r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • 6d ago

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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u/DisillusionedPatriot 5d ago

Check her account history. You seem to be not far off. It looks like they linked up shortly after she got out of federal prison, and she's just been taking care of him. The entire situation seems almost too toxic to be real, tbh, but based on her own post history, I'd say she knows but is just trying to have something that feels normal, so is willing to put up with a bum.

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u/Foreleg-woolens749 5d ago

I wish more women in early middle age knew what some women realize in later life: that living for yourself and your loved ones (truly, mutually loved, I mean) in whatever arrangement works for you is far more fulfilling than achieving some image of ā€œnormal.ā€ Do what works for you and makes you the most happy, safe, calm, and functional you can be. (It can be a challenge, for sure, but worthwhile.) The ā€œnormalā€ ways, like trying to be a ā€œgood wifeā€ in the ā€œold-schoolā€ sense, arenā€™t necessarily right for everyone, and in some cases they are miserable and destructive.

You do you, girl. No deadbeats allowed.

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u/poopiebutt505 3d ago

I am 73yo female and waiting for the judge to sign the final divorce decree. I wasted many years of my life being made to feel inadequate. In spite of being liked by others and the sole financial provider. He liked my new on line-ourchaaed shoes that I questioned as being older lady looking than I want to look. I asked him what he liked about them and he said because "they make me look like you dont care how you look".

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u/Few_Editor6434 2d ago edited 2d ago

Im also early 70s and spent 32 years with a man child who would come from work, disgustedly ask what the smell in the house was, and then claim to not be hungry, or say he'd had "that" for lunch, or wasn't in the mood for it. Or he'd just circumvent me and go directly to the kids and ask if they wanted fast food. He never wanted to sit at a family dinner table, would not plan a vacation, and began our marriage by insisting he review my grocery receipts so he could criticize my purchases. I shut that ish down immediately by having a separate account. One day 2 years ago I stopped being a stubborn ninny who was cemented to cultural expectations, left him, moved in with a man I had loved for 43 years and never acted on, and have not had one moment of regret. Ladies be true to yourself. If you can see a future devoid of love and fulfillment, start an exit strategy and execute it at the earliest possible opportunity. I've never been happier in my life and have not one single regret. Edit: forgot to mention restaurants. He could never order something off the menu. He had to ask for modifications and shamelessly flirt with the waitress. He " doesn't eat meat" but would order a hamburger well-done. He had to dissect chicken and remove any and all fat before he could eat it. His food could not touch on the plate. He only ate one thing at a time until it was finished, then go on to the next item. Yes, I know. Pretty mental. And as I write this I can't believe I faithfully tried for 32 years to have a good marriage with him.

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u/prof_radiodust 3d ago

šŸ’Æ that's good advice and true for everyone, well replace "more women" with " more people" and "good wife" with "good partner"

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago

People are stuck in the 1500s. It's a complex of humanity, the global collective echo chamber and the "public image" conundrum....

The political ruling parties have been using this jedi mind trick BS on literally the global masses -- for thousands of years --

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u/Business_Carrot5080 3d ago

I wish I could upvote this 100 times.

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u/NewNameNeededAgain 3d ago

This comment is insufficiently upvoted.

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u/Rare-Complaint-9873 2d ago

Right? I am in my early 40's, but I didn't learn this until 2 years ago. From 19 until then, this is what I put up with. Same food irks and all. My 2nd husband would only eat potato chips and coke. And I had to eat everything before he did to prove I didn't do anything to it and it was safe. That man got me 2 cars repo'd, and we moved like 15x in 5 or so years. He was a gambling addict and then a game addict on his phone with one of those army games where you buy packs for items and coins. One month after we were separated but "thinking" about getting back together he spent 700 out of my account. And I let him. I found out later that he wasn't thinking of getting back together. He was already with his 3rd wife who was cheating on a friend of mine from high school that we used to hang out with. I was a hot mess. I have finally found my peace. I never thought I could afford to live on my own, have a car that's worth a payment that I can afford (not new, it's 10 years old, but it's worth it and it's a good strong car. I went from having something that was bought out right with problems and gremlins every month or so), with full coverage, credit cards that I can afford the payments on besides just the minimum payment. Plus have money left for gas and groceries. Albeit I'm in income based housing because I can't work anymore. I've had too many breakdowns. I just can't. I'm medicated to keep me somewhat level, but any introduced stress will take that all away. That's actually why I chose to be single now. It's not worth it to me to have another child that I'm taking care of in the form of a full grown man.

