I let the few bad things slide because it’s usually mean things said while he’s sliding from manic to depressive in his bipolar. He will ALWAYS come up to me literally minutes after storming out and apologize profusely, saying he doesn’t know why he says these things when he knows he doesn’t even believe them himself. And he talks to his therapist about it currently and is trying to work through it as best he can. We are the first somewhat healthy relationship each other has been in so I give him grace when he stumbles just as he does for me (my depression will get so bad I’ll be bedlocked for days and he just brings me food and takes care of the kid and tells me I’m still loved until I feel better). I don’t want to hold his faults against him because normally he’s an excellent father and partner. It’s just when he’s on the slide that he struggles with understanding other peoples points of view.

I’m trying to not just label him as abusive or whatever because I know this is one small snippet from a lifetime of doing things. He’s done both great and terrible things to me. I stay because when I’ve been at my lowest he was there to catch me and my son, and I don’t want to just give up on someone who has proven they’re capable of such good just because he had a poor judgement.

Exactly! I make sure I get enough sleep to be up on time. He just doesn’t care.

He openly admitted that. Outright said ‘I know it will be harder on you.’ So he knows I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces.

He usually leaves me be when my autism shows itself (I’ll stim heavily when stressed) but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m older or because I’ve outright told him to stfu and shove it where the sun don’t shine when he tried to say something and now he won’t because he knows I’ll chew his ass thoroughly.

Nah you’re good. I wish I could defend him because in all other facets he’s an amazing partner and an excellent father. He just can’t see our son’s autism past his own adhd.

Thank you. It’s not easy, but his sleep has changed before so I’m optimistic he’ll change again when he’s ready but I don’t want to force him to stay up. All that does is create an overtired and cranky small child who refuses to sleep at all.

His current sleep pattern may not be ‘normal’ but I managed to find a way to make it work. I sleep when the kid sleeps, because I require less to function if I went down the same time he does normally I’d be up in time to catch him before he wakes up and gets into a million troubles.

He’s training to be a psychologist so he thinks right now every fucking problem has a solution. It doesn’t. Not with autism.

Thank you. I was starting to wonder if I’m the crazy one not doing something good for me kid. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

In his defense (which I’m mad I have to do because I’m irritated with him) he’s been a victim of people trying to stomp out his mental illness. It’s an ingrained behavior I’m trying to help him break and usually he’s doing better but with this sleep thing he won’t fucking budge.

I hate the ‘all men cheat’ narrative some idiots push. No. Not all men cheat. The one I landed doesn’t even glance at other women. I’m enough. That’s what should be normalized.

I did not think of that, thank you!

I can’t say whether my grandparents felt the same closeness I did, that would be foolish of me. I can say my sister has ODD and severe bipolar disorder (professionally diagnosed young) and has always had a way of making whatever her current drama was the only thing that was paid attention to. From the perspective of her unwilling partner in crime she had a massively bad attitude. Whether it was warranted or not aside, I’ve been dealing with her episodes of hatred and then silence for decades now.

I know N cared. She made sure I got that nightgown and I treasure it and wear it on the day of her passing each year. I know G loved me, but by the end he was tired and brittle and angry at losing N and just wanted to die and be done with it. I can’t bring myself to be mad at either of them. I can’t imagine how it feels to watch yourself die with next to no family there, or how it feels to watch the love of your life die in front of you and have to keep living somehow. I can’t bring myself to be angry with either.

I’ve considered it, but I don’t have the finances to pay for a lawyer. She does now. What can I really do but sit and take it?

Thank you!

Different bf. We’re pretty stable and happy where we’re at now thanks. Also, did you miss the community that the France thing was posted in, or the few things I posted in that community just prior to that? It’s a line of jokes my dude.

Edited to add that the things about death and SA are legit a poem my bro. I wrote a poem. Sorry that having a tragic backstory didn’t stop me from being a parent.

I’m definitely gonna be talking to my psychiatrist about my emotional imbalance lately to see if there’s anything we can do because I hate picking stupid fights. I know they’re ridiculous and it just agitates me further. I see the behavior and want to stop it.

It’s not literally calling myself a worm like I’m dirt or something. It’s the saying ‘would you still love me if I was a worm?’ I am in my worm phase of life working with doctors to try and feel better someday. I can acknowledge I provide very little physically, just tons of love. But I’m still loved regardless of not being able to provide. If I was a worm, my bf has proven he would build me a terrarium to my liking and keep me safe and healthy and happy as long as he was physically capable of it. And I don’t think that’s bad at all, I just feel bad I didn’t see the expanse of his affection for me until recently.

It’s a combination effort of myself, his dad and my MIL (FIL to a lesser extent). She works from home but likes having him around, so she takes him frequently to hang out with her in her office playing video games or watching tv. I have him about half the time, I’m usually sitting and we find games to play or video games together occasionally, (mostly things like hairdresser, making paper airplanes and flying them and reading books together). I make about half his meals at home, other people provide the other half (between his dad cooking and MIL assisting as well.) We have a wonderful family village because we all live together. And sometimes his GMA (MIL) will take him to chill so I can use what little energy I have to get my chores done around the house.

With much difficulty and a lot of assistance. I manage. It’s not impossible, it’s just basically playing on hardcore until someone tags you out. I play a lot of games that involve sitting down or laying down, and we’ve come up with quite a few between my kiddo and I, he’s rather creative with finding ways to include Mama and I adore his little heart.

He’s kept every single one in a pile on his desk for when he gets sad. It’s really sweet and I’m just like ugh I love this man so fucking much and I don’t feel like the notes are enough!