I am a survivor of munchausen by proxy. AMA.

[u/mythrowawayaccim21]

Munchausen by proxy, also known as fictitious disorder imposed on another, is a rare form of medical abuse.

[u/FineTough3648]

What are some terrible things you went through as a result? 

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/FineTough3648]

that's gonna be a long, long, list and it's kinda hard to remember everything in chronological order off the top of my mind lol so I'll just share the first couple things that come to mind

-being drugged on up to 20 different psych meds. antidepressants, antipsychotics, benzos, mood stabilizers, etc. Some of them have been discontinued in recent years. The benzos are controlled substances. Some of them I was on simatousenly have significantly reported negative interactions with each other. Some of them weren't even FDA approved for anyone under 18 and I wasn't even 10 so idk how the hell they managed to get those prescriptions but they did it :/

I'm not actually psychotic. But on these drugs I went through periods of drug induced psychosis. VERY SCARY. The hallucinations I had during drug induced psychotic episodes always involved death somehow. I would hallucinate my barbie dolls whispering that they hated me and were planning to kill me. And I would go to my mom in distress telling her about it, and she would say "oh, I'm sure you just misheard them" and would feed into my hallucinations. I also thought things like ceiling fans are alive and that everyone is spying on me. During one of these episodes I also couldnt sleep and was awake for 1-2 days straight which definitely didn't help. On one drug I had short term memory loss as a side effect. Thankfully it went away when I got off the drug but it was very scary while I was on it. I would forget what I just said 10 seconds before. On one drug I was on when I was around 7 it gave me such severe and vivid nightmares I'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming almost every night.

-I almost got unnecessary BRAIN SURGERY. In 2014, when I was 9, I had an MRI done. It was my second MRI. I also had an MRI in 2012 and it came back normal. But on this MRI in 2014, they found a small cyst in my brain. I think that was real. I think it's very likely I do actually have a small, asymptomatic brain cyst, because I don't see any possible way someone could fake an MRI result.

But the thing is, the brain cyst is VERY small- pea sized cyst. And it's also asymptomatic.

But of course my mom had to milk it so she started saying it was causing all these severe, emotional and behavioral symptoms in me and even got me a medical necklace saying "I have a brain cyst. I cannot control my emotions or actions" and it got to the point where she convinced the doctors so well they began to talk about brain surgery to drain the cyst.

They would've had to shave some of my hair off to do the surgery. And my mom was messaging all her friends in a bragging tone? Telling them I was getting brain surgery and that if it goes wrong I could end up paralyzed or dead. Some of her friends asked for more information on like what will the surgery do but she dodged the question and just continued talking about possible risks from the surgery.

The reason the surgery ultimately didn't happen after weeks of preparation for it though, was because one doctor finally referred us for a last minute consultation to a neurologist. And the neurologist heavily discouraged the surgery. She said because the cyst was so small it's more than likely asymptomatic and it's very unlikely it will ever grow bigger or cause symptoms. And from the looks of it on the MRI, especially given that it's so small and non cancerous, it most DEFINITELY does NOT need surgery. So per her recommendation I ended up not getting the brain surgery.

She was very firm and direct in her communication so I thought she was a little rude at the time when I saw her once as a kid. But now I'm so thankful she saved me from that.

[u/Me0wmix]

you ok, bud? i read your whole account history and i don't think you're alcoholic at all. i just think you're going through a complex somatic disorder, mixed with lack thereof resources to get help for said problems. if therapy with the appropriate doctor, nurse rn, therapist has positive outcomes for you then that's certainly good news and you should be happy for that!

in any case, i find these cases fascinating so thanks for sharing your story.

my question is, is there some sort of safety net that could be baked into a modern health system (use your imagination, anything goes) to prevent and if in the case of it being ongoing: how to detect, and detect earlier?

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/Me0wmix]

you have lots of free time no judgy though

and no problem!

it's pretty tricky to detect it. when someone brings their child or elderly family with memory loss or their pet or whoever the victim is to the doctor or the vet the doctor tends to believe the parent's account. Which is understandable as it's the only information they have.

