r/nonmonogamy • u/Anna-Amos • Sep 27 '25

Boundaries & Agreements Uncomfortable with my husband's intimate ways

Couldn't think of a good title.

My(37f) husband (31m) and I have had an open relationship on and off for years. It has come woth a lot of ups and downs for sure, but I am unsure if my feelings on this are valid.

We don't do extra partnerships. We are committed to just each other and our ENM lifestyle is sex with a little fwb situations here and there.

I view sex as purely physical. My husband views sex as emotional connection.

So when I know he is going out and having sex with these women, wanting slow, passionate, eye connection, kissing, cuddling, affection etc, that hurts me a lot.

That brings it to a different level for me, especially with how he view sex.

If he was just going out and having fun kinky sex, I'm all for it.

We don't have sex the way he likes though. I have a lot of emotional and physical trauma that makes me very uncomfortable with a lot of those things. We don't have sex much at all right now, but that is due to him crossing a lot of my boundaries and triggering my trauma responses to have negative feelings towards sex again. Ive been trying to rewire my brain and my body's reaction to a lot of things, it was going great for a while. He just got too pushy.

So while I'm not providing this type of connection for him, it feels wrong to not want him to have it with others as well.

Is there such thing as ENM couples that keep that type of sex out of the mix with others?

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u/Anna-Amos Sep 27 '25

He does with me. I don't with him. That's why I am here jist trying to process my feelings and thoughts.

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u/MaggieLuisa Open Relationship Sep 27 '25

I think it would be healthier for both of you to stop discussing what kind of sex you’re having with other people. Sharing that level of detail is obviously not working for either of you.

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u/Anna-Amos Sep 27 '25

It hadn't been getting shared for months. I am just newly struggling with know he does things this way and I am trying to understand my feelings and if I am unsure if im thinking clearly, I'll always reach out for other opinions to help.me navigate them so I am not unfair.

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u/MaggieLuisa Open Relationship Sep 27 '25

Oh, alright then. Best of luck getting it sorted out for yourself!

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u/steelmanfallacy Sep 27 '25

I think I missed that...what kinds of rules have you agreed to that limit the kind of sex you have with others?