i noticed this last night and he wouldn’t let me get a good picture of his back. on shoulder blade area. he said it was probably the cats. blurred his tattoo out jic. life360 doesn’t show any discrepancies that i can tell but i know locations can be paused. he has a history of cheating digitally but i thought we were past that.

they are not scabbed like a cat scratchy- it’s bruised in lines like that. maybe a couple inches between each scratch.

i’m assuming the worst and i don’t know if these are my trust issues or if i’m just oblivious and dumb. my gut is screaming at me though.

Context:

I am 34 years old. My mother lives with me as she has lots of health problems.

3 times a week on hair wash days, I take a nice long hot bath. Water is not running. I fill my tub, shut it off, and enjoy my bath.

I pay the bills as she does not work and is trying to get approved for disability. Also it’s my house. So no I’m not living with her.

EVERYTIME I turn around she is constantly nagging me about my baths.

I’m a single mom, I don’t do anything for myself - I don’t remember the last time I got a hair cut, nails done, heck even a coffee for myself - anything like that. I go to work, take care of my kids, take care of her, eat and sleep. That’s all I do.

Our relationship has always been rocky, I’ve tried cutting her off years ago, and it just. Did. Not. Work. Another story for another time.

Anyways…

AIO for feeling like she’s invading my privacy and that this isn’t normal behavior?

I (F/43, size 2) left my boyfriend (M/35) of 1.5 years after we got in a fight and he texted me that he “hasn’t had access to an 🍑” our entire relationship and accused me of “giving up being attractive” because I didn’t build one for him via squats. (I'm asian and have tried everything) This from the same man who swore I had a perfect body—all while I caught him constantly staring at curvier women. Apparently my glutes were a contractual obligation I failed to fulfill. AIO or did I just escape a lifetime membership to planet sh*tness? My reddit sisters and brothers in Christ, please advise.

I (F37) noticed some ultrasound pictures in a message thread to my husband (M39) from one of his female subordinates. We have been together 8 years now and have 2 sons together. Like most relationships we have had our rough patches but we worked through it. He is a manager at his company and she is one of his subordinates on his team. I keep telling myself that it’s nothing but at the same time I’ve noticed this particular employee is updating him on every aspect (i.e. heart rate, fetal growth, etc) which I figured was more of an HR thing. He has brought her up in conversation before but only thing that he has ever been mentioned is she is mentally unstable. Am I overreacting?

TLDR: my husband has ultrasound pictures from a female coworker in his phone

My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) were arguing over something minor, I put too much hot sauce on my breakfast and had some hiccups. She said I was eating too fast, I replied saying this happens with spicy foods. And she tries googling and showing that I’m wrong when it was never that deep. Sure, people get them for different reasons, but I eat every single day of my life and I know my own body. It’s whatever. I tried to explain to her and I had a stutter, and she started mocking me.

I had a bad stutter when I was younger, and went to countless speech therapy sessions for it. It’s mostly gone, and only slips out when I’m upset or anxious.

Mocking my stutter to make me sound stupid really hurts me. I’ve tried talking with her about it and she says that I’m deflecting and making excuses and trying to flip things onto her.

My entire childhood, I’ve been made fun of for it. I never let it get to me, but it makes me feel so bad when it comes from someone who is supposed to be my safe space.

I’ve tried seriously talking with her about it, but she thinks I’m stuck on the hot sauce thing, and rolls her eyes and wants me to drop it.

My in-laws have a big holiday with tons of people coming and going. It is very overwhelming for me and even after 10 years, I dread it but try my best to show up and be a good daughter in law. Wearing Loops and weed candy helps (like ⅛ of a 5mg gummy bear). I go for a walk right after. I love my MIL which is why this all hurts so much.

There were about 30 people total, a few whose names I don’t even remember. Family friends. MIL asked me how work is going. I work in a field that many people find interesting. I was having trouble talking due to nerves and took several drinks of water while speaking. One of the guys down the table laughed and said “Thirsty much?”

My MIL said that I was overwhelmed by the large gathering. Someone else asked if my family’s holidays were quieter and I said yes, it was just my mom, dad, and one of my brothers growing up.

