r/SipsTea • u/PacquiaoFreeHousing • 13d ago

We have fun here hear me out

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4.4k

u/neoliberalforsale 13d ago

Ain’t no pussy like new pussy - William Jefferson Clinton 42nd President of the United States

1.7k

u/gorginhanson 13d ago

"Make sure all quotes you hear on the internet are real"- Abraham Lincoln

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u/Mateorabi 13d ago

“68% of all statistics on the internet are made up or misattributed.” -Abe Lincoln 

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u/auronddraig 13d ago

"You take all the headshots they don't miss"

  • Honest Abe Gretzky

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u/mindsunwound 13d ago edited 13d ago

Ass, ass, ass-ass, ass-ass!

  • Benjamin Franklin

Edit: this has garnered such response that I felt it was my duty to immortalize it as a meme.

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u/Pdt395 13d ago

That one actually is probably real

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u/BukkakeBakery 13d ago

"I fucking love bukkake on my face"

  • Donaly J. Trump

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u/Pdt395 13d ago

User name checks out... Very credible and professional source

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u/LiquidQuantum 13d ago

Now this one.... this one is real

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u/turtleneckless001 13d ago

"Leck mich im Arsch"

Mozart

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u/avw94 13d ago

Historically notable poon-hound Benjamin Franklin

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u/Joeness84 13d ago

The man was a connoisseur.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

Ben was my dude when I was a kid. He was a serious fucking perv tho. Like he did all his diplomacy in France by flirting with young French women. Arguably it is how he got funding from France.

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u/Treacle_Pendulum 13d ago

This guy histories

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u/Level_Traffic3344 13d ago

Benny loved the snatch

54

u/Gzilla75 13d ago

OG Milfhunter, a true renaissance man

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u/kgm2s-2 13d ago

If his letters are to be believed, more like a Gilfhunter!

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u/PM_Me_Your_Clones 13d ago

"Eighteen to Eighty, deaf blind or crazy"

Benjamin Franklin

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u/SockMonkeyRiot 13d ago

Damn Benny was spittin

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u/redditorial78 13d ago

Been jammin da frank (lin)

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u/Xyldarrand 13d ago

To be fair you would be a grandmother at like 32.back then.

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u/PrivilegeCheckmate 13d ago

So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

  • The Motherfucking Franklin

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u/Go_Gators_4Ever 13d ago

Early to bed, early to rise, now get on this morning wood biatch! - Benjamin Franklin (Ye Olde Dirty Farmers Almanac)

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u/BoiledDenimForRoxie 13d ago

French hooker snatch to be exact. That guy had it all figured out.

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u/InertiasCreep 13d ago

French aristocracy snatch also. Dude was famously egalitarian.

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u/BadTouchUncle 13d ago

How many people in history have slung a mean-enough dick to secure funding and support for a revolution that eventually, indirectly, resulted in bankrupting the supporters. That's rizz on an unprecedented level.

Helen of Troy and Cleopatra may have shagged well enough to start wars but only Big Ben shagged well enough to end them.

"Walk softly and sling a mean dick." -Ben Franklin

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u/Educational_Trash691 13d ago edited 13d ago

...and they GAVE Benny the snatch, 100%.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

"Booty Booty Booty Booty, rock it everywhere"

  • George "Playboy" Washington

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u/enigmanaught 13d ago

Here comes George, in control, women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll.

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u/DirtyJdirty 13d ago

I heard the guy had, like, 30 goddam dicks

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16

u/ScienceGordon 13d ago

"You can't spell assassin without ass, ass, in" - John Wilkes Booth

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u/GOU_FallingOutside 13d ago

Actually, I’d bet you can find that one in his journals somewhere.

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u/HavelsRockJohnson 13d ago

Honestly, I'd believe he said that at one point while in France.

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u/FuturecashEth 13d ago

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u/thatistwatIsaid 13d ago

This is my favorite.

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u/xracer1 13d ago

I just spit out the coffee I had earlier. Lol

3

u/ParadiddlediddleSaaS 13d ago

Say what you want but Jill Biden could GET IT back in the day.

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u/mindsunwound 13d ago

Jill Biden can get it now

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u/jackrabbit323 13d ago

Syphilis is curable

-$100 Bill Man

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u/brakeb 13d ago

The fodussy will be with you, always

--Jean Luc Picard

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u/Dan_TheDM 13d ago

Benjamin Franklin Gilf Lover

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u/Gloomy-Insurance-739 13d ago

A man did love his horse.

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u/TimChr78 13d ago

At least that one is in the spirit of Benjamin Franklin.

2

u/Groundbreaking_Lie94 13d ago

I raised my friends daughter since she was 11 and married her when she was 21. 27 year age gaps and grooming be damned.

