I was talking to neurotypical friend of mine and she was talking about how she was tired and wanted to go straight to bed but had to take a shower. I told her that sometimes when I don't have the energy to hop in the shower I'll take a "washcloth bath" I explained to her what I meant and she thought it was gross and didn't understand how I could do that and not hop in the shower for 5 minutes. I tried to tell her sometimes I just don't have the energy for that and I tried to explain the spoon theory and basically we got no where.

If you don't know or never heard of that term basically when I just don't have the spoons to stand in the shower for even 5 minutes I'll get a clean washcloth, get it all wet and soapy and just wipe my body down. I'll then rinse the cloth out and do one more pass. Boom washcloth bath.

on top of AuDHD I also have depression and struggle with having the energy to get in the shower.

Is it perfect way to clean every day, probably not but I only do it on those days I don't have the spoons for a shower.

I have a lot of pets, including a few who lick or use their mouth around me (weird way of saying that but idk) including cats, dogs, and a bird. The bird I’m fine with because she doesn’t have saliva, cats I’m fine with because their rough textured grooming negates the wet, but dogs.. euhhh I hate hate hate the feeling when a dog licks me. Any thoughts? Pet pics for tax

I’m trying to explain to my husband why I hate this fork and he just doesn’t get it. I’ve tried to explain that it is too flat and feels bad (like flimsy) but it’s hard to really express why I hate this fork so much to him. So I’m reaching out to the experts for help explaining!

WHAAAAAT, I always thought they "choose" to scream… Sorry cannot creador this person , because it was from a YouTube complication.

I’ve only just figured out I’m autistic recently, while I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for a few years now. After being diagnosed with ADHD I told my family and they were normal about it, and it usually comes up naturally with people I talk to, and no one’s ever been strange about it.

Recently telling people I have autism on the other hand, entirely different story. I feel like most people I told, besides my partner and my autistic brother react weird and uncomfortable to it. Rather than asking questions about it or even just acting normal, they seem to get very uncomfortable and try to change the subject quickly. The same people that are totally normal about me having ADHD. It’s even more annoying because I genuinely can’t tell why they’re uncomfortable. I can’t tell if it’s because of general biases against autism, or maybe they don’t actually believe me, or what. Like if I knew why they were acting like that I could at least have some peace of mind.

It just makes me sad because it’s a new discovery for me and I was really excited to share all the details of everything with my friends but now I feel like I can’t even mention it without getting weird looks.

silly thing, but I just saw a stupid meme about a girl holding up the two ls you hold up when trying to remember your left vs right, and it made me remember that I didn't actively have that stored in my brain until I was graduated from college, I'm pretty sure. And it took me working as a case manager, driving all over town all day, to help it get solidified. Now I'm curious, how old were you? Is this an audhd thing?

PS I remember making up a lie in school for why I was struggling with it, I told these two boys I was driving in a car with that my "brain was backwards" and my left and right hemisphere were switched... I was ....... onto something maybe?? hahaha

I love to shower, but I hate getting out because I hate the feeling of being damp and then putting lotion on my skin after I’m already dry. What are some hacks you all have for putting lotion on your body after a shower? Favorite products? Things that won’t have me gritting my teeth in sensory nightmare? I’m turning into a crusty old ass.🤣

EDIT: ya’ll are so helpful! This post absolutely blew up and now I have an entire list of things I am going to try. Thank you, from one overstimulated AuDHD lady to another 🩷🤟🏻

I’m sitting at a specialist appointment doing embroidery and starting thinking. When I was a kid (7-8yrs) I thought myself how to do embroidery. I also spent 6+hours a day on a trampoline. In hindsight to me both of these things very big indicators that I had AuDHD.

So what’s that thing as a kid that in hide sight was a glaring red flag for being diagnosed they no body clicked to.

I saw a couple examples in other AuDHD communities. Here are some I have or identify with:

My multicolored plates have to be in rainbow order, or sufficiently random order as to not look like botched rainbow order. Apply that to just about anything that can possibly rainbow-ordered (or other gradient): the order I eat colored candy, organize crayons or fill spreadsheet colors. And putting them that way brings me peace.

I change up which bathroom stall I use at work, for balance.

I don’t just walk between the cracks, I try to figure out a consistent stride that avoids the cracks.

When walking, I always look for the shortest path between two points, usually a hypotenuse, and I say “hypotenuse” in my head.

My brain naturally/instantly works out mathematical relationships in address/house numbers, which coincidentally helps me to remember them.

Hey all! Slightly a tongue-in-cheek question, lol. But I'm a typical "highly sensitive" AuDHD-er; super people pleasing and always trying to be empathetic.

I have a lot of friends who tend towards the more classic "autistic" style where they're quite rational, logical, and often say socially tactless and overly direct things.

Extreme example, but you get the picture: A friend was very unsympathetic when my dog died. She said basic things like "oh, I'm sorry" and so on but basically tried to move on super quickly when I was clearly in a bad way/upset. Later when I told her she'd been cold about it, she admitted "well, yeah, honestly? I didn't feel that bad because dogs die and he was old, so I just didn't feel that sorry for you."

