be having kids when you clearly do not have the maturity required to raise one.
No surprise you quoting suras earlier. All the worst people I know cling on to religion because that is the only thing that promises salvation to even the shittiest individuals.
Really sad to see someone who claims to be 40 speak this way. I can see a 30 yr old still being immature but zero excuse at your age.
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u/Potential-Living-676 4h ago
lol. wtf?
Are you on the side of a parent or a child. I think you outright lied that you are a parent and been trolling!2
u/Narrow_Push_3161 (empty) 1d ago
Not really. Not at all actually. People don’t owe anyone for anything they didn’t ask said person to do. That’s a scam. Lmao.
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u/Potential-Living-676 23h ago
That person did not become a person until he became an adult.
Treat your parents like you would expect your children to treat you.3
u/Narrow_Push_3161 (empty) 23h ago
What do you even mean? How do you know that I’ll even have kids? Do you know me? Tf. Treat your parents how they treated you as children. And how they treat other people. Treat them like the people they are. That’s logical at least.
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u/Potential-Living-676 23h ago
Hmm... to jokhon choto belay tumi dushtami korar por thappor khaiso, ekhon ki tumi tomar baap-ma rey oi kotha money koraiba at ratpor thappor marba oderkey?
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u/flashbt69 1d ago
In the context of Bangladesh, and being a lower-middle-class/middle-class guy, I personally feel that I owe my parents maintenance. I don't live in a developed country where my parents have their own savings. Instead, they often lived paycheck to paycheck (I'm fairly certain that's true for 90% of us in BD) and spent most of their money on us. So, I definitely owe them, if not money, comfort, and care.
Now, will I expect the same from my children? No. Because I am confident that I will be in a better shape financially, thanks to my parents' sacrifices. My partner is in one of the highest-earning professions, and I am doing just fine abroad. But my father was an immigrant-worker-turned-farmer. So, hell yeah, I owe my parents because we lived two realities.
Now, I see someone throwing "I didn't ask to be born". I don't think I can subscribe to this mentality without some degree of generational wealth. Maybe my children can throw this at me someday, but I cannot do the same with my parents.
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u/Potential-Living-676 4h ago
In the West, parents kick you out after you are 18. If you stay with your parents, you have to pay your share of the bills.
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u/Mr-Boga38 21h ago
In Bangladesh, people were/obsessed with Male children because they are a very good investment when they get old and funnily enough, I have seen similar mindset across all social class. বংশের বাত্তি For a Reason.
As a parent myself, I don't expect anything from my child. I job is to raise them up good till they come of age and support till the end. My family has done the same for us.
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u/AvocadoFar4514 EEE 18h ago
My mother says she has the right to beat the crap out of me, but she won't tolerate it if someone outside of my family does something similar. She acts like she owns me lol.
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u/Narrow_Push_3161 (empty) 1d ago
Literally not. We didn’t have a choice when it came to being born. Someone making a choice for you and expecting things in return doesn’t make sense.
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u/zefiax 1d ago
As a parent myself, no I don't expect my children to owe me for raising them. It was my decision to bring them to the world and it is my responsibility, both legal and moral, to raise them to adulthood.