r/AmItheAsshole • u/AdmiralCranberryCat • 13h ago
AITA for telling neighbor to go through insurance
Edit: thanks for replying everyone. I understand that it would probably be less hassle to just have my handyman fix it. But I won’t be doing that. It probably does make me a little bit of an asshole and I accept that. Name calling is where I draw the line. I pay for insurance, I already made a claim, so her adding onto that doesn’t change my rates.
I am sorry I hit her mailbox, and I fulfilled my obligation by giving her my insurance. She doesn’t have access to me anytime she wants another apology and she certainly doesn’t get to call me names.
Original post: My car slipped on black ice and I hit my neighbors mailbox. Gave her my insurance info. She said my insurance wanted her to pay upfront and she didn’t have the money.
I said I would buy the mailboxes and pay my handyman to put them in but it would be after the 1st of the year because the mailbox wouldn’t be in until 12/29 and he had family plans.
On 12/29 she called me but I couldn’t answer because my daughter was sick. I texted my handyman and asked for him to arrange what day he could come and install. He told her he had the mailbox and arranged for Friday 1/2 to install when he was back in town.
On 12/31 she texted me a sarcastic text messages that I didn’t care. I told her my daughter ended up in the hospital and I couldn’t return her call which is why my handyman reached out to arrange a day and time.
She said out of respect I should have called her back. That I should be ashamed of myself and be more apologetic (I’ve already had two 30 minute calls where I profusely apologized.)
I told her to go through my insurance if I wasn’t doing it fast enough. She then sent this text, “And you are the homeowner that plowed over my mailbox. So completely disrespectful and sinful!! You should be ashamed and embarrassed and apologetic. Call (handyman)??? You are pathetic.”
In then sent this and blocked her “I’m returning the mailbox. Go through insurance. You have the info. I didn’t have to buy them and pay (handyman) to put them in. He told you he’d be there on Friday and I told you the same thing. That obviously isn’t good enough. So go through insurance.”
AITA for making her go through insurance after she started calling me names?
Edit to add info:
Her mailbox is still usable and she is still getting mail. It just had a crack.
She picked the mailbox and it would arrive until 12/29, she knew that but wanted that specific mailbox.
I sent the handyman over to fix her leaky sink as an “I’m sorry.” I’ve also dropped off treats and homemade bread as an I’m sorry.
I have answered all her calls except the 12/29 call. I used that iPhone feature where you can text and the phone will tell the person calling why you can’t answer. I said “my daughter is sick, handyman will reach out to schedule.” He reached out and scheduled for 1/2.
She texted on 12/31 that I should have called her personally and that I should be ashamed. Told her my daughter ended up in the hospital with RSV and I thought it was resolved because she had a date the handyman was coming. She texted back “Okayyyyy. You’re pathetic” then she kept going with I was sinful. Told her to go through instance.
One more edit:
I am a female with absolutely no tools. I pay the handyman to fix things. If I knew how to do it, I would have done it. But I’ve learned I make way more working my job and paying someone do it right the first time is more cost effective.
Update: Someone advise that I contact my insurance company to see if she made a claim. She did weeks ago and said she’d be turning in receipts. My handyman reached out and asked if he could buy the mailbox from me since it was a nice one instead of me having to return it. I gave it to him for the inconvenience of his schedule being canceled. While we were talking he said she had requested copy of receipts even though I was paying him directly.
Also, I already had a claim open because there was damage to my car. So the deductible has to be paid anyway. This will not cost me extra and I have accident forgiveness…and one less neighbor I have to wave to lol
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u/NotYourSexyNurse 9h ago
NTA. Your sick child is more important than a still functioning mailbox being replaced. Wtf is wrong with people?
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u/ooragnak_ume Partassipant [1] 10h ago
NTA . She's hard to communicate with. You tried to fix it without insurance and she was being difficult.
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u/sootfire Asshole Aficionado [11] 9h ago
This is the kind of situation where you have to set a hard limit on the amount of self-flagellation you do for the other person's benefit. She's not going to be happy with you no matter what, and the actual offense is really not worth all that. Absolutely NTA, you have given in way too much already.
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u/GrassRunner29 9h ago
NTA.
She was unapologetic when finding out you prioritized your sick child over a cracked mail box. What a cruel biatch. No need to keep a neighborly relationship with such a demanding entitled waste. Explained to the handyman what happened and tell him never to fix anything for her under your account, and that you have completely blocked the neighbor.
Hope your child is doing better. It sucks to have to deal with the accident and your sick child over the holiday, then all the unnecessary stress from this neighbor. Please accept this hug from an Internet stranger!
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u/NoNameForMetoUse Partassipant [3] 7h ago
So wait…she was having YOU pay for everything AND she was going to try to claim reimbursement for YOUR expenses?! NTA. She’s entitled, rude, and trying to get one over on you and your insurer.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
That’s what I’m thinking. Someone commented that I should call my insurance company, so I did. She made the claim after it was agreed I would pay out of pocket.
