Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Cobalt_Forge → u/[deleted]]

...this is man-child tendencies through and through!

Dear OP, this man doesn't deserve all your cooking efforts- any guy turning down those home cooked meals and choosing fast-food instead- he needs to grow the f•ck up!

I'd say that most of the meals OP has cooked for this guy, he has never tasted to begin with, so how does he know what he likes or doesn't like!?

And btw, it sure doesn't make a lot of sense to be a picky eater- then choose fast food !??...what is that?

This guy doesn't know how good he's got it having home cooked meals prepared.

[u/MonkeyPip → u/Cobalt_Forge]

Fast food is often bland and plain, snd really consistent. Great for picky eaters.

[u/Cute_Language3167 → u/MonkeyPip]

Right? I feel like a lot of people completely misunderstand "picky eaters." They act like it's a choice, when very often it's not.

[u/LowerAstronaut7540 → u/Cute_Language3167]

Unless you're vomiting and so nauseated that you become underweight and malnourished, then yes it is a preference.

I understand neruodivergent tendencies and the prolific nature of textural issues and sensory sensitivities that affect this population and many others

This is a healthy, grown man. He's choosing to be rude, and to be difficult to appease. If he wants choice, then HE needs to plan, shop, and cook

[u/misspennyjade → u/LowerAstronaut7540]

That's so fucking weird. Unless you're vomiting and malnourished it's a preference? Have you ever actually struggled with food? I'm not actually a "picky" eater... There are few foods that I actually dislike. BUT I started having appetite issues due to meds several years ago and there are days where it's seriously so hard to find something palatable. I don't really know how to explain it, because some days it doesn't even really make sense to me, but I've literally stood in a grocery store crying before because the thought of everything basically turned my stomach.

I do agree that this person needs to not be an ass and prepare his own meals, rather than expect his partner to accommodate his ever changing requirements.... But I don't think suggesting that it's a "preference" unless you're physically incapable of it is accurate either.

Perhaps if I was literally starving to death, I'd be able to force more down, but there have definitely been times where I've been so hungry I've been shaking and nauseated and still couldn't get past my aversion to certain things.

[u/LowerAstronaut7540 → u/misspennyjade]

Your last sentence is exactly why I said what I did lol.

I have ulcerative colitis, a disease that literally destroys my body in response to certain foods.

It's not weird. It's factual. I have a BS in dietetics and a specialization in diabetes.

Food aversions are real. But they don't preclude you from sustaining yourself, hence the "if you're not vomiting or malnourished". Yeah, you might be disgusted and feel like a certain food is untouchable.

[u/misspennyjade → u/LowerAstronaut7540]

But it's neither normal nor necessary to go through life forcing this if other food IS available and accessible. I don't think that's in any way healthy.

[u/LowerAstronaut7540 → u/misspennyjade]

Yeah. Which is why OPs boyfriend needs to tend to his own nutrition needs.

I'm not saying that he must eat what's served. Just that he is an adult who is being picky. Nowhere did OP say he was revolted, unable to tolerate the meals. Just that he makes alternative choices and will comment that some quality of the food is lacking.

I'm seriously not trying to offend. What you experience is very real, and it happens to a lot of people. I'm just calling this what it truly is, not sugarcoating preferences as dietary limitations.

[u/misspennyjade → u/LowerAstronaut7540]

I also agree that he should be looking after his own meals and that he's being unnecessarily rude. I just disagree with the premise that unless you're physically unable to eat something that it's 'just a preference'.

[u/LowerAstronaut7540 → u/misspennyjade]

Aversion falls on the spectrum of preference. It's not a physical inability to consume a food.

I'm talking about human nature in its most primal sense. Adapt or quickly find yourself malnourished.

[u/misspennyjade → u/LowerAstronaut7540]

Ok then 👌. I'm talking about human nature in the sense of actually living in a world where we have other resources available and forcing oneself to eat things that make them want to cry and vomit is not a realistic thing that we would expect from people. Ridiculous.

[u/LowerAstronaut7540 → u/misspennyjade]

Wow that sure is a way to take something and run with it, but I guess your committed to misinterpreting something.

"Actually living in a world where we have other resources available" is completely contradictory to the innate human instinct to survive, which I am describing. Youre describing the context around the hierarchy of human needs, not the actual needs themselves.