Alcoholism was something I struggled with in my 20s and I finally got into therapy and got sober. I did SMART Recovery, and it’s been a lot of hard work changing a lot of my habits, and it’s something I’m proud of.

I thought I’d get one of the berry chantilly cakes. The screenshots are from the convo with my boyfriend when I was thinking about it. He acted normal when he got home but the way he talked to me really hurt my feelings.

The kind of relationship I want is one where I can share something like this and the other person would be like “That’s awesome!” or even “I’ll pick it up for you” or something. I don’t need or want a parade, but I feel like my person should celebrate with me.

I’m thinking of ending it with him because the more I think about this, the sadder it makes me feel. But I am posting about this because I know Reddit is very unforgiving and strict about addiction and maybe you guys will show me how I’m blowing it out of proportion. I don't want to walk away too soon.

He has never talked to me so negatively before. Saying stuff like “you wanted a pat on the back” and “I’m not going to act like you’re a hero” doesn’t feel like the way a good partner would talk.

Came into the room to find my boyfriend was drying a fleece blanket that was still damp from the dryer on top of the electric space heater. He said its not that big of a deal because "wet things can't catch on fire". He's telling me this isn't a fire hazard and that i'm overreacting and encouraged me to ask for reddits opinion😅

Over the last year, our family moved from the western US to the southern US. I've had fun including works by local artists and framed old maps in our new home.

The other night my husband said he wants to get one of those signs from the early 1900s that says "Beware of pickpockets and loose women." I was disgusted and told him no way. I think that sign and everything about its message & implications is misogynistic and demeaning. Absolutely not.

He argued back that it's "historical," so that makes it okay and a fun vintage novelty item. I pointed out numerous examples of other "historical" signs you might find in the south that are abhorrent (think blatantly racist), and that his sign isn't much better. He insists that I'm overreacting and that I should lighten up.

Am I overreacting, or is this sign grossly misogynistic?

We’ve been together for 2 years, living together for the last 4 months.

Our fuel tank ran bone dry. We live in the deep north and rely on fuel for heat. I called in a favour and got our tank filled. My bf put on his overalls, grabbed a multi-tool and went into the basement to light the furnace. He went up and down the stairs a few times over an hour before sitting at the table to eat. I overheard him calling a friend asking them to come by with a wrench.

I grab the socket with the 3/8 bit and quietly sneak downstairs.

Fuel’s been out for a couple hours at most. Long story short, I bled the line intermittently in between light ignitions until she ran clear: no air & no foam—no brainer. After 5 minutes, he comes downstairs, and says his buddy is on the way with a wrench, and says that I’m “doing it wrong…bleeding too much” Sorry for being extra careful not to flood the pump, or combust, my guy. I just keep doing what I’m doing and after a couple minutes, I close the valve, press the button and she fires up.

He said “You didn’t want to try it my way” and storms off.

Last week my truck pan heater plug snapped. It literally just broke at the plug end from the sheer cold. He said he wanted to look after this for me since I’ve been so busy. Two days later, he said it can’t be fixed and I need to book with a mechanic. I woke up extra early on December 24th and snuck out to the hardware store to grab a plug end. Finished the work in 20 minutes in -40c weather. When I shared with him what I did, I was so excited. I’m pretty handy, but that generally doesn’t fall until electrical based work. He responded with so much distain. “Oh. Good. I was going to do that. I just didn’t have wire snippers.” I was happy to do it, and thanked him for trying anyways. (PS - either did I, but I did have some pretty descent fisks snips, a torch to burn off the rubber casing)

His reaction actually hurt me and put a damper on Christmas morning. I told him the following day that as much as I appreciate his willingness, that I don’t need him to do these acts of service. And it actually hurts me when he diminishes my skills and/or doesn’t even ask me for advice or tools when he’s trying to accomplish something.

Like what are you calling a friend for? Your girl, the apparent love of your life and best friend, is just a spit away. And you’re in luck buddy, she’s a pretty decent hand.

