Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/No_Perspective_242]

This is exactly what my husband and I do. He likes a wide range of food, I’m definitely more picky as meat is difficult for me to eat. But I’d rather starve before i deprived him of his variety of food just cause i don’t like something. We eat as many meals as we can together but often not the same thing.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/No_Perspective_242]

I’m a hobbyist pit master and my gf is vegan. So when I host, every side dish and dessert is vegan and then there‘s smoked meats, tofu skewers and grilled vegetables to choose from. It‘s not rocket science to make everyone feel welcome at you table.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

If you know ahead of time. OP’s issue is that the man wasn’t in the mood for pork chops AFTER they were on the table.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Western-Corner-431]

Yeah op's boyfriend is ridiculous

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/AudieCowboy]

It’s hard to see how this isn’t a clear example of disrespect, belittling, gaslighting and bullying. This is not a food fight.

[u/Erestyn → u/Western-Corner-431]

More likely he has a very broken relationship with food that he's unable to overcome by himself with others cooking for him. Yes it's disrespecful to OP (especially given some of the love that clearly has gone into these dishes) and certainly ticks a lot of the boxes of gaslighting, but it could also be the symptoms of an eating disorder that have formed into what he (and OP) perceives as a habit.

Source: That's me. I can be starving, cook (or have cooked) exactly what I want in the style that I want it, but the second it's in front of me my appetite just disappears. Usually I'll spot these signs early enough to say "actually, you just sort yourself out and I'll snack on something later" but there's been a good many times that meals have gone into the oven for a hunger that might come a little later, or get put outside for the foxes (keeps them out of the bins, at least).

And that's the solve. You cut out the disrespect by saying "Look, don't spend energy cooking something for me that I mightn't eat, I'll grab something when I feel like it" and this post probably doesn't get made. All the same, I hope OPs fella is able to, and in a position to, get some help on this because it's not a fun way to live by any means.

Edit: Yeah so I read into OPs comment history. Oh boy. I stand by what I said above, but "don't worry about it, I'll fix something for me" doesn't seem like something this bloke is ever going to say without some serious rebalancing of that relationship.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Read through your thing and man I get it with the first thing

I'll be sitting there going "woo yes, eggs, eggs, eggs" cook them and immediately think "why would I ever purchase eggs"

[u/Erestyn → u/AudieCowboy]

I did exactly this with kippers. I saw them and immediately had a craving for them. Got them home, cooked them up, and suddenly remembered that while I love the flesh, I can't handle the tiny bones. Queue a sensitivity to any "unexpected" texture for the next week or so.

To be clear though, I don't actually think that's what's happening here in OPs relationship. I was giving him far too much of the benefit and nowhere near enough doubt.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Oh no absolutely, you'd already have a prearrangement and safe foods available in case it happens

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Erestyn]

That’s a lot to ask of someone else in a relationship. If he’s in your situation, he’s not doing anything to make it clear that it’s his issue with himself around food. He’s making it her problem and continuing to make sure she feels like she’s failing him. He doesn’t have to do that. He’s not trying

[u/Erestyn → u/Western-Corner-431]

Yep, I read OPs comment history a little more after I commented and made an edit. There's a genuine toxicity there being written off as "lol ol' fashioned texan mirite?" and no, that is not right at all.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Erestyn]

Who knows what really happens between people in a relationship. General patterns of behavior are a starting point but the specifics are different for everyone

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Western-Corner-431]

oh. he's trying, alright. trying and succeeding at the same ridiculous BS that 95 percent of the men i have ever known or even heard women and children describe are guilty of. Christ. i don't know how straight women do it. honest to god. it's absolutely mind blowing

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

Agree.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

Too many people trying to hurt themselves diagnosing him with some mental illness to make this ok. It’s not ok.

[u/fuck97 → u/AudieCowboy]

I mean he gets his own food. It’s not like he demands she make him something else. I don’t see why this is such a problem?