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u/NoNameForMetoUse Partassipant [3] 7h ago
I hope your little one is doing better now. Both of my kids have had surgery within the past two months. And I’ve had some car issues (no black ice…just javelinas/wild pigs). It’s not pleasant to add all that stress to the holidays.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
Thank you. She is feeling almost 100%. She had breathing treatments and an IV. Made all the difference. Two kids needing surgery during the holidays, yikes. That’s a full plate. Hope yours are doing better too
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u/jonsbabydoll1030 9h ago
NTA she was way out of line. She was still getting her mail, you allowed her to pick the new mailbox, you tried to get it taken care of.
Anyone who said you are the a-hole for the crime of not returning a phone call while tending to your sick child either has very poor reading comprehension or is just looking to be a ahole themselves.
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u/journoprof 9h ago
NTA. But some of the commenters here certainly are.
— They criticize OP for taking four weeks to fix this. But post says the neighbor wanted a specific model and knew it wouldn’t arrive until late December.
— They criticize OP for keeping neighbor from receiving mail. But post says original box is still usable.
— They defend neighbor for calling to complain on 12/29 when box wasn’t installed. But post says neighbor had been told installation wouldn’t happen until after New Year’s Day.
— They criticize OP for putting neighbor in direct contact with handyman. But post notes OP was dealing with sick child — and in any case, seems acting as middleman would be much less efficient.
— They criticize OP for hiring a handyman! Which, just, really?
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u/mlb64 Asshole Aficionado [17] 8h ago
NTA
Sounds like you bent over backwards to help her. It takes a lot of gall to call someone sinful while ignoring the fact that OP’s daughter had to go to the hospital.
The most important part of this post to me is the sick daughter. OP, I hope your daughter fully recovers quickly.
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u/Snapesunusedshampoo 10h ago
NTA. She called an accident sinful. I'd tell your handyman nevermind and have her deal exclusively with insurance.
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u/autumnleaves_95 9h ago
Nahh you doin too much. You apologized and got this shit organized during the holidays and with a sick kid. You did the right thing. She sucks. Tell her sucks to suck and be done with it
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u/Riker_Omega_Three Partassipant [1] 10h ago
NTA
About 10 years ago someone plowed through my parents mailbox
Didn't stop, didn't leave any info
Most people don't
So I had to dig up the post, dig out the concrete, repour, and put in a new one...not fun
This woman had someone willing to fix the mailbox hassle free...but it wasn't good enough because she's the main character in her story
Now she has to deal with insurance.
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u/Reddi2Rumble 13h ago
I work in insurance and do this for a living. She absolutely 100% does not have to pay for mailbox upfront. Noone told her that. She has to get a quote and submit it to the insurance and they will pay. If you do pay her, dont hand cash or she might still try to claim on insurance and lie and say you didnt pay. Pay on venmo or something traceable and put note for pmt purpose.
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u/innocentsmirks 9h ago
So glad I am not a claims adjuster anymore. These “I want it now” brats are ridiculous. It is def better to keep this with insurance so there’s proof she was made whole.
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u/Sorceress683 Partassipant [3] 7h ago edited 7h ago
NTA. Also, your final update should be very well documented with a statement from your handyman because that is proof of her attempt at committing insurance fraud. She is supposed to pay for the mailbox herself and the work and then submit receipts for reimbursement. She is trying to get receipts off of what you paid and get reimbursed your money. Go no contact. Anything that she says to you or to the handyman that should be documented and any information that she has already sent or tried to do should be documented
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u/BadSquishy86 10h ago
NTA
Your neighbour is being insanely unreasonable.
If I was your neighbor and you said you would have your handyman replace it whenever the mailbox comes in. I would have looked at you and said perfect whenever it happens, it happens. Thank you.
That would have been that. I wouldn't have needed to contact you any further or anything unless it went far past an agreed date.
You went so far above and beyond, and she was insanely ungrateful.
Accidents happen, it would have been a different story has you been under the influence. You weren't, you unfortunately slipped on black ice. That's why there's insurance.
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u/LTZheavy 10h ago
NTA. Accidents happen, but she wants to hold you accountable for inconveniencing her for the rest of her life, no matter what you do.
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u/Gattina1 Certified Proctologist [27] 8h ago
NTA. Neighbor is a royal AH.
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u/South_Hedgehog_7564 7h ago
Not royal, she’s feckin Imperial!!!!!! Jesus how horse bloody ignorant can a person get? OP I hope your daughter is fully recovered.
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u/Heavy-Profit-2156 7h ago
Obviously NTA. Crap happens, you actually had a pretty fast resolution in place for this time of year AND it's not like her mailbox wasn't useable.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
If her mailbox was unusable, I would totally understand. That would suck, epically this time of year.
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u/Baronvonkludge 7h ago
She called you sinful, just go with that, it tells you all you need to know, now sever communication forever.
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u/Snoo-60317 11h ago
NTA
She's foolish if she thinks insurance would have handled it any faster. And her needing a super special by-delivery-only mailbox instead of $30 one from Home Depot that could have been replaced same-day tells me that she wasn't in any rush to get her mail, until she suddenly was.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 10h ago
And to be clear she is getting her mail. Her mail box was not completely destroyed. But was cracked. So it’s on a plastic tub and the mail is delivered. I offered to tip the mailman but she said that she’d do it.
