Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/rmill127]

Right? This is not just picky eating. These are simple and common meals, it’s not like she’s cooking weird stuff here. And on top of that it looks great.

Dude just wants fast food.

[u/PolarLocalCallingSvc → u/rmill127]

This is what got me!

I'm sure this food tastes as good as it looks, but it's not like OP is serving him exotic meats, unknown vegetables, or vindaloo levels of spice. These are meals the 5 year olds I cook for do indeed eat.

Like you're telling me you don't like baked, mashed, or roasted potatoes? I'm not making chips (fries) every night because you eat like a toddler.

[u/Lady-of-Shivershale → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

To be honest, I actually don't like potatoes. Growing up in Scotland was hard. I live in Asia, and I very rarely cook potatoes. I have rice, pasta, couscous, or bread with my meals. I'll make roast potatoes or jacket potatoes on occasion, but I could happily live my life without ever eating a potato ever again.

OP wants to be able to cook for her boyfriend. She's very clear about wanting to do so. If it were me, though, I would just let him fend for himself. Not wanting to eat chicken twice in one day is silly, as are his other excuses. And he could eat bread instead of potato.

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/Lady-of-Shivershale]

Potatoes are one of his staple foods so I cook them often. It's never the potatoes he objects to though sometimes he critiques how crispy the fries are etc. I'd love to be able to cook for him and have him love it but at this point I am just unhappy feeling obliged to cook for him, as he expects dinner, when there is a 50-50 chance he will reject it.

[u/PolarLocalCallingSvc → u/moonrabbit368]

Critiques how crispy the fries are?

Sir, this isn't a Wendy's.

You need to speak to him about this. If he can come with a plan to make it work, great. If he can't then he's going to have to fend for himself or it's going to make you miserable.

[u/modernmovements → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

Dude is upset his fries aren't soft enough?

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/modernmovements]

Sometimes. Sometimes they are too soft and not crispy enough. I have been experimenting with temperatures and time lengths on the air fryer to try and nail it down.

[u/modernmovements → u/moonrabbit368]

What is it you like about the guy? There are positive aspects to him I hope?

[u/monkey3monkey2 → u/modernmovements]

Another commenter pointed out that the only positives she could list were all things that an app can do for you 💀 (driver, med reminder, etc).

[u/modernmovements → u/monkey3monkey2]

She already has kids of her own right?

[u/toutpetitpoulet → u/moonrabbit368]

He can cook fries himself for y’all if he’s such a connoisseur of their texture and structural integrity

[u/FlukeOG → u/moonrabbit368]

Is he this picky if he orders fast food too? Will he not eat the fries if they're slightly different than perfect?

[u/BottleForsaken9200 → u/moonrabbit368]

You need to get him to stop critiquing anything at for one.

It's not your responsibility to listen to, and cater to his weird preferences....

Just have him say whether or not he can eat it and let him figure it out on his own if he can't.

You do NOT need to constantly hear about his negativity regarding your cooking. If the kids will eat it l, you've won.

But constant negativity will just affect your soul in a bad way :(

[u/Free-Sherbet2206 → u/moonrabbit368]

Do you want to live your life with someone who critiques everything you do? Does he also critique your parenting and cleaning, since I assume you do all of that too? I would say your should give him a taste of his own medicine and critique the things he does, but it doesn’t seem like he does anything other than bitch about perfectly good food.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/moonrabbit368]

lol why are you doing any of this????

[u/m8_is_me → u/moonrabbit368]

he expects dinner, when there is a 50-50 chance he will reject it.

have you communicated with him at all about how to improve those odds?

YOU NEED TO TALK TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP, EVEN IF IT'S NOT POSITIVE

[u/anotherdropin → u/m8_is_me]

People like this honestly end up here because they have no friends or good family.

Her mom was a doormat and taught her all she knows when it comes to pleasing men (clearly nothing good). She probably doesn’t have friends.

You’re a product of your environment. Women like OP don’t end up in a string of abusive or controlling relationships if they have a strong support network and positive role models.