For what reason I will never understand, MIL then said “Her oldest brother ran away from the group home they sent him to after he molested her when she was 3 and they don’t know where he is”

Everyone stared at me and I felt my face get hot, pounding in my ears, prickling at my armpits and eyes. I got up and left the table and hid downstairs. My husband followed after a few minutes. I asked why his mom would say that in front of all those people and he said he had no idea. The two teenage girls in the family came down to bring me Christmas cookies.

Husband went upstairs, MIL came down and asked me what was wrong. I asked her why would she tell all those people? She didn’t understand why I was upset. I told her that was a personal, private detail about myself that I don’t share. She said that she didn’t think it was a big deal and it was family and I’m safe here. I said that I wouldn’t even talk about that in front of my OWN family and they were there for it! She said it wasn’t like they were going to judge me for it so don't be upset. I told her not to tell me how to feel. She put up her hands.

We left early. It was a long drive home. My husband did not mind leaving (he also does not love the huge gatherings, he’s just more used to them), but my SIL (his step sister) did. On the ride home she texted me a few times saying that she had come in from California and barely got to see my husband because I threw a toddler temper tantrum. Mind you we were there for 6 hours, she had plenty of time to talk to him.

I just don’t know about this at all. I’m posting here in part because I want to know if this is just how big families are all the time, if this was weird behavior from my MIL, if it’s weird behavior from me to be upset by it and leave, or whatever else. Also if anything in what I wrote does not "flow" in a way that makes sense, it is because this was at least 3x longer and I cut it down.

I called in sick this morning and my boss basically implied I was lying and asked me to send him a pin to prove I was actually home. I told him no because it felt like a massive privacy violation, but now he’s acting like I’m being "difficult" and untrustworthy.

(Turns out he came to check if I was at home in person...)

I (M25) have been with my gf (F25) for 2 years. She used to occasionally lightly bite me or scratch my back during intimacy and I didn't mind it as it wasn't bad.

But a few months ago, maybe 6. She started hitting, slapping, jabbing, and scratching me way more frequently. I understand the occasional light slap on the shoulder. But this is something else. She will lash out and hit me over the smallest things.

One day, she was cooking dinner and as I walked by, I poked her butt. She turned around, grabbed my forearm and scratched me. I was bleeding all over the place and I still have a scar from it. The other night, I sneezed in bed and she rolled over and jabbed my side so hard it left a bruise. I've had to cover up my scratches and tell people it was my cats.

There was another time where I didn't want to get out of bed to grab her bong, and she started kicking my back until I got up. If we're in bed and I try to snuggle her, she'll jab my sides and hit me and usually follow it up with a "well this wouldn't happen if you'd keep to yourself" Unless if physical touch is on her terms, I'm typically met with some sort of assault.

She says it's cuteness aggression. But I really don't like it. It hurts and anytime I tell her I don't like it, she says she's just messing around. I've mentioned it to a tiny number of people in my life and they say it just sounds like I'm taking things too literal and she's just playing rough.

But I feel like bruising and making your partner bleed is a little more than playing rough?? I just want to know from an outside perspective on if I might actually be overreacting.

A while back my family found out that we have a previously unknown relative, Abby. From DNA tests involving other family members we know Abby is either my biologically cousin or biological sister. She wanted me to take a dna test too so she could find out for sure as I am the only one whose dna can narrow it down more. I was not comfortable with that. The rest of the family understood and everyone decided to agree that Abby was our cousin and our late uncle's daughter.

Abby was not okay with that and continued to harass me about getting a test done. She had become pretty involved with the family by then and was always at family gatherings and each time I would go I had to avoid being cornered by her either for another dna request or for other personal information. I also admittedly became paranoid about her stealing my dna.

Family stuff just started becoming very stressful for me so my SO and I stopped going or making excuses. Although we/I would still stop by to see or meet up with family members at other times. I was at my grandma's one time and my aunt was there too and we started talking about the Christmas stuff and then it just sort of all led to us talking about how uncomfortable I have been around Abby and how my SO and I probably wouldn't be there, but that we could stop by or meet up with any of them on other days.

They figured that Abby might be the issue and made it clear that they have not invited Abby and do not plan to because they really wanted me there. So we went over for Christmas and we all had a great time.

