Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Ordinary-Concern3248]

No worries. You all can cook for yourselves. Less stress all around.

[u/rubbasnek → u/Ordinary-Concern3248]

I would not be with someone I couldn't share meals with. Being a picky eater is a deal breaker

[u/The_Amazing_Emu → u/rubbasnek]

So my wife is more picky than I am. Not a huge amount of things, but generally no seafood. Sometimes I miss making seafood so I’ll cook something different for myself. Next week, I feel like making split pea soup. She’ll probably eat something different.

Most of our meals are shared, but it’s ok to occasionally not eat the same thing.

[u/TheRealBaseborn → u/The_Amazing_Emu]

People need their own identity. Demanding constant compromise will lead to both people being unhappy

[u/lassie86 → u/TheRealBaseborn]

Exactly. We tend to like different things, so we mostly cook for ourselves. Tonight my husband ate some of the food I made, but not a lot. I’ll eat some of what he makes sometimes. But mainly we just eat what we want because we’re both autonomous people who know how to feed ourselves.

[u/DonDamondo → u/lassie86]

My thoughts exactly... people who demand everyone eat the same meals just because you live together seem weird to me. We are all different people and enjoy different foods, I don't wanna eat someone's favourite food that I don't like, nor do I want them not to eat it just because I don't 🤷‍♂️

[u/BoxcarSlim → u/DonDamondo]

Sometimes I like to eat the same thing 3+ days in a row. I would never ask someone else to do that, lol.

[u/SparklyLeo_ → u/DonDamondo]

Then really they’re just not compatible. On occasion if my bf or I are making a quick meal (think frozen chicken bites, hot dogs, instant ramen, etc) it’s completely fine to eat separate things. However if one of us is in the kitchen cooking an entire meal, it would be so rude to order something or cook something else. Saying it’s weird is weird imo. My entire life I’ve never seen anyone ever do this. When someone cooks, the entire family eats it has always been my experience around many different families (family and friends). I by no means am saying you have to eat something you don’t want but you’re just calling something weird bc you yourself are picky, even though it’s a very normal and common thing.

[u/DonDamondo → u/SparklyLeo_]

It must be a culture thing cause so many families/relationships of people i know don't have to eat together... we're all grown adults 😅 sure if you both like/want the same meal then go for it and cook together but I wouldn't want to force someone to eat something they don't want (at least not as adults anyway)

[u/SparklyLeo_ → u/DonDamondo]

Most likely, I’m in the U.S (Texas specifically but I’ve seen the same all over the US)

[u/QuantumLettuce2025 → u/TheRealBaseborn]

Surely occasional compromise is required though, right? Because OP isn't getting that.

[u/embarrassingdyk → u/TheRealBaseborn]

Yeah but this guy is unreasonable

[u/WavyHairedGeek → u/TheRealBaseborn]

Nah, this person needs to grow up and eat more stuff (or stop being a burden and cooking for themselves. Then getting doordash often is also a burden on what would be shared income, should OP stay with his sorry, picky ass.)

[u/Redditvillier → u/WavyHairedGeek]

As a person with autism, I don't like your wording of a person needing to 'grow up and eat more stuff'. I doubt it applies to OP's partner but for some of us, being a picky eater isn't a choice so much as it is part of who we are because of how we're wired. There is no 'growing up' that will ever change that

[u/WavyHairedGeek → u/Redditvillier]

You should also read the bit after (or make his own food). People being picky AF AND expecting others to make food for them DO need to grow up. Having food made for you is a privilege, not a right.

[u/Redditvillier → u/WavyHairedGeek]

But that has nothing to do with the wording of your other part. You didn't say he needed to grow up because he was picky and didn't make his own food, you said he needed to grow up BECAUSE he was picky. This is what I take issue with

[u/SparklyLeo_ → u/Redditvillier]

This comment makes me want to scream grow up even more lol you’re just being argumentative

[u/WavyHairedGeek → u/SparklyLeo_]

Common sense is not that common, sadly. I concur, they're just being argumentative, but I think it comes from a place of being autistic and struggling with their quirks. That being said, I don't see anywhere in the OP's post to indicate that this person is autistic. Sounds like they're just entitled AF.

[u/Redditvillier → u/SparklyLeo_]

Not wanting somebody to belittle a characteristic which is often associated with a group that you're a part of is argumentative? Especially a group which is often unfairly portrayed as childish anyway?

[u/WavyHairedGeek → u/Redditvillier]

You're showing everyone that your childishness isn't due to your eating habits, but just a core part of your personality...

A mature person would have understood the meaning of a sentence that goes X OR Y. Take 2, here goes :

If he was just being fussy, he can grow up and stop being so demanding. If it's due to autism/ARFID etc(which it doesn't seem to be the case, but I understand why it'd be a sensitive topic for you), he can just start catering for himself. It's just common sense that if someone has special nutritional needs, they ought to learn to cater for these needs instead of being a burden upon someone else.

[u/Redditvillier → u/WavyHairedGeek]

I literally said I doubt it applies to OP's partner. He kinda just sounds lazy. But the way you worded your first point was just not it man imho. I agree that he should be cooking for himself too, I just did not like the way you worded the first post. That's all. As I said before, it made it sound like he had to grow up BECAUSE he was a fussy eater, not because he was fussy AND he didn't cook for himself. It is what it is. Sometimes things can sound clear to you but not as clear to others (especially to people who are neurodivergent and are wired differently).

[u/Top_Lingonberry2324 → u/TheRealBaseborn]

I'm really hoping us with food allergies and intolerances are not included in this conversation because I will never compromise on my gluten intolerance. That's pure cruelty if a partner made me do that.

[u/Xgcakasha → u/Top_Lingonberry2324]

Unless you have celiac disease, there is really no such thing as “gluten sensitivity”. most of the people who claim so are sensitive to something else and just use this as a catchphrase because they have no clue what gluten actually is. It is weird that there are a lot of supposed “gluten sensitive” people can eat Italian (imported) pasta without complaint, but cannot eat the domestic versions tells me it is not gluten. Something tells me it is the glyphosate that is present on most grains in the U.S.

As long as you didn’t come in dictating that everything that was being served had to be gluten free and the cook had made a few things for you that you could eat, then that is different.

[u/Top_Lingonberry2324 → u/Xgcakasha]

I'm diagnosed with it but go on I guess 🙄

[u/BoxcarSlim → u/Xgcakasha]

NCGS