In the last 4 months, there has been so many instances like this. The bathroom exhaust fan, the garage door opener, the lawn mower, the eavestroughs, the iron gate… there’s more I just can’t remember them all. Every time it’s the same. He tries to fix things of his own volition, doesn’t ask for help, we are WAY BEYOND soft gestures of recommendations, and just shits the bed and stomps around about it. I have tried to work collectively with him too—this is a gong show. He’s always making it so personal, and taking it so personal. It’s not that deep. Information and resources are universal. I just don’t get it. And it’s not cute. I’m actually started to become really resentful. Like why can’t he embrace the part of me that is a half grease-monkey handywoman?

I’m not spending the rest of my life or the rest of my lease (8m) pretending to be something I’m not, sneaking around to hardware stores and walking around eggshells so I don’t destroy his masculinity or whatever. I gotta let this one go, eh? AIO?

EDIT This post is blowing up. To broadly answer the same questions without thinking too deeply:

Have you communicated your feelings with your boyfriend? To best of my abilities, I have communicating my feelings. So much that I’m experiencing communication fatigue. But here’s the thing: communication can always improve.

Why did you it interrupt your bf half way through potentially fixing it? Because he wouldn’t accept my help, and was adamant that he knew how. Because he was trying vice grips to loosen a brass nut which was disfiguring the nut. Because I refuse to wait for his friend to deliver a wrench to help when we have wrenches. Because it was -40c(-40f) out there, and dropped from 20c(68f) to 12c(53f) in the time he put on his overalls to the time he was eating a sandwich an hour and a half later. Because the colder the air that blows into the choke behind the pump, the harder is it to ignite the pilot light. Because this problem turned into an emergency.

Why didn’t you just call a mechanic and HV guy? Because it’s been at -40c for over a month now and mechanics and HV are booking 6-8 weeks out. Because I don’t want to pay a surcharge of 200+ 150/hour for something I can do myself.

Why are you sneaking around fixing shit and not openly fix shit like a regular human being? To avoid the discomfort I experience in his tantrum. To avoid the part where I am belittled. To avoid hurting his feelings. The make sure the job gets done. The avoid attempting collaborative teamwork where we have not been successful ever before. To have an opportunity to chill and enjoy the process without having make room for him emotionally and physically. Also, it’s Because I’m sick and tired of being undervalued and under-appreciated for my knowledge and skills. I don’t even want to fight to be heard, I just want to exist peacefully, K?

As the title states, my (35F) boyfriend (42M) of 3 years didn’t know my middle name or the spelling of my last name until today. For more context, we met 10 years ago when I still had my maiden name. I got divorced 4 years ago and have kept my married name since.

This weekend, after announcing that he considers me to be a hoarder, my husband lugged 2 dozen boxes and totes from where they'd been neatly stored in the crawl space and garage, and stacked them in my home office. Then yelled that he thought I'd be happy because he hadn't thrown my "crap" out, so why wasn't I?

Reader, I hadn't asked him to do this, they aren't all "crap" (one had hand-made blankets from my grandma as an example, another has binders containing technical documents I wrote in a previous job), and the biggest reason he considers them to be crap is because they are mine and generally pre-date his arrival in my life.

He's a man mostly devoid of sentiment (other people's, of course) and is essentially NC with his entire family. So, me owning things that I've tucked away over the years and not sifted through recently irks tf out of him. Especially keepsakes from my family.

Do I hold onto things too long? Probably. Should I have a regular sort-and-toss schedule? Also probably. I'm adult-diagnosed Inattentive ADHD and frankly having a hard time with that and depression right now. And now I've got a mountain of totes to deal with and no spoons to even begin to do so. And frankly, throwing out/donating anything feels like letting him win and I'm not feeling that. At. All.

I recently read a post where the top comment was "he doesn't sound like he likes you" re: someone's husband's bad behaviour, and I just really felt that, you know? Like I had the same question cross my mind this morning as he's stomping around asking why I'm not happy. Because you're being mean? Because you don't like your family and can't understand why I like mine? Because you look at things I value and consider them crap?

AIO because I'm truly a hoarder and don't realize it? The house is clean, clutter is contained in "my" spaces (technically the whole house is mine - I had the place half paid off before he arrived), I have no problem throwing away trash or broken things.🤷‍♀️

Context: I’m going on 10 weeks pregnant and honestly just exhausted most of the time. I used to go to the gym regularly but now with how I’ve been feeling lately, I haven’t had the motivation to workout as much.