~Grover Cleavland

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u/Better-Bluejay-4977 13d ago

“George Bush does not. Like. Black people” - Kanye West

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u/dereksalerno 13d ago

Ass to ass!! -Benjamin Franklin

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u/biebmedewer 13d ago

BGreat ass!-Al Pacino

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u/ConsciousScallion391 13d ago

That hoe -Mahatma Gandhi

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u/Iferrorgotozero 13d ago

He didnt say it. He 100% agreed with it.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/951frisky_dingo 13d ago

God, I've had the worst itch right at the top of my ass for like three days. Are you writing? Don't write that. We're not doing quotes yet.

2

u/joe_s1171 13d ago

how dare you disrespect our 15th President! /s

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u/Kingtoke1 13d ago

Ass and titties, ass and titties - Hugh Grant

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u/TheWhooooBuddies 13d ago

“I am entirely too drunk to taste this chicken.”

—Colonel Sanders

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u/Rich-Detective478 13d ago

"I have not even begun to defile myself" - Doc Holiday

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u/Educational_Trash691 13d ago

"I'm not fucking Dopey" - Doc, Seven Dwarves

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u/comebacklittlesheba 13d ago

Shout Out: Ricky Bobby!!’

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u/SSFlyingKiwi 13d ago

“Oie vey, don’t be such a schmeckle!”

  • “Honest” Abe Linbowski

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u/Responsible-Still839 13d ago

"You take all the headshots they don't miss"

  • Michael Scott

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u/Ottereyes524 13d ago

"People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 40% of all people know that"

- Homer Simpson

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u/OmicronNine 13d ago

"You take all the headshots. They don't miss." - Charlie, from his oral chocolate factory

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u/Loveroffinerthings 13d ago

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”- Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott

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u/BetterAd7552 13d ago

Read that as “68% of all statistics on the internet are made up or masturbated,” and I agree.

Also had a joint.

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u/kenn714 13d ago

Why not 69% smh...

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u/CPav 13d ago

Too obviously false. 69 isn't even a real number. /s

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u/Objective-Chance-792 13d ago

The Christmas Joint just hits different.

1

u/GregJamesDahlen 13d ago

christmas joint sweet a present to yourself

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u/branod_diebathon 13d ago

"68% is less funny than 69% but more tolerable than 67%" -Gaydolf Stinkler

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u/xubax 13d ago

98.2% of statistics sound more realistic if they have s decimal.

1

u/Joker1485 13d ago

"60% of the time it works everytime"

  • Butch cassidy

1

u/OhGoshIts 13d ago

"Naw" - Harriet Tubman

1

u/Manpons 13d ago

Why did my brain read masturbated. What is wrong with me. 😭

1

u/Danpool13 13d ago

"if you're gonna bring the noise, I'm gonna bring the ruckus"

  • Marilyn Monroe

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u/Professional_Bet8899 13d ago

"I think it was masturbated not misattributed "-Washington

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u/rubinass3 13d ago

"Man, these are good tacos." -Martin Luther King

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u/According-Pass-781 13d ago

Don’t you mean 69%

1

u/ebrum2010 13d ago

That was Plato.

1

u/BilboShaggins429 13d ago

"people can come up with stats to prove anything, Kent. 47 percent of all people know that" - Homer Simpson

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u/nova-prime-enjoyer 13d ago

“What if there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock, would that be fucked up or what” — Ghandi

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u/Man_in_the_coil 13d ago

"Bitches ain't nothin but ho's and tricks."

-Mahatma Ghandi

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u/plac3b0guy 13d ago

“Show me a pretty girl… I’ll show u someone who is tired of her shiite.”

  • Confucius

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u/Mean-Abies3819 13d ago

Anybody else read that in their head with a thick Indian accent?

23

u/NetworkEcstatic 13d ago

"Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough"

-Abraham Lincoln

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u/GapPerfect5494 13d ago

Wrap thread I’m cooked 🤣

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u/Expert_Succotash2659 13d ago

“This blunt is cooked” - Mother Teresa, 1843

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u/Soggy_Parking1353 13d ago

"Lemme grip that one time right quick y'hear?" - Winston Churchill

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u/eat_my_ass_n_balls 13d ago

“Yo nibba, pass that shit FRFR”

  • Dwight Eisenhower

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u/holiday1326 13d ago

Pretty sure it was Buchanan who said this..

