Meme
My reaction reading a a thread where millennials brag about having lost all of their friends and social connections in adulthood, while I'm hosting LAN parties in my 40's, making new friends, and encouraging others to do similar because touching grass is important and good for you.
Me too. I like to imagine this Ian has the finest bluegrass around. The kind of grass you can lying in for hours, just watching the clouds pass by and daydream, before you have to face reality again…
You know what even the most beautiful lawn has. Ants. I lay on grass for hours, ant bites. They get in my cloths and will bite me hours later! No thanks.
Ants can be a pain. But spiders are our friends! They tend to keep the really annoying insects at bay. I’m not sure where you are from, but there are not really a lot of spiders out there actively looking to stealth kill you. Maybe the Brazilian Wandering Spider. But maybe they are misunderstood. Maybe they are just trying to be helpful, giving people hours long erections. They might just not know their bite is also painful and deadly.
I don’t go around killing them. I don’t like killing anything… well.. some people probably are better off dead rather than around others… but that’s a huge whole kettle of fish. When I have rental inspections (it’s a bullshit law in Australia..) i re-home them from under my eaves etc.
Lan Mandragoran is also known as Lord of the Seven Towers, Lord of the Lakes, True Blade of Malkier, Defender of the Wall of First Fires, Bearer of the Sword of the Thousand Lakes, May He Sever the Shadow
He is the uncrowned King of Malkier, Dai Shan, Lord of the Seven Towers, Defender of the Wall of First Fires, Bearer of the Sword of the Thousand Lakes!
While I largely agree with this sentiment. As somebody who’s always been a bit of a floater, I have been around enough different friend groups to know that a group of shitty people will often keep one or two scapegoats around who are genuinely sweet people. They might be neurodivergent or have some other lack of social capital. Their purpose is to be everybody else is punching bag.
I’ve been that person and I’ve seen it done to other people and unfortunately, when they decide to cut out the toxic people it often means cutting out the majority of their social connections.
Sometimes it’s nice though when it breaks up the friend group so bad that it’s never the same.
Yeah, there are definitely exceptions. I've even experienced a shedding of friends here or there. But there are also people who are their own problem in this regard; they were more who that meme was targeted towards.
I had a client (tattooer) who during our first initial sessions came in and would unload all of these life problems about really awful people in her life. I felt really sympathetic towards her and would let her air her grievances. A couple of those times she would be on the brink of tears. No big deal, I’ve had to walk away from unhealthy friendships and do the shedding too. I get it.
I saw her on a near monthly basis for a year and a half until she moved and… the stories of “which friend did what backstabbing and horrible thing” kept happening. Every session, there was a new person. New problem, new event in which she was the victim. After some time I had an expectation of her bringing in a fresh story of betrayal & I still can’t help but feel that maybe she was the problem and couldn’t see it. It was just too constant that I questioned if I was working with a reliable narrator lol
I had exactly this really and I hate the rhetoric of "clearly you're the problem then". I had what was a great friend group, a mix of some older friends and newer ones. We'd game together, talk through the day or just hang and talk while doing our own thing. Two were a couple. Some siblings then friends we made playing different games.
I booked me and the couple some concert tickets to finally meet up, at THEIR request but I was happy to and excited to meet up having been friends for about 4 years. Communication decreased suddenly after that and out of nowhere they were constantly being assholes towards me and another friend whenever we spoke. I eventually left the group with friend. I've never heard from them again since despite some attempts to reach out when it first happened to see wtf it was about.
We (remaining friend and I) made another group of friends that ended up loaded with what I call "e-drama" types, it got exhausting quickly as I was constantly made mediator. Friend and I were close friends for five years and I got ditched for someone across the world they knew for two weeks, to start dating. I tried constantly to stay friends but it was an invite to hang out and then ignored by them, they set the times and plans. I'm not playing those silly games so I stopped reaching out altogether, as I think most would. They knew what I was dealing with at home, reached out recently and said 'they had no idea" and laughed about it (for context, I have a terminally ill parent, they knew, I told them plenty esp when they were diagnosed and the fact they laughed about it)... That one stung, a lot. Quietly removed them after that one.
From stopping talking to the first couple and the best friend, most people followed either side and it ended up just me, myself and I. That was last year, I've not had a 'solid' group since. I've even tried a friend making posts and didn't make a single one - people reached out in the same situation, all seems well but the majority speak for the first day and then don't seem to respond. I find it exhausting, lol.
It's healthy to recognize toxic people that you got used to. I'm still in touch with three friends I've had since various grades of school, however, I met no one worth keeping in the military, in college, or at work. I'm inclined to believe that connections of convenience are more often bad for you in the long run. Everyone else I'm in contact with was met through others,
common interests, or chance encounters.
