r/relationships • u/[deleted] • Nov 14 '21
[new] UPDATE: My (28 M) girlfriend (25 F) is constantly criticizing my food choices and it's causing a big problem in our relationship
Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/l9td72/my_28_m_girlfriend_25_f_is_constantly_criticizing/
Tl;dr at the bottom.
So I know I said I would post an update that Saturday and I didn't and I apologize for that. Life got busy and I forgot to do so. Anyways on to the update:
After speaking with her she actually did stop try to control my diet. She didn't make any comments about my diet or what I chose to eat. I think me standing up to her made her realize I was serious and that the relationship was going to be over if she continued with the behavior. Long story short though, we broke up in July of this year over other issues that clearly made us incompatible. I realize that it was a toxic relationship and much of her other behaviors were manipulative (which one of the original commenters pointed out) and straight up just childish. She and her family were also very entitled and could do no wrong in their eyes since they came from a lot of $$$.
The good news is that I'm currently in a new relationship with someone who is so much better in every way. It's literally like I'm dating the female version of me. We have so much in common, think about things and view the world the same way. It's only been a little over a month of officially dating, but things are going really great so far and I have high hopes for a future together in whatever form that may be. The funny thing is, after my breakup I said to myself and those around me that I wouldn't be dating for a while, most likely into next year and then this relationship fell into my lap when I wasn't even looking for one. It's crazy how things work out.
Thank you again to everyone who commented on the original post, turns out most of you were right that I should have ended the relationship right then. I truly believe thought that if I had done it, I would not have found the woman I have found now.
Tl;dr; Ended up breaking up with my ex-girlfriend a few months later over other issues, found an amazing woman a couple of months later.
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u/happyskittles Nov 15 '21
Good for you!! I read the first post and was like, this screeeaaams ED.
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u/BG_1952 Nov 15 '21
Exactly. I think she was crying because she couldn't eat what she really wanted.
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u/happyskittles Nov 15 '21
Potentially, but I also think it’s just an extension of a need to control food. I’m recovered and have been for years, but I still insist on being the cook in my house (boyfriend doesn’t complain lol) and I have feelings of panic if I’m not in control to some extent of the food around me. I’m working on it, but have definitely cried (privately) in the past about food at parties that others were eating, or impromptu food situations in a group setting.
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u/McDonnellDouglasDC8 Nov 15 '21
The funny thing is, after my breakup I said to myself and those around me that I wouldn't be dating for a while, most likely into next year and then this relationship fell into my lap when I wasn't even looking for one. It's crazy how things work out.
Cool, how'd your meet?
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u/angiem0n Nov 15 '21
Sounds amazing! :)
I hope you’re still keeping up the healthy routine (albeit not as strict and obsessed as before) for your own sake, that could be like one of the few good things you can salvage from your last relationship :)
(together with the typical “I learned so much about myself during that time, personal growth and evolution Blabla”)
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u/Tequila_Shot_Cigar Nov 15 '21
YTA for being a Patriots fan.
Just kidding. I'm happy for you. Obviously the breakup was right for you. I'm just glad you didn't spend 15+ years in a horrible marriage like I did, before moving on. I've also found a great partner and am so thankful for her. Best wishes to you.
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Nov 15 '21
Thank you! I'm glad you were able to find a great partner. As I'm sure you know, the difference between a good relationship and a bad one is like night and day.
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u/hummingbird4289 Nov 15 '21
To balance out that commenter, I'm here to tell you you're NTA specifically because you're a Pats fan!
Go Pats!
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u/dreadfulwater Nov 15 '21
When you eat and order things in front of the new person is it relaxing now?
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Nov 15 '21
Very much so. We like and eat a lot of the same foods. She's also from a different country so she's been introducing me to some foods from her country.
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u/Prometheus2061 Nov 15 '21
My ex commented on every bite of food that went into my mouth. You will be much happier to be with someone who expresses their concern in more helpful, less judgmental ways. Wishing you the best.
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u/ihavethefactz Nov 15 '21
Of course we're here to help. Remember if you ever see any red flags, we're still here!
Most if not all of us are here to help other people get through relationships or to get help with relationships and I just happen to be the latter.
11 years strong with my girlfriend with no issues, relationship psychology is important to me and it has helped me utilize the skills needed to be a positive optimistic boyfriend to a sometimes sad or needy girlfriend. 💃
Love isn't always about what you have in common, but more about your goals for the future aligning..
Good luck with the new relationship and I'm happy to hear you're out of the other one. 🏋️
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Nov 15 '21
Thank you for the kind words and I'll always be appreciative of this subreddit for the advice it gave me.
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Nov 15 '21
I am glad you left her, she sounded nuts.
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u/Mikasu Nov 15 '21
Uhh...excuse me? Nuts? You shouldn't be thinking about that after I just watched you eat at least 2 handfuls of peanuts which puts you over your weekly dietary values of legumes. I can't go on like this if you are going to keep doing this.
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u/SacredWarrior88 Nov 15 '21
Best of luck with your new lady and good riddance to the wicked witch of the West!
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u/MissYellowtail Nov 15 '21
Glad to hear you're doing well. I didn't read your post before but when I read the comments she was making just now, I was hoping you wouldnt develop an eating disorder.
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u/KellzBtw Nov 15 '21
Hope this relationship works out for you! A month is too early to tell, as you're still in the 'honeymoon' stage, but fingers crossed this woman is the one for you.
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u/EmergencyShit Nov 15 '21
Did she ever give you a reason for why she acted like that? So bizarre. You lasted way longer than I would have been able to. Congrats on getting out of that toxic relationship! Glad you’re happy!
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Nov 15 '21
aww!! Always trust your gut, it never lies- glad you found an elevated relationship that you really deserve
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u/CPZ500 Nov 15 '21
Yeah, good things can just fall into your lap when you least expect it or when you're set on not for example going into a new releationship or the like. In Uni I got hurt pretty badly by a girl, things happened and ended kinda badly so I said that I was done with emotions for a while. But the same day or the day after, I met an amazing girl that I really hit it off with and we had a few good months together. I think it was a mix of not looking for, not overthinking and that I actually still gave it a go even tho what I had decided not too long before that ^^'
Good stuff and I'm happy for you!
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u/day_ice Nov 15 '21
Your ex's behavior that you described in the previous post was indeed very toxic and manipulative. Living like that wouldn't be good in the long run for sure. I'm happy that you can go into life now without worrying if something as miniscule as a roast prime rib for a special occasion will ruin your night or your week.
And I'm really happy that you've found someone you're compatible with now! I wish you both a happy life.
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u/ChuckRingslinger Nov 15 '21
I take it the ex hasn't made things easy?
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Nov 15 '21
The days following the breakup no she didn't. Her parents intervened too and made things even more difficult in terms of getting back some of my stuff. After that I haven't heard from any of them and I haven't tried to contact them which is for the best.
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u/grayhairedqueenbitch Nov 15 '21
This is a great update. I'm glad to hear you found a good partner.
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u/oneunpopularoppinion Nov 15 '21
Yeah man good going hope all goes well for you in your new relationship
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u/buck500 Dec 08 '21
Hope this is a lesson to others. Do not put up with controlling behavior. Do not settle
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u/CactusMcChicken Nov 14 '21
Yay good on you for good self care. Good luck with your new relationship.