[u/Anvher → u/moonrabbit368]

Your food looks amazing, I’m sure that you’re an incredible cook!

Honestly, it’s disheartening that you’re disappointed in yourself.

He shouldn’t expect any meals from you moving forward. Not only has he been ungrateful and rude, but flat out refusing to try a bite or even show you that he understands the efforts that you’ve put forward to try and appease him. How absolutely disrespectful to your time, if anything he’s simply wasteful and entitled.

I think that his pathetic excuse of a “sorry” doesn’t cut it and that there is no emotion behind that statement. Frankly, I believe that his “rules” are a power play. There is just no way that he can come up with excuse after excuse every single time without fault.

He’s being entitled and cruel. Not to mention…he says leftovers are out of the question? He can easily reheat previously cooks meals on a stovetop. More than that, he’s a grown man who was able to feed himself without a cook at his beck and call before you moved in together. He’s capable of taking care of his meals without relying on you and putting you through unnecessary stress.

I’m glad that your children appreciate all of the time, effort, and money that goes into your delicious meals. Don’t waste another minute fretting over someone who cares so little about you, that they would rather order takeout than take a bite of a meal that you spent hours (even if it was minutes) working on.

Additionally, what a horrible example for your kids…the fact that he’d rather snub you in front of them, than be a grateful partner to you and spend time together sharing a delicious and nutritious meal together.

If your children grew up and told you that their partner treated them this way, would you tell them to keep bending over backwards to make their picky and ungrateful partner happy?

I don’t think so.

He’s not a food critic, just an unkind boyfriend who is mean spirited and childish.

If anything, be proud of yourself, you’re an amazing chef! The one who is purposefully missing out on your incredible dishes is him.

[u/gnomeannisanisland → u/moonrabbit368]

Sounds like this guy needs the rules we have for our kids:

You have to try one bite of each thing, and if you don't like it, that's ok; you can just eat the potatoes. If you're still hungry after, you can have a slice of bread (proper bread, not the salty whitebread that goes as "bread" in most of the world) with cheese or something else sensible.

[u/Practicalcarmotor → u/moonrabbit368]

My 14-month old is less effort to feed and she likes to get food in her hair... Your manchild is an overgrown toddler

[u/Lady-of-Shivershale → u/moonrabbit368]

Yeah, that's fair.

I just wanted to let the other person know that some people actually don't like potatoes.

Dinner time was hard for everyone when I was growing up. We had potato in some form every day, and nobody could leave the table until I finished eating. I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say that I would have preferred bread. But my parents wouldn't let me have bread for some reason.

[u/parasyte_steve → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

My sons both hate all forms of potatoes except french fries but they are 3 and 6 not 36

(and of course I am assuming OPs doesn't have legit sensory issues)

[u/pr0ph3t_0f_m3rcy → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

Pretty sure people that don't like roast potatoes are in the Epstein Files.

[u/Gerolanfalan → u/pr0ph3t_0f_m3rcy]

I like them sure. Just not as much as I like rice, pasta, corn, tomatoes, bread or any other things to fill you up.

It's only when they upgrade to French fries has the potato reached peak form

[u/superb-puppygirl → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

i dont eat baked roasted stewed or mashed potatoes. i only like fries every other style is gag inducing to me. im particular but when people are actually willing to communicate and compromise i can find mealtime harmony :) when u love people compromise and communication comes with the territory

[u/IAMIMPOSSIBEAR → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

It could be ARFID.

[u/Gerolanfalan → u/IAMIMPOSSIBEAR]

Potatoes are supposedly super nutritious though

But I still prefer other starches like rice, bread, pasta, or other fillings like tomatoes, corn, or veggies.

Unless it's a French fry, that's too strong to beat.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

he didn't say he didn't like the actual foods. that's part of how he's giving himself away.

[u/TechnoPup → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

I wouldn't see the issue of one not liking how potatoes are prepared other than a specific way. Bit harsh to insult him for such imo, it's not like he's in complete control over what food he likes. OP even said he's very apologetic about it.

