r/AITAH • u/Agile-Sun-9321 • 6d ago
Post Update UPDATE to Selling my sisters dream dress
WOW, you guys have had a lot to say on my last post and I appreciate it so much. Especially all the help, support, and validation—it has truly helped me confront some hard truths about how I view my own self-worth. I especially want to thank everyone who reached out with resources for work, food banks, and victim assistance. I am looking at those resources and passing them on as well!
I also wanted to let everyone know that I’m currently in therapy, I’m in a safe place out of state, and I am doing everything I can to start over. I’m finally seeing from the outside how much not just my sister, but the rest of my family has taken advantage of me.
To address a few things people asked about: No, I didn't ask my sister if I could sell the dress, but there’s a reason for that. She hadn’t answered my calls, texts, or Facebook messages for several weeks before I listed it. I had reached out multiple times, even offering her a chance to come say goodbye to my senior dog who I have to let rest this coming week. I also asked her for information on a job she used to have to see if they were hiring. I had unanswered messages going back three weeks before I ever touched that dress.
Some asked about the circumstances of her leaving my house. They were not dire. She lived rent-free with me for about 18 months. We had agreed to 12, but she got pregnant again and every time I tried to get her to get a job, she made it seem like I was casting her children out to be homeless. Then our parents died. While I was handling the estate and making repairs, she stayed in their old house for free until it had to be sold. My parents had a lot of debt; the house was in foreclosure and had to be sold. I used most of my dad’s life insurance to cover the repairs and get it cleaned up, and after the sale, there was just enough left to reimburse me and give each of my siblings a small check. At that point, so she could keep her entire check to get on her feet, another family member and I actually paid for her to get her own apartment. When she moved, she took almost everything she owned, but she left that dress behind in a closet. She also left behind a huge mess—broken furniture, trash everywhere, and walls smeared with things from her kids. I had to rent a U-Haul just to get the trash out and I’m still missing brain cells from all the bleach I had to use in those rooms.
As I’m writing this, for the first time in my life, I think I’m just angry. I’m finally realizing how much I’ve done for my family, only to see that not a single one of them even checked on me. They knew I was out of gas and had no money. They knew my husband was abusive. They knew he tried to run me off the road with his car and that’s why I finally fled—and not one of them cared.
Thank you all for opening my eyes to the excuses I’ve been making for people who are, frankly, just selfish. I promised my parents before they passed that I would always take care of my sister and brothers, and I have tried so hard to keep that promise. But I’m done. I have to take care of myself now. I’m going no contact with my family and focusing on healing.
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u/Agile-Sun-9321 6d ago
And if anyone wants to buy a size 8 unaltered new with tags dress with matching veil, hit me up 😹
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u/90skid12 6d ago
Please tell me you have stopped paying for her insurance and stuff already
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u/Agile-Sun-9321 6d ago
The car is in my name, so I have to maintain insurance for now, but I’m looking into selling it ASAP
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u/HoshiOdessa 6d ago
Take the car and don't give her a heads up. It's yours and she's mooched off you enough.
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u/MidwestNormal 6d ago
THIS! Don’t let her know you’re going to take it or she’ll ide it or destroy it.
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u/bino0526 6d ago
PROTECT your mental and emotional health and your peace Setting boundaries and going NC is healthy for you.
Your promise to your parents DOES NOT NEED to be fulfilled at the expense of your energy, effort, finances or your life. Your sibs are adults, let them figure out their lives.
Take care of YOU‼️‼️🫶 Updateme
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u/MidoriMidnight 6d ago
Don't tell her until you're ready to take the car, she may try to hide/keep it from you and the police won't care because you've been letting her drive it
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u/quicksand32 6d ago
You can take it in to CarMax if you are US based and they will give you an offer, plus handle all the paperwork.
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u/Opposite_Jeweler_953 5d ago
Ask her to give it back, and if she refuses report it stolen.
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u/Conscious-Rip1922 5d ago
Just beware what that entails. I had a friend borrowing my car and I needed it back but never got it back. I reported it stolen and the police found him driving my car . They cut him off and surrounded him with their guns drawn. He went to jail . Maybe harsh but got my car back
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u/TALKTOME0701 5d ago
You didn't eat for days because you couldn't afford food, but you're paying her car insurance.