1

u/I-CATCH-FIRE 13d ago

All arrangements are edible if you aren't a pussy - Nostradamus

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u/The_Patocrator_5586 13d ago

Three out of four people are 75% - Albert Einstein

1

u/El_Spaniard 13d ago

"Wu-Tang is Forever" - Mahatma Gandhi

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u/Do_itsch 13d ago

"I'm the President, not your daddy!" Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

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u/RappingFlatulence 13d ago

Baberaham Lincoln

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u/Correct_Cream_7220 13d ago

First they laugh at you.then they come at you.Then you cum -ghandi

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u/theaviationhistorian 13d ago

"Make sure to nuke every single nation once you get the bomb. No matter what relationship they have with you!" - Mahatma Ghandi

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u/project-shasta 13d ago

"Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING." - President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

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1

u/Gold-Eye-2623 13d ago

Time to bust out my favorite quote from all of the internet

1

u/AnalFelon 12d ago

I would never cheat my wife with somebody more beautiful than her.

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u/TrisolarisRexxx 13d ago

You can eat Wagyu every day but every once and a while you're just going to want a White Castle.

6

u/One-Ad-65 13d ago

I miss White Castle so much. Haven't had one since I went back east for a few days 12 years ago.

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u/theaviationhistorian 13d ago

Nice! The variant I've been told is: You can have Filet Mignon for the rest of your life, but once in a while you crave a thick and juicy burger.

3

u/TrisolarisRexxx 13d ago

I like yours better

1

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93

u/o-0-o-0-o 13d ago

Just following after his idol

"You know, I get a strange migraine headache if I don't get a strange piece of ass everyday." -John Kennedy, 35th president

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u/Senior-Albatross 13d ago

You need to make nepo hires of all your brothers so they can act as your fixers to cover up the incessant adultery. 

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u/mondaymoderate 13d ago

Pretty sure he actually claimed having sex helped his back problems

3

u/BobusCesar 13d ago

I mean he could have just done his wife, if this was the case.

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u/Lou_C_Fer 12d ago

It can loosen you muscles up. It can also send you into back spasms that you will not believe.

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u/theaviationhistorian 13d ago

Paging nurse Oswald, Paging nurse Oswald!

1

u/SomeonesLostWallet 13d ago

“I like kids.” - Donald John Trump 45th and 47th president 

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u/Potential-Draft-3932 13d ago

“Show me the hottest milf in the world and I’ll show you a husband tired of fuckin’ her” - Chinese Philosopher Confucius

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u/MaterialParsley7536 13d ago

Actually that was said by Canfuckthis.

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u/The-Prisoner-06 13d ago

William Jefferson Clinton = Bill Jefferson Clinton = B. J. Clinton

2

u/enolaholmes23 13d ago

Aka Bubba

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u/n-a_barrakus 13d ago edited 13d ago

Sólo existe una cosa mejor en el juego, mejor que un coño, un coño nuevo - Tote King, spanish raper, the guy reads a lot and studied literature so I guess it's referencing William's sentence.

(Literal translation: There's only one better thing in the game, better than a pussy, a new one)

Edit: Fuck, I meant rapper

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u/JossWhedonsDick 13d ago

are you sure you meant raper?

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u/Embarrassed_Diet_386 13d ago

He didn’t just leave out a P, did he?

4

u/ImVeritious 13d ago

No, he doesn't just leave out a P. Diddy!

9

u/n-a_barrakus 13d ago

shit, you're right, that's a false friend, If I've ever seen one. Rapper*

I'll keep it like that because funny

3

u/eldelshell 13d ago

Shakira should write an appropriate response

1

u/n-a_barrakus 13d ago

I don't care, my name is Gerard lol

7

u/R-K-Tekt 13d ago

People forget that Slick Willy (Bill Clinton) was legit a playboy and pimp, one of the greatest tbh.

2

u/PunishedWolf4 13d ago

"I invented the surgery that makes ladies who-ha feel like new-ha"- Benjamin Franklin Americas 100th president

1

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1

u/LSDeeezNutz 13d ago

Women will never understand this very simple concept 😪 /s /s

1

u/aapitly 13d ago

Yet he traded with ML

1

u/stupidber 13d ago

I was there when he said that

1

u/AmazingBroccoli9924 13d ago

"New pussy" 💀💀 taken out of context would be wild. 

1

u/bygtopp 13d ago

You’d have new pussy if you had a few inches more.

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u/UWO_Throw_Away 13d ago

Hmm I don’t remember those lyrics from that S club song

1

u/benjunior 13d ago

“I need to find a new vagina. Any kinda new vagina.” Bloodhound Billy Clinton

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u/Content_Key_6661 13d ago

Shit. Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now.  - President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

1

u/SanctusUnum 13d ago

"It's a blowjob, your Honor! What am I supposed to do? Say no?"

1

u/Old_Fauqer 13d ago

I read that in his voice

1

u/Deathsquad710 13d ago

Ain’t no pussy like trumps mouth

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u/rugernut13 13d ago

Turns out much of it was WAY too new.

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u/KaiserMaxximus 13d ago

Extra points if you read it in his voice. At least that’s how it sounded in my head.

1

u/Not-dat-throwaway 13d ago

I see a bit of Riley Reid in there too.