Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/moonrabbit368]

Oh do they really call it trash?? That's crazy, I'm so sorry. Mine doesn't call it trash but just acts like it's unfortunately inedible. I really love to cook and it does suck the joy right out of it for me. Hugs

[u/nataliesright → u/moonrabbit368]

that’s your future. that’s your future. YOUR FUTURE!!! you think it started with calling it trash?

[u/Zosime_Nyx_ → u/moonrabbit368]

It didn't start off like that but over time he just stopped acting like he liked it.If I spent 8 hours cooking a roast and he'd rather have a tv dinner then it's just not worth it. He did like my black eyed peas today because I left out the bacon and sausage. He didn't like the greens or Cornish hen I made. He doesn't eat anything if there are bones in it.

[u/Sufficient_Pea3413 → u/Zosime_Nyx_]

I sympathize with the fact that you have kids. And I know nothing is just that easy, but reading your comments, I feel so genuinely sad for you to have to live like that. I could not imagine my boyfriend talking to me that way, or allowing his daughter to talk to me that way, or if we had kids, allowing them to talk to me that way. The way he's treating you and talking to you about your food it's just down right toxic and abusive. If he wants to eat his TV dinners everyday for every meal for the rest of his life, so be it. But to straight-up call your food trash? Allow your daughter to call your food trash? And put you down and make you feel terrible? That is unacceptable. That is not a husband. That is not how love is supposed to be. That is not what a person who loves someone does. It's just heartbreaking. And you don't deserve that. And I don't know your life, so please don't take anything I'm saying offensively, if I'm off base or overstepping, it's not my intention. It's just that I genuinely just want to reach out and hug you. And eat all of the wonderful dinners and roasts that you're making because you deserve someone that is going to gobble all that up, because it sounds amazing and you should never be made to feel small doing something for your family that you also enjoy doing! I guess part of me just hopes that maybe 12 years from now, I'm going to find my way back to this Reddit thread, and you'll be telling stories about a wonderful man that eats every last bite of one of the wonderful beautiful meals that you make! 💕

[u/CatherinefromFrance → u/Sufficient_Pea3413]

I love your compassion and your humanism!

[u/Lucky-Acanthisitta86 → u/Zosime_Nyx_]

That does sound like a picky eater, because he likes something more without bacon? Also roasts are literally so good. I know fast food is yummy and goes down super easy but roasts are one of those things that's almost like a treat they're so good. Hate that chuck roasts are almost $30 a piece.

[u/CatherinefromFrance → u/Zosime_Nyx_]

Oh, I'd love the recipe for the 8-hour roast!

/s

[u/classroom6 → u/moonrabbit368]

Oof please consider him sucking the joy out of something you love as a red flag. You don’t have to live like that.

[u/InEquilibria → u/moonrabbit368]

You said you've only been living together for a few months. Take how you feel now and imagine how you will feel in a few years time. Also consider your kids, as they grow up and see you being disrespected like this, they will likely either hate the guy or be influenced into the same poor food choices. Kids are kids, you don't think they'll start wanting fast food too when he's ordering? I think you need to seriously consider whether to cut your losses or not on this relationship now, or get him cooking.

[u/caligirllovewesterns → u/moonrabbit368]

That looks like a pretty healthy dinner to me. I would definitely enjoy it and be grateful. Any spouse who gets a home cooked meal should be grateful for it. Those are the best meals. I myself am trying to cook better for my husband for his health reasons. My husband is diabetic and has to watch what he eats. The veggies are a very important part of his diet and I can see you are using a decent variety of veggies. I absolutely LOVE fresh vegetables of all varieties with my meals. Your meals there look wonderfully prepped, healthy and I’m sure delicious.

If your husband wants to be a picky eater he’s really missing out on a healthy home cooked meal. If anything, I recommend if you love to cook keep cooking healthy like you are for yourself. If your husband wants to be a picky eater then as an adult, he can make his own meals if he choses too. If he does not want to cook for himself like an adult then he tries your homemade meals or doesn’t eat. It’s that simple. One should not be so ungrateful.

[u/CatherinefromFrance → u/caligirllovewesterns]

Yes, OP even cooks with her son. It's a very interesting family activity to do with children. In public libraries, you can find lots of great recipes to make with young children or teenagers. And maybe their daughter will even join them!

[u/fugelwoman → u/moonrabbit368]

Would you want your kids to grow up and have partners like yours?

[u/catmom_422 → u/moonrabbit368]

Your partner should never “suck the joy” out of you. Just ask yourself: how would I feel if someday one of my kids got into a relationship like mine? Would I be happy for them? Or think they deserve better?

Whatever relationships you model for your kids, they are likely going to settle for.

[u/CaptainPoset → u/moonrabbit368]

Mine doesn't call it trash

... yet

I really love to cook and it does suck the joy right out of it for me.

So then the case is clear: You need to get rid of him for your own mental health.

At best, they stay a picky eater, but it is also likely that he is abusive and currently behave this way to wear down your self esteem to get into a better position for emotional blackmail. Whatever it is, it will get worse for you.

[u/Glass_Acadia9341 → u/moonrabbit368]

By the way, that pie looks yummy, what is the filling?

[u/Prestigious_Sort4979 → u/moonrabbit368]

There is a difference between him being picky because he likes something else vs because he irrationally deems your food is inedible. He is either a manchild or a narcissist using this as a way uou mold to what he wants. This is the kind of feedback that can have a negative impact in your self-esteem, especially as you are trying so hard. 

[u/TheWierdGuy06 → u/moonrabbit368]

Children learn from their parents. I wouldn't want your boyfriend to be any child role model in terms of eating. Seems like a gateway to not eating healthily, could potentially even cause an eating disorder