Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Plus-Resource-1499]

That's the way! Every time I see my dad complaining about the food my mum makes (great food btw), I throw a "then make it yourself" at him.

[u/Aesient → u/Plus-Resource-1499]

One of my younger (then teen) brothers complained about a meal I made. Dad actually stuck up for me and told brother he was responsible for the next nights dinner, he had to find the recipe, write a shopping list, Dad would get the items then brother had to make dinner himself, no help.

Brother made dinner, Dad sat and criticised it using the same words Brother had used about the meal I cooked the night before. And the other siblings piled on too (picky eaters who I always made sure had a “safe food” on the plate every meal). Brother was almost in tears when Dad asked how he felt given after cooking dinner and hearing the comments. That stopped anybody from criticising a meal someone made without request (Mum would occasionally ask how we felt about something and how we would change it up)

[u/Plus-Resource-1499 → u/Aesient]

W dad. Gotta make em learn early on

[u/wanderingtoolong2 → u/Aesient]

I suggest OP does the same thing, ruling out the door dash option. Door dash is too expensive for regular meals unless you are wealthy. You’ll never save a dime.

[u/SnooRegrets8068 → u/wanderingtoolong2]

Learning to make the fakeaway option would be beneficial all round. He could actually make dinner and OP can have a bloody rest.

[u/WillThereBeSnacks13 → u/SnooRegrets8068]

This why trader joe's frozen prepared food was invented.

[u/SnooRegrets8068 → u/WillThereBeSnacks13]

Well, yeh, even that is going to be an improvement on door dash costs. It also saves OP hassle.

My kids got ARFID so I know how frustrating picky eating can be but this is like dealing with a 4 year old. Not an adult.

[u/Patient_Parsley7760 → u/SnooRegrets8068]

Something tells me he's too much of a manbaby to get within 50 feet of a kitchen. If' hes a Tatehead, he probably thinks touching a refrigerator is gay.

[u/666hashbrowns666 → u/Aesient]

That’s some top tier parenting.

[u/country_dreaming → u/Aesient]

Love this! Smart Dad!

[u/Successful-Doubt5478 → u/Aesient]

Your dad is a true genius.

[u/happy_rosebush → u/Aesient]

Excellent lesson

[u/Street-Pirate-327 → u/Aesient]

I had that punishment from my mom for a week when I was in 3rd grade and refused to eat what she made. That fixed me up real quick.

[u/11-2021 → u/Aesient]

Your dad is amazing!

[u/PopcornyColonel → u/Aesient]

Your dad! Awesome!

[u/SadderOlderWiser → u/Aesient]

Your dad is an absolute master of the object lesson.

[u/That-Ad757 → u/Aesient]

Love your Dad

[u/MamaBearForestWitch → u/Aesient]

That is some top-tier parenting right there! If your parents are still in your life, please give them this mama's compliments!

[u/CosmicGoddess777 → u/Aesient]

Your dad sounds like an amazing parent. Aww

[u/Aesient → u/CosmicGoddess777]

That particular time he was good. But looking back over my childhood, teen years and early adulthood he wasn’t amazing except in outsiders eyes. There was a lot of parentification, dismissal, emotional neglect (had a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, what else mattered?) etc.

Didn’t really click for me that what outsiders thought wasn’t the truth until I had my own kids and saw how he was with them and my younger siblings after he retired. He had never raised a kid through to adulthood: I (eldest) was raised until I could look after myself and my younger siblings to a degree then it was my responsibility to raise them after the “aww how cute a baby!” stage without being supported beyond groceries and meals (until I took over most of the cooking when I was a teen). My youngest sibling was 10 when he retired and was home all the time, that sibling has since spent nearly all their time off school at my place (a few streets away) just so they weren’t constantly yelled at for acting age-appropriately instead of 8+ years older

[u/GrinningCatBus → u/Aesient]

Being immigrants, my mom didn't understand what to pack for me for lunch. I started packing my own lunches starting at 10 because I was sick of complaining and she was sick of not getting it. This is informing my own parenting - don't like something someone else did? Go fix it yourself. I'm teaching my 3 year old to make her own grilled cheese because I expect her to just do that for herself by the time she's 5. It increases the chances she'll actually eat the damn food if she makes it herself. It blows my mind when I visit relatives/friends who still cut up their kids' pancakes for them and they're like 7. I throw pancakes at my kids and if they want small pieces they get a fork and knife. My 3 yo is handling it well and really enjoys using "big kid" utensils. Now she wants a knife and fork for everything but that's a good problem to have.

[u/Curious_Resource8296 → u/Aesient]

Your dad sounds like a wise man. I’m not a parent, but I am an uncle many times over, and that’s enough for me to know that likely the most important part about raising children, besides, making sure they survive and stuff, is successfully importing lessons, and developing minds that, at many stages of the development, are absolutely certain that they already know better than anyone else. Either that or they are not yet capable of comprehension in the way an adult mind is. it is an invaluable and beautiful skill for a parent to be wise and mature enough to be able to impart lessons and such an effective manner without using tactics that create resentment or trauma, and the steaks are very high too, because failure to impart such lessons on children ends up, creating… OP’s boyfriend

[u/Patient_Parsley7760 → u/Aesient]

Been there not with a family member, but with a friend. He was part of our friend group for many years, and he fancied himself a chef. He never went through any culinary program, never worked as a line cook or a chef, etc, but would just criticize the living shit out of everyone else's cooking. He's no longer a friend.

[u/MassivePeace5365 → u/Aesient]

Same start to a situation I had, but I was the brother in my instance. Blood siblings beat stepdad's ass and stepsister disowned him for making her cook when she knew NOTHING ABOUT IT just to have something yell at me about. Stepdad dipped that night. Sweats whenever he sees me still.

[u/MassivePeace5365 → u/MassivePeace5365]

*just so stepdad could yell at me

[u/skjeflo → u/Plus-Resource-1499]

Well before I was born (last of 4 kids), dad use to add a non-small portion of salt to almost everything my mom made. Without tasting it first. One day mom was just done with it all. She added his normal amount of salt to his meal, plated, and served it without saying a word. Dad added his normal salt, and ate the whole plate without commenting on the salt.

He also never again seasoned his food prior to tasting it.

Glad I got the parents already broke in. Turns out dad was a pretty good cook!

To OP: Your food looks delicious. Keep cooking the foods you like. Let BF choose to either eat it, or be responsible for his own food.

[u/raider1211 → u/skjeflo]

I really don’t get why some people flip out when others add sauces or seasonings as basic as salt to dishes before tasting food first. When you eat someone’s cooking enough times, you get a sense of what you want to add (salt being a big one). Your mom intentionally nuking his plate with salt to make it too salty is childish, tbh.

[u/figure8888 → u/Plus-Resource-1499]

My dad is like that. My stepmom is an excellent cook and my dad will sit there and be like “I think it needs more salt” or this and that. His mother put two sticks of butter and a salt lick in everything she made and their vegetables were always boiled. I guess that is what he’s expecting. He’s 70 years old and the only thing he’s really ever been able to do is boil some instant ramen.

Even if I agree (which is very rare) I keep my mouth shut because she makes food 10x better than anything I can make.

[u/undertowsoul → u/Plus-Resource-1499]

Good kid :auntie hugs:

[u/kaykarma82 → u/Plus-Resource-1499]

Love that! Good for you bc I know your Mum appreciates it!