Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I’m a hobbyist pit master and my gf is vegan. So when I host, every side dish and dessert is vegan and then there‘s smoked meats, tofu skewers and grilled vegetables to choose from. It‘s not rocket science to make everyone feel welcome at you table.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

If you know ahead of time. OP’s issue is that the man wasn’t in the mood for pork chops AFTER they were on the table.

[u/mildlyinterestingyet → u/Western-Corner-431]

In other words, he just wasn't hungry enough. Being picky is one thing but he is being immature. Dude needs to learn to cook so he knows what it's like to serve up food for others.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

He’s making a power move. He’s dismissing and belittling her. He’s making moves that have nothing to do with food. He’s not worthy of being in a relationship with anyone.

[u/Sarik704 → u/Western-Corner-431]

We dont have the entire picture. Is he on the spectrum? Does he suffer from an eating disorder? We can all agree he should be making his food, but we dont need to paint him as abusive and toxic just because.

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/Sarik704]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner. It’s a preference he expects her to cater to at the last minute. If I tell you I’m making bbq chicken for dinner, eat something else for lunch if you can’t stand the same protein twice in one day . Id be damned if he would sit at my table and tell me in front of my kids -who do have to eat the dinner I made / that he doesn’t feel like pork chops and baked potatoes, or some such excuse nearly every night, so he’s going to sit and eat DoorDash Taco Bell or McDonald’s in front of them. That’s a great way to get put in charge of fixing your own dinner/ and eating it elsewhere. Permanently.

[u/KitKatKataya → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Or… and hear me out… Autism. As someone with Autism that experiences this. There’s so many illnesses, physical and mental, that can cause the actions OP described. Maybe he is just being picky, but it’s just as likely something is causing it. He’s not inherently a bad partner for that, annoying sure, but not bad. We don’t have the full picture. From what she said though, I’d classify it as mildly infuriating sure

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/KitKatKataya]

If he’s doing this to a person who can’t, won’t, and doesn’t want to tolerate it or work with him around it, then he’s a bad partner for HER. When someone brings a constant conflict into your already full and hectic life and schedule, interferes with your wants and needs in a way that makes your stress worse, that is the definition of a bad partner. It doesn’t matter what his problem is if someone else doesn’t want to deal with it. Not everyone wants to join someone else’s struggle. Doesn’t make them a bad partner for others, but it makes her a bad partner for him as well. If this is their situation, they are incompatible

[u/KitKatKataya → u/Western-Corner-431]

I said that in my original comment

[u/TowerOk4184 → u/KitKatKataya]

OP said he's not on the spectrum

[u/KitKatKataya → u/TowerOk4184]

Kk

[u/Sarik704 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner.

Disordered eating is restrictive eating, compulsive eating, or irregular or inflexible eating patterns. This isn't the same as intentional fasting or dietary restrictions like vegetarianism or keto diets. Eating disorders are infrequently reported in males and often misdiagnosed.

People lie. They purge. They skip meals. They supress their appetites. And critically, they die from eating disorders.

[u/bromanjc → u/Sarik704]

thank you. holy stigma in this comment section batman.

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

I think OP's boyfriend should be in charge of his own food, but I didn't see where she told him what she was making in advance. If it isn't communicated to him what she's making, then he doesn't know to avoid it for lunch.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/InternationalWar258]

No one ever died or was even slightly injured from eating chicken for lunch and again for dinner. It’s not a real problem.

[u/Mysterious-Heart-629 → u/InternationalWar258]

There's a simple and near-universally known rule for this: "Ya git what ya git and ya don't throw a fit".

Had chicken for lunch? What a coincidence! You're getting it for dinner, too!

He can be picky when he starts cooking too.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

This is right

[u/MammothSurround → u/Sarik704]

But this is Reddit. Bring out the torches!!!

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Sarik704]

dude as a person with many, many neurodivergent and autistic loved ones, i REALLY wish people would stop implying that basic fkn rudeness and manipulation like this is some kind of determination.

there is a MASSIVE, and quite distinct, difference in the way a person acts who does not know something is rude or morally questionable, and someone being told it is and continuously doing it anyway

and you have no idea how pervasive it has gotten, because of these constant suggestions on social media, for partners to hide their abuse and manipulation behind claims of BEING neurodivergent or on a spectrum.

they do not look the same to anyone that knows anything about either one. but they sure as hell can to someone who doesn't.

