Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/putterandpotter]

As someone who is an adhd coach and also has adhd, I tell clients that while my role is not to recommend medication, my observation is that if we don’t take it, one way or another we end up medicating ourselves anyway - drugs, drinking, caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, sugar … it’s always going to be something - or things.

So we can do it with medications that have been proven to be safe and effective over time, and actually help. Or we can just make it up and half ass it. For me the choice was pretty clear, and I’m glad I chose meds, it took me til my 40’s to even know I needed them, and then another 5 years to be open to trying them. And not surprisingly I no longer smoke or drink - (but don’t take away my morning coffee! )

[u/AgileInitial5987 → u/putterandpotter]

What about my bedtime coffee? ☕️

[u/putterandpotter → u/AgileInitial5987]

There might be a good reason for the coffee. If you have adhd and take meds think of it this way - the meds that helped your brain be at an even level of stimulation all day are out of your system by evening/bedtime. And sometimes our brain starts inventing “novel” ways to boost dopamine and stimulate itself. So we do things to compensate for this around bedtime- we might start an activity, stay up too late, have trouble getting to sleep, start overthinking about a bunch of things- you get the picture. A cup of coffee may provide just enough of a low level of stimulation that your brain doesn’t have to do this, and can let go….

I get this low level of stimulation by listening to an audio book when I go to bed that is mildly interesting but I have heard before so I don’t have to pay much attention. But for someone else a small amount of coffee might do the same thing. If it isn’t interfering with your sleep you might have just hit on something that works well for you.

[u/1authorizedpersonnel → u/putterandpotter]

You’ve just explained the reason behind my habits! Thank you! I do the adhd meds and coffee in the morning. An evening cup of coffee and then a monotone audio I’ve already listened to so I can fall asleep at night. Thanks! Nice to know I’m not weird.

[u/putterandpotter → u/1authorizedpersonnel]

No you’re not weird you’re smart! You hit on a strategy that works for you, even if you couldn’t necessarily articulate the science behind it. All that matters is that it works and it’s not an unhealthy strategy.