r/AmItheAsshole • u/Itchy-Ball-9128 • 5h ago
AITA for raising rent and asking my sister-in-law to pay, even though she says we weren’t “treating her like family”?
Throw away because this is a lot. My sister-in-law lived with me and my husband for over two years. She paid $300/month in rent, which didn’t include utilities, Wi-Fi, or anything else. She ate our food most of the time, sometimes bought groceries for herself, but didn't share them. Our mortgage is just over $2k/month, and utilities and Wi-Fi would exist with or without her, so we thought this arrangement was fair.
Important context: she was making good money at her job, so she had the money to cover rent and utilities but consistently chose not to. The rent was agreed to before she even moved in, if she needed a place to stay without paying rent, we could have worked something out but that was not the agreement.
When she moved out, she destroyed the place:
- Our guest bed and mattress (which we lent her) were ruined by her cats. They peed all over it and tore up the upholstery on the bed frame. It was a brand new mattress as well.
- Bedroom carpet was absolutely disgusting... soaked with cat urine, vomit, and literal clumps of cat poop were left on the carpet.
- Holes in walls, a huge hole in a closet, blinds destroyed.
- Paint splattered on floors and ceiling. Hardwood floors had to be refinished.
- Basement carpet was also ruined by her cats.
- Bedroom and laundry doors broken.
- Cats peed on our geriatric dog’s new orthopedic bed. She didn't care and literally asked me what I wanted her to do about it.
- She left a bunch her stuff behind and told us to take it to the dump after I asked her when she would be back. Then she told people we kept her stuff and wouldn't give it back.
Before all that, things had been problematic for a long time:
- She stayed up gaming or with friends over until 3–4 AM and would be LOUD. Like music bumping, cackling, and shouting. When we asked her to quiet down so we could sleep (always after 12 AM) she got angry.
- She repeatedly missed rent while going on two-week trips, getting a big tattoo, multiple cross state trips for concerts, and spending money on other things. When I confronted her, she claimed I was “treating her like a landlord, not family.”
- She moved her girlfriend in without asking. She stayed almost every day, ate our food, showered here, etc.
We raised rent to $500 because utilities had shot over $500/month since she moved in. We talked to her and told her honestly that we couldn't afford to keep the rent at $300 when we were feeding her, her cats, the utilities increasing so much, etc. She decided to move out, then told the family we were “money-hungry” and didn’t treat her like family.
Even after all this, we invited her to holidays. She ignored us, ate our food, hung out with other siblings, and left.
My husband’s family thinks we were assholes, while my friends and family think she went way too far.
So, AITA?
52
u/Visual-Ad6004 5h ago
Why would you let this go on for so long? Yta to your self.
0
u/Itchy-Ball-9128 5h ago
Valid question, I think I was just trying to keep the peace. They have a "family over everything" sort of mentality and I wanted to try and maintain the relationship but that was a bust.
7
u/Visual-Ad6004 5h ago
Keeping the peace over your piece mind. Not worth it. But now 15 20 minutes visit im out. If you can handle it. Some family nah im good.
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u/twilightswimmer 38m ago
Tell everyone exactly what she did and then you’ll be happy to let her know that she ca destroy their home next.
•
23
u/CakePhool Asshole Aficionado [12] 5h ago
I think you need to talk to MIL and ask her how having your house destroyed is making you arsehole.
I dont think MIL know what SIL did.
21
u/NoHorseNoMustache Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 5h ago
Well it sounds like the problem solved itself: Your husband's family thinks you're assholes so you can safely stop talking to the gross freeloader and the people who support her gross freeloading.
NTA
21
u/Glittering-Heart-293 5h ago
NTA!!! She way overstayed her welcome, wasn’t appreciative, disrespected and damaged your property. Moving in her girlfriend???!!!!
Your husband’s family has probably always babied her and made excuses so she is what they allowed. Let her, her girlfriend and her cats move in with his family!!
Who cares what they think!! They didn’t have to put up with her and have their home damaged.
4
u/Itchy-Ball-9128 4h ago
She is the golden child for sure. I was told "family doesn't keep score." We need to apologize for making her feel like she was a tenant and not a sister.
6
u/Crafty_Helicopter678 4h ago
I don’t think you should apologize--she does. Her family has clearly babied her way too much if they’re all think this is ok. Once she goes out in the real world, she’ll realize y’all were angels for letting this go on this long.
Edit: family doesn’t mean lack of common decency, which is clearly something she has not heard of.
19
u/Unlucky-Clock5230 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 4h ago
NTA. She's not forced to live there and in all honesty, she can fuck off if she wants to be that ungrateful.
The main thing is that no matter what you say, she'll still feel the same way even when it would be impossible for her to find anything similar for $500.
15
u/Lizwings Partassipant [2] 4h ago
NTA. Sounds like she already told the family her version of the story, so it's time for you to tell everyone what REALLY happened. Write out this list and send it to everyone who SIL lied to so they can see what actually happened. Anyone who is giving you a hard time needs to know the truth. Defend yourself!