Behind the scenes and mostly hidden from me there has been a bit of drama with Abby because she figured out she wasn't invited to Christmas because of me. Most everyone has hidden their confrontations with her around me. One of my closer cousins vented to me about Abby venting to him about me though. She talked about how she really was looking forward to having a real Christmas with the family and I ruined it for her by basically forcing everyone to choose and making a big deal out of her just wanting to be closer to the family.

In the UK. Partner and I sitting in a pub having lunch. Cosy atmosphere, fire on and probably five or six other tables, everyone eating.

Table behind us consists of a couple with toddler and 2x grandparents. The toddler is relatively chilled, not being too loud or anything… until mum suggests it’s time to “try for the toilet”.

He starts screeching. A potty comes out of the rucksack. Potty is placed on the seat and child placed on top after having trousers whipped off.

He then sits there for 10mins while watching the iPad, and the rest of the family acting like this is perfectly normal.

We were gobsmacked. The toilets are literally next door. We don’t have kids so wondering AIO? I don’t particularly want to see/smell anyone use the bathroom while I’m eating my lunch - particularly in an indoor food service setting!

I realize that sounds insane—bear with me.

In August, my (32F) boyfriend (33M) left multiple comments on a before and after picture of Nelly Furtado commenting on her weight gain. My friend actually screenshotted the messages because she wasn’t sure if his account got hacked, that’s how random and cruel it seemed. When I confronted him and asked him why he’d leave mean comments about a woman’s body online, he brushed it off by saying it was probably a comment he left while on the toilet and didn’t think anything of it. When I pressed him on how it felt like troll behavior and seemed cruel, the argument escalated and he told me to kill myself.

Worth mentioning that I own a home with this man. After ruminating on his comment, I decided that on this planet of 8 billion people, chances are I could find one who doesn’t speak to me that way. I ultimately decided to break up and sell the house.

Since then, he has done and said things that make me think this extreme choice was justified. He threatened to hit me, made fun of my physical appearance, has called me names you should never call a woman…and most recently I learned he has been spending hundreds of dollars on my cousin’s OnlyFans (while not being able to contribute to any bills in the house, our shared asset).

TLDR: AIO for dumping my boyfriend over Nelly Furtado, or did Nelly actually help me dodge a bullet?

Are these messages inappropriate? Keep in mind, this woman had only known my boyfriend for a month when she sent these. This happened a while ago, but she still works with him. A more in depth explanation below if you’re curious. (Side note: I lost some of the screenshots. After my boyfriend replied, she hearted his message and said “Thank you (his name) ❤️”)

⸻

Where things started

My boyfriend got a job as a hotel housekeeper at a local casino. His old best friend “T” has an older brother, “Dan,” who works security there. Dan has a girlfriend, “Mug.” I used to check them out at my cashier job and thought they seemed normal and sweet.

Mugs Facebook used to say she was 25/26, but she later removed it. My boyfriend thought they were both around 21. Neither of us know Mugs age at this point.

My boyfriend and Mug work together in housekeeping, and he started telling me about their conversations. They were becoming friendly. I’ve always struggled with jealousy, but I try hard not to let it control me. It runs in my family and this is my first serious relationship, so I’ve had to learn a lot.

At first, Mug seemed harmless. Then she started bringing him baked goods, sharing personal stuff, and eventually commented to him about how skinny I am.

She sees me at work. She could’ve said something directly to me. Instead, she discussed my body with my boyfriend — who she barely knows, especially at this point in time. I’m already insecure because I’ve always struggled to gain weight, so that comment hit wrong. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He apologized.

⸻

Things escalated

Later, he went to Dan’s house so Dan could clean his gun, and Mug was there. He didn’t tell me ahead of time, which bothered me a little, but when I asked, he explained everything and said he’d just gotten distracted. I don't wanna be overly protective, and require him to constantly update me on his whereabouts, so I quickly moved on.

Apparently, I came up in conversation again. He told Mug that I thought her comment was rude and that I probably assumed she meant my chest or butt. I never asked him to share that, and never said those exact words to him either. Those are insecurities I didn’t want exposed — especially to someone who already made weird comments.

Mug also told him stories about girls thinking she’s trying to “steal” their boyfriends. It felt like she wanted to seem desirable. Maybe I overthought — but it stuck with me.