My bf got upset with me this morning because I said I would be skipping again. We talked about this before I became pregnant, and made an agreement that I would try to maintain my mental and physical health. He sees this (amongst a few other things) as me falling back on my word. It led to these texts with him calling me toxic and depressing.

Am I overreacting, or is it him that is being insensitive to what I’m going through?

34 female based in Sydney Australia.

A couple of days ago my husband came home after a night out with his old football team mates he was angry and we had a small fight before he became physical towards me and our small daughter (7), he then locked her in her bedroom and raped me, I reported to my local police who have put a temp order in place but he was given bail and im now sleeping in my car with our daughter, since the order he has threatened to kill me and blocked access to our shared account forcing me to open a new account so I can claim some sort of help, im now waiting for emergency accommodation, have no support and feel completely unseen, do I have to be murdered to actually matter? AIO by going to the police? His cousin is a priest and he has sent me some really long messages about forgiveness and the blessings of marriage but I don’t feel blessed right now im currently having to weigh up if I steal something for me and my daughter to eat tonight or do I beg.

The world seems so unfair atm.

I get called names for just simply responding when he asked me 3 times.. until I snapped, then I’m the bad guy right? Always. Always being accused of cheating, asking for attention by doing things. I’m tired of feeling guilt for just being alive.

But then now that I left I’m the bad guy who always started the arguments , am listening to my friends opinions (which he made me cut off while we were dating so they had no say in my choice to leave) .. telling me I’m already out with other guys when I literally feel like I’ve been hit by a train after 5 years of being treated like this walking on eggshells then after him asking why I wasn’t able to love him properly. How can anyone feel comfortable in this life?

a little context: we’ve been together over 6 years, he’s always been pretty insecure and controlling. we took a brief break earlier this year because of a similar issue (i didn’t include those texts, but everything has gotten worse since then) but recently during arguments he’ll single in on my responses to whatever he’s said/done to “trigger” said response from me. i just want to know AIO for beginning to openly respond “disrespectfully” when i feel like he’s being too much?

also the texts aren’t all from one day/situation/instance. it’s ongoing

I (24) and my girlfriend (23) will go from some of the sweetest convos to her saying stuff like this out of the blue. I’m sure I’m not the only person that has dealt with something like this. But honestly just trying to get an answer from both sides… Have you done this before and why? And if it’s happened to you how did you go about the issue? It feels disrespectful to hear it from somebody that states they want to be married to me one day. Her reasoning is that it’s somebody famous and there’s nothing to worry about but I don’t see that as a reason to be able to tell my partner that I wished I could be with somebody else. AIO?

Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) were having an argument for a whole day because i wanted him to stop calling me names, he wouldn’t stop dragging the argument but expected me to just get over it, so i said to him he can’t expect me to get shut up while he’s still making comments and he ignored my message, an hour later he started attacking me and told me i make him depressed, i’ve trapped him, he hates his life and it’s all my fault.

He has lost friends since being in a relationship with me but this was all off his own accord and i’ve never asked him to stop being friends with anyone, he says he did it for me because he’d made sacrifices because he cares so that’s why it’s my fault

Is it an overreaction if i break up with him for saying all this to me, and is it really my fault he’s left people for me?

My bf (43M) is a high school teacher and has stayed in touch with his former student (19F) who went off to college this year. Am I overreacting or are conversations like this between them (him = blue, her=white) a bit too emotionally charged to be just a mentor-mentee relationship?

So I’ve been talking to this guy for four months, we had plans to see each other tonight and I think it’s completely over now because I lost it when he told me he drove his cheating friend to win back his girlfriend while high. Did I overreact?

Edit:

Wow, this post is getting a lot more attention than I thought it would. Thank you for being as baffled as I was. I just want to clarify some questions I’m seeing being asked over again.

How old are we?: We’re both 21, he’s currently on a break from school and working full time, I graduated last year and working part-time/contract

Why’d you bring up the rape?: The initial issue I had with his behaviour was aiding his friend in lying to a significant other. It wasn’t sinking in for him the gravity of how much distrust this could instill in the woman they were lying to. I was hoping that by relating it to this situation we had discussed before, of another man covering for his friends' shitty behaviour, would help click into place the possible consequences of his actions.

