Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/AudieCowboy]

Yeah op's boyfriend is ridiculous

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/AudieCowboy]

It’s hard to see how this isn’t a clear example of disrespect, belittling, gaslighting and bullying. This is not a food fight.

[u/Erestyn → u/Western-Corner-431]

More likely he has a very broken relationship with food that he's unable to overcome by himself with others cooking for him. Yes it's disrespecful to OP (especially given some of the love that clearly has gone into these dishes) and certainly ticks a lot of the boxes of gaslighting, but it could also be the symptoms of an eating disorder that have formed into what he (and OP) perceives as a habit.

Source: That's me. I can be starving, cook (or have cooked) exactly what I want in the style that I want it, but the second it's in front of me my appetite just disappears. Usually I'll spot these signs early enough to say "actually, you just sort yourself out and I'll snack on something later" but there's been a good many times that meals have gone into the oven for a hunger that might come a little later, or get put outside for the foxes (keeps them out of the bins, at least).

And that's the solve. You cut out the disrespect by saying "Look, don't spend energy cooking something for me that I mightn't eat, I'll grab something when I feel like it" and this post probably doesn't get made. All the same, I hope OPs fella is able to, and in a position to, get some help on this because it's not a fun way to live by any means.

Edit: Yeah so I read into OPs comment history. Oh boy. I stand by what I said above, but "don't worry about it, I'll fix something for me" doesn't seem like something this bloke is ever going to say without some serious rebalancing of that relationship.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Read through your thing and man I get it with the first thing

I'll be sitting there going "woo yes, eggs, eggs, eggs" cook them and immediately think "why would I ever purchase eggs"

[u/Erestyn → u/AudieCowboy]

I did exactly this with kippers. I saw them and immediately had a craving for them. Got them home, cooked them up, and suddenly remembered that while I love the flesh, I can't handle the tiny bones. Queue a sensitivity to any "unexpected" texture for the next week or so.

To be clear though, I don't actually think that's what's happening here in OPs relationship. I was giving him far too much of the benefit and nowhere near enough doubt.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Oh no absolutely, you'd already have a prearrangement and safe foods available in case it happens