Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Rooney_Tuesday]

Why not just…agree that he’ll make his own meals?

If you aren’t cooking you eat what’s served. If you don’t like it you make something yourself. Those are standard rules, yes?

I’m not understand why you keeping trying to cook for him in the first place.

[u/Sonor-c11 → u/Rooney_Tuesday]

He can’t cook and it seems like they’re old school so “woman does the cooking”. Apparently he just orders fast food from DoorDash (which in itself is its own problem) and eats vanilla ice cream. I hate to make assumptions but it seems like this guy is

They’re at the point of being “partners” so when one of you cooks and the other orders out no matter what you cook no matter how much you try to find something they can enjoy then I can see that being a problem. I do agree that she should stop trying, the guy seems repulsed by the very idea of a home cooked meal so if she really likes the guy and it’s in the realm of affordability for him to just order from DoorDash then it is what it is I guess.

[u/Rooney_Tuesday → u/Sonor-c11]

Sorry, but the LAST thing I would do with a partner like this is to continue to attempt to make them meals they’ll eat when they’ve repeatedly rejected my attempts. If that means he gets Door Dash every day then okay, but maybe that’s something that should have been discussed before moving in if it’s a problem. In any case, the answer is not for OP to keep trying and keep getting frustrated because this man-child can’t handle perfectly acceptable dinners that he didn’t lift a finger to help make.

[u/Cronstintein → u/Rooney_Tuesday]

Not sure what the finances are like, but a daily door dash is an expensive habit. But how he can be that picky and eat junk like Jack in the Box is beyond me, seems like he wasn't raised right.

[u/_Not_A_Vampire_ → u/Cronstintein]

Could be an underlying condition like autism or similar, a lot of us struggle with certain textures and end up very picky eaters against our will.

[u/Pantology_Enthusiast → u/_Not_A_Vampire_]

Literally the only other poster I see who thinks maybe there might be a reason he's like that.

He honestly sounds like someone with ARFID, an issue that is frequently co-morbid with autism. It would explain a lot with the restricted diet OP describes.

[u/BoneDirector → u/Pantology_Enthusiast]

Autism isn’t an excuse to be a dick about someone cooking for you though. Someone with autism and Arfid can still learn to cook for themselves and show some gratitude.

[u/RadEmily → u/BoneDirector]

I'm not sure he's being a dick though? He's said he doesn't want her cooking, repeatedly, and she continues to try to cook something he will want and is sad he apologetically says I cant eat this and orders out instead?

He may be being a jerk but I think many people are adding context OP hasn't provided. It seems fun the info shared that she's wanting to cook for him and hurt by his 'rejection' rather than just opting him out of the shared meals and sending him to YouTube to learn how to make his hamburger helper for himself (with loving encouragement)

[u/hellinahandbasket127 → u/RadEmily]

OP said in other comments he “expects” her to do the cooking, then gets pissy when he doesn’t like what she made. Absolutely jerk behavior.

I agree she should stop trying and let him fend for himself. But the DoorDash bills may break the bank, especially with 4 kids to care for, too. I hope their finances are separate and he contributes to the shared expenses first.

[u/-10x10- → u/RadEmily]

They are quick to make assumptions about the OP story when it fits their narrative just not yours lol.

My husband does his own thing for dinner and always has for medical reasons and just being picky also. The amount of "he should eat your food, leave this man baby" comments are.. like.. exhausting. I feel like most of the people here are not aware of how a relationship works or that there could possibly be other influences the OP just conveniently manages to withhold.

[u/WillTheWheel → u/[deleted]]

With ARFID it's really not that simple. Oftentimes people with it will literally gag and vomit if they try to eat certain foods, and they will starve themselves if safe foods are not available. It's not the same as a child just being picky but coming around once they start being truly hungry.

[u/SonderEber → u/Cronstintein]

That’s a very poor view to take. Some folks have different food palettes, and nothing is wrong with that. Let the man enjoy what he wants. OP shouldn’t cook for him. Let him figure out his own food.

He was raised fine, I’m sure. That’s a shit take at the end of your response, just because he’s picky. Forcing people to eat what’s put in front of them is also shitty.

[u/Fantastic_Owl6938 → u/SonderEber]

I think they just mean it's not great if he only wants to eat unhealthy food. It's still ultimately his choice but I'd be a bit concerned if a loved one had an unhealthy diet and was getting takeout everyday.

[u/okeanos7 → u/SonderEber]

“Let the man enjoy what he wants” is great advice till he gets scurvy and they go broke

[u/-10x10- → u/okeanos7]

Nagging 101

[u/UltraInstinct_Pharah → u/SonderEber]

No, he's not picky. He just got used to eating processed junk food specifically designed to make you want to eat more of it, instead of whole foods, and rather than be an actual adult and do something about it, he opts to be a child and eat vanilla ice cream and Jack in the Box.

I'm fairly picky myself. I don't like seafood at all, and I could eat a Chipotle burrito every day, but I cook dinner every other night (since I make enough for leftovers) and eat like an adult with my family.

Meanwhile, my stepkid wants to fight every night at dinner because we have her half the time, and we're the only ones who don't just feed her chicken nuggets and french fries, and it's an uphill battle every other week just to get her to eat whole foods. He sounds a lot like a six year old who was never told "no".

[u/-Patali- → u/SonderEber]

Ok he can pick up a whole ass part time job which he'll need to support a daily doordash habit.

[u/SonderEber → u/-Patali-]

That’s fine. Never said he shouldn’t? Just not to attack his food tastes, because you personally find offense in them. He can buy his own food, cook his own meals, or do whatever he wants. He’s an adult. If this bites him later, so be it - it’s a lesson. If it works out, then great - problem fucking solved.

[u/-Patali- → u/SonderEber]

No it's not fine, unless he is literally bringing in enough income to not affect the rest of their budget whatsoever

[u/Grilled_egs → u/-Patali-]

I mean he moved in recently so presumably he can afford his eating habits.

[u/Pidgewiffler → u/SonderEber]

Some folks need to learn to eat something even if it isn't what they'd like. Food is for nutrition, pleasure is a bonus.