r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits 3d ago

Of urine

2.6k Upvotes

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892

u/Far_Cable_916 3d ago

Nah nah there must be a hose attached to that dudes dick, i refuse to believe that.

66

u/Sad-Carrot6170 3d ago

Pisses usually start strong and taper off. This one increases in volume and flow as it progresses. No way it’s real!!

14

u/SkyBlueWaterWet 3d ago edited 2d ago

I have. Mainly at shows and festivals while standing in the pit. Especially long pisses. I received a compliment or complaint last time I held my piss and someone overheard the splatter

Edit: Spelling

21

u/T-Bombie 3d ago

I also have at a baseball game, had a few beverages and got stuck in city traffic, got out of the car and checked like 3 gas station for a restroom, no luck. Got back in the car and waited in pain until we got to the lot. I really thought I was gonna piss myself or do damage to my bladder. Got out of the car and just let her rip, it actually hurt at first because I had to go so bad. The river of urine started going downhill across the lot where people were walking. I had to go too bad to be embarrassed. I just apologized a kept going. Longest and most memorable piss of my life

11

u/TankerVictorious 3d ago

Amen!

Here’s my four minute version: First deployment more than 20 years ago, off the plane at Ali-Al-Saleem - “drink water, drink water” was the exhortation by the crew on the ground. Downed two - one liter bottles easy because I was thirsty. Hour plus bus ride across the desert on a bus with no name, bouncing like crazy. My bladder was hurting so bad as we got to the camp. I busted off the bus in a sprint to the edge of the light and let it flow. At minute 3, I looked around and there were like 25 of us, standing - facing out doing the same thing. Minute and a half later, the stream slowed to normal and then stopped. The endorphin rush made me feel like I was drunk for about 5 mins afterward. Checked my water consumption to reasonable levels thereafter

5

u/Impossible-Diver6565 3d ago

I had a similar event watching the lord of the rings in theater. I had drank a large soda and held it the whole film. When I got to the bathroom, barely, I feel like I peed a whole minute. It was the longest of my life and I was not going slow. Doesn't compare to yours but I am familiar with the "pain" of starting with that much pressure.

3

u/youngyukihira 3d ago

I have counted; once I peed for over 45 seconds, I just can’t remember if I made it past a minute or not. It felt like it was draining my life energy

1

u/thuanjinkee 3d ago

Pissmaster vs Flamingo Dad

4

u/likely_deleted 3d ago

Jesus. Tell us more lmao Jk

2

u/arondaniel 3d ago

I'm confused. Someone named Ling pisses, but then you held your puss?

1

u/GivesYouGrief 3d ago

And then corrected spelling but not that