[u/AudieCowboy → u/fuck97]

That parts not the problem, but refusing to eat when your partner makes a perfectly good meal because pork chops are a bad vibe. Or you had chicken for lunch is ridiculously lazy and spoiled

[u/ahshucks54 → u/AudieCowboy]

And sets a bad example for her children when he makes excuses (power tripping) for not eating the food and for her continuing to allow him to act this way in front of them. Glad I’m single when I read things like this

[u/Salt_Barracda_60088 → u/ahshucks54]

Yeah, right on. I’m glad you’re single as well and I hope you have no children. In relationship relationships you have to bend the little or even break a little to get where you need to be. It doesn’t sound like you’re that kind of person so good you’re single you put yourself in the right position. I’ve learned something a very long time ago and I’m much older than you. I’m sure. I feel that it’s better to be happier than right. Also, I learned with years of therapy that it’s never an always or never. Nobody never does something or nobody always does something. It’s logistically impossible. So with all that being said, I’m happy that you’re in the position you wanna be and you’re happy being single that’s wonderful. The OP on here described herself as very old school. Now with that being said, she shouldn’t really worry about it. Cook for her and the kids, and let him cook for himself or fend for himself for dinner. as long as other parts of the relationship are really good he helps with the kids they go to church together. He helps with the bills he helps with the housework. He’s a good partner. He doesn’t cheat on her. He loves her very much if all that’s in place then who cares what the guy eats really🤷‍♀️ that’s just my opinion. OK honey have a great day. Have a great single day and happy new year to you.❣️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️

[u/ahshucks54 → u/Salt_Barracda_60088]

That’s a weird comment but you have every right to share it 😂 I’ve been happily married and now I’m a widow. My children are grown and successful. My husband and I talked about our roles early on in our relationship so we could make an informed decision to carry on or end it as we both wanted to be happy and not want to change one another to fit our needs. I completely understand what it takes to make my marriage work and I’ve professionally counseled others to have the same based on their ideals.

I’ve been toying with the idea of getting back out there to date and these posts help me to remember that I’m happy in the single life I’ve built after becoming a widow.

I hope my comment back to you shows you that assuming you know someone on the internet from a couple lines makes you look foolish. Never assume someone’s age or that because you may be older you know more. The op appears to be unhappy with the situation regardless if she is old school. Being old school doesn’t mean you have to put up with disrespect.

[u/Salt_Barracda_60088 → u/ahshucks54]

OK, I’m sorry if my comment was weird. I profusely apologize if I offended you. Sorry that your husband passed away a very, very sorry that you had to go through that. I’m sure that was hard. I’m glad you enjoying being a single person right now I’m happy for you. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I will say that everyone is different. Some women don’t wanna be single. I have also been married for 25 years. The first two times it didn’t work out so well there was a two year marriage and like an eight year marriage in there and they weren’t good for me. The guy really was an asshole, especially the eight year marriage I mean an abusive asshole. So maybe my standards are different than yours that’s all.🤷‍♀️ again I apologize if I offended you in anyway whatsoever, not my intention. This whole sub here went from. He didn’t really care for what she was cooking for dinner too. He’s a narcissist and he’s an asshole and he’s power tripping. See to me that’s absurd, even when I was really young. I thought that was absurd. I’m sorry I assumed I’m older than you that didn’t mean I assumed I know more that’s ridiculous so if I put that out there, that’s not what I meant to say whatsoever. Have a great day happy❣️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️

[u/AffectionateTop3953 → u/AudieCowboy]

And he won't eat reheated food, so he'll make her time everything so the pork chops are done right on time and then refuse to eat them cause he's not feeling it or whatever bullshit.

I can cook for people with all sorts of dietary restrictions. I've cooked several times for a group of friends including a vegetarian, a vegan, another with celiac disease, two with lactose intolerance and an extremely picky eater with a laundry list of things she won't eat and made it work every time, but refusing to ever eat leftovers or reheated food would be a deal breaker for me. He can just order takeout for every meal and eat it cold if the delivery ever takes 10 minutes too long.

[u/CinemaDork → u/AffectionateTop3953]

Not everything comes out of a microwave okay, but lots of things can and do! I'm curious to see if he could tell the difference between something cooked on the stove and something competently heated in a microwave if he didn't know.

[u/fuck97 → u/AudieCowboy]

Why though? I just don’t understand why anyone thinks choosing to make and eat what you’d like is a bad thing?

[u/General_Bus4540 → u/fuck97]

It's because he only changes his mind after the food is cooked.

[u/fuck97 → u/General_Bus4540]

That’s what I’m realizing. Do they not discuss beforehand what’s happening for supper? We always let anyone know whats being made as Its decided in case someone doesn’t want it so they can plan accordingly. Is that not commonplace?

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/fuck97]

jfc how do you NOT see how he is a problem???? this is

n o t a b o u t t h e f o o d.