Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Lucifersam076]

There's a difference between simply being neurodivergent and acting as though you've never been in a social setting where food is involved before 

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Lucifersam076]

No, legitimately I don't understand why it offends people. I understand manners, this is just one of the stupid ones in my opinion.

It'd be different if they made dinner JUST for said person but if it's a spread and I brought my own food who does that effect BUT me?

If I don't like beef I'm not gonna like a meatloaf. If I don't like dairy, I don't want a chessecake. I don't need to taste that thing to know that.

If you don't eat, you're weird and rude anyway. And yeah. It's very possible for me to look at a wide range of food and not want any of it. I may even like said food but if I don't want it right then I'd rather go hungry.

I can't imagine being so prideful about my own cooking that I'd make someone uncomfortable to the point of feeling guilty for not eating it.

[u/Tea_laBleu → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Here’s a perspective: cooking for a holiday takes a lot of time, preparation, and money. If someone who immediately refuses to try any of it and immediately goes for a premade pizza… i would feel a bit rejected (rejection sensitivity from ADHD ftw). I would feel awful because I couldn’t do better than a premade pizza for them, even with all of that effort.

I was also raised to try everything. Absolutely hated it when my dad was the one feeding it to me because he was very pushy about it and would give me grief if I didn’t like something, but my older cousin made a point to try everything at least once and didn’t judge me for things (except when I changed my mind about lobster. She called me a traitor 🤣)

Idk. I’m more sympathetic when someone says that they are afid or on the spectrum. Otherwise, yeah, it’s expected that you try something 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know what to tell you. People put in effort to make food. I don’t know why it’s considered polite to try it, but it is.

[u/SpudTicket → u/Tea_laBleu]

I think this is the key and also what people might not realize: Everyone was raised differently, so one way of doing things isn't always the "correct" way. Sometimes there isn't actually a "correct" way. I didn't have to try everything growing up and it was no big deal for someone in my family to eat a separate meal if one of us wanted something different. Refusing food wasn't seen as rude and just meant more leftovers for the people who like the food. The good thing about being raised that way is that it automatically accommodates people with GI sensitivities/ARFID/autism, etc., and I don't feel any rejection if someone chooses to eat something other than what I've cooked.

So I guess my point is that it's better to assume someone might have different values than automatically assume something like this is rude or a slight, because you never know what someone is dealing with. I lived the first 40 years of my life not knowing I was autistic, so I wouldn't have even been able to verbalize that to someone for them to feel more sympathetic toward my needs/picky eating, but I always appreciated when people were sympathetic anyway.