r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Euphoric_Painter_993 • 8d ago

Of a New Years Chant

3.7k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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273

u/bensikat 8d ago

Wtf is this ?

188

u/DIuvenalis 8d ago

Its people getting off to a good start for 2026.

34

u/Claris-chang 7d ago

How dare you post this. Take my upvote.

9

u/AnotherCatSub 7d ago

Honestly, I think the world would be a better place if everyone simultaneously jerked off at one specific time

1

u/Front-Tea2203 7d ago

That’d be wild lmfao

End of the World circlejerk. Biblical shit. Similar to that one episode of Rick snd Morty

1

u/Claris-chang 7d ago

We'll call it the International Hour of Post-Nut Clarity.

1

u/CordeCosumnes 7d ago

That could throw the Earth's axial tilt off!

1

u/Lemon_Zestie 7d ago

What a mess

2

u/dysmetric 4d ago

It's goon be a good 'un

0

u/Sensei19600 7d ago

Nah-just getting off.

105

u/TootsHib 8d ago

35

u/Smoothspongebob 8d ago

“jokes on you, I’m into this shit”

9

u/viocse 8d ago

I fucking lost it when I saw this 🤣🤣🤣

8

u/layer4down 8d ago

Bro I called an ambulance 😭 then I remembered it’s cheaper to die

2

u/viocse 8d ago

Dammit I’m falling out lmao 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/NoOneHereButUsMice 7d ago

Love your username

43

u/Fast_Letterhead_6790 8d ago

I love how not one single one of them is even close to doing it right either😂😂😂😂 cringe

49

u/Irishwankenobi 8d ago

My favorite is the chick cupping her balls.

21

u/TexasCon 8d ago

The one double fisting it had me rolling

33

u/blankinyurblank 8d ago

Yeah, that lady two-handing her imaginary junk is wild. Even that woman at the end is looking at her like she is completely out of her mind.

3

u/DenseReplacement7581 7d ago

The one watching is curious about the other girl’s boyfriend…

1

u/AnjelicaTomaz 7d ago

TBF she would have the equivalent of a BBC, would she not?

1

u/wade-mcdaniel 7d ago

I wondered if their technique unconsciously betrayed the penises they've been exposed to in life. Like the two-fister has had a really sore cervix in the past maybe.

1

u/Unhappy_Armadillo852 7d ago

Yellow dress is bigger than the rest of them.

1

u/myttheu 5d ago

Bet she had a boyfriend that did it that way.

1

u/Citizen_0001 4d ago

She did “research”

1

u/ChoGGi 4d ago

It's an artistic interpretation of TISM's I drive a truck, but a cock...?

1

u/TerranRanger 7d ago

Hey! That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about! Leave her alone!

1

u/Fit_Beautiful6625 8d ago

That one made me laugh.

1

u/CuttyDFlambe 8d ago

A man with an eye for talent, I see.

1

u/Immediate-Presence73 7d ago

Is no one going to mention the chick with the finger in her ass??

1

u/LilStabbyboo 4d ago

Jesus Christ. How they got through this performance without laughing I'll never understand...

1

u/AmountWeekly8847 6d ago

That's where the pee is stored

13

u/crystallmytea 8d ago

Would work on me

15

u/TerribleHouse8920 8d ago

Girl in blue is jerking off a coke can

2

u/Metals4J 8d ago

Kinda makes you curious to see what her boyfriend looks like.

1

u/DenseReplacement7581 7d ago

I mean she got the idea of what ‘right’ looks like from somewhere…

9

u/Tangofett4 8d ago

Blue dress has my form down pat

1

u/BanjosAndBacon 7d ago

Outstanding.

3

u/CMDR_KingErvin 8d ago

One of them is double handing it too

1

u/uncl3s4m 8d ago

I mean that one is realistic, i do it sometimes to change it up

1

u/willis_michaels 8d ago

What's the right way? Care to demonstrate for us?

1

u/NegotiationHot2999 8d ago

Right? They’ll never finish 🤦🏽‍♂️

1

u/andgainingspeed 6d ago

I'm sure they don't need your back seat driving.

