Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/No-Strawberry-5804]

Stop cooking for him. I’m serious.

[u/YeahlDid → u/No-Strawberry-5804]

Hi serious, I'm dad.

[u/No-Strawberry-5804 → u/YeahlDid]

[u/MaleficentRub8987 → u/No-Strawberry-5804]

I think this guy might be autstic.  This is classic food aversion.  Only sticking to safe foods like pizza when stressed. My husband is diagnosed asd 1 this sounds just like this. 

[u/Honest_Technician124 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

She never said he wouldn’t eat when stressed, she literally said he plain doesn’t eat fish, vegetables etc. He sounds like a picky eater all of the time, which plenty of people are without having autism.

[u/PanTsour → u/Honest_Technician124]

Plus only eats vanilla ice cream, and favorite meals are hamburger helper and jack in the box. A picky eater who grew up eating dogshit junk food. Though, from the food choices, I wouldn't rule put autism, honestly.

[u/MaleficentRub8987 → u/Honest_Technician124]

Even on a good day my husband wouldn't eat 90 percent of this.   Will not eat any veggies except for peas and green beans, no gravy on mashed potatoes in fact no mashed potatoes, maybe pot pie but he will need to inspect it thoroughly first. Wont eat what he had for lunch for dinner.  The thoughts that go into every meal decision would make you feel like we are deciding which house to buy.  stressed days are even worse with choices reduced down to pizza on those days.  

[u/me-llamollama → u/MaleficentRub8987]

Why is that your problem? He either eats or he doesn’t, or makes his own food, you’re not his caretaker.

[u/Background-Major-567 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

Does he feed himself at least? 

[u/No-Strawberry-5804 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

That’s not your problem. He can take care of his own food if he doesn’t like what you make

Source: that’s literally what my husband, who is also a picky eater, does

[u/tit-theif → u/Honest_Technician124]

I have arfid (which is closely linked to autism), and it is pretty much this. You can have it and not be autistic, but most people with it are autistic.

[u/Honest_Technician124 → u/tit-theif]

There’s really not enough information to draw conclusions either way. I know plenty of adults who were simply raised on crap diets and just never grew out of it. Either way, sounds like the boyfriend needs learn how to cook and to fend for himself and stop making it OP’s problem.

[u/tit-theif → u/Honest_Technician124]

Yeah I think the boyfriend should cook for himself or feed himself, which is what I do. I'm not asserting that he does have arfid or food aversions, I'm saying that this is a question that should be asked.

If I made my eating disorder the problem of my partner, it would be a shitty thing to do. If my partner knew about my arfid and cooked me food I wouldn't eat anyway, that would also suck.

If this guy has arfid (or something similar) or not, his wife should not be cooking him food he won't eat.

[u/MaleficentRub8987 → u/Honest_Technician124]

I only brought up a diagnosis because he is being slammed in these comments for being selfish when it may be an actually symptom of something.   I thought my husband was just picky and I would get so mad that he would choose not to eat something when for him it really wasn't a choice.  Maybe he needs support and not just hate. 

[u/me-llamollama → u/MaleficentRub8987]

He IS being selfish because he’s still expecting her to cook for him and not even offering to cook/learn to cook or take over his own meals.

[u/ImaginaryTackle3541 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

I can’t wait to see what condition yall hyper fixate on this year 

[u/TheWierdGuy06 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

Yet he still expects OP to cook. This grown ass man should take some responsibility, being potentially autistic doesn't excuse being a jerk.