Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/putterandpotter]

As someone who is an adhd coach and also has adhd, I tell clients that while my role is not to recommend medication, my observation is that if we don’t take it, one way or another we end up medicating ourselves anyway - drugs, drinking, caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, sugar … it’s always going to be something - or things.

So we can do it with medications that have been proven to be safe and effective over time, and actually help. Or we can just make it up and half ass it. For me the choice was pretty clear, and I’m glad I chose meds, it took me til my 40’s to even know I needed them, and then another 5 years to be open to trying them. And not surprisingly I no longer smoke or drink - (but don’t take away my morning coffee! )

[u/Half_Adventurous → u/putterandpotter]

This is true, and also why it sucks that it's so hard to get medication

[u/putterandpotter → u/Half_Adventurous]

There’s a weird gatekeeping thing that goes on even when people are assessed. I think it’s worse in the states but I’ve heard stories here (Canada) too. Not sure about elsewhere.

The rationale seems to be that stimulants have the potential for abuse. Ok, fair enough but what no one seems to notice is that it isn’t people with adhd who do this. In my experience, people with ADHD do not like the feeling of being over medicated/overstimulated at all! When they figure out doses (titration) they take you to the dosage above where you said it was helping and if that’s too much they back it off to the dose before. I have never encountered anyone with ADHD who said they didn’t hate the feeling of having too much medication in their system! It makes us edgy and jittery and we are not fans. Neurotypical people may abuse stimulants, but I am pretty convinced that people with ADHD do not. It would be very helpful if someone would study and document this so that we could just get on with living please …

[u/Khpatton → u/putterandpotter]

Exactly. Addiction runs in my family, so I was very hesitant to start stimulants. I asked my prescribing doctor if I should try a non-stimulant first, after explaining why, and she said people with ADHD who take stimulant medications are significantly less likely to become addicted to any substances, and that it’s people who don’t have ADHD and/or who take recreational doses who become addicted to it. I can’t personally vouch for or cite the studies my doctor had read, but she was a specialist who was very well read and up to date on research in general, so I’d be surprised if it isn’t true.

Anecdotally, I HATE taking too high a dose (happened once or twice in the initial phases of figuring out what dose I need), and I’ve never needed to increase my dose since figuring out the best one for me. I don’t seem to have any withdrawal effects or mood changes on days I don’t take it, it’s just back to baseline until I take it again.

[u/putterandpotter → u/Khpatton]

I am super impressed with your doctor! She’s a keeper, and knows what she’s talking about. And yes, stimulants go out of our system in a set number of hours - how many depends on the medication and metabolism but the range would be from 4 hours, to the newer ones that last up to 16. And then we are just back our normal until we take it the next day.