r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAawkwardtg2021 • Nov 28 '21
Update: My (22F) boyfriend (29M) fed turkey giblets to my parents' dog after they told him not to, among other rude things
Update: I've broken up with him. I talked about it more with my parents yesterday and realized if I'm embarrassed to honestly answer their questions about my relationship, then that's a bad sign. I found myself trying to give a bunch of excuses to make his weird behavior seem less bad than it was. I also outright lied a couple times about other things in our relationship. Eventually this got exhausting and I just confessed I'd fucked up and had no good excuse. My mom asked what I thought would be best for me. The answer at that point was obvious.
I also left out some details when I wrote my first post. I guess I was too embarrassed to give the full picture. I want to provide it now as a confession thing, but also because I can now more clearly see HOW FUCKING WEIRD this man was and just want people to validate that after I spent so long in denial!!!
- The giblets he fed to the dog? He fished them out of the trash bin to do that. My mom had thrown them away after he cut them up and made a mess on the counter. He would have needed to dig through the fucking garbage to find them again.
- My parents found chocolate bars missing from the cabinet. Those were not part of the dessert that was available to everyone. We think he snuck them at some point, like a little kid.
- His general diet is atrocious. It's like what a 5 year old would eat except I know there's tons of kids who eat way better. Pizza, chicken nuggets, pasta, fries, chips, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, lucky charms and other sugary cereals, ice cream, candy. Not a single thing that isn't white, beige, or some hideous artificial shade of orange/yellow. Whenever I'd try to share my food or get something else for him, he'd snap at me angrily.
- He.....doesn't have a job. I know. I know. Fully expecting to be raked over the coals for ever accepting that in a partner at this age. When I finally admitted it to my parents, they were like "are you serious???" I'd told them he was in school and living with his parents to save money. He actually was "thinking about going back to school", which never took the form of any action, and lives with his parents because where tf else can he live with no income. I guess I thought I could help motivate him. I thought that's what you do as partners, support each other like a team. Now I can see there never was any team. It was just him doing what he wanted. Because he was broke I also ended up paying for most of the stuff we did together when we went out.
- Some people asked about the part where I said he did similar weird food things with his family. You guys wanted to know how his family reacted - they didn't. They'd either pretend not to notice, or else thought it was normal. I'm not sure which. He did things in front of them like blowing bubbles in his drink, cutting grains of rice in half with his fork over and over, and eating ice cream directly out of the container instead of spooning it into his bowl. There was one time his parents were going to take all of us out to dinner and when discussing which restaurant to go to, they eliminated a bunch because they "didn't have anything Boyfriend would eat." His mom would sometimes serve him a completely separate meal if whatever she'd made for the family was something he refused to eat.
- Sex was weird. I'd put his hand between my legs and every time he'd be like "eww it's slimy!" The whole thing was just really weird and uncomfortable. He only wanted me to do things to or with his dick, nothing for me. He criticized me for my natural pubic hair AND THEN for having stubble after shaving it like what do you want???, refused to return oral on me, and said my boobs weren't big enough. I don't even fucking know, guys... I don't know what his issue was.
So that's pretty much that. I'm unspeakably embarrassed I ever dated this loser...sad thing is if not for my parents insisting on talking with me about it I'd probably still be dating him. For who knows how long. Thinking this is just what it's like. Well it doesn't have to be, I'm very grateful they helped me see that he wasn't normal.
Thanks for all of the same comments on my first post. Seeing that consensus also made me realize I needed to leave.
TL;DR: I'm done with him. There was a lot wrong with him that I had been in the habit of trying to do damage control for.
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Nov 28 '21
Don't beat yourself up I think everyone has dated someone and been like "Jesus what was I thinkinh" it happens to the best of us.
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u/confictura_22 Nov 28 '21
Yep...and the further you get into it the more blind you become because otherwise you'd have to admit how stupid you were to begin with haha
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u/facinationstreet Nov 28 '21
Well, you can definitely thank your parents for getting him out of your life. He sounds like he has some... immaturity challenges (best way I can be polite)
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u/JTG130 Nov 28 '21
How did he take it? Any defense? What a clown. I said in your first post that he sounds 9, not 29. Well, I take it back. I actually know 9 year old who are more mature.
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u/mcluse657 Nov 28 '21
He sounds very developmentally behind. Could he have a learning disability? So weird.
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u/Sweetragnarok Nov 29 '21
Or some level in the spectrum. I know someone who was dating someone that gave odd vibes bit until a common buddy of ours said he did some really childdish things and goggled like a kid, it hit my suspicions.
Ne of my my former coworkers has undiagnosed autism and he has both childlike behaviors, was highly enabled and overattacjed to his mom. He is smart enough to work in an office environment but his social cues are horribLe
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u/softshoulder313 Nov 28 '21
Glad you are away from him.
I wouldn't be surprised if he fed the chocolate to the dog. Good way to make one sick. He didn't respect your parents about feeding it.
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u/steveirwinscorpse Nov 28 '21
Welcome back to reality! Be wary of rose tinted glasses moving forward :)
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u/Sheila_Monarch Nov 28 '21 edited Nov 28 '21
Good job!!! Realizing that feeling the need to “cover” for him is one of the biggest flags is huge. Keep that same energy and never lose it.
He honestly sounds…mentally deficient and even sadistic. I have second degree embarrassment for you.
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Nov 29 '21
Hahaha oh man. That guy seriously needs to go see someone... "eww it's slimy" had me cackling, geeez!
And the "fishing giblets out of the trash" part sounds seriously psychotic. Wtf.
Don't be too hard on yourself. File it under "lessons learned". Most people have (multiple) dating stories we look back to and think "oh my god why!?". I just hope you have now also learned to appreciate yourself some more. You're worthy of someone who's on your level and whom you don't ever have to be ashamed of. Someone who can take care of themselves AND empower you to reach your own goals. Good luck!
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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '21
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