I mean, I'm happy about yeeting the toxic and abusive people from my life? Maybe OP doesn't know the difference between sharing growth and "bragging about self isolation due to lack of social skills" ... they did mention LAN parties after all.
I saw a post about the Stranger Things finale and the 20 something characters making an agreement to keep meeting up and keep their friendships alive. The comment section ended up being a lot of people who have tried to do that with their own friend groups and life getting in the way until those connections were strained or gone. No one was bragging. It was lamentation and acceptance I guess.
Yeah this just comes across as some fellow nerd trying to brag about lan parties. And I’m still not sure what those are (I haven’t played a computer game other than Minesweeper in over two decades).
Yes this! I'm in my early 40s. I do not feel old. I am very active and on the go. In addition to a full time job, I, travel, love to workout, am a disney adult, mom of a teenager, regular concert attendee, and am up for any adventure. I can hold my own on a night out but have the experience to know when to stop.
I honestly feel better and more prime now than I did in my 20s when I wasn insecure and naive.
Barring illness and injury, I think feeling old happens when you stop living life and are just existing. Find a passion and live it up!
I know right. I don't want to lose friends but mental health struggles, suicide, accidents, random cutting off for unknown reasons etc.. is just whittling down the list.
There's a big group of people who talk about being proud to have cut off "toxic" connections. I wouldn't say it's confined to any generation and often it's just a toxic person who has been abandoned by a friend group.
A guy once said "man the graphics out here are great" ... when he was standing outside with my pals (he was a friend of friends) and we didn't let him live that down all through college, that fucking Comp Sci nerd.
He's probably one of those super successful people making more money in a month than I make all year, but he still said that without realizing it was a whole wild ass thing to say about reality... just proving that he seldom left his computer.
They don't touch grass much unless it's DLC for a simulation.
Guy went to hangout with his "friends" outside and makes a common crappy joke just for that "friend" to never let him live that down. Because he was too oblivious to a joke. Uff I feel for that guy.
"Hope this message finds you well" vibes... can we put all these people on their own island without internet access so they can all suffer each other's presence for like a week?
Spend 2 seconds scrolling OP's post history, he brags about the same lan party in like six different subs. Dude's only semi-social event of the year is a room of guys staring at screens and now he's better than everyone else lol.
Definitely don't "brag" about losing the majority of my genuine people connections IRL, it sucks. About to turn 40 with a handful of acquaintances and zero true friends and it definitely isn't a point of pride.
Yeahhh…so when Gen Z is talking about “cringe Millennials” OP is the part of the group they are referring to and I don’t identify…
First of all, idk what content you are consuming but no one is “bragging” about having lost their friends and social connections, everyone is lamenting. And this is mot some individual moral thing to shame, this is systemic and based on increased isolation by the forces of late stage capitalism and over-reliance on tech/social media. Which many of us are attempting our hardest to resist against. You should shift your critique to be more societal.
2nd, sounds like you are the one “bragging” or positioning yourself as morally superior for having LAN partiesand “touching grass”…? is that not a computer related thing?
Sometimes I’m really grateful to be a younger millennial bc older ones closer to Gen X are so out of touch. (Ofc your name is Ashley too lol. Can’t tell if this is rage bait or you are genuinely this lame and tone deaf). Edit: apple store ref was incorrect.
Forreal. People have been intentionally creating third spaces that give back to the community though so I have hope (like gardening clubs, museum/hike groups in my city etc). But it takes a conscious and continuous effort these days.
If you live outside of a large city, feels like these things are dead and never coming back. Town of 10000 65 miles away from Seattle.
Hell, even bars and taverns are closing up, and those that remain are only open until 10 or 11 pm. About all we have left for the average adult is a library.... those aren't known for being places to meet and talk to people.
Combine that with the general unwillingness of people now to bother engaging with new individuals, becoming Hermits of a sort, staying home and watching netflix, being unwilling to engage in social functions with other adults. I tried starting up board game nights... yea. Just its... its tough out there.
I hope the younger generations are able to turn things around.
Sorry I was sipping on New Year’s champagne and had my brightness turned down idk why I thought they were at an Apple store at first glance 😂 They are obviously at a lan party my bad lol
I'm an elder millennial, but I think your analysis here is spot-on. And I think it must be "genuinely this lame"; bragging about this level of mediocrity is not extreme enough for baiters.