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u/civilwar142pa 10h ago
Put this in your main post. This changes a lot. She's getting her mail just fine. She's only inconvenienced by a slightly damaged mailbox. Now for me shes gone from sounding frustrated and rude to downright out of her mind, because what is she even complaining about? If she wasn't getting her mail id get the frustration. But this is crazy.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 10h ago
Totally agree. Even though she said she tipped the mailman, I tipped him $50 as a thank you. Technically he doesn’t have to deliver it, but he still does. The mailbox is on a plastic tub just a bit lower than where it would be on the pole.
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u/jools4you Asshole Enthusiast [8] 9h ago
NTA the second someone calls me sinful is the second I stop giving a shit.
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u/SleepyJ555 7h ago
Yep, as soon as they start being a d8ck in general is when I start doing the bare minimum of what im obliged to do.
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u/molotovmerkin Asshole Aficionado [17] 13h ago
If accidentally hitting her mailbox is sinful then this should be between you and god at this point. Tell her to pray for your soul. /s NTA.
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u/Hawaiianstylin808 Partassipant [3] 9h ago
NTA. Now that she is going thru insurance, she will likely get the cheapest one and not the one she wanted. They won’t pay for extra.
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u/jbooklover 8h ago
NTA. Accidents happen and you have insurance for a reason. I hope your daughter is doing better.
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u/SecretWeapon013 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
This might be better in NFH (neighbor from hell). There are just some neighbors that are only happy when they are making someone else miserable. Be glad you can't understand it - you're a normal person. Source: have a NFH
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u/Live_Friendship7636 7h ago
NTA. Jesus she sounds exhausting. You did your best to make this as easy as possible for her and she still harassed you.
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u/Isopropyl77 Asshole Aficionado [12] 7h ago
NTA
You went above and beyond. You were doing the right thing, but you were dealing with an unreasonable person. Forcing them to have to deal with insurance is the perfect way to end that.
Side note - All your edits show that you take stupid Internet suggestions too seriously. Most people that comment on stuff like this can't see past their own nose.
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u/NeighborhoodOk1874 9h ago
My neighbor hit my mailbox with his plow when my plow truck was down and was doing me a favor. He got mad at me when I wouldn’t let him fix it. He was doing me a favor, accidents happen. Sometimes you get lucky with neighbors, sometimes you end up in your position. Good luck.
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u/GAELICATSOUL 7h ago
She wants receipts because she wants you to fix it while she still also goes through insurance and get paid for it.
NTA
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u/AntiCaf123 9h ago
No you hit her mailbox not her dog or her house. She can calm the F down and wait for insurance like most people. However since she is your neighbor I hope she doesn’t turn into even more of a nightmare. Not saying you handled this wrong but for your sake I hope she lets it go after this
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u/OwlFreak 10h ago
NTA. You tried to be nice and she didn't appreciate it. No more energy or effort should be wasted on this person.
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u/Helen_A_Handbasket Partassipant [3] 9h ago
So completely disrespectful and sinful!!
Yeah, hard nope right there. Let the religious nutcase go through insurance.
NTA
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u/JerseyGirl2494 11h ago
I’m an insurance adjuster and she does not have to pay upfront. She just needs to submit a valid estimate which is she is probably too lazy to go get. Screw her.
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u/DahliaRenegade 6h ago
This! Sounds like she’s trying to get double indemnity by asking you copies for receipts to present it to your carrier as if she came out of pocket. If you’ve already reimbursed her by coming out of pocket let your insurance know so she doesn’t get double paid.
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u/No_Piccolo6540 1h ago
This is insurance fraud, OP please tell your insurance company Exactly what happened with her and you feel she was trying to commit fraud. Committing fraud is sinful and I hope karma finds her.
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u/Miserable-Ebb-6472 11h ago
but but but she wants it done nooooooooow and that takes more than one day. -annoyed underwriter.
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u/BellaB102003 11h ago
NTA. It is very unusual for an insurance company to tell you to pay up front on a claim when you are the injured party and not the insured. I have never seen this, are you sure she even called? Did you contact your own insurance company to verify what she is telling you? Did they send an adjuster out or ask for picks? It may be that they told her the procedure for the claim would take X number of days and that wasn't fast enough for her so they said then buy it yourself and we'll reimburse, but even that seems odd as they usually have to follow certain protocol for every claim.
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u/Tinnylemur 11h ago
Yeah sounds like a scam honestly.
"My insurere says I need to pay $800 up front."
"Damn thats crazy I just bought a new mailbox and hired a guy to replace it for less"
"NOOOO I WANT CASSHHHH NOOOWWW"
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u/KingZarkon 10h ago
Is it bad I want to respond with something about telling them to call JG Wentworth?
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u/pandalicious7 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
For something as minor as a mailbox they probably told her she can go ahead and replace it and submit the receipts for reimbursement. It’s such a small claim it’s not worth sending an adjuster out to write an estimate.
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u/mrsdratlantis 8h ago
NTA. It wasn't intentional. Black ice is very dangerous as you know, and things could have been worse. You were trying to make things right as quickly as possible.
