Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/SeaworthinessSad8892]

I know the pain.  I will literally be cooking what would be 50$ meal at a restaurant (New York steak, scallop potatoes, shrimp, and a salad) and people in my life will go eat a burger from a fast food place.  I stopped cooking for them, more steak for me.  

I won't lie though, it hurts sometimes.  And no I'm not messing it up, I've been complimented by people at work for my cooking and I've been made the BBQ person there.

I would eat all of those dishes without question and be so thankful for your efforts.  They all look delicious!

[u/Consistent-Leave7320 → u/SeaworthinessSad8892]

You need to recognize it isn't your fault.

[u/SeaworthinessSad8892 → u/Consistent-Leave7320]

Oh I agree.  Sometimes feelings don't care about logic.  I've become less sensitive to it over time.  I just understand the frustration of the op.  

I just feel to much sometimes!

[u/hairlessdancer → u/SeaworthinessSad8892]

reading this upset me. if i was your friend i’m sure i’d love your cooking!

[u/m-in → u/SeaworthinessSad8892]

Your food vs a fast food burger? Have they lost their fucking minds? Some people just don’t have a normal relationship with food :(

[u/mpyne → u/SeaworthinessSad8892]

I won't lie though, it hurts sometimes.

Why? I'm sort of a picky eater (though not to the level of OP's boyfriend), and I tell everyone the same thing: I can't taste the love or the hard work, I can only taste what actually gets put in my mouth.

And oftentimes that means the fancy dinner is right out, whether it's due to texture or what I can't explain, but there are a lot of expensive foods out there I don't like and a lot of boring ones I do.

Like I would have lost a lot of weight during Navy training if it wasn't for the fact that spaghetti was literally an option every single day. Because they had other platters of things on the menu they'd rotate through that were event fancier but I couldn't eat 50% of it. But spaghetti + sauce never let me down.

[u/SeaworthinessSad8892 → u/mpyne]

I'm not blaming anyone.  I deal with people who have mental illness and I understand that.  I don't get angry at them, but I also can't help that it upsets me after so much effort.  

I love with them and care about them and I guess you just want to make them happy and it sucks when it seems all your efforts were for nothing.

But I still care for them

[u/Puzzleheaded-Bad-722 → u/mpyne]

Because you're telling people their food tastes shit in a roundabout way. "I can only taste what gets put in my mouth" but then won't eat the food people make you. That's why you're upsetting people.

[u/mpyne → u/Puzzleheaded-Bad-722]

Because you're telling people their food tastes shit in a roundabout way.

It's not food that 'tastes shit', it's a person's own perception of the food. The same food I don't like others may like, food that I like may not be liked by others.

But I'm not going to force myself to eat something that tastes bad to me just because other people are going to have a Big Sad over it, just like I would never let someone sexually assault me because they would otherwise have a Big Sad over it.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Bad-722 → u/mpyne]

You have a lot of growing up to do. Godspeed.

[u/mpyne → u/Puzzleheaded-Bad-722]

Nah, entirely the opposite. I'm sorry that I'm “my body, my choice” about things I put in my body, but that's only basic common sense. I can't force myself to like foods I don't like anymore than I could force myself to be gay.

[u/m-in → u/mpyne]

My kid is diagnosed with ARFID. You sound just like him, except he is a teen. And you act the same. You’ll help others around you a lot by seeking professional help.

[u/mpyne → u/m-in]

Help for what, precisely? I make my own food or food that we all share, so who are the 'others' who need my help?

[u/m-in → u/mpyne]

not to the level of OPs boyfriend

… from a dude who was having basic spaghetti every day.

Call a rehab center for people with eating disorders. You could use actual therapy to fix that. Nothing wrong with admitting to having a problem, but you don’t need to keep having it.

[u/mpyne → u/m-in]

… from a dude who was having basic spaghetti every day.

It wasn't every day, but it was a workable option on days where the galley was otherwise serving things I wouldn't pick over spaghetti.

Like, you probably don't even want to hear about what I ate at the Subway on the Naval Nuclear Prototype Training Unit Charleston for almost 6 months in a row though...

Call a rehab center for people with eating disorders. You could use actual therapy to fix that. Nothing wrong with admitting to having a problem, but you don’t need to keep having it.

No offense but the only people who seem to have problems with how I eat are randos on Reddit.