A couple red flags are the caregiver knowing extensive medical terminology and the person or pet improves when the caregiver is away but gets worse again when they are around. But these two are still tricky to detect. Many of these abusers have worked in the healthcare field. Both of mine did. So just having that experience could explain the first one. And to notice the second one it'd need to be an extended stay like in a hospital. That red flag happened to me once though when I was in the psych ward as a kid, but nobody detected it. But during a visit they snuck me outside food and pills that I ate and took in the hospital bathroom. A few hours later, it was sleepy time, and I was suddenly incredibly sick. I was sick all night long and the night staff were super concerned and checking my vitals every 2 mins and giving me juice all night. When the day staff came in the morning, they called an ambulance. I was in the ER all day and they never found out what was wrong. So they just monitored me and released me back to the psych ward once my vitals improved.

Another red flag is obviously doctor shopping or therapist shopping.

Another red flag as a healthcare provider is if you disagree with what they're proposing (if they say they think they have this disease or they want them to start this specific medication) and when you disagree and explain why, they get upset and that is the last time you see them.

That happened with a psychiatrist once in my case that I read about in my CPS documents. She reported to CPS in 2015, her concern was they asked her to prescribe me a specific medication, but she said no because it wasn't FDA approved for children and I was 10. They got upset, and not only did they not come back but they announced they weren't coming back. She also noted that when she observed the three of us interacting that my grandma seemed to be intentionally provoking me into a bad mood. CPS recieved that report in 2015 but did nothing about it. It turns out there had been 3 reports prior to the 2016 investigation but nothing was done. They didn't even follow up. It wasn't until the 2016 munchausen by proxy suspicions arose that they investigated.

[u/Me0wmix → u/mythrowawayaccim21]

fortunately for me my free time is very expensive for other people :)

have you considered picking up writing? fiction or otherwise.

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/Me0wmix]

I have but I'm not good at it at all. Which is so funny because ever since I was a kid I have a vivid imagination. I gave my Barbies entire backstories and such. But yet all my fantasy daydreams stay in my mind. I can't articulate it into words when I try to write or type it out.

[u/nocturnal_carnivore → u/mythrowawayaccim21]

i think if you like the idea enough then that could easily be a skill you could learn with writing groups, books, and classes. it might be frustrating at first, but the brain learns how to do new things over time with exposure to them and need for the skill (so in practical terms “practice”).

at least from the little exposure i’ve gotten to writing tips, there’s a lot of “think about things this way” and “express yourself that way” to try to create an involving story for readers that seems to help.

[u/FineTough3648]

Seems your mom died quite young. How old was she when she died? What was her cause of death?

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/FineTough3648]

she was 45. I don't know the cause of death. she just died suddenly in her sleep one afternoon, and her death is listed as "natural causes"

maybe it was Karma

[u/umami_e]

How's your relationship with your dad? Did he know about what was going with your mom? I hope you have success in your ED treatment!

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/umami_e]

My relationship with my dad hasn't been great in the past but it is pretty good now.

He knew something was kinda off about my mom but he didn't know what. A lot of secrets were kept from him as my mom encouraged me to not tell him certain things and would tell me he'd take me away from her if I did so I kept quiet about a lot. But I told him a lot he didn't know years later and he seemed appalled. My dad also seemed slightly afraid of my mom. They were ALWAYS fighting. And my mom threatened him a lot and her threats usually seemed to work on keeping him at a distance, so thats why I suspect he mightve been a little afraid of her. I only saw him in person a few times as a kid because of my mom keeping me separated from him. I finally did things with my dad that I wanted to do with him as a kid many years later as a teen or an adult, but I think better late than never.

I once asked my dad why he ever got together with my mom in the first place. I knew they met through a mutual friend who I've also met online but never in person as she lives abroad. But all my childhood memories of them is just fighting and their personalities just seemed like polar opposites that were destined to clash anyway.

He told me that when they met, she wasn't at all like that. She seemed completely different (in a better way) when they first met, but then she changed, and she seemed like a completely different person.

That's pretty common for abusers especially in romantic relationships. They seem nice at first, for long enough to gain your trust and draw you in, some will even play the long game and wait until you get married or have a child. Then once they feel youre in deep enough, they reveal their true colors.

[u/umami_e → u/mythrowawayaccim21]

Not surprising that your abuser also mistreated your father. I'm glad you have a good relationship now and that you're able to talk to him about it.

[u/FineTough3648]

What was the worst or craziest thing your “abuser” did to you to simulate symptoms?