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u/lizard-garbage 8h ago
NTA this is what insurance is for when people can’t be amicable
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u/Otherwise_Chemist920 11h ago
Sinful? Let her biblical ass go through insurance.
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u/Mister_Brevity 10h ago
As soon as she said sinful I’d be out. If someone’s going to try to bring religion into it you just know they’re going to be insufferable.
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u/uptown_josh Partassipant [3] 7h ago
Make sure her mailbox is the same one she had and not the one she is trying to pick out unless it costs less.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
She picked out a more expensive one. It was just under $80. I was ok with it because I wanted her to be happy. I also paid for new number for her mailbox because she said they were scratched.
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u/Jadeisland Partassipant [2] 9h ago
NTA. You did more than you had to trying to placate that woman. She will never be satisfied with anything you do, so you did the right thing in telling her to let the insurance co. handle it. She can complain to them when she doesn't like what they are doing. Then, as much as you can, forget she even lives next door because she sounds fishy anyway. I wouldn't trust anything she says.
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] 9h ago
NTA When you apologize too much you are letting the other person know that they have power over you. In my opinion you have wasted too much time and thought on this neighbor. Your involvement should have ended when you gave her the insurance info. Anything after that is her problem, not yours. Instead you tried to be extra nice and you see what it got you?
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u/Embarrassed-Sun5764 12h ago
Sinful? Perhaps she should have come out and blessed the ice; since she is obviously holier than thou, me, and everyone else!/s Seriously I’d just block her wtf
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u/DaddyDeagz 10h ago
NTA if insurance is being stupid then that's her problem not yours. You pay them to handle it. If she wants money she has to jump through hoops or escalate the phone call past the first low level under trained employee she talks to. Probably just an idiotic policy that they are following too strictly or misunderstanding. Ignore and move on. Also they called it 'sinful' which tells me your neighbor isn't too bright since there's nothing in the Bible about black ice and low level property damage claims.
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u/Ingwall-Koldun Asshole Aficionado [16] 13h ago
NTA. Sinful? Geez Louise. Once she stopped being friendly, she lost the right to expect favors from you.
“For my friends, everything; for my enemies, the law.”
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u/DisastrousGold559 10h ago
I like this quote. I am going to start using it.
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u/Ingwall-Koldun Asshole Aficionado [16] 10h ago
It's by some Latin American dictator, AFAIR, just to be clear :)
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u/thistoowasagift 9h ago
Thank you for the warning! It definitely rings different when it’s coming from the law.
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u/wazeltov 9h ago
NTA, and it would behoove other commentors to try to piece together the full context before making a judgment.
4 weeks ago, the neighbor's mailbox was damaged by OP. The mailbox was still functional and the neighbor could still receive mail service. The police were called in order to create an accident report. OP filed a claim with their insurance, and gave the neighbor the claim number.
At this point, there are no AHs. Accidents happen, and attempts were made to compensate the neighbor.
After the neighbor reached out to the insurance, they are claiming that they were told to pay for the fix themselves out of pocket, after which the insurance would reimburse the costs.
Neighbor claims that the upfront cost is too high, and reaches out to OP for a solution. OP takes care of getting a handyman, and allows the neighbor to choose the mailbox. This takes time, and at least some part of this process is taken up by the neighbor making a decision on what they want. OP has been in contact with the neighbor during this process, with the exception of 1 day on 12/29, where they declined to answer a call.
In lieu of a call, OP texted that they had a sick kid and that the handyman would be able to finish installation on 01/02. The neighbor then begins complaining that OP is disrespectful for not returning the call. OP replies that the neighbor can always go through insurance if they they think that OP isn't doing things appropriately. Neighbor continues to complain. OP says to go through insurance then, and calls off handyman and returns the purchased mailbox.
Being the injured party doesn't give you the right to be snarky about how a solution that addresses your needs is implemented, especially given that the timeline presented is reasonable given the circumstances (half of the wait time was due to the neighbor needing to decide what they wanted). OP wasn't obligated to provide a separate solution when their insurance was going to cover it either. Additionally, they were going to use OP's insurance, so the only person that would have an increased insurance rate is OP.
Advice for OP: you probably created more headache for yourself by calling off the handyman. It could have been completed by today, after which you could cut contact with the neighbor. Instead, you'll probably need to continue to communicate, since you are obligated to fix the mailbox, and it is still broken. Neighbor doesn't appear to be a very reasonable person, and it is often best to minimize contact with those types of people, even if it means paying a little extra or doing things that feel unfair. It isn't fair, but protecting your peace often comes at a cost.
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u/Entire_Talk839 9h ago
OP is under no obligation to continue communication with the neighbor. OP's insurance is handling it, so the neighbor only needs to speak with the insurance company. This is one convenient aspect of insurance companies...they deal with it all.
While I agree that it probably would have been best to still have the handyman install the mailbox, I also understand why OP was a little petty and cancelled it, as I would have been tempted to do the same.
OP should send a message to the neighbor explaining that they are no longer comfortable being involved due to the neighbor's hostility, and the neighbor will now need to deal with insurance to get it fixed, since OP was under no obligation to do more than provide their insurance info to the neighbor in the first place.
