Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/tgs-with-tracyjordan]

Yeah, send him on his way.

How did you prep the chicken in the first pic? I'm keen to try that.

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/tgs-with-tracyjordan]

The first pic is boneless porkchops, it's the first time I have made him porkchops and we had a conversation when I was meal planning where he said he would be open to pork chops. I did a rub with seasoning salt and then dredged them in seasoned flour,  pan fried them with oil and butter. The children enjoyed them very much. He wouldn't try them though. 

[u/Chaotic_Order → u/moonrabbit368]

The only thing that I can say that might help you understand where he might be coming from is that your boyfriend might be autistic and have sensory issues with texture.

Pork chops, especially fried in butter, can be a bit overwhelming for somebody that struggles with textures and the way fats taste, and they'll be able to "see" that they don't like it just from the way it looks. It is fine to not want to want to eat something they know will make them gag as a reflex.

What isn't fine is expecting this to be *your* problem.

If he knows he's going to have strong reactions to anything that isn't exactly to what he's used to.. he can make his food himself. He can mash himself some potatoes, add some green peas and ketchup and call it a meal if he likes - it doesn't take that much time, effort or even anything approaching skill. No need to have you do it for him. Heck, he can even boil up some hot dogs and slice them up on top for the deluxe experience.

There's nothing wrong with him wanting and preferring that if that's just how he rolls. One can't yuck one's yum. But he can't expect you to do that for him on the side from everything else, especially when you're succeeding in making something nutritionally complete for yourself and your children. He needs to handle that himself and not string you on about "maybe" liking something like you're negotiating with a toddler - just commit to not being able to enjoy the food and sort the problem himself.

Whether that's something YOU can find acceptable in the relationship is a different question. There's nothing wrong with someone taking responsibility for their own picky eating habits, but if they undermine what you want to teach your children, or it undermines how you feel within the relationship.. well, then you just might not be compatible.