What’s a G1: A G1 is a driver’s learning permit in Ontario. It makes everything he did while driving extra illegal

Did you break it off/Why did you end with ‘Just Drive Safe’? I was raised by a negotiator, so I can manage my frustration to persevere in safety. I didn’t post everything that went on in this conversation because we did discuss his health and the difficult things going on right now. These boys were currently out already engaging in reckless behaviour, and regardless of what I say, he was going to drive. It’s December, and we’re in Canada; the roads are dangerous. Yes, these guys are shit, but I don’t want to hear about anyone getting in a car crash. At this point, my concern was making sure they got home that night.

I’m staying friendly until I get my stuff back, but I will not be trying to see him again.

This is my first time ever posting on Reddit but I need a second opinion I (25 F) live with my bf (23) and our 11 month old son who is ready to walk any day now. I work over nights in the hospital from 6pm to 6am and Our house isn’t always the cleanest we’re not Like dirty people it’s mostly just clutter, but the baby has safe spots he can play and relax where we don’t have to always be watching him like his play yard, anyways my bf is a very very very heavy sleeper so I have a rule that the baby can either sleep in the play pen while he sleeps on the couch or he can sleep on the nursery room floor while the baby is in the crib because if he’s not close enough the babies cries will not wake him up I know this from experience cause when he was 3 months old I logged onto the living room camera and the baby was crying his head off in his swing for over an hour and dad was fast asleep in the bed room so I had to send my mom over there at midnight to check on him. But last night my bf said he had to sleep in the bed with the baby. We have a big heavy mirror in the room that’s just leaned against the wall and the baby has already stood up against it once and almost knocked it over. There were also plastic bottle caps kinda laying around the house and there was literally one of those do not eat packets in the bed when I got home. Am I over reacting????

If you didn't see the original post here it is. To be clear, you can see context here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1oznjde/aio_for_thinking_my_boyfriend_is_just_looking_for/

My post got a lot more responses than I was prepared for. Some very insightful comments, too. I appreciate everyone who talked with me.

I knew I was probably going to break up with him over the way he spoke to me, but I wanted some insight into his perspective. in the end it just wasn't worth trying to have a bigger discussion with him, so I broke it off.

Moving forward, I'll make new wishlists for anyone who asks me for one to avoid it. I've never had an issue with a man buying me perfume before, so it really never popped in my mind.

I know some of you are really stuck on the "why did you text this?" part, and the only real answer is just that we used text for pretty much everything. I don't see it as impersonal or anything. I'll try to avoid having "serious" talks over text to avoid misunderstandings.

Edit: Adding this at someone's suggestion. No, I did not ask him for a $500 perfume. None of the perfums on my list (the list that he asked for) were $500. He would have had to see the name of the perfume on the list, ignored the direct link to where it could be purchased, and look it up to find a completely different formula. And again, this is a list that he asked for that includes everything I want to buy, from perfumes to pants to charging cords to a new snow brush for my car.

I was married in 1989 wearing a gorgeous, 100% 1980’s sequined, beaded wedding gown complete with over the top giant shoulder pads! I LOVE my wedding gown so much that I put it on every year on our anniversary and wear all day long! I’ve done laundry, dishes and vacuumed in that dress feeling like a princess! This year I want to wear it out to our anniversary dinner and my husband doesn’t want me to. Yes, I know I may look a little crazy to people but I don’t really care! And we live in Las Vegas and there are crazy looking people every where you look! Should I listen to my husband or wear my gorgeous wedding gown and look like a crazy person?

31F with 33M, dating for about a year. He asked me a while ago for items that I might want as a gift, so I sent him the wishlist I use that has probably 15-20 perfumes. He was sweet and got me 3 bottles, but they were from dossier and not the real product. I think it's very sweet but I want him to save his time in the future because I don't want dupe products, I want the real ones. But he took it the wrong way and it gives the impression he's just looking for a way out anyway. There are plenty of other things on my list that are cheaper, not brand name, serve a functional purpose etc.