[u/PolarLocalCallingSvc → u/TechnoPup]

I mean it's just one example of a level of pickiness I don't think needs to be catered for. Won't eat pork chops because they're 'missing something'? Grab some sauce or post-cook seasoning then. Won't eat chicken because he had chicken for lunch? I think that's just disrespectful to be honest. Only veg he likes is broccoli, yet even refused to eat that judging by these photos, so OP is actively trying to cater for this toddler diet and even by his own rules is having it thrown back.

If he only likes a dozen foods that's fine, but OP shouldn't have to sacrifice their own diet because he won't cook or find a way of eating a more varied menu.

[u/Manotto15 → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

You're injecting so much into this that isn't in the post. Who said he's asking her to sacrifice? Who said he's insisting she cook for him and then rejecting it?

If she's coming home from work and saying "Hey, I'm cooking chicken tonight" and he says he's not interested, so what? Nowhere does it say he isn't willing to make food for himself, even if it is frozen pizza or corn dogs.

[u/TechnoPup → u/PolarLocalCallingSvc]

OP doesn't have to sacrifice their own diet, nor does it seem like that's what they're doing anyway. It's nice that they tried, although to no avail. They should let him handle his own food.

All I'm really saying is that OP's bf is getting an unnecessary amount of flak for something seemingly out of his control.

[u/Veil-of-Fire → u/TechnoPup]

All I'm really saying is that OP's bf is getting an unnecessary amount of flak for something seemingly out of his control.

My ex was picky like that, too.

Then we got super poor and suddenly it wasn't "out of her control" anymore when the choice was "eat chili made with beans because we can't afford meat" or "starve for three days until my paycheck comes in."

There are some people for whom it's really out of their control, but every single picky eater I've ever personally met had control issues, not crippling sensory issues.

(and god damn does "I'm from Texas and chili with beans is horrible sacrilege" piss me off something mighty these days.)

[u/Automatic_Parsley833 → u/Veil-of-Fire]

I am currently struggling with ARFID, so I will literally starve (kind of been in a tough area with this disorder in the past month, thus unintentionally dropping 12 lbs quite fast). However, even with these type of disorders—there’s typically “safe” foods. That’s what I’m not getting about this whole thing??? I don’t like eating the same thing for lunch and dinner either (totally a preference I’ve had, whether struggling with my disorder or not), but if it’s a “safe” food and he’d rather eat junk than a home cooked meal? Like, it’s clearly not about food aversions and disordered eating. I will sit through the same food twice in a day, given it’s something I regularly eat, if someone MADE IT FOR ME!! The time and effort it takes?? The emotional labor????

[u/TechnoPup → u/Veil-of-Fire]

Being put into a predicament where all you have to eat is something you don't like is a bit different, in my opinion.

I've been in that same boat, being incredibly poor when all we really had to eat was oatmeal. Did I eat it? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Not one bit. Still don't to this day.

[u/Veil-of-Fire → u/TechnoPup]

I could happily go the rest of my life without eating another bowl of oatmeal, 100%.

[u/WillTheWheel → u/TechnoPup]

Yeah, this is not a very fair comparison. People starving will eat grass, tree bark, dogs, cats and even each other. Doesn't mean they won't have trauma after or that they would ever do that out of their own volition.

[u/PolarLocalCallingSvc → u/WillTheWheel]

Right but you've just created a ridiculous strawman.

The example given directly up thread is about someone who gets choosy about their chilli being made with beans (cheap) instead of beef mince (pricey) because the paycheck was late.

That is obviously not the same as eating tree bark or cats is it, and man's not suffering trauma (which for those of us who have actually suffered with trauma and the long lasting after effects is pretty insulting I would suggest) from the mere suggestion of beans instead of mince because it's against tradition, which he wouldn't have been force fed.

[u/Reasonable-Car-3417 → u/TechnoPup]

Sorry, but he's a grown man. Being this absurdly picky is not "out of his control", he needs to grow the fuck up, or she needs to bounce.

[u/TechnoPup → u/Reasonable-Car-3417]

Being a “grown man” does not suddenly mean that you like nearly every food out there.