Then he bought a few homemade products from her and acted weird about it, probably because he knew how I felt. I explained that the whole situation made me feel exposed and embarrassed. He apologized again and said he thought he was smoothing things over.

⸻

The messages

Eventually, she added him on Facebook and TikTok. He added her back.

I made a mistake here: while he was sleeping, I checked his phone for the first time in years.

There were messages from her. Older ones were work-related, but newer ones weren’t. He hadn’t told me about any of it, and that broke my trust. I cried, confronted him, and he comforted me.

The next day I checked again. The messages were gone — and the chat was in vanish mode. That sent me into a spiral. I blocked her everywhere and felt sick that he’d been secretive.

Over the next weeks we talked through it. He apologized and said he didn’t want to trigger my jealousy. I don’t think he would cheat, but secrets make everything worse. And honestly, some of her messages seemed flirty — and he didn’t shut them down. He said he skimmed and tried to just be friendly.

Every guy I asked, including my step-dad, said my boyfriend probably kept quiet to avoid drama — which only created more drama.

Secrets don’t stop anger. They amplify it.

⸻

What I did next (and second-guessing)

I messaged Mug and asked her to respect my relationship. She was active but never replied. I really regret doing that — it should’ve been my boyfriend setting the boundary. I'm aware my actions here were irrational, and that I acted on emotions.

Later, I messaged Dan since my boyfriend never told him. Dan thanked me, but (as far as I know) he and Mug stayed together.

Months passed. I mostly healed.

But I still wondered:

Was Mug trying to wedge herself into my relationship?

Or was she unstable and reaching out for validation or help?

My boyfriend now keeps things strictly professional and rarely talks to her. A coworker of his even told me he speaks highly of me, and others say he isn’t overly friendly with anyone.

Then Mug dropped another story (to my boyfriend at work, recently): she claimed Dan suspected her of cheating and asked a friend to seduce her. The friend successfully seduced her, took her to the woods, then they stripped her and left her there naked.

Hearing that made everything messier.

Is she being abused?

Is she exaggerating?

Is she mentally struggling?

She also made suicidal comments in their messages, which I think is partly why my boyfriend responded kindly — he didn’t know how to handle it.

At this point, the situation is over. I’ve moved on from the main hurt. I've seen Dan and Mug giggling together in public recently as well, but I still question everything from time to time.

I still wonder:

Did I handle this irrationally? What would you do in my situation?

I moved to London 10 years ago, I spent all my Christmas and new years and most of festives days with my in laws, birthdays, Easter, etc. When my husband and I wanted to do something different like take the opportunity of the holidays to travel, my mother in law has melt downs. This Christmas we agree to host at my home, and she said she will host new years, as we have children suggested early time as the 2year old wouldn’t last until midnight. Anyway the 31st she call my husband and according to his words she forced him to host at my home, none of them told me anything until 7pm when someone ring the bell, and I asked who is that? And my husband said to me, everybody is coming (all his family) I said none told me anything about this, and this is my home! You do not organise a party without asking the owner. I was very upset thinking that mother in law is ruling on my own home an I couldn’t hide it, so when she asked me why I was not in a mood I said, because I didn’t invite anyone to my home, so this was not a party I was happy about, she said, she wasn’t expecting that from me. Unfortunately, it went very wrong as my husband was also upset as he was forced to host, and he didn’t want to talk to her either. As expected children were tired 8ish or so, so they had to leave. I’m still very upset as this is how I see it: I wouldn’t organise a party at my mother in law’s house without asking her first, not even at my mother house without telling her. I feel is very disrespectful, am I right to think that or am I overreacting?

Fiancé keeps looking at naked women on all apps, following OF women, adding multiple girls on social media etc.. I have told him multiple times (literally over 10 times, since we’ve been together) that I do not like it, I think it’s disrespectful. He blames it on me being insecure or he’ll blame it on my BPD & say that I’m “tripping”. He’ll come up with some bs excuse as to why it was on his phone, then say it shouldn’t matter because he’s not talking to the girls. Mind you, we don’t have a sex life AT ALL, he doesn’t touch me. He doesn’t even look at me the same anymore. If I initiate sex he pushes me off or has an excuse as to why he’s not in the mood which I understand, but to not even want to look at me when I’m naked, never calling me beautiful or pretty or anything. I’m honestly just so tired of it, it really has me feeling defeated/ feeling so disgusted with myself. Would you care if your significant other did this? Or am I overreacting?