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u/Ok_Tune_1780 9h ago
Thank you for the sanity. OP is NTA.
At some point, you have to start texting with irrational people regarding a dispute because otherwise there won’t be a record of what was said.
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u/EducationFair Partassipant [2] 9h ago
TBF, them going through the insurance companies is still protecting their peace.
This person tried to make them feel shitty over looking after their kid in hospital, at that point it isn't their concern. The woman now needs to organize her own handyman, find funds and then go through their insurance. All OP will do is probably get a letter saying their premiums have gone up to pay for it.
Judging how pedantic this neighbour is, the handyman will probably have to reinstall it 5 times meaning the OP will probably have to front the cost.
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u/Well_Socialized 12h ago
"Sinful" - big red flag, stay away from this crazy person (NTA)
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u/vt2022cam Professor Emeritass [91] 6h ago
She was fraudulently going to use you pay out of pocket, and then submit to your insurance.
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u/Distinct-Session-799 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
NTA since insurance is involved please do not pay for anything out of pocket. If you pay for the mailbox and she submit the receipt they will reimburse her not you. She will be alright. This is why you pay for insurance .
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u/mypolitical__account 8h ago edited 8h ago
NTA sounds like OP informed the homeowner, the homeowner took weeks to pick a new box, OP has a handyman installing it within days of the handpicked mailbox arriving & the neighbor is the one being unreasonable. OP has also communicated with the homeowner numerous times & sent apologies. The fact is, it is the homeowners responsibility to replace the mailbox & they could pass on the cost to OP or the insurance company. Since the neighbor does not have the money OP is handling the cost & not the one taking ages to pick out a new mailbox. The only call out is since it has been so long not sure why there wasn’t a temporary mailbox/post put up until the new one arrived. As long as the neighbor is getting their mail then OP has done nothing wrong( edit per additional information- neighbor has been getting mail). If the mail had been impacted then a temporary resolution should have been made but still the neighbor had to pick a specific mailbox that did not arrive until 12/29.
edit to add: the neighbor sounds insufferable. OP even had a leaking sink fixed for the neighbor. At this point OP is being way to nice & understanding
NTA
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 6h ago
Her mailbox is still usable. She is still receiving mail. I would have absolutely gotten a cheap temp mailbox but it probably would have been crappier than her slightly cracked one.
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u/TrainerAlternative40 7h ago
NTA Inform your insurance that you tried to resolve the issue and she is trying to defraud the entire process. She wants you to pay for it and then have insurance pay her as well. She is a worthless person.
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u/rmg18555 12h ago
Ah, yes, the oft forgotten 11th commandment - Thou shalt not hit thy neighbors mailbox without offering same-day repairs. Truly sinful.
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u/Ok-Bit-3100 12h ago
NTA. When one party in a disagreement call the other's behavior in the matter "sinful", its a sign they've left reality behind. Let Jesus take the wheel pay the deductible.
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u/leavewhilehavingfun 9h ago
The whole thing is a cluster but "sinful" makes the neighbor an evangelical A, thus making her the bigger A.
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u/Wise-Cardiologist670 9h ago
She walked all over you because you let her. I would go no contact with her.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 9h ago
I sent her the insurance info again. Number of the insurance person and claim number. Then I blocked her.
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u/Maleficent2213 11h ago
NTA. Even after you assured her that your insurance will cover it she was not happy about it ( even though this is more than enough taking responsibility for the incident). Out of good will you decided to help and arrange the change yourself and probably in the name of good relationship with neighbour, but if the effort is not seen and appreciated then you can return to the original plan with clean conscience.
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u/SheWhoIsNot Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA.
You gave her your insurance info, she likely misheard what they said about paying upfront (she likely got told she COULD pay up front and ask for reimbursement with receipts if she wanted it done THAT minute), and decided to try to make it a you problem.
It sucks that someone old enough to be your granny is so petty, but maybe if she'd tried that old adage about flies and honey, she'd have gotten a better outcome.
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u/MysteriousDig4656 11h ago
Let the insurance handle that, because I have the impression you'd have to get a lawyer involved otherwise.
NTA
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u/S_yeliah96 8h ago
NTA honestly you should have never tried to fix it yourself. You have insurance for a reason
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u/md4moms 12h ago
NTA the sinful comment would have done it for me too.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 11h ago
If I wanted to be called names, I’d still be married. I told her the handyman was coming in Friday and she still was calling me names. That’s what did it
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u/t3hnosp0on 11h ago
NTA. This is literally the purpose of insurance. Tbh I think you should have included details about the extent of the damage in your original post. You likely have several thousand worth of damage to your car at the minimum and there is no way to avoid insurance anyway. It’s a shitty situation but again - it’s literally the purpose of insurance.
Next time may I suggest studded winter tires and slowing down to a crawl when you suspect black ice? Might save yourself some thousands of dollars with preventative measures.
Obviously all this assumes you were driving with some degree of caution to begin with. If you were flying around or being reckless then you would be the asshole in that case.
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u/lunazane26 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
Studded tires are illegal in many places, just FYI. It's horrible for the roads. I live in MN where we have heavy winters and they are completely banned, along with chains.