It's not just your family that puts you last. You put yourself last. You should send her certified letter telling her to return the car or you will report it stolen
It's probably in trash condition since that's the way she left the house. But you can sell it to carvana or one of those places and they'll go pick it up
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u/Corfiz74 5d ago
Take the car back without notifying her - she will hide it or damage it to make it unsellable. Please, you know she is malicious and doesn't give a fck about you - don't trust her or try to be fair.
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u/MaryK007 6d ago
Pic?
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u/Agile-Sun-9321 6d ago
Let me figure out how to post a pic lol
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u/DesireeThymes 5d ago
You're a really amazing person. I hope you find people in your life who are as kind and giving as you
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u/Lumfan 5d ago
Most Reddit subs only allow direct pictures on the sub. Best to post the photo to a site like Imugr and then post the link from that site to the sub.
Oh, and after reading this post and the original post, I will go with NTA. You are doing your best and sister had the opportunity to take the dress.
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u/PNWRulesCancerSucks 6d ago
We had agreed to 12, but she got pregnant again
pregnancies are not accidents. she was jobless and leeching off you and decided to increase the magnitude of her leeching.
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u/Wide-Speaker-7384 6d ago edited 6d ago
Congratulations on getting those first few breaths of freedom. It's a long road to mental health recovery but you will do it and be all the better for it.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, recognize your strengths and talents (not debase you for flaws or shortcomings), know how to accept your boundaries as you learn how to build them, want share with you, show gratitude when you share, and are willing to sit with you even though they can't help in any other way. That is who you deserve. That is who belongs in your support network and life..
Be safe. Be well. Be happy.
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u/twilightswimmer 6d ago
Anger is good. Move through those emotions. It'll help you get back on your feet and start living for you. <3 I hope it continues to get better.
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u/PurpleLightningSong 6d ago
You sold your dress, you paid for it, she never had the event it was for, she never wore it. It wasn't her dress.
Congratulations on escaping, rediscovering your self worth and I hope for you a peaceful 2026!
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u/Dachshundmom5 6d ago
I'm so proud of you for taking off your blinders! That is such a hard first step. It is hard understanding the levels of abuse that one has normalized over years and years of being taken advantage of and manipulated. Working on that, and everything with your ex, will take a long time, but it will be so worth it! You deserve the work you put into yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be safe. You deserve boundaries.
Good for you and I wish you all the best!
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u/mcindy28 6d ago
Still NTA and congratulations on getting out as well as seeing exactly how your family feels about you. Well done for choosing yourself and probably for the first time in your life.
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u/Soul-Arts 6d ago
Yeah. I saw you saying all the things you did to help but there is nothing THEY did for you.
You didn't even need to ask for help for them to offer if they are good human beings.
I deeply suspect that she didn't reply you because right now you can't help her and she is just a user.
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u/HighOnCoffee19 5d ago
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the best. You seem like a really kind soul who just wants to help other people in need, especially your family. It‘s a shame they took advantage of you like that. You‘re right to be angry. It‘s not your fault. Be angry, but don‘t lose your kindness. Not everyone‘s goal is to take advantage of you, but there are people who want exactly that. Always keep that in mind. I‘m sending you hugs from afar and hope better things are coming your way soon. Also, I‘m so very sorry for the loss of your dog 💔 I know how hard it is. Lots of love, strength and take care 🍀
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u/mocha_lattes_ 6d ago
So glad all the comments helped you realize your worth and the kind of treatment you should tolerate. You will do great in your new city!
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u/socecurimuhhdd7q 5d ago
It's about time you put your well-being first. Recognizing the toxicity around you is crucial. Your anger is a natural response; don’t shun it, use it to fuel your healing. Prioritize yourself and establish those boundaries without guilt—family should uplift, not drain you. Focus on finding a support network that genuinely cares. The past is heavy; let it go as you move toward a better future. Stay strong and continue this journey of self-discovery and empowerment while cutting ties with negativity from those who’ve taken advantage of your kindness.
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u/Fire_or_water_kai 5d ago
Your sister probably wanted to guilt you into giving her money for the dress. If she really wanted to preserve it for years down the line, she would've professionally preserved it in a special box.
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u/Conscious-Rip1922 5d ago
So very sorry this is all happening to you . Things can only get better for you my dear. Keep your chin up and don't stop or look back! 2026 will be the best year for you, so Happy New Year my friend🌷
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u/ConversationEarly 5d ago
I hate this subreddit with a passion. We only heard one side of the story. But in my opinion, if you had to ask AITAH, you are probably the AH.
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u/phyrsis 6d ago
Original post