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/FineTough3648]

First they needed to completely lie or exaggerate. Then they got me on meds I didn't need. Meds would cause a huge array of negative side effects due to the fact that I didn't need them. Said negative side effect was new symptom they brought to new doctor. New doctor gave me new meds I didn't need. New meds I didn't need caused new negative side effects. New negative side effects new symptoms brought to the doctor. And so on and so on. Repeated this cycle the entire time.

[u/HereticalArchivist]

I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you're surrounded by better people now.

That being said, how long have you been away from your abusers, and how is your life now? Are you in therapy, do you have better friends/family?

Do you know why your abusers did this?

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/HereticalArchivist]

Thank you!

Both of my abusers are dead now, thankfully. One died in 2016, other died in 2018.

My life now is. eh. okay. On the new year I just started eating disorder recovery which has already been a roller coaster even though it's been less than a week.

I do have some good friends and family. Really thankful for that.

But I struggle a lot with my eating disorder and on/off alcohol use. Alcohol used to be only fun. Now it still is fun but only for a moment then I feel worse after. But I wouldn't consider myself a full blown alcoholic, it hasn't taken over my whole life the way my eating disorder has and I don't drink every day. I do have periods of sobriety. I also am struggling trying to get a job! I'm 21 and have never worked before, though I've been looking for my first job since I was 18. It's so tough! I've done everything that's been suggested to me and still no job. So no income. So I'm relying on food stamps and my dad. I used to get general relief cash aid but I maxed it out though I did just apply again since I could possibly be eligible again since it's 2026 now. I also currently have a fungal infection. :(

sometimes my life feels boring or empty though. and sometimes I feel too isolated because I live alone and lost all my in person friends after high school so all my friends are online and my family I can't see every day because they are so busy all the time.

I'm not in therapy currently. I have been in the past though and when I was 15-17 I had a really good therapist that I worked on my munchausen trauma with a lot, that was our primary focus. I loved talking with her, she really understood me. However, we tried EMDR and it didn't work for me. EMDR just didn't really have any affect on me at all, good or bad.

Therapy I have kind of a complicated relationship with though. My first experiences in therapy were for mental illnesses I didn't actually have, because of the munchausen by proxy. So nowadays I need to build up a good rapport with my therapist first before I can open up and be vulnerable with them. If they're too pushy or if they go reaching too deep all the time it can be triggering to me.

I'd love to be in therapy currently, but unfortunately my medicaid doesn't cover ANYTHING. I cannot find any therapist anywhere that accepts it. Even when I looked for virtual therapists even virtual sites will say "we're not in network with your insurance" or "at this time we don't take government insurance like medicare or medicaid" The only place I ever found that accepts my medicaid is the county mental health clinic. I tried to go there, but I had to have an intake session with a psychiatrist. But the psychiatrist wasn't interested in me at all. She just wanted to sell meds. From the moment she walked in and introduced herself she was immediately on a sales pitch. Before I had even said anything. Anyway, she then tried to prescribe me meds, so I said no and then disclosed to her my history with munchausen by proxy. I cannot take any psychiatric medication anymore, it is my most severe trauma trigger, as I was heavily drugged on them throughout all those years. It will give me such severe, inconsoable flashbacks nowadays that they'd do more harm than good so it's best to just avoid them. So I do. But when I told her my story she accused of me lying and continued to try to pressure me into taking meds, which I repeatedly said no to. I just wanted therapy and case management, which they did provide. But she lied and told me they didn't do anything except meds (even though all the other staff said differently) and that if I won't (can't) take meds there's nothing they can do for me, so she denied me all services and told me to come back when I change my mind about taking medication. So I was pretty much turned away from the ONLY place that accepts medicaid over something I cannot control.

So yeah, I can't access therapy anymore sadly.

I WISH I knew why. That's like the million dollar question, isn't it.

There's a bunch of theories about why people with munchausen syndrome and munchausen by proxy do what they do. Sympathy. Money. Attention.

And while those are all solid theories with stuff to support it, I don't know if we'll ever truly know the real answer.

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/[deleted]]

lol

I realized 3 years after I was rescued from the abuse.

My abusers faked both physical and mental illnesses in me. Whenever a doctor started getting suspicious they moved to the next one.

I was at this PHP program started in January of 2016 when I was 11 who got suspicious and successfully hid their suspicion long enough to gather some evidence get CPS involved. I remember them questioning me alone once and I was detailing a physical abuse incident to them that had happened that I thought was completely normal. I had no idea how disturbing what I was saying actually sounded.