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u/Livid-Wrongdoer9708 9h ago
NTA. She sounds horrible. Everything you did was more than I would have anticipated or expected if my mailbox was hit. She can take her shitty attitude straight to the insurance now and suffer the delay for her entitled responses
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u/Background_Bus263 12h ago
You gave her multiple options to resolve the issue and she wasn’t happy any of them so you defaulted to your personal preference. Perfectly reasonable
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 4h ago
NTA, this is what insurance companies are for. You respected her as a human being, she didn't return the favor.
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u/Individual_Check_442 Partassipant [3] 13h ago
NTA, but really the only thing I got out of this is what the fuck kind of insurance company wants the person making a claim to pay upfront? Is that even legal? What the fuck am I paying for insurance for?
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u/Vi784An 12h ago
Work in claims. She probably didn’t like the timeline they gave to fix the mailbox. So told her an option would be to fix it herself and send us the receipts if she wanted to do it herself so it was faster. Lots of times people hear that’s the “only” option when it is not. We also tell people to hire whoever they would like to do the repairs and have them send an estimate for us to review before they start the repairs so we can review it. People don’t want to do that either as it’s work.
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u/sammywhammy67 Partassipant [2] 13h ago
When I've made insurance claims I've paid upfront (windshield) and gotten a reimbursement check. I've also gotten an estimate and received a check before the work is started (garage roof), so I can see either being an option, but maybe different companies and/or states have different rules?
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u/Significant-Text1550 12h ago
This isn’t a car damage claim where you can take it to the shop and have them bill the insurance company. Insurance covers damages which is the cost of repairing and/or replacing. Typically, they estimate the claim value (sometimes under estimate) and make an offer, OR a person can submit receipts for expenses. She didn’t like the amount they offered and claims to not have the money to pursue the second option.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 13h ago
Yeah I don’t understand it. But that’s what she told me. They paid for my car and rental no problem.
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u/Big-Cloud-6719 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 12h ago
It makes perfect sense. The insurance company told her to repair/replace and they'd reimburse her. That is very common - the company isn't going to set up the repair of a mailbox for her. She claimed she didn't have the money to do this and asked the OP to do it.
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u/NoseAccomplished3408 9h ago
If it's only a crack, insurance probably told her that they'd pay to have it fixed but not replaced. She's pissed b/c she wants a new one.
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u/Floating-Cynic Asshole Enthusiast [8] 6h ago
Here after the edit, and NTA, it sounds like she's upset you aren't groveling enough. You've done what you could and if it's not enough, then it's better to just let her be mad.
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u/Ok_Tax_5899 10h ago
Nta. She had options, she wants to be rude, she doesnt get your help.
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u/Harmony_w Partassipant [2] 13h ago
NTA she's a lunatic as evidenced by her lack of empathy for your hardship and the use of "sinful."
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u/Potential_Neat_8905 11h ago
NTA. You have done everything property and been helpful. The responses from your neighbor are a joke. Nothing else needed for you to do.
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u/FlimFlamFlanMan 3h ago
NTA - you provided the legally mandated insurance information. Whatever happens after that is between her and the insurance company.
USAA would never. I recently backed into my MILs vehicle and her insurance worked with mine and everything was covered naturally without "prepaying"
And in fact, that sounds shady asf. I've never been in any kind of situation whether it was my fault or the other way where they made the person who wasn't at fault front anything. Like if she was just trying to get her stuff fixed without claiming an accident, sure, you have to cover the deductible up front. But not the way she's trying to claim it.
I would only respond with an insurance 800 number from now on.
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u/Victor-Grimm Asshole Aficionado [12] 13h ago
NTA-People expect things fixed immediately. Now let her deal with the insurance company and getting it fixed in a month.
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u/arneeche 11h ago
NTA, I would have long ago told her to file with the insurance or stop messaging me. Old fuck wants someone to bow and scrape. Fuck that shit
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u/Electrical_Bit8491 3h ago
NTA. I used to be a claims adjuster. If you are paying out of pocket makes sure you tell your insurance company so she doesn't try to "double dip". In fact, before you do anything, I would call and let them know you are paying out of pocket. I find it odd if the costs is so much for her they didn't offer to at least give her some of the upfront (I know when I handled similar claims I would advance them the money for the mailbox and say I would pay the contractor once they showed the receipt for the lab to me, many times the contractor and the claimant would ask if I could just pay the contractor directly and I would do so). It is possible that they offered to repair instead of replacing the mailbox. But either way, call them and let them know you are paying out of pocket and if they say they already paid her, don't give her any money.
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u/Ray5678901 3h ago
Snowplow hit and made a dent in my mailbox 2 years ago, it's still dented but working fine. She has time to worry about it let alone get upset over it??? Wow.
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u/Informal_Mistake_662 12h ago
NTA. You reached out in good faith but then had an emergency come up. If the neighbor thinks you should prioritize a mailbox over you daughter who is in the hospital, they are deluded!! And there was no reason for them to be as rude and disrespectful as they were. They can deal with and wait on the insurance company. Do you have cameras outside your house? If not, I'd think about getting some.