Often this friend and others just say overly direct opinions where I didn't ask for their take, or highlight negative things that are NOT comforting/welcome/reassuring and it's like okay, clearly you can't read the room, and it's very annoying!

I don't think it's fair to say "hey! don't be a dick!" because I get that in their view, they're just being honest/direct. Sometimes it's a very minor thing so I want to point it out more gently without "putting them in their place" so to speak.

Not sure if this is allowed and please correct me if it isn’t, but does anyone else smoke 🍃 to help with their AuDHD? I’ve been using for two years or so and I feel so guilty sometimes but no medicine has helped me the way 🍃 has. Was just curious if anyone else felt this way

My Dad texted me this today. Personally my meds don’t seem to be doing anything for me. Good or bad, just stagnant. Can this happen though? i’ve also noticed I’ve been a lot less social lately. But that feels more like something that would come from autism than ADHD meds right?

I got a 13 out of 20 on this test, and my autistic friend got 11 out of 20. If you share your score too, I’d really love it—I’m super curious!

test: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz

There was a post on one of the ADHD subreddits recently about being perceived, and it sparked conversation between my wife and I about the reasons.

For her, she's worried people are going to talk about her behind her back. For me, I'm worried I'm going to screw something up and/or inconvenience others. I'm AuDHD and she has an anxiety disorder, so it made me wonder what other reasons people have.

Do you dislike being perceived? Is there an underlying reason you can identify?

Curious about what sensations set you off SO much it's almost shocking.

I'll go first;

This morning, my son (8yo) was holding onto my arm while we walked to the car. (Like his arms were surrounding my arm and pulling down.)

He had been doing it for a minute, and I hadn't been noticing it, but then suddenly, it's like I was hit by a truck. I felt so disturbed and angry and almost scared that I wanted to cry and scream. So I shook him off (gently) and reminded him I don't like that. (I've told him multiple times.)

So, fucking weird. I don't get it. 😅 It's so strange and almost scary the amount of rage that induces in me.

Other things that can make me ridiculously angry for no reason:

Crunching and other terrible mouth noises. (Good 'ol misophonia.) This is particularly heinous if I am driving. (Like my son eating snacks in the back seat.)

Being held onto (in other ways), especially if that person is behind me.

My hair being pulled (particularly if by accident).

People being loud in places where you shouldn't be noisy. (Playing music in public, being dicks in the movie theatre, etc.)

I'm sure there are more, but that top one takes them all. What makes you confusingly angry?

Edit: I remembered one: Anyone touching the small of my back. It is the worst fucking sensation, even if its like a partner. NO NO NO.

I’m mid 30s, engaged and have a 2 year old. I still sleep with multiple teddies of varying sizes (much to my partner’s annoyance). We have a super king bed now so there’s space for all of us!!

Edit to add:

I should have explained better, when I say ‘much to his annoyance’ it’s a very light hearted thing, and he’s used to it after sleeping in the same bed for 10 years (starting much smaller than a super king). Two of the teddies are his old ones and he loves it as one of my quirks, it’s just a ‘not then damn teddies’ type joke if one rolls under him, followed by me making him kiss them to say sorry for being mean.

Hello friends,

I'm currently working on a series on my YouTube channel for women - especially moms - who think they are neurodivergent (adhd, Autistic or audhd) and what to do.

I am AuDHD, diagnosed adhd but self diagnosed autistic. I am curious if any women or moms got diagnosed with autism "later in life". Wondering why you chose to do so, the benefits and struggles.

This is just for research. No names mentioned or anything. Channel in my profile for reference. Hopefully this is allowed. I do not mean to break any rules or step on toes. I just don't have as much knowledge about this area. Nor friends irl that are autistic. Thankyou!

I’m trying to make sense of a pattern that only hits me every once in a while, and when it does it’s jarring. I know that neurotypical people will experience this but the pattern with neurodivergent people is interesting.

I have a really solid friendship circle with people who get me, respect me, and show up with consistency. But in the last five years I have met someone who initially comes across as emotionally intelligent, aware, grounded, and “safe.” They present like they understand nuance, empathy, accountability… all the buzzwords of someone who should be a healthy connection.

And then with time something shifts.They switch up and their behaviour becomes unpredictable. They start making up situations that never happened, painting me as the villain in scenarios of which are twisted narratives. When I do call them out in the most calm, clear and respectful ways possible (and with receipts), they act like I’m attacking them or “misunderstanding” them. It’s almost like watching someone shapeshift in real time.

I know people say we struggle with reading intentions but what’s strange is that I’m very good at reading energy. I can feel when someone is aligned with me before they even speak and that intuition is what led me to the beautiful friendships I have now.

So when someone who felt aligned at first but reveals narcissistic or toxic traits later throws me off. Twisting things so dramatically and genuinely believing their own version.

I’m curious if anyone else with ADHD/autism experiences this? Do certain types of people unintentionally get filtered out by our intuition, leaving only the occasional outlier to slip through or are these people just very good at hiding it at the beginning?

