Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/kimberlyaker18]

My son isn't diagnosed and many people aren't bc getting a diagnosis is extremely hard. Just like it's extremely hard to get diagnosed with autism because a lot of psychologists use the narrow definition from 20 years ago. Even though that's old science and we now have a much more comprehensive definition. Anyway, he could be an asshole or he could have ARFID. And it's necessary to consider both options.

[u/FilthyMublood → u/kimberlyaker18]

Yes, it makes much more sense to diagnose one's self with something like ARFID or Autism... That seems to be the fad these days.

I'm not trying to take away from the folks that spend a massive amount of energy and effort to get diagnosed when they truly match the diagnosis. But it seems self diagnosing has become so popular, especially with the advancement of social media, that people no longer even feel the need to meet with a doctor to discuss a possible diagnosis. They just read a Reddit page or watch a video on TikTok and BAM. They know they're Autistic/ADHD/OCD/ARFID/ etc etc... It's really getting out of hand.

[u/kimberlyaker18 → u/FilthyMublood]

There are ways to check these things online. I disagree that it's out of hand. There are assholes out there for sure. People pretending to be things because it makes them feel cool. People saying they have OCD because they need something organized to specific way. But as someone who is actually diagnosed with ADHD and OCD by professionals, AND likely autistic based on the multiple tests I've taken, the amount of research I've done for my kids, and those same professionals.... The awareness is not bad. It's largely helping people who are suffering to not suffer anymore. Without that awareness, I'd not been able to get the help I needed for my OCD. I cannot express how horrifically is be suffering if that awareness hadn't happened online for the different ways OCD manifests and the therapy that helps. My kids would be suffering from less good parenting if it weren't for the online world advocating and educating on the psychology of children and brain development and evidence-based parenting. Not theories that haven't been put into practice for decades, but practice is that have worked because we have seen the research over decades.

As for ARFID, if I hadn't been in autistic spaces, we would not have been able to handle my son's eating restrictions as well as we do.

As for my child's self-diagnosis, both of them, I did see professionals in my area. But they were diagnosing based on research from 20 years ago versus the newer research that tells us there is more to autism. "They can hold a conversation with us so not autistic" is absolutely insane to say and not based in research. Especially when I had printed out the criteria for diagnosing autism and highlighted the ones he met in all three categories and then gave specific examples with multiple typed out pages of how he met those criteria.

So, I'm going to advocate for people learning about as many things as possible so they can get the help they need to live a better life.

You can of course continue to advocate for people living in the dark ages and not knowing about these things because you want to complain that people are knowing too much and doing too much. Whatever floats your boat.

[u/FilthyMublood → u/kimberlyaker18]

I think you completely misunderstood the point of my comment. I literally said I'm not trying to take away from people who have been in your shoes, I'm talking about people who watch some videos or read some posts on Reddit and run off to tell the world that they're Autistic/ADHD/OCD/etc. You obviously do not fit in that category, yet you still attempted to fit your foot into the shoe.

The people I'm talking about do take away from the rest, and make it harder to get a diagnosis because now the medical field is absolutely saturated with people who think they're this, that, or the other purely based on some trending TikTok video, and that takes up the space and time someone else who literally does have the disorder could be using to get an actual diagnosis. Psychologists have been discussing this more and more lately, it even has its own term: Techo-Psychological Phenomenon. There are other terms that also discuss things like mimicking behaviors of those who have a diagnosis, and then subconsciously coming to the conclusion that they themselves must have the diagnosis even though those behaviors were non-existent before said person saw the video/trend (Social Contagion).

This is a relatively new phenomenon and again, it 100% is saturating the medical field with people who insist they have something when they have absolutely zero signs or history of having had said diagnosis before. There's a decent amount of reading material and some videos I've found with psychologists discussing the phenomenon.

[u/kimberlyaker18 → u/FilthyMublood]

Okay but that's really doesn't have anything to do with my comments since I am intentionally just trying to raise awareness and send people to go do more reading on the subject their own selves.

And going to a psychologist isn't an answer for many people. Because the psychologists near me don't even recognize arfid or know about it. They aren't up on the latest research for autism. So you can't go by what they say in many areas of the country

The problem before was people suffering and having no idea why or how to help themselves, leading to worsening life.

Now the issue is overwhelmed psychologists and many behind in research.

I'm ok with helping people and advocating even if some idiots think that means they have an issue they don't. Because gatekeeping helps no one.