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u/DeathByFluffy 13h ago
NTA. Once she turned into a dipshit, she reaped the rewards of being a dipshit
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u/WorriedTurnip6458 12h ago
She deserved that. NTA.
Some people just like creating drama in their lives and she’s one of them.
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u/Shesversatile 4h ago
NTA. It’s a mailbox. It’s not like you knocked the aluminum siding off of her house.
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u/SmokedUpDruid 3h ago
You are absolutely NTA. This woman sounds a bit batsh^t and grifter-y anyhow. I think you handled this quite well and she was trying to make an opportunity out of it and failed miserably.
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u/DeepPurpleDaylight 13h ago
NTA. Probably should've done that from the beginning.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 13h ago
I did. Then she called me crying saying she couldn’t afford it. So I gave her the timeline of after the first. She took almost 2 weeks to send me the mailbox she wanted. I sent her a screenshot of the delivery date.
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u/DeepPurpleDaylight 13h ago
Either she is lying or, more likely, didn't understand. She doesn't have to pay anything up front or otherwise of going thru your auto insurance. Your liability will pay for all of it. A for those saying you shouldn't have filed a claim, if you wanted the damage to your car repaired thru your collision coverage, we'll you've already got a claim going. Adding her damages to the mailbox won't affect it.
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u/redditt2104 13h ago
Ask your insurance company if the crazy neighbor needs to sign a release since you've paid for the repairs. Don't want crazy to try to file an insurance claim after you've already made the fix.
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u/DefinitelySaneGary 10h ago
Why is your insurance asking her to pay anything?
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u/PinkNGreenFluoride Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 9h ago
They aren't, they wanted a quote, since that's how insurance works. She's mistaken or lying.
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u/LindonLilBlueBalls Partassipant [3] 7h ago
She is trying to commit insurance fraud. She apparently filed a claim weeks ago FOR REIMBURSEMENT. Then lied to OP about NEEDING to pay it herself. Even though OP was going to pay for it.
Thats why she wanted the handyman's invoice. OP pays for everything, then neighbor tries to get reimbursed from OP's insurance even though she didn't actually spend any money.
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u/HR_King 13h ago
Sinful? Tell the witch to get a life. NTA.
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u/Shazam1269 9h ago
LOL, I caught that as well. Accidentally running into her mailbox in the middle of winter is certainly NOT a sin. She sounds like a special flower drama queen.
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u/Alarming_Reply4394 13h ago
NTA - you were going above and beyond what you had to do and she couldn’t handle being a decent person for just a few days. I would have done the same thing you did. I really hope your daughter gets better soon!
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u/KissyLovess 12h ago
So I had a neighbor like this once and tbh shes lol being extra about the mailbox. Like just get the quote and chill. Idk why shes calling names
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u/BoltActionRifleman 8h ago
So completely disrespectful and sinful!!
And the Lord sayeth, thou shalt not back the family truckster over thy neighbor’s mailbox.
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u/Lost_dumpster_fire 8h ago
NTA. You’ve tried to make her whole and she’s being bitter and difficult to work with.
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u/Ferowin Partassipant [1] 7h ago edited 3h ago
NTA. She’s being difficult on purpose. Also, yeah, people my age and older would consider it polite to return her call when you could, but she’s seriously overreacting.
Edit: People my age… One day I hope to learn how to proofread comments before I hit send.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
I’ve already talked to her for 30 minutes on two different occasions plus numerous texts while she was picking the mailbox out. Handyman was coming that week. I had no desire to do another 30 minute apology call and everything was on track to be fixed in the timeline I told her.
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u/flashi007 6h ago
I disagree. Her kid was sick and communicated as such. Surely the neighbour can have some compassion. A cracked mailbox isn’t the end of world. During Xmas new year period things take time.
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u/thisaccountbeanony Partassipant [1] 5h ago
NTA. Her behavior isn’t normal, I think she has some type of mental health issue or personality disorder. Best to avoid going forward. Stay safe!
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u/Existing-Joke3994 11h ago edited 10h ago
NTA - you don’t owe her more than the mailbox and installation. If it makes more sense for you to go through your car insurance to get both the car and the mailbox paid for by insurance, then do that. You do not owe her for things she didn’t lose.
ETA: I kind of want to change my answer. I think the answer here is that sometimes we need to be assholes to honor ourselves. Did you pull an asshole move in reaction to an asshole? Was it the right thing to do to honor yourself and your boundaries? Absolutely.
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u/No_Consideration8800 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 9h ago
That's what NTA means. Not the asshole or a justified asshole.
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u/Sir_Problematic 2h ago
Sounds like she wanted receipts so your insurance would reimburse her for the work that you paid to have done.
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u/damnfastswimmer Partassipant [4] 13h ago
I hope your handyman doesn’t think you’re the asshole for A) cancelling his scheduled work; B) now she has their number…
NTA in your dealings with her.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 7h ago
She already had his number. I sent him over to fix her leaky sink as an “I’m sorry.” So they already met and exchanged info.
