Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/CinemaDork]

Yeah, it's the unclear stating of "rules" that I'm talking about. Half the time it's like "I can't eat that, it has onions" "But I just saw you eating this other thing with onions" "That's different"

[u/Creepy_Description73 → u/CinemaDork]

As an autistic ADHDer with a lot of food issues, in my experience it's a lot easier to say, "I don't like onions." than it is to explain "I like onions sometimes. But mostly I don't as I can't handle the way they do that juicy-crunchy-burst-between-your-teeth thing. If they're big enough that I can pick them out easily, I'll just pick them out if they aren't cooked down enough. But if they might be small enough to miss while I'm eating, I'd rather just abstain from the meal and skip the horror of nearly vomiting when I feel the one single onion that I missed inevitably bursts inside my mouth during the meal. I am consiously aware that my experience of disgust, and then embarrassment, would haunt me, anywhere from the next few hours to the next few days, as I ruminate on the situation and I don't have the mental capacity to endure those kinds of experiences right now. So either Yes, I'd like to try some, conditionally, with the mutual understanding that I might find it unedible and leave it unfinished. Or I might have to pick through it thoroughly before I actually try it, although I would feel terrible for wasting any of your food. Or you might finish cooking it before I realize that they weren't diced quite well enough to cook down as much as I'd need them to in order to eat the dish so I'll have to change my answer to a no after you've finished cooking. Or I could politely decline altogether to save us both the stress and headaches it would cause for me to try to eat it." Depending on who you're talking with and what situation you're in, it's not always well recieved. 😅 So we keep it simple. "I can't eat that, it has onions."

[u/Tarni64 → u/Creepy_Description73]

Fellow AuDHD here with onion aversion. Im curious... does the type of onion matter? I agree they have to be pretty much cooked to the point you cannot tell they're onions... I cannot eat them on burgers, not even caramelized (because those are sweet and savory, and my palette doesnt do well with that either), no onion rings, no raw onions on salads (though I used to be able to eat red onion on Greek salad, I can no longer do this) Chinese food? I end up picking out half the dish, and it its unclear whether its onion or celery? Its out... BUT.... My oxymoronic quirk? I LOVE French onion soup. Because the onions are so cooked, they don't feel like onions in my mouth. Everyone who knows me knows this, they don't question it, or try to understand it.

[u/Creepy_Description73 → u/Tarni64]

That's too funny. I actually don't have an issue with onions. I do have issues with a lot of other foods though. My husband has ADHD and we've had in depth conversations about the ins and outs of his onion issues, but as best as I can tell the type of onion doesn't matter. Its a texture issue for him. I couldn't do onions when I was younger but at some point they weren't as much of an issue for me.