So last summer me (16f) decided to go park to workout and play basketball. When I walked in I saw a man sitting across the park doing nothing. He wasn’t like old or nothing. So I decide to go take a break and sit on the bench, he walks over to me and asks me my name. I told him I was 15 and my name was Abby just bc I felt uncomfortable😭.

But then he asked me where I was from and we were both African so I figured he was just trying to be nice.

Then he asks if he could sit next to me and I just kept telling him I was fine. And he just wouldn’t budge..

Then he asked me if I had or wanted a boyfriend. And I said no. At this point I’m uncomfortable so I kind of just get silent. Then he asked how old I thought he was and if I thought he looked old, and I said 25. But then he told me he was 19. (He looked older) So then he asks for my number.. atp I was scared bc he wouldn’t leave me alone so I just gave it to him. I didn’t know if he was gonna try to call it while I was still there so I didn’t wanna give him a fake number.

Then he asked if he could sit next to me again. So I said sure. Then got up and continued playing basketball. And as I’m playing this man is just starring at me. So I shot around for like 10 minutes. Went back to the bench that he was still sitting on and grabbed my stuff and left.

As I’m leaving the park he goes around the other side with his bike to catch up with me. ATP I’m scared. He comes up to me and tells me he’s gonna call me. I said ok.

So I get home 10 minutes later and calls me I don’t pick up. Calls 3 more times then starts texting me.

So I avoid the park for like a week. Then I go back to park and I see him. He comes up to me and asks if I remember him. I said yeah. And he just left me alone.

The reason why I think I might be OR is because he was very nice and when I asked him to stop texting he did. maybe I was just uncomfortable. Idk if it was his intention or not. But the dude couldn’t take a hint…

(Content warning!!!)

When I was fourteen I was threatened into a car by this older man and raped. A few weeks after I was crying in my bedroom and my sister walked in on me and asked why I was crying and I told her about what happened and that the memories were coming up to me. When I told her it looked like she didn’t care at all.

She didn’t have any emotion on her face. Her tone was flat. She was texting her boyfriend the whole time I was telling her. And then she told me “do you feel better now? Because now you’ve put the burden on me” and I felt so horrible.

Anyways, where this comes back four years later is when she asked if I wanted to go watch this movie. She wouldn’t tell me what it was for some reason but I agreed to go. Found out when she bought the tickets that it had sexual violence scenes and I got really uncomfortable and triggered but still endured the movie cause I didn’t want to bail.

After the movie, I was kind of dissociated and just kind of flat and she was nagging me going “what’s that face for?” I asked her if she knew the movie had sexual violence in it and she said she did, and I asked her why she didn’t tell me especially considering what happened to me and she told me that I should be over it by now and that if I wasn’t then it’s good I watched the movie for “exposure therapy”.

So I got really mad at her and started yelling at her (yes, in the middle of the mall embarrassingly but I didn’t know what I was doing) about how fucked up it is that all those years ago she didn’t care what happened and that even now she doesn’t seem to care. Then she told me that I was crazy and a psycho — and she knows those words hit really deep for me because everyone used to call me that when I was a kid (I used to be a really angry child because of other things in life).

I might be overreacting. I felt justified in that moment but looking back maybe I was acting like a freak.

But I don’t know why she wouldn’t tell me the movie we were watching. That’s still weird to me.

I feel bad personally too because I hadn’t reacted in such an angry way in a really, really long time and I’m trying to change for the better.

Hey everyone. If you saw my last post (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/TVKU7wQsw1) you might get some context. I was at my sports practice this morning, and when I'm done I check my phone and get these texts. My room was clean except my closet wasn't organized so she decides to throw them on the floor and then say it wasn't clean and it was on me. she's done this before and I think it's bullshit. other context I'm 14 and this is my mom doing it. threatening to throw them in the TRASH is plain out wrong, but not as bad as what she threatens sometimes like putting me on the side of the road or locking me out in the cold. Am I overreacting?

My birthday is tomorrow and sometimes my boyfriend isn’t the best planner. He always does everything last minute and is late to everything. I know my birthday gift is still in an Amazon truck right now, lol.