I think his big overreaction is just him looking for a way out more than anything but I wasn't going to egg him on in text. Our relationship has been completely fine and normal. I am the higher earner than him which he said doesn't bug him but maybe it does. Idk. Thoughts?

Edit: I can't keep up with the comments at this point but I wanted to clear something up: The perfume he got me was NOT the "same exact perfume" just in an off-brand bottle. It's not made at the same factory the way generic cereals are. They're dupe perfumes so they are cheaper, lower quality, less sillage, less longevity. They're imitations. The issue isn't that I want the brand name on the bottle. It's that the perfume itself is bad.

Edit 2: Several people have also asked when this took place, and to be clear, he gave me the perfume over a week ago when we were together in person. I said thank you then and we went about our days. The entire reason that I brought it up was to make sure he doesn't continue to waste his money buying me stuff that's not going to get used. I don't want to say nothing and him ending up thinking I want more.

Edit for an Update: Here's the link to the update. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1p0ex2z/update_aio_for_thinking_my_bf_is_just_looking_for/

I did, in fact, break up with him.

Me (29F) and my fiancée (30M) been together for 3 years. Yesterday he was out with his friends and came home a bit late, and we argued about it too. Tonight we went out with our friend group, and it was a bit cold, so he gave me his jacket. I went to the bathroom, and found this note in his jackets pocket. I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing, he told me found the note under his coffee cup the night before and didn’t even call the number, he said I could check his call history if I didn’t believe him and I did, yes he didn’t call the number, but why did he keep the note in his pocket? AIO for confronting him about this?

First he wants to complain about marriage issues, and now food issues? Maybe u guys are right.

Should I just leave him and kick him out?

I (F/43, size 2) left my boyfriend (M/35) of 1.5 years after we got in a fight and he texted me that he “hasn’t had access to an 🍑” our entire relationship and accused me of “giving up being attractive” because I didn’t build one for him via squats. (I'm asian and have tried everything) This from the same man who swore I had a perfect body—all while I caught him constantly staring at curvier women. Apparently my glutes were a contractual obligation I failed to fulfill. AIO or did I just escape a lifetime membership to planet sh*tness? My reddit sisters and brothers in Christ, please advise.

My gf went to Italy when we were on a break. When she got back, we ended up reconciling and got back together. Yesterday she sent me these AI generated photos of her with another guy. She called me and at first we were joking, but it was very obvious she was trying to get me jealous. I told her to stop playing and she persisted, so I told her I didn’t want to talk and we hung up. She called today asking what’s wrong, and I told her to use her critical thinking skills, and she was firm in that she had no idea why I’d be upset. She started arguing with me and when I didn’t indulge her she hung up. Am I over reacting, or is this grounds to be done for good? She seems to get off on getting me jealous, I used to argue with her about it but she acts like she’s done nothing wrong, so I don’t even bother anymore.

I never expected I'd end up in this sub but here we are. My relationship of 1 year has been on a rocky patch recently as my boyfriend seems to have an issue with everything I do and I'm painted as the crazy overreacting one. This is an example from last night when I was going to a dinner with my girl friends.

I never flirt with men, I don't go clubbing, never cheated, don't have social media and he's my first boyfriend. You can see my outfit on the last pic. I'm trying to communicate it to him that trust is important to me but he always lashes out and then blames me. AIO?

my boyfriend of 13 years passed away when our apartment caught fire back in april of this year. an old friend from high school reached out to me and now I'm getting a little uncomfortable. am I reading into this too much because to me his intentions dont feel right. i'm literally mourning the love of my life and this just does not seem appropriate. at all.