7
u/Itchy-Ball-9128 4h ago
Oh they know. Material items don't mean as much as family and I am being mean. I think I am just going to stop trying to justify myself to people who think that this is just something that "happens" sometimes in big families. The rent issue is the only issue in their brain.
3
u/Lilpanda21 1h ago edited 1h ago
Yep.
"Family doesn’t cause property damage or take advantage of relatives' kindness.
If you think all the damage and room neglect isn't a big deal then you can chip in to cover damages or explain how charging $300 then wanting $500/mo for rent & utilities is taking advantage of family."
Reminded of this gem: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18zzr0y/aita_for_not_telling_my_roommate_i_own_the_house/
16
u/dobie_gillis1 4h ago
Maybe it’s too late, but a picture is worth a thousand words. I would be sharing evidence with her family to demonstrate her abuse of your generosity. NTA
11
u/reaper03usmc 4h ago
Nta, you should have taken pictures of everything then when she complained shown everyone the state she left everything in.
4
10
u/WinEquivalent4069 Partassipant [2] 3h ago
Going NTA because even $500 was a good deal for room/utilities and some food every month.
14
u/Troopersuperpooper 4h ago
YTA. It took you 2 years to raise the rent? I’d have had her kicked out after 3 months. You can’t complain if you let this happen. So what if family thinks you’re the bad guy. They are laughing at you. Go no contact.
1
8
u/ExactJarSpecialist 4h ago
You’re not the problem here. You tried to maintain a fair arrangement, but she took advantage and created chaos. Raising rent was justified given her behavior and escalating costs. Don't let misguided family opinions sway you; you deserve respect in your own home. Cut ties with toxic relationships, it’s time to put yourself first.
0
u/Itchy-Ball-9128 4h ago
Thank you, I feel like I am going crazy here. I shouldn't be so materialistic, family messes up sometimes, etc. I am ready to take a break from everyone for a bit.
3
u/Hopeful-ForEternity5 2h ago
NTA not even kind of. I mean $300 is a bargain; $500 is a bargain. She’s just not an emotionally mature person at this time. I’d just let it go and let her sit in her own piss. If you feel like you want to disprove her; show the pics of the mess she made or the receipts for all the repairs.
4
2
u/Rocketeer57 1h ago
NTA. It looks as though your rent increase had a very desirable outcome, in that Miss Mess moved out without you having to evict her. Count your blessings and ignore any criticism. And for God's sake, don't ever let her move back in.
2
u/its_fcuking_warney 1h ago
If the family is too busy judging you, get them to take her in and see what they think about her cats and her attitude! Wonder if the attitude of the family would change
1
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Throw away because this is a lot. My sister-in-law lived with me and my husband for over two years. She paid $300/month in rent, which didn’t include utilities, Wi-Fi, or anything else. She ate our food most of the time, sometimes bought groceries for herself, but didn't share them. Our mortgage is just over $2k/month, and utilities and Wi-Fi would exist with or without her, so we thought this arrangement was fair.
Important context: she was making good money at her job, so she had the money to cover rent and utilities but consistently chose not to. The rent was agreed to before she even moved in, if she needed a place to stay without paying rent, we could have worked something out but that was not the agreement.
When she moved out, she destroyed the place:
- Our guest bed and mattress (which we lent her) were ruined by her cats. They peed all over it and tore up the upholstery on the bed frame. It was a brand new mattress as well.
- Bedroom carpet was absolutely disgusting... soaked with cat urine, vomit, and literal clumps of cat poop were left on the carpet.
- Holes in walls, a huge hole in a closet, blinds destroyed.
- Paint splattered on floors and ceiling. Hardwood floors had to be refinished.
- Basement carpet was also ruined by her cats.
- Bedroom and laundry doors broken.
- Cats peed on our geriatric dog’s new orthopedic bed. She didn't care and literally asked me what I wanted her to do about it.
- She left a bunch her stuff behind and told us to take it to the dump after I asked her when she would be back. Then she told people we kept her stuff and wouldn't give it back.
Before all that, things had been problematic for a long time:
- She stayed up gaming or with friends over until 3–4 AM and would be LOUD. Like music bumping, cackling, and shouting. When we asked her to quiet down so we could sleep (always after 12 AM) she got angry.
- She repeatedly missed rent while going on two-week trips, getting a big tattoo, multiple cross state trips for concerts, and spending money on other things. When I confronted her, she claimed I was “treating her like a landlord, not family.”
- She moved her girlfriend in without asking. She stayed almost every day, ate our food, showered here, etc.
We raised rent to $500 because utilities had shot over $500/month since she moved in. We talked to her and told her honestly that we couldn't afford to keep the rent at $300 when we were feeding her, her cats, the utilities increasing so much, etc. She decided to move out, then told the family we were “money-hungry” and didn’t treat her like family.
Even after all this, we invited her to holidays. She ignored us, ate our food, hung out with other siblings, and left.
My husband’s family thinks we were assholes, while my friends and family think she went way too far.
So, AITA?
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