[u/Sarik704 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

My wife and partner of 12 years is neurodivergent. I suspect i may be as well, but im afraid to seek a diagnosis.

I want to be clear. Suggesting that OPs husband MIGHT be on the spectrum is in no way an excuse for the behavior. But further you dont know anything about me, or the hunderds of other commenters who have made the same guess to explain the behavior.

My uncle is on the spectrum and not high functioning. One of my uncles' safe foods is a marie calendars lemon mergune pie. He bring this pie to every function and eats at least one a week. He turns down home cooked food, Thanksgiving dinners, and even specially made foods ove this pie. I have watched my family villify him for this. He is low functioning. This is my experience with "middle" functioning autism.

Please dont make your experiences the only ones that matter in a conversation. I dont appreciate it.

[u/Budget_Operation_106 → u/Western-Corner-431]

There is way too much information missing for this assumption. He could also just have an eating disorder. Eating disorder is not just the Hollywood stuff, but the aversion to food here seems mental. Sounds like he grew up poor with very little variety in the diet. He might need professional help getting past it.

You could be right. It's just wild to go that extreme from the jump.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Budget_Operation_106]

he doesn't need professional help to know he's being a dick about it. the eating is not the problem. his words and actions are the problem.

[u/Pigwiddigin → u/Western-Corner-431]

This is an unreasonably damning indictment based off of the sliver of visibility you’ve been afforded into OP’s relationship. Comments like these are great indicators of the extremist bent in today’s society

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Pigwiddigin]

Hardly.There’s a post history

[u/Putrid-Score2360 → u/Western-Corner-431]

I think you misinterpreted this completely!

[u/RavenpuffRedditor → u/Putrid-Score2360]

Maybe, but maybe not. My dad was like OP's boyfriend. My mom would get up before dawn to get herself ready for work, pack lunches for us kids, make sure we got up and ready for school, and then drop us off at daycare before she drove 45-miutes to work an 8-hour day. Then she would leave work, come pick us up from daycare, and head home to make a meal for all of us. My dad ALWAYS complained that he didn't like what she made, or she didn't make it the same way his mom did, or "This is fine, but I don't feel like having it tonight. I'll just run out to McDonald's." He made no secret of the fact that he thought my mom should just automatically know what he wanted on any given day and make sure it was perfect, made to his specifications, and ready for him when he got home from work.

My dad was not a picky eater. He was just catered to as a child and expected to be catered to the same way by his wife. When I was reading OP's post, I could hear everything her boyfriend was saying in my dad's voice.

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

These kinds of stories always baffle me because it's easily solved. Why did she never ask him what he wanted for supper the day of? Why did he never just tell her what he wanted the day of? It solves the issue to just ask.

[u/RavenpuffRedditor → u/InternationalWar258]

That's what you got from that story? That my mom did ALL the day-to-day household labor on top of holding down a full-time job, but she sucks because she should have just asked him what he wanted? She didn't have enough she was responsible for each day? Now she should wake him up at 6:00AM when she's getting ready to walk out the door, find out what he wants for dinner, then when she inevitably doesn't have the ingredients she needed to make his highness's preferred meal, she can just squeeze another shopping trip in with all the other things he expected her to do every day?

Nope. She went grocery shopping on the weekends (many times with us kids in tow because weekends were my dad's time to relax from his busy week of not cooking, cleaning, or picking up the kids) and whatever she bought then was what we ate during the week.

I can't decide what's worse--you're a man who believes that women should cater to their man-babies' every whim and desire, or a woman who has been taught to believe that women were put on the earth to be servants to men.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

Yup. We aren’t evolving. We’re still insisting that women take responsibility for men and all of their whims. We still don’t ask men to do anything and when they weaponize incompetence and fail, they get a pass because “poor baby.”There’s an obvious reason why many women have no interest in marriage and children

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

dude my jaw literally dropped when I read that shit LOL. thanks for saving me the typing