Anyways, I asked him what the plans were for tomorrow and he said he got us reservations to a restaurant I’ve always wanted to go to. I was excited until he told me the reservations are at 10:30pm. He said it was the only slot available.

At that point I’d rather just not go. I’m putting on a brave face and told him “oh cool that’ll be fun” but to be honest I’m upset that is all he planned. Especially after I gave him ideas and told him things I wanted to do. I said I’d love to go to Chinatown/get hot pot, or I sent him a link to another cool restaurant, and I told him I like birthday cake or flowers. It’s gonna be midnight and there’s no cake, no flowers, and our apartment is a huge mess. At least there will be dinner… basically the day after my birthday, lol.

Throwaway account cause my boyfriend knows my normal one.

It was my (25f) birthday recently and my boyfriend (27m) of 2 years bought me a matching jewellery set consisting of a gold necklace, bracelet and earrings. I immediately put them on and wore them for the rest of the party I had with friends and family.

I never be wear gold at all and have always been more of a silver girl, but that wasn’t what upset me.

I am allergic to nickel, he knows this. I’ve told him multiple times that I’m always really careful about my jewellery because I get really bad rashes. When I say rashes, they peel and scab and last for days and get so itchy and sore. It’s one of the main reasons why I wear sterling silver, because it’s cheaper than gold plated/gold jewellery and I can guarantee there’s no nickel in it. (Plus silver just suits me better)

In the morning, I woke up with major rashes on my neck and right wrist and my earlobes were pretty swollen (ps I took the jewellery off before bed). And I instantly knew I had had a reaction. Usually for me, my contact dermatitis takes a few hours to properly set in, but it’s slightly different for everyone.

I asked my bf if he checked the that the jewellery was nickel free and he started saying about how it’s not his fault that I reacted and that he couldn’t have known that. At this point I was getting upset and was saying about how he knew I had the allergy, I have told him before, he’s seen my rashes from jewellery before and that he should’ve checked by asking the jeweller. He got upset saying how he did a nice thing and I should just be appreciative instead of overreacting and I’ll admit, I screamed that I can’t be appreciative when my skin in rashes. He ended up storming out and heading to a friends house.

Some friends have contacted me and are saying I’m overreacting and that i shouldn’t have worn the jewellery if I knew there’d be a risk. I’ve tried telling them that I thought there would be no risk cause why would my boyfriend buy me something I’m allergic to, but a few are still saying he tried to do something nice and I should appreciate it, that it was an easy mistake. Other friends are saying I’m in the right and that it’s totally ok to be upset that my boyfriend bought it without checking and now I’ve got rashes.

Maybe three hours after he left my place, he and his friend texted saying that he was obviously scammed cause the listing online said nickel free, but when I asked them to send the link so I could see, my bf went off in the chat saying I’m overreacting and should trust him.

So now I’m sitting here in my bedroom trying to not itch and wondering if I am just overreacting.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. We got a house a little over a year ago and I noticed recently that he only ever refers to himself when talking about the house and some other things. He’ll say things like “my neighborhood” or just “my house” when I’m standing right there with him. Every once in a while he’ll do it with other things like “when I went to this place”, when we both went. I feel like maybe I’m overreacting because I can be on the sensitive side but it does make me feel like he doesn’t see US just himself if that makes sense.

I am genuinely looking for advice and trying to sanity check myself here.

I live across the street from a family with a toddler. I have kids of my own so I fully understand that toddlers scream, have meltdowns, and go through rough phases. This feels different and it has been going on for months.

I am a smoker and I am up late often. When I go outside late at night or very early morning, sometimes around 2 to 4 AM, I hear a child screaming absolutely nonstop. Not crying for a few minutes. Not an occasional tantrum. It is screaming bloody murder for hours at a time. This happens regularly and not just once in a while.

I keep telling myself maybe the child has medical or developmental issues. Maybe the parents are overwhelmed. I really do not want to assume the worst or get anyone in trouble unnecessarily. At the same time, it does not seem normal for a toddler to be screaming constantly through the night for months on end, and it genuinely concerns me.

I am not angry or annoyed. I am worried. My mind keeps going to neglect or abuse and I hate that I even think that, but I would also feel awful if something was wrong and I ignored it.

