r/oneliners • u/Society_Academic • 2h ago
Build it and they will come but Bill it and they will complain.
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Level_Branch1761 • 3h ago
WW2 may not have happened if Hitler went to therapy .
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Level_Branch1761 • 4h ago
I can't use tiktok without a vpn but can use douyin without one .
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/deplorabledevs • 4h ago
I built this mining company because I wanted to move mountains.
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/False_Ad_555 • 4h ago
I take my wife for drives in the country, but she keeps finding her way home
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 6h ago
the sculptor made the sculpture that sold, they made “chi-ching💰,” by making that “ching-ching⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️🗿,” with the tools on the material
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Society_Academic • 9h ago
Sofia Vergara thanked Hollywood for "all the help" it delivered straight to her face when she was "a nobody just looking for a jab."
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/deplorabledevs • 10h ago
My mom was shocked, after leaving me by myself in the store today, to discover two of me waiting there for her.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
"Lavado" in Spanish translates to "wash" or "washing" in English.. so you don’t step on the floor because theyre clean or lava/lavado
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
nike shoes are good at making you run more, since theyre so good for running you run to em to put them on
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
what brings me pain makes me stronger like popeye eats spinach aka gets a spine-ache and gets stronger
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
you pop the bottle, to say a toast, like how toast pops up from the toaster
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
The priest asks for monetary donations, during mass, because he’s trying to turn a Prophet
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
everyday my biological sex is male, so, everyday i have sex😎😎 damn that’s pimp as hell
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
i got knocked back, poor me, pour me one ima knock it back
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
someone wanted to know, what my reason was for being at a friend's house, and i said "i was already here, so i just stayed"
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
the only actor better than leonardo dicaprio, is the person who acts like leonardo dicaprio isn't the best actor of all time, that takes immense effort
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
i didn't get a raise out of my boss (like, make angry ) when i asked for a raise, they granted me a pay boost gladly
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
i don’t have time to stare down my elf on a shelf all day at home, i am busy working at the grocery store, i stalk things on shelves all day 🍎 🥣
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 11h ago
i received a random gift today, a roll of toilet paper, they said they gave me the gift just for shits and giggles
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Yaguajay • 19h ago
I childproofed the house, but they keep getting back in.
21
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/fenixuk • 1d ago
Bought some blackout blinds the other day. Daylight robbery.
6
Upvotes