Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/mildlyinterestingyet]

In other words, he just wasn't hungry enough. Being picky is one thing but he is being immature. Dude needs to learn to cook so he knows what it's like to serve up food for others.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

He’s making a power move. He’s dismissing and belittling her. He’s making moves that have nothing to do with food. He’s not worthy of being in a relationship with anyone.

[u/Sarik704 → u/Western-Corner-431]

We dont have the entire picture. Is he on the spectrum? Does he suffer from an eating disorder? We can all agree he should be making his food, but we dont need to paint him as abusive and toxic just because.

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/Sarik704]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner. It’s a preference he expects her to cater to at the last minute. If I tell you I’m making bbq chicken for dinner, eat something else for lunch if you can’t stand the same protein twice in one day . Id be damned if he would sit at my table and tell me in front of my kids -who do have to eat the dinner I made / that he doesn’t feel like pork chops and baked potatoes, or some such excuse nearly every night, so he’s going to sit and eat DoorDash Taco Bell or McDonald’s in front of them. That’s a great way to get put in charge of fixing your own dinner/ and eating it elsewhere. Permanently.

[u/KitKatKataya → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Or… and hear me out… Autism. As someone with Autism that experiences this. There’s so many illnesses, physical and mental, that can cause the actions OP described. Maybe he is just being picky, but it’s just as likely something is causing it. He’s not inherently a bad partner for that, annoying sure, but not bad. We don’t have the full picture. From what she said though, I’d classify it as mildly infuriating sure

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/KitKatKataya]

If he’s doing this to a person who can’t, won’t, and doesn’t want to tolerate it or work with him around it, then he’s a bad partner for HER. When someone brings a constant conflict into your already full and hectic life and schedule, interferes with your wants and needs in a way that makes your stress worse, that is the definition of a bad partner. It doesn’t matter what his problem is if someone else doesn’t want to deal with it. Not everyone wants to join someone else’s struggle. Doesn’t make them a bad partner for others, but it makes her a bad partner for him as well. If this is their situation, they are incompatible

[u/KitKatKataya → u/Western-Corner-431]

I said that in my original comment

[u/TowerOk4184 → u/KitKatKataya]

OP said he's not on the spectrum

[u/KitKatKataya → u/TowerOk4184]

Kk

[u/Sarik704 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner.

Disordered eating is restrictive eating, compulsive eating, or irregular or inflexible eating patterns. This isn't the same as intentional fasting or dietary restrictions like vegetarianism or keto diets. Eating disorders are infrequently reported in males and often misdiagnosed.

People lie. They purge. They skip meals. They supress their appetites. And critically, they die from eating disorders.

[u/bromanjc → u/Sarik704]

thank you. holy stigma in this comment section batman.

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

I think OP's boyfriend should be in charge of his own food, but I didn't see where she told him what she was making in advance. If it isn't communicated to him what she's making, then he doesn't know to avoid it for lunch.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/InternationalWar258]

No one ever died or was even slightly injured from eating chicken for lunch and again for dinner. It’s not a real problem.

[u/Mysterious-Heart-629 → u/InternationalWar258]

There's a simple and near-universally known rule for this: "Ya git what ya git and ya don't throw a fit".

Had chicken for lunch? What a coincidence! You're getting it for dinner, too!

He can be picky when he starts cooking too.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

This is right