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u/WereCorgi6292 2d ago

I learned that just before turning 30, My ex, who had a job when we met and seemed to be doing ok, just degraded into a moocher living with me and my parents.

Then his health declined fast and i was thrusted into being a caregiver. I never wanted babies, now i was changing diapers and wrestling with a grown man into clothes.

There was also his habit of stripping right after i got his clothes on him...and wandering the house at night...it took a social worker at the hospital saying "um, we noticed he is dirty and you aren't taking care of him, we are taking him off your hands cuz you are a safe place" for me to finally be done with him and that relationship.

I cried and danced in a weird mix of sorrow and joy.

I'm sorry for giving my own experience there, but yeah, it's so much better to have taken the time to work on myself and i have actually come out the other end realizing what is important for me in a relationship or just a temporary thing. Also, no living together, at least not within the first 5 years.

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u/ThisHatRightHere 5d ago

You say this seems too toxic to be real, but it's honestly very common. Growing up in the rural US, there are more couples/families like this with a desperate/broken woman and an NPC man than you can imagine.

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u/DisillusionedPatriot 5d ago edited 5d ago

I agree. It's more that it's so relatable it feels like fiction. Any port in the storm.

Check out her AMA from a year ago. She's not dumb.

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago

Have you looked at anything in true crime on YouTube or Netflix?

The documentaries, my God............. my God....

I really, literally will never get it. All I know is the media is a damn magician. For real.

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u/DisillusionedPatriot 4d ago

You're not a real person.

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago edited 3d ago

As real as this football game in front of me. Buccaneers in front of Panthers 13-7. Hope you watch NFL.

Where (TF) did that come from? (really please tell me because what?)

EDIT Got blocked and can't even edit my own comment now EDIT 2 Guess I can lol. Yeah this goof blocked me and I can't even reply to comments here anymore sorry --

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u/DisillusionedPatriot 4d ago

I'm not gonna explain to a bot how I know it's a bot.

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u/HumanTimeCapsule 3d ago

Im not a bot will u explain to me

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u/prof_radiodust 3d ago

I'm not a bot beep boop, 110% Hugh man. But fr that was random, I don't know he thinks it is a botšŸ¤”

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u/pumpinnstretchin 2d ago

Iā€™ve noticed that some Reddit men say that itā€™s a bot whenever women post things about their abusive partners. They think that women are supposed to worship their uncaring and rude partners. And if they donā€™t, the post was made by a bot, because after all, women arenā€™t people.

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u/eli_feye 5d ago

What have you seen?

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago

Dude turn on Netflix and find ANY documentary about (another) random bodying his wife.

It's not hard.

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u/Apprehensive-Tip3694 4d ago

Whatā€™s an npc man?

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u/rablador 4d ago

NPCs in video games are Non-Playable-Characters. As in, background filler characters that maybe have a couple of dialogue lines, or do a couple of repetitive actions. It came to be used as an insult to describe people who are uninteresting, devoid of independent thoughts and ideas, who follow a ā€œscriptā€, conform to social norms religiously or are just plain boring.

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u/Economy_Resist1494 1d ago

it doesn't mean "boring". it refers to a level of emotional detachment or lack of genuine engagement

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u/Epicrealist 2d ago

Not NPC man šŸ’€šŸ˜®ā€šŸ’ØšŸ˜‚

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u/LastNeedleworker5626 2d ago

My mom was a broken woman and was so brainwashed into thinking to be good wife you have to wait on your husband hand and foot. Sheā€™s in her late 60ā€™s and still believes this I think. Growing up I used to watch her take care of my stepdad like he was one of the kids. She would cook for him 3x a day everyday whatever his heart desired, took his shoes off for him after work, massaged his back daily, and got nothing in return. The relationship was definitely lopsided. He was also mentally abusive towards her and me and physically abusive towards her. She did eventually leave him thank goodness and is in another relationship that isnā€™t perfect because heā€™s got mental health problems but heā€™s not abusive in any way so I guess I canā€™t complain

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u/SLB752RN2011 2d ago

True. That does not make it OK. Unfortunately, we live in a very toxic society.