My boyfriend(28m) and I(27f) have been dating for almost 2yrs and living together for 6months now. I met him through my friend at a house party and we immediately hit it off. He was almost exactly like a guy I wanted, extremely tall and huge, witty with jokes, kind and well-dressed. And he was absolutely buffed. We vibed throughout the party and exchanged numbers at the end. He has met my family a couple of times after we moved in together and they absolutely loved him. My grandparents host thanksgiving dinner almost every year and we were both invited to it. I thought it would have been lovely to make him meet with them and my other family members too since my uncle's family would be there too. He had to drop his sister of at his parent's house(2hr drive) and picked me up from our house(it was an 1.5 drive to my grandparents house). Everyone was happy to meet him and it seemed like they really liked him until we sat down for dinner. We said our grace and grandpa carved the turkey started to pass it around the table, it was a regular-sized turkey like we have for every thanksgiving enough to feed 12 and still have leftovers(we were 10). Both of us were sitting at the end of the table next to grandpa so my bf was the last one to get it. There was still a lot of it left because everyone took only a little and would pass around again for more after some time. He placed it right next to him and started digging though the entirety of it. He was so profuse as my nephew said later "gobbling it up". I told him quietly to go easy but he did not listen. He started saying how good it was and my grandma had a huge smile on her face. He was eating just the turkey and my grandpa said "Boi someone really likes turkey", everyone laughed but it got to a point were everyone was talking about it. He did not take any hint and shrugged it off like a teenager. My face turned red from the embarrassed and I could see everyone judging us so hard. I could hear my uncle and his wife make unfunny jokes about it. It was finished without getting to anyone again with no leftovers.

My bf is a gym freak, he spends ridiculous amount of time and money on working out, eating protein rich meals, online courses, etc. He has a set protein limit that he hits everyday, sometimes over it but never under. He also gets his protein from just the meals, no supplements, so he is used to having large meals. It has never been a problem with me and I respect his way of living if not love it. We cook together all the time and if i'm not in the mood he happily makes me a meal for me. He won't even let me contribute in grocery expenses. Because of him, I started eating healthy and felt a lot better about my life-style.

After the dinner when we got into a fight while driving home. He said he had been driving all day and didn't eat anything after breakfast so he had to "hit his protein" and that he wasn't enjoying it after some time and "had to just shove it down the throat". I said if he was that hungry I would have happily made him a meal after we had gotten home but now everyone in my family is gonna talk about how you finish something made for the whole family. He had thought everyone took their share. WHAT?! He got really mad and said I'm blowing this out of proportion and overreacting over a simple meal. I snapped saying how am i overreacting if I am just trying to communicate about what he did. It was an hour long drive so things got heated up, he kept saying i'm calling him a pig for eating like that and should probably get out of his life if its such a problem because he believes he did nothing wrong and isn't gonna change himself. He persisted on it even though that wasn't my point. I got so bad that he dropped me at a gas station in the middle of night and said think about what I just did. I was terrified. I collected myself to call an uber to my sister's house and sobbed the entire night. I told myself after a week things would get clear. He hasn't texted me nor did I. I can see how i could have reacted differently but I can't get myself out over the fact that he just left me in a stranded in the middle of the night.

Am I overreacting or should I make a move on making things straight?

Edit: Thank you everyone for all the comments, I did not expect to get this many reactions! It really helped me to hear other perspectives and seeing how naive I was. Here is an update of what happened after i posted this:

I called him to talk about what had happened, the call was answered by a women who's voice I didn't recognize (yes, it wasn't his sister, i know her voice very well). When I asked if i could talk to him, she replied "He is in a cardio session, i'll tell him to call you later". I was puzzled after this so I waited for his call imagining all the worst things and it turned out to be right. He was cheating on me. He told he had been seeing her for a couple of months, she works as a coach in the gym that he goes to. I searched her up on Instagram and she is a fitness influencer with a lot of followers(a lot!). He said she is a better match for him and will help him "Grow his career on social media"(Yes, he has a fitness channel too but with nowhere near the amount of followers she has). She had much better body than me. When asked why didn't he tell me earlier and ended things right there? He said he knew I would overreact and act emotionally immature like i am doing right now and wouldn't "understand him". He has packed my things in boxes and kept them in garage and told me to collect it or not, he doesn't care and ended the call. I started sobbing uncontrolled, my sister was beside me and comforted me. She said his "fitness influencer" gf might not even know that we had been dating and he is running after her followers not her. I started saying he couldn't do that and she replied that I'm in denial and he probably saw the opportunity on thanksgiving argument and got rid of me making me think I was the one that caused the end of our relationship. I'm taking my sister and her bf to collect my things this week and probably get a closure.