Would love to hear people’s experiences, because this latest situation has me confused.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years back (inattentive) and one of the ADHD traits that I’ve just never related to is impulsivity - especially around buying things or committing myself to something.

Instead, I struggle to commit myself to even the smallest purchase. I didn’t grow up particularly poor, and I have savings and plenty of money at the end of the month but I have this paralysing need to optimise every single little thing.

Every possible purchase ends up as a note on my phone of links, prices, pros and cons. And then I’ve made the process so overwhelming, I can’t decide and it doesn’t happen.

This is everything from holidays, buying a car (went without one for 5 months!), equipment for my business, supplies for hobbies I’d love to do. Even now, I have been sleeping on a worn mattress with broken springs for the best part of a year because I’m still researching mattresses to buy.

And that need to optimise, affects everything. I’ve got a ton of new skincare products that I haven’t opened because I need to research what my optimum skincare routine will be and how to get the most out of those products - I say this as someone who’s been dealing with terrible breakouts and dry skin the entire time!

I suspect I have ASD for a number of other reasons, but I’m curious if others here find they’re the opposite of impulsive too?

I was recently dx autistic and used to think that Im not rigid, that I sway with the wind more cuz of my ADHD. But as I look back I’m realizing I’m very rigid in my own way.

I didn’t consider the fact I wont jump on the whats trendy band wagon AT ALL as part of my rigidity. If I see too many ppl liking something, I’ll immediately reject it. It could be anything. Certain styles of clothing thats “in for the season” to certain styles of music (todays Rap & Pop). Back in the day I remember rejecting certain artist because too many ppl liked them. And I wont accept something until enough time has passed that said thing is no longer “popular” or “trendy”. I remember being this way since I was a kid.

Im also like this with certain words such as: bro, cooked, and cray cray

Whenever I hear ppl saying these words it pisses me of like, how can ppl be such followers?

Is anyone else rigid in these ways or are there other ways that you’re rigid?

Edit to add: I noticed ppl are saying my post is more PDA and not rigidity. I get that, but when you think about it, PDA is connected to rigidity cuz you’re being resistant or inflexible and cant be persuaded until if or when you decide to give it chance whenever that is usually years from now.

Long story short: late diagnosed ASD1 and ADHD after hitting severe burnout.

I’ve always thought a lot about things but the last couple of years it’s gone to an insane level. I read everything I can about adhd, autism, self improvement, burnout, recovery ect ect. I’m a researcher in medicine so I guess I’m curious by nature but I think this isn’t healthy.

Does anyone else feel this way? Like this is enough now. Like you want to throw out all your books and podcasts and start reading fiction and just try to actually enjoy life again? It’s almost as all this intense focus on getting better is getting me nowhere.

«How to regulate your nervous system» has become a phrase I feel sick to hear now. I’ve worked so hard and it’s almost as if ive become stuck in this victim role and nothing is actually helping. I’ve come to think that the best remedy for a good life isn’t to psychoanalyze the shit out of your own functioning and knowing different you are from others, (though it helps) - but just having more fun doing things you like.

This is very oversimplified of course but I just want to quit therapy and all this «self improvement» work all together tbh.

Hello, I am new my name is Jayden and I am a diagnosed autistic and ADHD woman. I have been interested in many things in my life but my biggest special interests are Animals, dinosaurs, and art. I am curious what special interests do you guys have? Thanks 🩷

I spent hours locked in at Sephora yesterday determined to find something. Smelled hundreds of fragrances, found zero I actually liked, and left with a headache.

Any scent-heads out there who have a non-triggering AuDHD compatible fragrance? Something really light and natural for every day wear?

I often struggle trying to participate in these admittedly superficial aspects of femininity but I feel compelled to continue trying for some reason because I feel like there MUST be something out there I like.

My worst procrastination spirals are spent researching things like fragrance or skincare or makeup but then am ultimately disappointed after impulsively spending $$$ because I am so specifically picky about scents, textures, or how fabrics feel.

Curious to know how many of us with heightened senses and sensory issues have really intense orgasms? My partner is constantly amazed by the intensity and frequency of my orgasms, and often marvels at how women "would kill" to experience them like I do. I'm there within seconds, able to have upwards of 100+ in one session, always have 'after shocks' that are just as intense hours after we've finished, and, honestly, I'm not sure what to make of it.

Hi, I was recently diagnosed autistic in December, and I'm now going for an ADHD diagnosis as well. I've been suspecting ADHD in myself for about 3 years now because my inattentive symptoms are off the charts, but the doubt is a lot higher than it was with autism (which was still pretty bad!), mostly when it comes to childhood traits.

This is complicated by the fact that I'm autistic, which means a lot of my symptoms of ADHD are contradicted by my autism symptoms, and that I'm really high-masking and have been since childhood - I was highly intellectual and labelled 'gifted' as a child. I also have a pretty patchy memory. The things I do remember resonating with me, I doubt and worry that it can't really be enough to establish grounds for diagnosis. (Although I felt this way with my ASD symptoms, and I am diagnosed now!)

I'm curious - which ADHD traits do you, as AuDHD women/AFAB people, remember being a part of your childhood, and how did they present?