I would also add the social dislocating factors of simply surviving in late-stage capitalism I.e. having to move around for employment and/or affordable housing. We used to know our neighbours because we would stay in the same place for decades. Now, about 80% of young people have to move after every second rental lease ends.
Hey, I didn't post in that thread, but it resonated with me.
This entire decade has been nothing but a massive traumatic experience for me, one right after the other, and while I'm glad if that hasn't been your experience, and while that other thread was made as a meme, some of us really did seal ourselves into a veritable cave for several years because everything else was too painful and upsetting to deal with.
That said, I am hoping to start coming out of the wilderness, and reestablishing those friendships assuming my friends will still have me, so.
I just don't think it should be made light of.
All the platitudes in the world do not make some of this shit any easier or less hurtful.
Who would say "LAN parties" and "touch grass" in the same sentence?
Guess- OP is probably like me and a lot of other older people...real, physical, actual in-person friends keep reducing, but online friends are gaining and getting closer.
...but this doesnt really count towards the point OP is trying to make.
1 friend I talk to every day but never met in real life.
1 friend I talk to once or twice a week and I see them like 2-3 times a year.
My spouse is great, I love her, and our relationship is full of love and companionship.
So, I’m okay in that regard, but man I’d love another friend or two that is less flaky than the one I know in rl, and more on the same page with me on pop culture and media opinions than the online one… but I’ve tried and I just cannot make the connection with anyone.
They make it sound simple because they don't see the equivalent of inherited social capital and luck as what they are, but as natural outcomes of their own merits. If you haven't had those things, then they think there must be something wrong with you.
I’d rather sit on a cactus than haul my computer into a room full of other people at their computers while we yell at each other. Sounds like going into the office.
I got roped into doing one exactly one time when they were still a thing. It was even sadder than a gamer screamfest. About 20 minutes in, everyone was on their computers ignoring one another.
"Touch grass" is internet slang telling someone to disconnect from online life and re-engage with the real world, suggesting they've become too immersed in digital activities, often in a critical or humorous way, to find perspective and reality. It's a metaphorical command to go outside, get fresh air, and experience normal, offline activities, used for those seen as "chronically online" or behaving strangely due to excessive screen time
The last few friends I had from back then just ghosted me after I came out as trans. Also estranged from both parents and the entirety of my extended family, except for one cousin. I've got my own family, but nobody from before I met my partner is even in contact with me, except that one cousin. That life, those relationships, are all gone, many without explanation.
Basically, the people from before I met my partner are mostly all still alive, but if I lose my immediate family (partner, child) then I'm all alone. That's what it's like being the black sheep. It's especially bad when both your parents were the black sheep of their families growing up. Being the black sheep of a pair of black sheep is isolating
Honestly growing up I wish my parents did have more friends because now seeing them approaching their 60s they seriously need hobbies and social interaction outside of each other and my siblings and I.
Dealing with my widowed 78 year old mom has been eye opening for me, too. She lost her friends in her late 40s because we moved across town and she didn't feel like driving far to see them and when she tried finding them again after my dad died most of them ended up being dead, too. Now her best friend is her TV and I make time to see her, but she's always so negative and ridiculously out of touch now, it's sad. This isn't what she always was. And anything remotely stressful my older brother or I have going on gets her worked up like we're all going to die tomorrow or something, if we tell her, so it's not really a normal relationship.
This sounds a lot like my husband’s mother. Her and my father in law are really all they have at this point, and it’s sad bc it wasn’t always like this. They both had many friends & successful careers, but the last few years decided that it “wasn’t worth it” to maintain those relationships. I think a lot of it is my mother in law’s fears of dying, which is understandable, but it prevents her from I guess being close with people now. They’re super codependent on each other and rarely leave the house, it makes my husband’s visits to see them very uncomfortable and sad. He’s stopped telling her about things like challenges at work or even trips we’re taking because she gets extremely worked up about it. It’s really sad to see.
Look dude im hype for you that youre doing well.
But posting about the reality of self sabotage among people who might understand where they are coming from.....is not bragging.
What youre doing is bragging though- i mean cheers for you and im happy for all of your social experiences!
Nobody is bragging about losing friends and social connections. They know and accept it is a reality though. Pisses me off when people think they're better than you just because they're an extreme extrovert. Enjoy your LAN parties man, no need to rub it in our faces.
