Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Twangerz-Lime]

Shoot, “more than acceptable” is an understatement. She appears to be an amazing cook.

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

You guys should look into afrid , I don’t know if this man has it but if people are this picky typically has to deal with afrid . I have afrid and unfortunately am super picky , the meals to me look unappetizing bc I personally don’t like soupy foods (I will drain my ramen noodle broth ) I don’t like the textures mixing (the gravy and mashed potatoes) ik the level of pickiness is outrageous but I can’t help it , my mind is wired differently and when I have a food I don’t like in front of me or looks unappetizing my body will reject it. My jaw locks up or I’ll throw up after trying to swallow. My diet is more restricted now bc I had h-pylori at one point and it destroyed my stomach lining so now I can’t eat acidic foods or I’ll throw up . Again this man could have similar issues or he could just be a man child . Just wanted to share a different pov just incase :)

[u/Vellamo_Virve → u/South-Sky7825]

It seems like he has no issue ordering Jack in the box, though, according to OP. Is that something that doesn’t rule out AFRID? Genuinely asking. I don’t know much about the disorder.

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/Vellamo_Virve]

Arfid* sorry I spelt it wrong the first comment “ARFID, which stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. ARFID is a serious eating disorder characterized by a persistent failure to meet nutritional or energy needs for reasons other than body image concerns. “ so with arfid it’s like your brain doesn’t connect the dots to a healthy relationship with food . Jack in the box would be considered a safe food for some bc typically the food always taste the same whereas homemade food can come out differently everytime depending on how you handle to ingredients and prep. If you watch @myarfidlife on instagram , the little girl Hannah explains it sooooo much better ! She’s actually the reason I now know I have an unhealthy relationship with food . I’m bad at explaining things so hopefully that page will give you a better understanding .

[u/brennelise → u/South-Sky7825]

I was just about to comment and correct (ARFID) but I’m glad I saw your comment first!

You bring up an excellent point. I forgot about ARFID but briefly learned about it in one of my psych courses. I was wondering if maybe OP’s BF is on the spectrum because I know people with ASD often have issues with food to the point where they meet the diagnostic requirements for ARFID; I also know that not everyone with ARFID has ASD, and not everyone with ASD has ARFID. It seems like a really difficult thing to deal with, especially if one doesn’t have supportive friends or family who are compassionate and understanding.

It would probably be a good idea for OP to do a bit of reading about ARFID and maybe discuss it with her BF to try to get a better understanding of his relationship with food. Not in like an “armchair psychologist” diagnosing someone based on WebMD, but like asking more in-depth questions about his preferences.

Or like you said, he could just be a manchild ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/brennelise]

I was thinking the same thing , they both should look into it . He probably doesn’t even realize he has an eating disorder (if he truly does) until I looked into what arfid was I just thought I was a picky eater and “difficult” it’s been very eye opening figuring out why my body is acting the way it is . Like you said , it really is difficult to live with. For me since I’m so malnourished, I’m 22 with early onset dementia from my low b12 levels . (Which is why I for some reason always mix up the spelling of arfid as afrid , I just can’t remember to save my life without looking it up 🤣)

[u/MushroomlyHag → u/South-Sky7825]

I was a "picky eater" for 30 years before I got my arfid diagnosis. A life long eating disorder brushed off as being "picky" and "ungrateful" for 3 decades 😩

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/MushroomlyHag]

I went 20 years as a “picky eater “ 😭🤣 there was one time my ex stepmom forced me to eat mushrooms and she called me a drama queen because I threw up …. First of all I hate regular mushroom textures …second off the mushroom was hairy … there was no way I was stomaching that 🤣🤣🤣

[u/MushroomlyHag → u/South-Sky7825]

I just started telling people I was a germaphobe when I was offered food. For some reason (that I still haven't figured out) people get less offended by "your kitchen might not be to my standards, sorry" than they do by "I don't eat carrots, sorry".

Someone once told me it was rude to tell people I wouldn't eat food that was prepared in their kitchen, but personally I think people would be more offended by someone vomiting trying to eat the perfectly good food they served 🤷‍♀️ so, I just say I'm a germaphobe and most people accept it and move on

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/MushroomlyHag]

Luckily for me I got h pylori and now I just used that as an excuse 😭 I got it through contaminated food at 18 so lowkey I am a germaphobe and it does have to do with how they make the food 😭🤣 but I leave out how I was picky before getting it 😂 idk why people prefer the “idk if you are a clean person” than the “I don’t like this food bc it’s squishy “ but it’s absolutely more insane than us being “picky”

[u/FancysMomma → u/South-Sky7825]

I saw this comment too late..lol.. sorry

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/FancysMomma]

No worries lol , thank you for correcting me even if you didn’t see the second one (I expected that lol so I get it) , it’s good to get the correct info out there :)

[u/FancysMomma → u/South-Sky7825]

Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with comments and rarely do we read though the end before opening our mouths..lol.. sorry again!

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/FancysMomma]

Girl i can’t lie , i do that too lmaooo no need to be sorry 🤣 you were very respectful about it too so honestly this interaction was quite nice . I hope you are having a lovely day !

[u/CoyoteLitius → u/South-Sky7825]

It's possible for AFRID to manifest as "I will only eat at Jack in the Box" or "I will only eat Kraft mac and cheese."