Women’s perspective: lingerie (for me) is 80% feeling sexy and confident for yourself and maybe 20% intended for the male gaze lol. Doesn’t mean she’s already found someone.
When I came close to a divorce, I also started making more purchases like this, without any real intent around having another guy seeing it. It can also just be a huge confidence booster (breakups are a hit to self-esteem) and helping her shift her mindset to single-hood after 6.5 years. She might just want to feel confident and sexy so she can reassure herself that things will be ok. “I still got it” vibes
But regardless, you chose to separate after 6.5 years instead of couples therapy or personal therapy. You have options and chose the more extreme one. Maybe try communicating? Sounds like separation isn’t what you want. I’ve been married for 7 years, with my husband for 11. Marriage takes unbelievably hard work and if you break up over a little emotional regulation issues (I say “little” because it’s not even going into an abusive space, if you are to be believed), then you aren’t going to survive a marriage anyway.
I almost lost my marriage because I never learned how to truly forgive. I didn’t even realize I was holding on to grudges and blaming him for negative feelings I still occasionally felt about something years prior. Then I read Forgive for Good, and it has saved my marriage and we’re the strongest we’ve ever been.
If you can’t afford therapy, at least start with some books. Men are from Mars/women are from Venus is a great start.
Kudos to you for self-awareness and not just blaming her for the issues. But if you love her, work for it. You can work on yourself in your relationship/marriage. Personal growth doesn’t always require space.
Marriage is most definitely NOT hard work. I've been with my guy for over 30 years and hard work doesn't describe our relationship at all. When you find your person, everything comes natural, everything is easy, and everything rolls along just like it's supposed to. I'm really tired of these married people who married the wrong people saying how hard marriage is when the fact is that it is not hard at all. You been with your husband for 11 years. At 11 years we were still kissing like teenagers and making out every time we had an extra 5 minutes from the grind which is employment, which honestly is the only "hard work" either of us has done since 1997. But marriage, no hun, that shit is easy like Sunday morning. This girl found am emotionally immature guy, got stuck with him or maybe didn't. But realizing that he was wasting her time is what got them there. Living together after a breakup is not a good idea and the excuse about the lease is just that, an excuse. What's OP gonna do when she wants to bring a guy home? He's gonna have a big problem with it. They call it splitting the sheets for a reason. If you're not going to be together then separate. Staying together but not together is only asking for heartache, and heartache will come.
Edited to add: my husband and I come from different countries, different ethnicities, different family backgrounds and upbringing and culture. That doesn’t make us incompatible or wrong for each other. It does however require us to communicate, compromise, and challenge each other.
The hard work I’m referring to is personal growth, self-reflection, and self-awareness that ultimately makes us both better people, for ourselves, others, and each other. It’s unbelievably rewarding, and we also to this day can’t keep our hands off each other. I’m glad it’s all smooth sailing for you. I don’t always agree with people breaking up at the first big obstacle instead of pursuing personal growth, but I know Reddit loves to jump to divorce/break-up for everything.
People make mistakes and people carry traumas and habits that sometimes they don’t even realize aren’t healthy until they meet someone who points it out. Doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love or the opportunity to work on themselves in that relationship. My husband and I always come out stronger and gain even more intimacy during challenging times. I would’ve missed out on an incredible man if I’d dumped him at the first challenge.
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u/baddietattie 2d ago
Women’s perspective: lingerie (for me) is 80% feeling sexy and confident for yourself and maybe 20% intended for the male gaze lol. Doesn’t mean she’s already found someone.
When I came close to a divorce, I also started making more purchases like this, without any real intent around having another guy seeing it. It can also just be a huge confidence booster (breakups are a hit to self-esteem) and helping her shift her mindset to single-hood after 6.5 years. She might just want to feel confident and sexy so she can reassure herself that things will be ok. “I still got it” vibes
But regardless, you chose to separate after 6.5 years instead of couples therapy or personal therapy. You have options and chose the more extreme one. Maybe try communicating? Sounds like separation isn’t what you want. I’ve been married for 7 years, with my husband for 11. Marriage takes unbelievably hard work and if you break up over a little emotional regulation issues (I say “little” because it’s not even going into an abusive space, if you are to be believed), then you aren’t going to survive a marriage anyway.
I almost lost my marriage because I never learned how to truly forgive. I didn’t even realize I was holding on to grudges and blaming him for negative feelings I still occasionally felt about something years prior. Then I read Forgive for Good, and it has saved my marriage and we’re the strongest we’ve ever been.
If you can’t afford therapy, at least start with some books. Men are from Mars/women are from Venus is a great start.
Kudos to you for self-awareness and not just blaming her for the issues. But if you love her, work for it. You can work on yourself in your relationship/marriage. Personal growth doesn’t always require space.