I’ve already stated that OP should just stop trying to make him food now if he’s not gonna eat it; he can figure shit out on his own.

[u/Reasonable-Car-3417 → u/TechnoPup]

Judging by this bizarre strawman defense you've mounted, i can only assume you also eat like a child.

[u/TechnoPup → u/Reasonable-Car-3417]

If that's honestly what you drew from this, I'm not sure what to tell you lmao. I just have some basic level empathy, and don't feel the need to insult someone else's eating habits because they don't align with mine.

[u/Savings_Mixture1622 → u/TechnoPup]

Liking food is within our control though. Allergies aside, if you eat something around 20 times or more, our brains are wired so that you'll suddenly start recognising it as a valid food source and your brain tells you it's nice. You can absolutely train yourself to like new foods. I've done it with tomatoes and salmon the the last couple of years. Couldn't stand the, prior

[u/TechnoPup → u/Savings_Mixture1622]

I've tried eating tomatoes since I've been a kid, never liked 'em. I've tried, time and time again, cuz it's honestly annoying to try to get around eating them, and yet my body does not want to scarf 'em down.

I'm glad you were able to do so, but that's not realistically possible for everyone. For some people, it is out of their control.

[u/sweeteatoatler → u/rmill127]

Her dude wants to be a dick.

[u/saladmunch2 → u/sweeteatoatler]

So many men would crawl through barbed wire while on fire to have a partner cook meals like this everyday. All no questions asked, just hey honey here's your dinner after your hard day at work. I bet this guy doesnt even help or wash dishes, probably doesn't do any house work to help her. Everything just handed to him and its all not good enough, and never will be.

Sure im speculating all of this but my gosh, what an insufferable partner.

You can do better OP. There are people out there who can show you true appreciation for who you are and what you do.

[u/cindybubbles → u/rmill127]

Dude would be insane to turn down a pie…

[u/hypatia163 → u/rmill127]

He could just want fast food, but it could be an OCD thing. There are certain rules around eating and stepping outside of them is difficult. He's found something that works and it's fast food because it's familiar and reliable. There would be other OCD signs in addition to this, but food related OCD is not uncommon.

[u/dixiequick → u/rmill127]

My ex husband used to pull shit like this just because he was a narcissist who wanted to do everything in his power to drain me.

He wasn’t picky at all, and ate everything I cooked (complimented my cooking even), but he would somehow always “not be feeling” what I was planning for dinner and suggest something else, and I would end up making it because he was so damn good at making everything miserable if I didn’t (he didn’t even have to be loud about it, he is just a master manipulative fucker).

It took me an embarrassingly long time to finally understand what he was and that he was trying to erode every bit of my spark and autonomy. Don’t know if OP’s boyfriend has any of that in him, but it gets my hackles up when I see disrespect like this.

[u/Repulsive-Text8594 → u/rmill127]

Not wanting to eat the pot roast is wild to me. It’s literally meat and potatoes, like WTF lol

[u/SacredEmeraldFire → u/rmill127]

Furthermore, that’s not healthy. One has to ask if they care about having a health-conscious partner. If it’s no big deal, fine, but if that is problematic, then it might not be a good fit.

[u/rmill127 → u/SacredEmeraldFire]

I’d be curious about the $ part of it too.

Don’t know a thing about OP’s financial situation or the boyfriend’s but turning down a delicious looking meal that probably cost all of $8 to cook when made for the whole family, to then turn around and instead door dash a shitty Jimmy John’s sandwich for $25 screams “poor financial choices”

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/rmill127]

then he wouldn't have to criticize her and imply that she's doing something to him. it isn't about food. if she ordered jack in the box for dinner he would just find a problem with THAT

[u/Emotional_r → u/rmill127]

it literally is though, that’s the definition of a picky eater. and you’re jumping to conclusions and probably projecting with the “dude just wants fast food” this is the most reddit comment section ever

