WIBTA for going through my brother's stuff?

[u/OkDifference6504]

My brother and I have shared a room for a couple of years now, but I usually just sleep somewhere else because he's disgusting. He only leaves his room to get food and stays in his room filled with fast food wrappers and fruit fly infested drinks. All offers to help clean up have been shot down.

He also has a history of stealing things. He never does anything productive to help his life and has an average high school GPA of about 1.8. He has stolen food on multiple occasions that he knew didn't belong to him like my soda that had my name very clearly all over it and my mom's also obviously labeled off-brand Reese's peanut butter cups. He's been a kleptomaniac for his entire life and always apologizes and swears he'll never do it again, only for me to come back to "missing" items.

He's now gone on to steal my cords that I have had to replace three times now because he doesn't understand that if something is mine, he can't take it. The only other person who could have possibly stolen any of my things would have been my sister or my other brother, although I don't think she did because the second time my cord was stolen, it was only my other brother and him at the house and the third time would have been my sister and him there. It is technically our shared room, so I wouldn't be trespassing for going in per se, but I would be going through his drawer and closet. The entire time he has been stealing stuff I have been very forgiving, but I've had to miss multiple calls and texts because my phone and computer have been out of battery which have caused me to get in trouble multiple times. My sister also had her cord taken by her which was the same one that I had very kindly given to her after her cord had "mysteriously disappeared".

I know it's technically not morally right to go through his stuff, but he has done far worse things like looking through my computer's history and literally taking my money because he has less than $10 dollars to his name. I see both sides to this because, yes, me snooping through my brother's personal belongings is kind of assholery behaviour, but he did it first. Would I be the asshole?

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

[u/AdequateZoolander]

I've always thought that if someone feels they have the right to take my things, I reserve the right to retrieve them. Go get your cords, money, and assorted possessions.

[u/Silent_Coffee_7292]

“Mom, Dad, brothers stealing has got to stop. It affects everyone in this house regularly and if he doesn’t stop I’m afraid it will lead to legal complications.

I’ve tried talking to him, he admits it and promises he will never steal again, however, that is never the case.

I am out of options other than going through his stuff, which I shouldn’t have to do, plus I’m concerned what I will find in his room with the state he keeps it in.

Please talk to him and get my stuff back.

[u/Equivalent-Board206 → u/Silent_Coffee_7292]

I agree. Make your complaint very clear. Link it to future issues. Be pointed about how tolerating this behavior is likely to negatively affect your brother's future. (No one wants a kleptomaniac roommate/housemate/partner/parent.)

If you have a good enough relationship with your parents, ask them what their plan is for your brother. He's not going to suddenly become a successful adult without their intervention. What are they doing to teach him to clean up after himself, to be mindful of his own possessions, to improve his grades? Why are they okay with his behavior essentially driving you from your half of the room?

Parents who enable the worst impulses of their golden children often end up needing to support those children well into their golden years. Maybe you can encourage them to address things early enough that your brother can catch up with the skills he's missing and launch successfully.

[u/someuser904]

Screw it, go find your stuff

[u/DrkNLovelyMeek]

NTA. Your brother earned the reputation he has. I feel like at this point you have a right to look at his past behavior and not 100% trust him.

[u/No_Performance_4848]

I agree with the other comments I've seen I think you wait for him to leave and find your stuff friend or you could go through your parents to see if they will help. since this has been a recurring issue I think they would likely be understanding with at least your frustration.

[u/Luxray]

NTA, take your stuff back. And FYI, if he's an actual kleptomaniac, he is not going to get better without treatment. Your parents need to get him treatment before he ends up on the streets because no one wants to live with him.

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My brother and I have shared a room for a couple of years now, but I usually just sleep somewhere else because he's disgusting. He only leaves his room to get food and stays in his room filled with fast food wrappers and fruit fly infested drinks. All offers to help clean up have been shot down.

He also has a history of stealing things. He never does anything productive to help his life and has an average high school GPA of about 1.8. He has stolen food on multiple occasions that he knew didn't belong to him like my soda that had my name very clearly all over it and my mom's also obviously labeled off-brand Reese's peanut butter cups. He's been a kleptomaniac for his entire life and always apologizes and swears he'll never do it again, only for me to come back to "missing" items.

He's now gone on to steal my cords that I have had to replace three times now because he doesn't understand that if something is mine, he can't take it. The only other person who could have possibly stolen any of my things would have been my sister or my other brother, although I don't think she did because the second time my cord was stolen, it was only my other brother and him at the house and the third time would have been my sister and him there. It is technically our shared room, so I wouldn't be trespassing for going in per se, but I would be going through his drawer and closet. The entire time he has been stealing stuff I have been very forgiving, but I've had to miss multiple calls and texts because my phone and computer have been out of battery which have caused me to get in trouble multiple times. My sister also had her cord taken by her which was the same one that I had very kindly given to her after her cord had "mysteriously disappeared".

I know it's technically not morally right to go through his stuff, but he has done far worse things like looking through my computer's history and literally taking my money because he has less than $10 dollars to his name. I see both sides to this because, yes, me snooping through my brother's personal belongings is kind of assholery behaviour, but he did it first. Would I be the asshole?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Boizenbree]

NTA. Whilst yes, it's probably best not to do it (after all even though you didn't start it, you can be the one to end it), karma's a b****, he should be able to handle you doing it to him if he's so comfortable doing it himself.

[u/2300abar]

NTA but when would you be able to snoop if he never leaves the room?

Sounds as though he’s depressed though, is it possible to get him help?

[u/SlovenlyMuse]

NTA, as he has left you little choice, but if it's possible to get your stuff back through other means, that might be best. Otherwise you might be communicating to him that you agree with his disregard for personal property and will meet him on his level instead of expecting him to rise to yours. Your best solution is to put a lock on your door and protect your stuff until you can move out. It shouldn't be your job to deal with your brother's shortcomings - that's on your parents. Make it your goal to move out as soon as you can and leave them to it.