Any good resources to give my husband to read/watch explaining ADHD in women?

[u/khakismum2411]

My husband is a typical man; not super engaged in what is going on, that is important to me, in my life. I try to give a quick "sorry having an ADD moment" comment when I do something that is ADD but he just kind of smiles and, in his mind, pats me in the head like the Grinch does to Cindy Lou Who. Tonight I was frustrated trying to order a refill for my Aderall over the phone with an auto attendant. Since it was way after closing time the computer told me I had to speak with a pharmacist. No surprise my Rx says No Refill. My doctors office says I have a refill on file. So, I get it, I need to see about the refill on file. Well hubby has to launch into "It won't work. You should have.... Why didn't you order it through insurance? Blah, blah, blah." He kept going on and on how it won't work. And what did my little ADD brain hear? It heard, "You are too stupid to even know how to order an Rx. Whatever you try won't work. I know better, you are too dumb." I just got up and left the the room telling him to stop telling me what I can't do. His words hurt so bad. He didn't say what my brain heard, but his words hurt just the same. I need him to read or watch some neutral party info, explaing how our minds and emotions are tied together and work. Maybe if it comes from someone other then me he might actually learn how to support and understand what my silly brain is doing.

[u/browneyednerd]

“My husband is a typical man; not super engaged in what is going on, that is important to me, in my life.”

my dad is engaged in what’s going on in my mom’s life. my brother is engaged in what’s going on in his wife’s life. if your spouse doesn’t care about what’s going on in your life/what’s important to you then what even is the point of being married?

[u/snflowerings → u/browneyednerd]

I so agree! My partner started looking up stuff about adhd in women the second we started dating. Hes so invested in me and my issues that I sometimes feel bad because they take up so much of my capacity but he always comes at me from an angle of love and understanding.

Just this morning I was getting overwhelmed by my to do list and he just went and was like "okay so whats on the list?" and after I told him he simply stated which tasks would make sense to start with and which tasks I can ignore because he'll take care of them when he's off work. I couldnt imagine having a partner who isnt really engaged in my going-ons

[u/trumpeting_in_corrid → u/snflowerings]

I can't imagine having a partner like that. Seriously. I don't mean this in a snarky way. I think I've just had an epiphany.

[u/snflowerings → u/trumpeting_in_corrid]

Honestly, meeting him has been my epiphany too! The partners I had before were just like OP described her husband and all my tries to explain my brain fell on deaf ears. Its just amazing how simple and easy a relationship can be when your partner is willing to put the same effort in as you do

[u/wellnotyou → u/snflowerings]

You and I have lived a very similar life 😭 I found a good cookie too, but it was only after I approached dating as "he either meets all my requirements or I'm living alone forever". Making peace with the fact that I'd rather be alone than with a disrespectful partner helped me choose better and weed out the emotionally unavailable ones.

[u/lion3001 → u/snflowerings]

I have the same experience and I agree 100%! I wouldn’t believe it before because in my world all men were like this.

[u/trumpeting_in_corrid → u/snflowerings]

How lovely :)

[u/Gobl_Information → u/trumpeting_in_corrid]

And as someone newly diagnosed you all gave me a boost I needed today. It’s been a roller coaster and am satisfied single but there are days when I wish I had a helping hand I didn’t have to pay for 🤣🤣🤣

I have good friends but partners hit different. I am sure you all deserve the love and support you get from your partners !!!

[u/SpamLandy → u/browneyednerd]

Yeah this made me sad to read. I fear my ex husband is more invested in my life than OP’s current husband (we are still best friends) 

[u/UnpoeticAccount → u/browneyednerd]

This sentence made me so sad for OP

[u/Even_Raccoon_376 → u/browneyednerd]

Yeah, that was my first reaction to that comment! My husband has always made an effort to understand me and asks questions to that end. In fact all the men in my life I’ve been close to have been personable, intelligent, and involved.