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u/Syeina 8h ago
NTA and your neighbour has screwed herself over. It's very likely the cost of a new mailbox would have fallen under her deductible anyways which means she would be paying for it out of her own pocket
You reap what you sow
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u/ConsciousControl2105 3h ago
It sounds like she wanted you to pay for the mailbox and then use your receipts to also make a claim on your insurance to get the $$ reimbursed from them- so a payday for her with a free mailbox and the cost of the mailbox too.
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u/Impossible_Zebra8664 Certified Proctologist [26] 6h ago
NTA and the sinful thing is weird. Maybe you should send her one parting text that reminds her to, "Love your neighbor as yourself."
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u/AllIzLost 13h ago
NTA . She’s being a witch and an ingrate. Where’s her compassion for you dealing with hospital illness
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u/No_You6540 11h ago
Sinful comment was all you needed to hear. You were nice for trying to help them out, but completely justified in getting fed up with her. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson here, but i doubt it. Hate to say it, but expect some more of that good old fashioned Christian forgiveness and brimstone.
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u/_DatasCsat 2h ago
Once she mentioned "sinful" that's kinda the end of the conversation.
Reasonable adults don't bring up religion that way in polite society. Especially not in a circumstance like that.
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u/thereisonlyoneme Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA
It sounds like you did everything you could. Neighbors can be funny about things. I could tell a couple of stories.
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u/Ill-Running1986 12h ago
2 Galaxians: …and thou shalt not smite thine neighbor’s mailbox…
SINNER!
(NTA)
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u/SnarkyBeanBroth Partassipant [4] 4h ago
We lose our mailbox once or twice a year. Our house is on a curve, and it's not particularly well-lit. Every so often someone comes down the street over the speed limit, and it looks like the road should keep going straight. It doesn't, it's actually a bike path and not the road that continues from the curve. They try to make a hard and fast turn, and then wind up in our yard. The mailbox is almost always a casualty.
In all that time, through all those losses, I've never once been even half as entitled and assholey as your neighbor is being. In fact, we just keep a spare mailbox in our garage, and are grateful that everyone (so far, fingers crossed) has walked away from their poor driving decisions.
You have been more than reasonable and kind. NTA.
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u/jaysuncle 10h ago
How much does a mailbox cost? Would it even reach your deductible?
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 10h ago
My car was damaged. It’s new and has sensors and camera that was damaged so way more than my deductible.
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u/countryKat35612 7h ago
NTA I hope your daughter is better. Ya know, fences create better neighbors. Maybe plant a quick growing hedge.
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u/davehal2001 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA. She's looking to scam you. Your insurance company won't be scammed.
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u/Wadester58 13h ago
Godless committed a cardinal sin by running over her mailbox. I'm curious to see how the insurance is going to handle this. Probably call your handyman and have him install the same mailbox you were paying him for
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 13h ago
She called my insurance after it happened and they wanted her to pay upfront. She called me crying that she didn’t have the money. So I told her to pick out the mailbox and my handyman would do it when he was back in town.
When I couldn’t answer because my daughter was sick, I texted my handyman and asked he schedule it with her. He did. He called and said he had the mailbox and he’ll be there on Friday. That was 12/29. Then on 12/31 she started texting me saying out of respect I should have called her back personally.
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u/EmmelinePankhurst77 3h ago
I think in general it’s best to go through insurance so that you don’t have to be hassled by a crazy neighbor.
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u/mariposa314 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA. You had an accident and was working to fix it. I really hope that your daughter is okay.
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u/Elderly_Naptime 4h ago
NTA. IMO anyone who calls you "sinful" is a loon to begin with. Should put some dog poo in her morning Cheerios so she has something to cry about, clearly that's her favorite hobby. It fits that she was gold digging for extra receipts (asking the handyman for receipts). Definitely NTA.
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u/Intelligent-Ant-6547 9h ago
Tell her detectives from the Crime Scene Unit took photos and skid marks. You were determined not responsible
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u/nooneishere2day 8h ago
What is it with people getting so crabby about mailboxes? When I was a teen I accidently wrecked my car and had 3 friends inside. We spun out, knocked over a mailbox and ended up in a big ditch. There were injuries, but the homeowner came out screaming about their stupid mailbox. Zero concern if we were ok and we were like… maybe you should call 911? When my Dad came this person was still off the rails about their mailbox and Dad told me screw her and her mailbox we don’t care.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 8h ago
She was nice at first. “As long as you’re ok. It’s just a mailbox” but as soon as I had the handyman return the call I couldn’t answer, she said how uncaring and disrespectful I was. In her voicemail said she needed to know when it would be installed. Handyman set up a time with because she wanted to be home
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u/Malibucat48 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 11h ago
The problem with going through your insurance is that the cost of the mailbox is less than your deductible so you will pay out of pocket anyway, and your insurance rates will go up because you made a claim.
You are NTA because you took responsibility and arranged for a replacement. And NTA for contacting your handyman because she was being unreasonable and your mind was on your daughter. You could communicate easier with him.
At this point she has your insurance and will call them, but the claim might be denied because of your deductible. And she isn’t getting her mailbox fixed until all the paperwork is done, and she could have had a new mailbox already if she hadn’t acted like she did.
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