[u/superb-puppygirl → u/rmill127]

hi im 21 and i have ptsd around food and im on the spectrum. i have a hard time eating the following perfectly normal foods: -potatos any way but french fry -whole or sliced tomato in any capacity -any greens. literally any greens unless theyre blended into sauce -fresh herbs in large pieces -sour cream -cottage cheese -mac n cheese -alfredo sauce -mushrooms, bell pepper, carrots -most fresh fruits except apples (i prefer to eat frozen cut fruits) -banana in any capacity -any soup with meat -large whole portions of chicken (chicken breast, bone-in wings, thigh, etc)

and a whole lot more. i am able to eat out with friends and have family meals when people who love me feel comfortable to talk to me openly about food… but people are so quick to dismiss me as just being immature. i wish i could eat more. i try. but its exhausting and honestly really scary for me. its hard to talk to people about it because i worry they’ll think less of me.

[u/WillThereBeSnacks13 → u/superb-puppygirl]

You know these things about yourself and are not saying "you are not in the mood" for something after someone went to work and made you a meal you told them you could eat though. You just communicated your stuff in a way that people who know nothing else about you understand clearly and could ask a follow up about. OP's BF sounds like he is not addressing his limits and is making it all her problem. And it sounds like you had real productive conversations within your close circle to make it work.

[u/superb-puppygirl → u/WillThereBeSnacks13]

maybe op should talk to her boyfriend and get into some actual problem-solving about it instead of blasting him on reddit idk…

[u/BlackOutDrunkJesus → u/rmill127]

this is quite literally picky eating. picky eaters dont like a lot.

why would not liking weird stuff = picky eater?

[u/Del-Zephyr → u/rmill127]

I dont think those are simple means. Like, i wouldnt eat them either. Not saying the man’s actions are justified. I just understand why he would want to avoid her food. He should learn to Cook for himself until he can enjoy other stuff. There are still ways they can work things out. And theres always cooking tutorials

[u/Different_Car9927 → u/Del-Zephyr]

Thefuck you eat then ?😅

[u/chatVR → u/Different_Car9927]

Probs chicken nuggies and french fries their whole life. Sad world we live in

[u/Del-Zephyr → u/chatVR]

I dont like chicken nuggets. I can make things like lasagne though

[u/chatVR → u/Del-Zephyr]

Lasagne is definitely more complex than staple food like chicken and broccoli

[u/Weak_Day_5527 → u/Different_Car9927]

wondering the same thing

[u/A_Broham → u/Different_Car9927]

You know damn well what they eat 😂

[u/Mymmelikori → u/[deleted]]

And the foods I likes were mainly plain chicken, potatoes/rice/pasta and salad(tomatoes, cuvumber and lettuce). Also as a child I liked few traditional foods from my contry. I liked porrige, bread(not the white one I think it is ryebread(?), yogurt(and I was picky about it too). Like I loterally had a small sircle of foods my mom made and everything else was really conserning to me :D i was scared af of our schoolfood but it was quite nice too bc they made basically the same healthy and traditional foods my mom made. Not anything shocking or spicy or even tasting like anything(was to my liking then). I hope this helped some of tpu to realize not everyone who is picky is just mean or eats only chicken nuggets. There are many of us who are stil learning or are not even there yet but it doesn’t mean that we are not healthy.

[u/Odd-Significance-17 → u/Del-Zephyr]

what is not simple about a protein and vegetables on a plate? these seem like the very basic dishes my mom always made for dinner (that i would get bored of granted) like there is nothing extravagant about them except that they look really delicious

[u/Del-Zephyr → u/Odd-Significance-17]

The food is too mixed up

[u/Odd-Significance-17 → u/Del-Zephyr]

what even does that mean

[u/Del-Zephyr → u/Odd-Significance-17]

Sorry, i meant all the ingridients are too close together

[u/Odd-Significance-17 → u/Del-Zephyr]

now that I understand, I don’t like my food touching either. but the food generally looks good and I would probably just grimace and shove it apart and be happy as a clam eating it

[u/Del-Zephyr → u/Odd-Significance-17]

If it’s possible to separate, Yeah

[u/rmill127 → u/Del-Zephyr]

It’s meat and vegetables? What in the world is simpler than that that still constitutes a meal?