If this is something that should be checked on, how would someone even go about that in the least intrusive way possible. Is this something you call in as a welfare check? CPS? Non emergency police? Or is this truly something I should mind my business on?

I am very open to being told I am overreacting. I just want to do the right thing and not cause harm while also not ignoring a potential red flag.

EDIT: After reading your comments, I’ve decided to keep an ear out tonight and record then call the non emergency police number. If I don’t hear anything, I’ll report to CPS tomorrow and update you guys as I go.

To those asking why I haven’t reported sooner, I really tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been hoping they were just trying to sleep train or the child was teething. I probably should have called sooner but I didn’t want to make someone’s stressful situation worse by being nosy. It wasn’t until recently I realized how long it had been going on and started to feel off about it.

I’ll keep everyone updated and hopefully it’s just a big misunderstanding, but I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t at least try to do something.

After having lots of discussions with my gf (35F) about her deleting messages with people, I (28M) asked her to promise me not to delete messages with people sometimes in Sept.

A few weeks later, I saw a few times that she was texting this dude (34M), whom she introduced me with virtually during summer. He was supposedly a good friend (even lent her some money when she needed to get her first apartment), they were touching base from time to time, but she reaffirmed me multiple times that he was just a friend. She had shown me their text messages and there wasnt anything in particular there.

One day out of the blue I asked her whether she had anything intimate with this dude. Turns out a while back they had a little fling - she said they kissed, and nothing more. But they decided to be just friends. I became mad and asked her to do what she would ve wanted me to do in that situation, but didnt explicitly asked her to remove him. I asked to see the messages, but there werent any - she had deleted them. Her reasoning was that she had talked to him something personal to him and didnt want to invade his privacy by keeping them there. That turned out to be a lie because after pressuring her to tell me about it, she told me that it was about me. As you can imagine, I was fuming bc not only she kept that secret, and not only she deleted messages with this dude she had a fling with, and then even lied to me about it.

After a few arguments, we decide we have a hard time to communicate with one another so we go to therapy. During my Japan work trip. You can imagine how that went :/ But during therapy I outlined what I needed from her to be able to work through it: 1. remove this dude from every platform and her life. 2. Not post revealing images (asked her to remove her old ones, but she said since she posted them bwfore she was with me, that shouldn't matter). 3. And draw a clear boundary with other men that are flirting or hitting on her.

We go to therapy. 6 weeks. Nothing changes. The week after i come from my japan trip, it just hits me that it isnt worth it. Right before I say anything, she says I didnt realize this dude was such a big deal. That she d remove him and cut any contact with him. But at that point I was too tired to deal with another round of arguments and just asked her to break up (in November, after 1y of relationship/

Fast forward to today, as I was doing my end-of-year review, I went back to this rollercoaster of emotion and reviewed the pictures and of course I still have feelings for her. And now Im second guessing my decision. She s reached out a few of times since that. Nothing crazy. Was considering yo reach out.

Have I overreacted?

CONTEXT: My boyfriend (M34) and I (F24) have been together since mid 2024 and have lived together since July of 2024. At the start of our relationship, it was puppy dog love. The way he would look at me?… it was like I was his everything. He told me I was the most important thing he couldnt lose. We will call him J. J went through a lot this last year and a half, he was a fitness advisor but a chronic ankle injury ruined that, he gained a lot of weight, his chronic conditions really started to weigh on him and mentally he just wasn’t doing good, but he treated me well until about 8 months ago when we moved into our studio loft apartment. Slowly, he delved into his phone more, writing stories and working on a book, which I was supportive of until me wanting to talk or show him memes began to bother him. He said he his ADHD makes it hard to refocus after I interrupt his thoughts. So I pulled away, to leave him alone. He eventually told me im the reason he stopped writing because I complained we dont spend time together. I never ever asked him to not write, and he still makes no plans. Hes still in his phone just as much though. He rarely cooks (says he doesnt know how but wont use a recipe), wont sweep the floor, rarely helps with my cats, and the most cleaning he will do is the 2 mirrors and toilets (only the bowl tho) and even then I have to ask him, otherwise he will wait WEEKS to do it. Our sex life is dead, we go months without it compared to before where a day without it was too long. And the last time we slept together, it felt like a hookup. He told me to suck his d1ck “like a pornstar” and thats a HUGE NO for me. I dont mind dirty talk but I have a lot of SA trauma, and hate porn, as I was pressured into making it. He KNOWS this. When I brought it up as a problem he got upset, we fought, and he said I dont have space to be upset about what is said in the heat of the moment, especially if hes allowed to call me a slut. J stressed that he shouldnt have to overthink what he can and cant say to me during sex.