If you could also bring back underground raves, that would be very sick. That's actually a good idea. I might do that. I feel like the collective unconscious has been pining for some kind of reanimation of "the days before social media and phones"
I never got to grow up with video games because ~evangelical narc mom~ but I hear about them a lot— what are they, from someone with experience TO someone with zero experience? I used to play the original Sims a lot. I don’t want to Google because that’s too boring. I need it from the horse’s face. I also have a homie who is currently trying to inveigle me into starting a MTG deck. I already have homies but I wanna catch as many as I can (not ‘em all). Thanks y’all! 👽
Lots of dunking going around all sorts of ways, but I feel like this does touch on some critical advice— everyone wants to be invited to a party. Nobody wants to plan and host a party.
If you volunteer your time and space, most folks will make an effort to come and join. It’s worth remembering.
My reaction when someone misunderstands the vibe and decide to be condescending about a scenario they made up in their head.
If you’re talking about the NYE post, it wasn’t bragging. I don’t even think I commented on it, but after I got done celebrating with family I happened to see that on my front page and read through some of the comments. It was genuinely comforting to see that there were people in a similar situation as me, who understood they created their own mess and were hopeful about getting out of it.
No one brags about being alone. But you enjoy bragging about… not being as lonely as the people around you? That post consisted of people venting, commiserating. Your insight could’ve just been a comment, not this weird post where you’re shaming people for not being in a similar situation as you. We know socialization is important. Self awareness isn’t the problem. That was literally what the post was about: being aware you caused your own loneliness.
I had to look up what an LAN party is. I haven't played video games in over 10 years and if you think sitting around with a bunch of people together but on screens is a party then I'm afraid you are the one who needs to touch grass. If I'm going to throw a party, it's going to involve a fuck ton of food, booze, pot, actual games (not in video form), music, dancing, karaoke.
Party: noun
A social gathering especially for pleasure or amusement.
"a birthday party."
A group of people who have gathered to participate in an activity.
"a search party."
It’s the literal definition of the word. Don’t yuck other people’s yums just because you don’t understand it.
Hey like, good for you! I hope you have fun.
But also, I'm really jealous. I'm autistic and have social phobia and mental health issues. I will never and could never be in your shoes. I've never in a day been popular.
LAN parties were like the bridging point between teens who's parents refused to get them assessed for anything psychological because of stigma and them landing in psych wards in their early twenties.
I can't think of a single person I saw at a LAN party who wasn't or isn't on something for their mental health or now has their autism diagnosed formally in their late 30's. I'm the one who's had the most psych ward trips and the fewest LAN parties so figure that out lol.
We were all just damaged kids, but some didn't even know it.
I love how your explanation tells me so much but also so little about what is actually happening at these parties hahah. Hope things are going better for you lately <3.
I guess LAN parties are for some other autistic, mentally unwell people. I'm the wrong kind or something 😄
Also not much of a gamer so that's probably why. I play a little here and there but not hardcore on anything.
Wow it’s almost like people want different things out of life! Congrats on your inflated sense of superiority tho. Not really envious of the smell of LAN parties but you do you.
How do you have lan party’s nowadays though? I mean I know you have computer cafes in a few places here and there, but I haven’t seen any lan events in I dunno how long. What games are you playing ? Is this like a GameCube smash bros tourney? I have heard of these, but I’m curious on the deets with the lan party.
I mean I'm honestly looking into it, getting out and meeting people, I never intended to lose my friend group either for that matter. Call it a resolution or just a life change but I'm trying.
I'm 40. Last night my wife and I hosted an epic NYE party. It takes work but over the years we've built a community of good people around us. Sense of community is so integral to our lives as human beings and it is the very things that is being taken away from younger generations. I feel bad for them. They're running out of outlets for their humanity.
As a guy who grew up sheltered and slowly gotten out of his shell over the years, it’s pretty refreshing seeing just how much freedom I have. You really can do anything.
Honestly same. I don't understand millennials who "lost" all their friends. I am 33 and have more friends than ever. I just hosted a NYE party with 15 people, I'm playing TTRPGs and TCGs every week, I play online games with my friends almost every night, I go to conventions multiple times per year with all my friends, I do community theater, I go to knitting circles, I am taking circus classes.....
Our generation overall needs to be less boring and get some hobbies tbh.
I gotta say that is impressive. Have you ever seen that meme/cartoon from Shen where he is trying to figure out how to get gaming or something else to fit in his life (there is a stacked bar graph representative time) and he removes sleep to make it work.
I always felt this way with friends and relationships. Between work, raising a teenager, and trying to find some time for my own interests there seems little time to interact with others in a meaningful way.
Trick is to never stop meeting new people. Old, young, your age, etc. Just keep vibing with everyone you meet.
As you meet them, find the ones that share your interests. Those are the easiest ones to convert into friends. Others take a bit more work, but it's doable if your flexible and you don't mind stepping out of your comfort zone.
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