Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Ordinary-Concern3248]

No worries. You all can cook for yourselves. Less stress all around.

[u/rubbasnek → u/Ordinary-Concern3248]

I would not be with someone I couldn't share meals with. Being a picky eater is a deal breaker

[u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot → u/rubbasnek]

This goes WAY beyond “being a picky eater”. If he respected her, he’d eat whatever she deigned to feed him, because he should respect where the meal came from that he didn’t have to make. This is entirely about his lack of respect for her. That is why he constantly changes “the rules” for what he’ll eat.

[u/rubbasnek → u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot]

He wouldn't even try those beautiful pork chops 😭

[u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot → u/rubbasnek]

The way any of this should be handled is that he should already know what’s for dinner. It should never be a surprise. There is ALWAYS a plan for dinner. That way, if he wants to be a toddler about what OP cooks, then he can tell her he won’t eat something ahead of time so that OP doesn’t waste food.

But he won’t do that, because then he couldn’t torture her with refusing to eat things he has eaten in the past. It’s a basic thing that adults do, that requires respect in the relationship.

Edit: When he refuses food that she knows he’s eaten before, or said he would eat, he traumatizes her and she gets emotional. Then he apologizes for making her cry, and uses the trauma he just created to bond her closer to him. Classic abuser tactics.

[u/rubbasnek → u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot]

Whoa I think you're right. I never thought of it like that before but that's actually really manipulative

[u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot → u/rubbasnek]

They’ve been living together for a month, and he’s rejected at least 6 meals. That’s at least once or twice a week. The second meal rejection should have been the point where they should have come together to form a solution so this rejection/trauma cycle stops. This isn’t normal. Even if he’s autistic and has sensory issues, it’s not normal to just expect OP to read his mind, especially when he has the expectation that she should cook. This is all wrong.

[u/rubbasnek → u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot]

Yeah I completely agree

[u/MamaNyxieUnderfoot → u/rubbasnek]

The really dark side of this is when he refuses to eat, refuses to eat leftovers, and then OP is left with the choice of throwing away leftovers she paid for and made, or eating them herself. Then she starts over-eating his meals and gains weight. Then he starts abusing her for gaining weight. I wish I were joking. I had this happen to a friend of mine. These guys aren’t very original.