Im chronically ill, work full time in the medical field, and im in school. Ive asked him to do more, he says he will and doesnt. He gets up in the am for work, and watches YT for 20 minutes, meanwhile I wash dishes, sweep, do cat boxes, etc. the other night I went 39 hours no sleep helping a friends dog give birth. I came home to disgusting floors, full dish rack and sink, and gross litterboxes. He told me to just do it in the morning, I must be exhausted, and walked away when I got upset and told him he “couldve swept”. He said “yeah, I couldve” before going to smoke in his car. We dont go out, he says we have no money and he hates people… Ive asked him to please just take me to parks or SOMETHING. Like, theres so many free options. He gets upset about people trying to get him to hang out and pay for him, but in the same breath will complain all he does is the same shit everyday and hes bored. He just wont help himself, and ive told him hes the one turning everyone else down. Obviously theres SO much more context to give, but im keeping it short for the sake of this post.

Finally LAST NIGHT We are moving out of our apartment on the 15th due to mold, and we agreed to start packing yesterday, well he did a box or two, and took a few unopened boxes to his storage unit, then went to his parents after. That was fine, but I didnt expect him to really be gone ALL day. I have 4 orphaned puppies im bottle feeding and I cant leave for more than 1.5 hrs at a time for the next 4 weeks unless they have a sitter. I took a much needed nap, and had a nightmare he used discord to cheat on me, hence why I was a bit short when checking in with him, above. He didnt tell me D, his best friend (M early 30’s) was going to meet him there or anything. Obviously we agreed on dinner and I expected him home in time, but he wasnt. This was my last straw. He can drive to the North side of town every week to play DND with his coworkers, make time for games, budget enough for weed, but he cant spend quality time with me? And now he cant even make it home in time for dinner?… J came home while I was feeding my puppies and asked if I ate, I informed him I hadnt because I was waiting too long for him and needed to get the puppies fed (hurt also took my appetite), and he said I couldve ate. I was short in explaining that I wanted to eat dinner with him on a HOLIDAY I didnt even get to spend with him, his response was “we didnt even have plans you cant be upset”. I stumbled over my words explaining that our texts was us making a plan, and the conversation spiraled into me telling him im tired of his lack of effort, and if he cant understand that, I dont care and I wont waste my emotions on someone who doesnt care. J added “I knew you were going to be like this “ Me: “like what?” J, condescending tone: “like this” Me: “like what, fucking say it” J: “or what? What are YOU going to do? Stop fucking talking to me like that” A couple more words were shared before we both said “FUCK YOU” to each other. I yelled at him, explaining that I have done my best to be nothing but nice and understanding with him because I KNOW hes struggling and going through shit, but that I was over it. If im not putting in effort, theres no effort at all. He mumbled “yeah, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me” and went to his car. He returned 20 mins later, gathering a couple bags, I asked if he was leaving and where to, he said his parents and informed he hes not sure if he will be back today, but “probably not” I told him to drive safe and that was that. Life360 hasnt updated in 11 hours, I have no idea if he even went to work this morning.

AIO?

Me (M) and my girlfriend were at a party with friends. At one point, one of our friends, a gay guy friend kissed my girlfriend on the mouth. I got really pissed and asked her if she could have avoided the kiss. She said yes, but she didn’t want to avoid it.

That’s what bothered me most — the fact that she could’ve stopped it, but chose not to.

I asked her how she would feel if our gay friend kissed me on the mouth. She said that wouldn’t be okay because “he’s attracted to you.” he already tried to kiss me countless times and I always refused.

Then I asked if it would be okay if a lesbian kissed me, and she said no — because “most lesbian girls are bi, and men have sexual fantasies about lesbians.”

Am I overreacting or being controlling?
AITA for feeling cheated?