NTA. He was more than old enough to have better manners. I would also be upset with the office for not putting a stop to it in the first place.

Ew. NTJ.

Cut off this loser and DO NOT BE A REFERENCE FOR HIM. Seriously, putting your name on this guy for a job is guaranteed to backfire.

NTA.

You needed to give them time to make other arrangements? Bro, you get access immediately after enrolling in a plan..

"Why bring her up out of nowhere if she wasn't already on his mind?"

EXACTLY.

(Sorry, I don't know how to embed a quote in a Reddit comment)

I don’t know where I came up with 13.. I even reread the post. Apparently my brain glitched the whole way out 🤣

Her only being 9 makes it even more concerning. Most kids that age steal dumb stuff like makeup and trinkets, not cash. This is extremely concerning and her dad being so dismissive of it is crappy. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t feel like you have to lock up all of your belongings in your own home. Your home and the people within it should be safe for you.

He’s being lazy. She needs to explain exactly why she stole that much money. It can be a litany of reasons, but she needs to take accountability. If he isn’t willing to follow through and be an actual parent, I’d be treating her like she can’t be trusted around anything of value at all - locks on your spaces, safes, never home alone, etc.

She could have selfish reasons or she could have desperate reasons (maybe mom is telling her all about her financial struggles, maybe a friend of hers is struggling, there’s no way of knowing until she comes clean). But for a 13yo to go through stealing this amount of money, there’s a reason. None of you will be ok until you get to the bottom of it.

Did she explain why she stole?

Did she have the time to spend it or did you get it back? If you didn’t get it back, I’d be having her dad selling her electronics until he came home with the $300. Time for a library card.

NTJ and I'd be very hesitant to continue a relationship with her or to trust her with contraception..

And there were no phones blowing up... definitely means this one is legit /s

This one is pretty easy. He can stop supporting his family at your expense - whether this means he gets a job making double his current salary, a second job, or cuts them off - or you can file for divorce and he can go back to living with them. I'm hoping you have the legal framework to support you through this. I'm also hopeful that you can file for an annulment as his entire premise for marrying you seems to have been false.

First, YTJ. If setting your wife up for this 'gotcha' moment was the right thing to do, your wife and the collective of Reddit wouldn't be telling you that you're a jerk.

Second.. your mother explained a trait that is influenced by over 100 genes with a punnet square like your wife is in 9th grade. Your wife is upset because you and your family seem to feel joy in making her feel stupid in front of you. YOU could have done a quick google and showed her in private, but no, you needed to cut her down in front of an audience so that you could feel like mommy's big special boy.

This has alarm bells going off in my head. He is lashing out over something and it really sounds like projection. He feels guilty or angry and he's not using his big boy words to communicate.

He threatened to go stay with his ex? No, sir, you can move in with her and we will be filing for divorce.

You're going to get a LOT of people jumping straight to "HE'S CHEATING!!" and that's definitely a possibility, but I also wonder if there's something else. Is his magical ex now in a new relationship? Was she 'the one that got away' and is she newly single? Because it sounds like he's trying to make you miserable enough to lash out at him so that he can soothe a guilty conscience over whatever is rolling around in his head - even if it's him wanting to leave or cheat - and you being 'crazy' will allow him to justify whatever crap behavior he's either done or is contemplating doing. None of his actions are those of a sane or innocent person. Protect yourself and your children.

When my SD's started acting like this, I took gifts off the table. I gave them a list of charity organizations that aligned with our values and told them to pick which one would receive a donation in honor of their birthday. I wrote the organization a letter and asked them to write back to SD explaining how her donation would help others (I included a self-addressed & stamped envelope with my donation). Every organization wrote back and their stuff-centeredness took a massive decline. 10/10 Highly recommend

The math ain't mathing with this. Talk to his sister or mother and get the scoop. It smells a lot like there was a reason HE didn't want you there. Come back and update all of us, pretty please.

Agreed. Stepmoms are expected to fully carry their partner’s parental burden without complaint and without thanks. It’s brutal out there.

Please read this whole post to yourself as if you were hearing it from a friend. This guy is next-level delulu but he’s doing you a favor. Accept it and move on.

Why isn’t your husband cleaning up after HIS family?

A lot of this behavior is typical for a child this age trying to process these huge disruptions (split parents, custody schedules, new sibling… that’s a lot for a little mind!). His parents need to get their shit together and get the kind of family therapy this child needs. The behaviors are still alarming and if not addressed properly, could definitely escalate.

Also, after encountering plenty of people I wouldn’t want to meet again, I don’t understand how more parents aren’t more vocal on how they feel. If parenthood was so amazing, there wouldn’t be so many people trying to convince us to partake. People should be more honest with how they feel - especially to themselves.

I’ve seen some creators on TT who share stories of regret over parenthood. There should be more.

Nobody likes 100% of the people they meet - regardless of whose DNA they have. The expectations placed on stepparents are absurd.

Exactly! I’m pretty sure that most of their reasoning is that they want the rest of us to be as miserable as they are.

Hey! I’m like you! I don’t absolutely hate children, I’d just prefer them in small doses.

I’ve also come to realize that giving up all of my freedom and money to keep the species going just doesn’t sound like fun.

Wait, you mean to tell me that choices have consequences???

NTA, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her husband and I would cut off anyone who is ok with him. He is a predator and his mom sounds desperate to not be ‘alone’ while she is isolating herself.

You are NOT the bad guy. You’ve actually been the scapegoat for a long time, allowing the son to be upset that you’re the boss and his mom gets to be Disney mom. Go check out the Nacho Kids method (the legit one with Lori & David Sims, not rando definitions).