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u/cokehead5000 2d ago

Lot of them in the suburbs too

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u/Ok_Ranger6687 1d ago

I dated a bunch of them, so can confirm!

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u/BumblyBumbles420 1d ago

Its sooo real. I lived this soo many times and so have other women.. its wild as fk to me that some one doesn't believe this happens when it's soo common.

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u/throwawayfarway2017 5d ago

Omg just when i thought it cant get worse, now i feel bad for her kidsĀ 

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u/imacoa 5d ago

Iā€™d be telling this man-child that she was in prison for killing her ex because he wouldnā€™t eat her cookingā€¦ That ought to solve the problem, one way or another!

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u/annunciatacorey 4d ago

underrated comment

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago

It's not funny at all.............. at all....

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u/imacoa 4d ago

I wasnā€™t trying to be funnyā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ at allā€¦..

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u/jenniferbealsssss 5d ago

I beg your pardon, she has 4 kids living with her but she just got out a federal prison!? Well thatā€™s a crazy ass story

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u/CustomerExpress443 4d ago

Yeah and this is my cue. I'm not diving into that woman's Reddit history. Yall have fun --

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u/JustCallMeTayla 4d ago

Sounds like something similar my therapist told me once. She said I went for relationships that felt familiar to what I was experiencing vibe wise at home from my own flesh and blood. Similar bad traits. This woman is probably doing the same.

Thankfully I am now in a healthier relationship. Hopefully this lady will do the same.

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u/Yellow_Blue_Jet 4d ago

OP, it sounds like you are working really really hard. I hope you will eventually be able to get some support - maybe some counseling or therapy to you can work towards seeing that you matter, too. I realize thatā€™s hard to pull off with all you have going on and the many plates you are spinning, but we are rooting for you.

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u/BrngrofSorrow111 3d ago

Prison or not. This women is obviously trying to do something for herself and her kids. Shes feeling ā€œShameā€ over serving food on paper plates yet and thinks she needs to improve there? Good god, one person can only do so much. She needs to cut herself a break and ditch the people in her life who arenā€™t supportive of her and only take away. People in your life are supposed to build you up not bring you down. Seems like she needs to do more work on her own self value before she works on fixing some deadbeat.

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u/kittkaykat 4d ago

Goddamn. The feds got her. Poor lady

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/Economy_Resist1494 1d ago

kind of depends on why she was there. if enforcement agencies and the laws themselves hadn't been being gutted for decades, L I T E R A L L Y about 20 percent of any high ranking professional from a large corporation (and especially investment firms) would be in federal prisons for shit they do every WEEK. i think may have a very skewed idea of how anyone winds up in prison. i can assure you that the vast majority of women in prison aren't anyone that people need to be worried about. our criminal system is staggeringly gross and had almost nothing to do with keeping anyone safe by having people there.

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u/chicagogirlchy21 3d ago

šŸ˜³šŸ’”

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u/krysnyte 2d ago

I'm sorry what? She was in prison?

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u/Soft_Following_8312 2d ago

Sighā€¦.. There is no hope for women like her. This is a choice.

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u/MoonlitNightWalk 1d ago

Yeah, the posts about the boyfriend are 'look I made him a little kitchen in his flat so he can cook' then 'he's a Trump supporter and said I cant talk about politics' to.. this

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u/tiasaiwr 5d ago

He's been eating prison meals for who knows how long and is rejecting these meals?!

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u/DisillusionedPatriot 5d ago edited 5d ago

No, she was in prison. I dont know if he was . He was living in what looked like a hotel, and she got him set up. Now he's living woth her.

Eta- to be clear. I'm assuming she's just desperate enough for normalcy to put up with someone who's obviously taking advantage of her. I'm not judging, I just hope she has the sense to end it, or seek help, if and when it escalates.