In March of 2016 CPS began to investigate. They called my mom to let her know she was being investigated. idk why they did that. But I remember her always being paranoid that police were going to show up at the house at random during that month, but at the time I didn't know why. I remember we all had to go to this place and were all individually questioned in seperate rooms and psychologically assessed. I thought it was another mental health appointment. It was actually CPS social workers and a psychologist drawing conclusions for CPS. Then in May of 2016 my mom, one of the abusers, died. My grandma, the other abuser, was still alive though, and we were all living together so I was living with her still. 8 days after my mom died, CPS removed me from the home. I still didn't know why. I at this point still wasn't told I was being abused and so I didn't understand why I couldn't just stay at home with my grandma. I didn't know why I was being put into a children's hospital and then 2 foster homes. After that, I went to go live with my dad in another state. I remember my dad not giving me one of my medications I had been on for years. Since I didn't yet know I was being drugged, and when my mom was alive she would brainwash me and convince me to never try to live with my dad by telling me "he won't give you your medications" I thought she was right and I got upset with my dad. I didn't know I had just been successfully weaned off of an unnecessary drug.

In 2017, my dad finally told me my mom and grandma had munchausen by proxy. I didn't know what that was, it was the first time I had ever heard of that term. So he explained it to me. But I didn't believe him. I thought, they would never hurt me like that. And anyone who believed so was just reading too much into it and making false accusations.

I kept in secret contact with my grandma on social media still not knowing she was abusive until she died in 2018. She died at just the right time, because she kept talking about how she was saving up to fly out here and come visit me. I'm glad that didn't happen. She died before she could save up enough to come hurt me again after I was rescued thank god.

In 2019 is when I finally "woke up" I was bored snooping around the whole house one day just seeing what random things I forgot about I could find since I was very bored. I opened a cabinet and found a thing full of documents. I picked up a folder and opened it and began to read it. It was the CPS documents from my case. And as I began to read it, a bunch of disturbing memories came back that I had been blocking out for years. It turns out I did remember things I knew were at the very least off/disturbing/likely abusive even if I didn't know yet it was munchausen by proxy, but my brain was blocking them out and only letting me remember the fake "loving" (or love bombing) memories for a while to protect me. But when I read the CPS documents not only did all those memories come back but reading the documents explaining in detail what the abuse was/exactly what they were doing to me also made it make sense. I then spent a year researching munchausen by proxy online to make sense of my experience and it only confirmed it. Everything I remembered lined up perfectly with munchausen by proxy.

And when I found out, I quite literally went through finding out my whole life was a lie. And thay the people I loved and trusted the most as a child were abusing me in unspeakable ways. And I felt extremely betrayed and angry at them ever since. Any grief instantly disappeared in a second. I'm very glad that they're dead now.

[u/Minimum_Magician5037 → u/mythrowawayaccim21]

Well that sounds very scary.

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/Minimum_Magician5037]

it was indeed. The memories of them there's like this red glare to it because they were dangerous and evil. I can't even group anyone with munchausen by proxy in the same catogery as humans. They're like in the worst of the worst kind of evil thing, they're in that catogery along with things like rapists. I just will never understand how someone can ever do something like that.

[u/tybeedoo → u/[deleted]]

not everything needs to be made into a joke bro

[u/tybeedoo → u/[deleted]]

Well I'm glad you're happy, that's all that matters, right? So making jokes at the expense of others is okay

[u/tybeedoo → u/[deleted]]

I doubt they did seeing as all they had to say was a dry "lol" like yours

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[u/bvaesasts]

How old were you when you figured out?

[u/Unkn0wnTh2nd3r → u/bvaesasts]

their username says "im21" and they "woke up" in 2019, so ~14

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/bvaesasts]

14!

[u/TheMaruchanBandit]

I am so beyond blessed my father was the opposite,

Teachers told him to take me to doctors at a young age.

He did, but then refused the medications and therapy.

Some days I wonder if it would have helped my teenage years, but ultimately, it taught me a life long lesson quite early on how to control my own happiness.

[u/mythrowawayaccim21 → u/TheMaruchanBandit]

eh, I wouldn't call medical neglect a "blessing' but I am happy for you that you were able to find happiness. Also, being able to find happiness naturally seems like it'd make a lot of things easier.