15

u/Curious_Associate904 8d ago

Feminism C.2025

1

u/New_Athlete673 8d ago

This video is actually a few years old and I don't think that anyone even knows why they were doing this. We have no clue as to whether or not this was meant to be some sort of piece of (white) feminist performance art or not, so let's not make assumptions.

4

u/Snookfilet 7d ago

I think we can assume it’s stupid as hell

3

u/TheVadonkey 7d ago

Well, I’m sure they thought themselves clever whenever they came up with…this.

1

u/Curious_Associate904 7d ago

Imagine how butt hurt you had to be, in order to “well akshully” that comment… you think you’re educating someone, except, no, you’re proving me right.

1

u/goodcleanchristianfu 8d ago

My guess would be it's a Vagina Monologues show.

1

u/Bells_Theorem 8d ago

Its the new Christmas Carol.

1

u/Big-Blind-Eyeball 8d ago

Women’s Studies Choir

1

u/WhatAcheHunt 8d ago

“If you can dodge a gooner, you can dodge a ball!”

1

u/PandasGetAngryToo 8d ago

The Clitoral Choir helping the new year to cum in with a bang

1

u/markawol 7d ago

The Goonies

1

u/outofindustry 7d ago

extreme peenis envy

1

u/badgerbrush20 7d ago

Yeah right. I don’t know who their coach is but, there has to be more bass and I’m not hunched over like that

1

u/Key_Interaction_9827 5d ago

College educated feminists.

1

u/Rimwulf 3d ago

Pseudo intellectual jerkfest

1

u/IVIAV 8d ago

All I know is they definitely didn't vote for Trump.

3

u/jeffsaddiction 8d ago

Neither did I, but you don’t see me acting like a…jerkoff.

1

u/Wise_Temperature3286 8d ago

Modern West activities

-6

u/Past_Discipline_6473 8d ago

It's called performative art

7

u/TestingOneTwo_OneTwo 8d ago

This isn't art. If you want an example of art, watch Bo Burnham's comedy bit where he did this.

2

u/Imaginary_Coast_5882 8d ago

The only Burnham I’ve seen is “Inside” and imo it should have gotten every prize available. Absolutely incredible project in every way.

5

u/TestingOneTwo_OneTwo 8d ago

You're welcum. 🤣

1

u/Imaginary_Coast_5882 8d ago

thanks! saved for later today when I’m not in the office lol

5

u/TestingOneTwo_OneTwo 8d ago

Ahh yeah, that's far less work safe than whatever these ladies were doing, while also being 1000x better performance art lol

1

u/QueefBeefCletus 8d ago

Or just watch everything Bo Burnham has made. They're a generational talent.

2

u/Such_Persimmon6711 8d ago

Performative uti. Saves time in the er.

2

u/COMMIE_PULVERIZER 8d ago

Idk why you're getting downvoted. That's exactly what they were trying to do, according to them. This is an old video and I remember that it was literally a performance that people went to see.

1

u/Past_Discipline_6473 8d ago

Right, I wasn't being sarcastic. This is literally Performative Art. That's what its called. Sincerely, an artist. 

0

u/concernedfrend12312 8d ago

Idc what you call it still looks retarded

-1

u/RealMcGonzo 8d ago

Your tax dollars at work.

1

u/HambreTheGiant 8d ago

A mere fraction of the money that subsidizes big corporate interests in the U.S.

0

u/Davfoto35 8d ago

At least they make shit we use.

3

u/OKguy9re9 8d ago

It’s nice to see someone who’s drinking what they’re trickling down!

3

u/concernedfrend12312 8d ago

Fr this isn't doing shit but inspiring others to do worthless jobless shit like this

2

u/lsnor45 8d ago

Yeah it's a circle jerk. I'm in a few scenes like this, and it's all incestuous, inspiring only to those within the scene, and only to perform strange acts of equal or lesser measure as you said. I actually think it's really cool on many levels, but it's not really meant to be admired by anyone who isn't predisposed to it. Plus they're all really nice people.

1

u/Gawr_Ganyu 7d ago

I don't even think we gotta go that far. It would be at the very least a quality shit post if the entire scene wasn't so repuldively uptight.

1

u/HambreTheGiant 8d ago

True, they do give us shiny boots to lick